Serious Impulse
by PlasticTramp
Summary: Bella and Edward both tried to commit suicide and they get sent to the same treatment facility to get better. Can they help each other more than their families ever tried? OOC, LEMONS, cutting, language, more lemons
1. What a Life

**This story is pretty much based on Ellen Hopkin's book, _Impulse,_ so it's themed very heavily around suicide. But there are no other intense themes. Remember, this story is rated M for a reason. **

**Please review and tell me what you think.**

EPOV

I took out my iPod from my backpack, plugged my headphones in my ears, and blasted it on high. I wanted to forget school. Forget life, forget people, forget pain. Isolation was a bitch, and I hated it. But it was all I had.

It says something about yourself to want to commit suicide. It says a lot about your dreams, your personality, the ways you think. What you think about.

It just says a lot, when you take all of those pills and are off into dreamy sleep land forever.

When you pull the trigger to a gun.

When you cut your wrist just a little too deep this time.

It's all about the impulse.

Can you do it? Can you pull that trigger? Can you cut _that_ deep? Pop those pills? Can you fucking do it? Or are you just going to live with it-the guilt, the hate, the fear, the _rejection_? Live with it all forever? _Can you fucking do it_?!

Suicide says more than any person could ever, because it's like royally fucking the world off, just because you didn't care what they would say.

Have I ever thought of suicide?

Everyday.

Why?

Because why not be truly invisible, to the people who treat you like shit anyway? Why not just leave-permanently?

Why the fuck not?

My life was never perfect. I was Edward Cullen. According to my name my life should have been more perfect than the fucking _Mona Lisa_. But no. It never was. Never. No matter how much my family strived for it. And I could have lived with that. I could have just lived.

But they wanted it to be something so tremendously amazing that it just _couldn't be._ It couldn't. It was impossible. Their standards were just too high, and if they tried to take me with them, I would die.

But they took me anyway.

And they never wanted to accept something that was so easy.

My father was a highly esteemed brain surgeon. Carlisle Cullen never made mistakes in the operating room, he was just that perfect. He was young, only thirty eight, and the head surgeon at the hospital. Everything was perfect where we lived in Seattle, Washington. Everyone in the entire city knew who my father was. He operated on wealthy people and famous people, just as he did the people who lived on welfare. He was just a nice, caring person.

But I wasn't perfect enough.

My father was married to my mother, Esme Cullen. She was an architect for big companies in Japan and Australia, spending most of her time in those parts of the world-instead of home. Instead of here, watching her kid grow up. I may have been awkward, but I was still her kid.

Did I sound like a needy kid?

Just wanted a family.

Was that too much to ask?

Apparently yes.

My sister's were even more successful than my parents. Rosalie Cullen was a lawyer. Yep. She was only nineteen, and her success rate was ninety eight percent.

She was on fire.

She was a shallow human being, taking pride in her wealth and fame, not really paying attention to those who were closest to her, like her fucking family, but those she prosecuted and put in jail for the rest of their lives. She cared about that more than anything because it cleared her conscience. Because it made her feel better. Never mind the family at home. The little brother she used to play with.

And then there was little Alice Cullen, my other older sister. Fresh out of high school with her own major fashion line. She designed bridal gowns for people like, Eva Longoria Parker and Julia Styles. Eighteen year old Alice Cullen was also rich and famous, living far away in LA. Didn't matter to her that I was alone.

Nope. Didn't matter to her that I sacrificed my sleep for three years to stay up late with her because she was scared of the fucking dark.

Thank you, Alice. For caring. Thank you Mom, for caring. Thanks Dad, for being there. And I won't even waste my time with sarcasm for Rosalie, because I really didn't want to thank her at all. That was useless.

I picked up my camera from my nightstand and left my bedroom to the back yard.

Haven't heard from my mother in six months.

Rosalie?

Two years.

Alice?

Three years.

Ah, yes, my entire family abandoned me.

But instead of a close knit relationship with my father, I always got _This is good Edward, but you need to be great. Don't settle for your best when you can be _the _best. Don't give up. Be like your sisters. Your sisters never gave up. They never settled. Why can't you be like them? Why can't you be a good son? A better son?_

Of course, that was all a low blow to the belt. But this was my father. I couldn't just sit there in front of him and cry and tell him that I couldn't do it. I couldn't be that way, because that would be settling, and I couldn't do something like that.

So I turned to the only thing that worked in my favor.

Girls.

It didn't matter which girls. It just made me feel better to know that I could be used someway. Even if it was some cheap, meaningless sex with the head cheerleader I already fucked so many times before.

It just didn't matter that way anymore. I needed some substance of attention in my life.

And it wasn't like it was hard for me. I was a good looking guy. I worked hard for my body, and I had a pleasant face-or so the girls thought so. Green eyes, unkempt hair, good body. I had it good.

So what the hell right?

I was just fed up.

And what happens when you get fed up? What happens when that attention gets old and your ego wants more?

When girls, and sex, and porn, and everything you ever knew just goes away completely?

You stop everything.

And take the impulse to take all of those pills and are off into dreamy sleep land forever.

When you pull the trigger to a gun.

When you cut your wrist just a little too deep this time.

Because you know, it's all about the impulse.

And you have got to take the initiative to either do it, or don't.

Alice, Rosalie, and my mother were home for the holidays. They always were. Always. They brought gifts and fake ass smiles and hugs, trying to make us seem so fucking perfect. But we weren't.

Because Rosalie was anorexic. Alice was OCD. My mother was a cold bitch whether anyone wanted to mention it or not, and my father was more oblivious than anything. But they all stood there and pretended that Rosalie was healthy. Pretended that Alice was itching to straighten the picture frames. Pretended that my mother loved hugs. Pretended that my father noticed.

Pretended that I wasn't there.

I snuck out and walked along the city streets for a long while, taking pictures of the rain and of girls with purple hair. Little kids with sticky faces. Because it rained a lot in Seattle. And because I had nothing better to do.

So I walked for a long while, wishing that something would fall out of the sky and into my lap-something other than rain, please.

But no, my requests weren't good enough. Not good enough for anybody at all.

So that night, when the house was all quiet, and my never appearing mother and father were tucked away in their beds, my never visiting sister's were asleep in their overworked bedrooms, I wrote them each a lovely note.

Something to remember me by? No. Just a simple note so they knew what went wrong.

Downstairs, my father kept a stash of all sorts of drugs. Easy for a person to just take a whole bunch of colorful pills and overdose into a calming death.

Very easy for a teenage, seventeen year old, suicide committing son to do it too.

So I popped all sorts of pills. Red ones. Blue ones. White ones, orange, green, yellow, purple, teal, pink, and aquamarine.

I downed half a bottle of vodka.

I stumbled back up to my room.

Drunk, high, sleepy, wired.

I felt like flying.

Sounded like a good idea to me.

I was processing everything to fast. I was thinking to fast. Everything was moving in circles.

I collapsed on the floor, breathing hard. I felt like I was suffocating.

Was this what it was like to die? Because if it was, I wanted it. I wanted it so bad.

Cutters got to feel pain when they wanted to feel something. But I just got a headache and asphyxia. I guess in some ways it's better. I didn't have to deal with getting blood on my mother's perfect, expensive carpet.

Nope. I was clean as a whistle.

I was dying, but that was okay too.

Maybe I'll get what I was looking for in heaven.

Or maybe hell, since I killed myself.

Who the fuck knows anymore?

*****

I opened my eyes and found my father looking back at me.

Shit.

I wasn't dead, and I had to face them all. At least they knew how I felt.

"Edward?" my father said.

I closed my eyes.

"Edward why?" that was my mother.

I laughed. I couldn't but help to because they just didn't get it. I wrote them notes. That's what the notes were for. So if I were dead, would she have asked the same fucking question?

Probably, but it would have been during her fake mourning session, right before she picked up her iPhone and started going back to work. Gosh was I lucky to have her for a mother.

"Edward, please talk to us," Alice's voice whispered. She was closest to me, holding my hand. I looked at her and she half smiled. I almost felt bad for almost killing myself. Almost.

"Really, Edward, you can quit with the fucking dramatics."

If you guessed that was Rosalie, you deserve a prize.

"Because I can't fucking stand to see you guys happy. I can't do it. I didn't want to do it guys make me suffer every day-"

Rosalie cut me off and made a nasty face. "So what Edward? You had to go and fucking off yourself, make our family look bad? Now everyone in Seattle knows that you tried to kill yourself. And people in Europe know now. Is that what you were trying to accomplish? Were you trying to get so much attention?" Rosalie was yelling at me.

"Rosalie Lillian Cullen!" My mother shouted. "You _will not_ talk to your brother that way. Do you understand me?"

Rosalie backed off and slammed the door to the hospital room.

"Edward, what the hell were you thinking?" my mother smacked me clear across the face.

It stung, but there was no way I would give her the satisfaction.

"You better get your shit together young man," she continued, "because I will not tolerate this in my house. Do you understand me?" I didn't answer her. "Edward Anthony Cullen!"

"Yes," I whispered.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good. So get off your ass, and don't ever try that shit again," my father said.

"Sure, mother." I muttered.

She's the one that made me want to do it all over again. I wish I could tell her, so I could have the satisfaction of seeing her face fall into a million pieces.

But I knew she would kill me, so I didn't even want to go there.

Hell no.

So I did what my mother told me.

"Dad, can I go home?" I said.

"No, we're sending you to a treatment facility. You tried to kill yourself Edward, you can't come home. I won't stand for a son like that." Carlisle looked at me straight in the face, his blue eyes so cold I actually shivered.

It was one thing to feel rejected.

A complete other thing to actually know.

BPOV

I did my stretching exercises. I had to be flexible if I wanted that scholarship. I needed that dance scholarship. Maybe my Mom would love me then. When I was a successful dancer, and everyone got to see me in plays and prestigious dances. Maybe then my mother would appreciate me. Maybe then I would be important to somebody.

I sighed and gave up for the night, climbing up the stairs from the dance studio I had built into my house, and then went up into my room, plooping on my bed.

I took out my laptop and began to write in my on line diary.

(A/N:**Review if you want to read her entries at www(dot)dressedforhell(dot)webs(dot)com. Or click the homepage link or the website on my profile and click the Serious Impulse button. There's a note there too.)**

I logged off a few hours later, sort of fed up with my pathetic life.

Well, whatever life I did have, because mainly, I was up in my room studying. I had a 4.0 GPA. I couldn't fuck that up. I just couldn't. My mother would kill me if I killed her image.

My mother, Renee Dwyer was Governor of Arizona. She was a big person and reelections were coming up, all three of her children had to be perfect. Not one speck of dirt anywhere or everything would get shot to hell. Everything.

But when no one was around, I liked to look at pictures of bridal gowns. My favorite designer was Alice Cullen. She was amazing. Denali Designs was a beautiful thing, and I couldn't believe that she was already so successful. She had her own business. And I was in my room, nearly eighteen already, and wishing I was half as successful as she was so that my mother would love me.

I wanted my mother to love me.

Ever since she divorced my father, she had become distant from me, like I couldn't reach her. And I wish I could just talk to her, like a daughter should be able to talk to her mother. But I couldn't, and I think that brought her so much satisfaction that I worked for her attention. I worked hard.

My brothers were always in the limelight though. Emmett was an professional veterinarian, working with wild animals in Africa. He was married to a woman named Tanya, and they lived in Africa where they worked. Emmett was well known and famous in our area, not to mention all around America. He was just that great.

And then there was Jasper. Jasper was a psychologist for very wealthy people. He saw everyone. From Britney to Christina to Lady Gaga. They all went to him, because he was so amazing in calming people down. I was just really good at shutting people out.

And then there was Daddy. Sweet ol' Daddy dearest. Gone before I could even remember to say bye. Just cut out of my life for the past six years. Nothing. No cards, no letters, no pictures, no calls.

Nothing. At. All.

And it just made everything worse.

I didn't have very many friends, and the friends I did have didn't know I wasn't loved at home. And I so badly wanted to be. But I wasn't.

And there was only one way to end that.

I had been having this affair for years. Many years. Too many to count, so I didn't count them. I was a really conservative girl. I did what I was told, didn't wear revealing clothing, didn't do anything rash.

I was a good girl.

But this was where I turned bad.

At night, when I was all alone, I cut myself.

I cut myself everywhere. And I wasn't ashamed of my self mutilation; it made me feel better. A lot better.

My arms and thighs were covered in scars, in words in crudely drawn pictures. . .

I was the canvas, and my razor was the paintbrush.

Let's make a picture.

Oh, yes, a beautiful bloody picture.

And the wonderful thing was that my ballet tights covered up all of my scars so well, so perfectly well. So no one knew of my little habit, my tiny addiction to pain, to hurt, to blood. No one knew and in that I was just fine.

So I walked to my bathroom and pulled out the razor, waiting for the perfect minute to go ahead and make the cut.

I've always thought of suicide. Because I always knew it would be a way out. A way out of my pathetic, unwanted life. I mean I bet Alice Cullen's brother and sister were spoiled and riddled with love. I bet they were. And here I was, the governor's daughter, not feeling anything at all. And I was not okay with that.

Suicide was good. Death was nice. Death would be okay, because I wouldn't have to deal with anyone's fucking shit anymore. I could just be me. And I would be me if I committed suicide.

So I think I made my decision.

I was going to kill myself. It made sense. It made sense to leave My mother to her important work, my brother to his wife and animals, and my other brother to his crazy celebrities.

Maybe I was crazy. I mean my life was perfect. Perfect grades, wealthy parents, beautiful home. Even I was beautiful. Long creamy chocolate brown hair, big doe-like brown eyes framed with long dark thick eyelashes. I was curvy in the right places, voluptuous and pretty. Boys wanted me. Even girls wanted me. I was a perfect ballerina.

With dark secrets and desires and wants and dreams.

I wish I was Sasha Grey. She's cool. Porn star and everything, I didn't care. It would beat having no one home to love you.

So what. i wish I was a porn star. My life has to suck right?

Yes, yes it does.

So what did I do?

Should I live? Should I keep going on with my pathetic life and just keep living? Or should I just add another scar to the collection and just be happy six feet underneath the stars?

Hmm, that was a difficult decision. Mainly because I actually didn't know.

If no one was going to care, my care my self? Why not just flip the world off?

I think I was ready to act on impulse. It was a serious impulse, but I didn't care. I would draw a heart into my skin and then mark a huge X over it. Yes I would and it would be right there, right on my chest where if I wore a shirt low enough, it would be visible to any one who wanted to take a look at my C-sized chest.

I wouldn't mind if they asked, but then again, I would be dead. And that would be okay.

So I took my camera and documented the steps of my death.

This was different. Yes, it was, because I'd post it all online, and I wouldn't care. I wouldn't care what my mother said or felt, what my father did, what my brother's thought. I just didn't care anymore.

Step One: Get naked.

I stripped out of all my clothing and took different shots of my body. My breasts, my hips, my smooth bikini line.

Step Two: Do your make up.

I did my face up very pretty/elegant, putting on eyeliner and shadow, foundation and cover up, blush and bronzer, lip liner and gloss.

Beautiful.

Step Three: Cut.

I did the heart where I said I would, right above the swell of my breasts, so that the blood just dripped down all over my breasts, and down my waist.

"Hmm," I said, looking into the mirror. "I look beautiful."

And I snapped a picture, a full body shot of my naked body.

And I smiled and every thing. Maybe I could be a porn star.

Too bad I was a virgin.

I put my camera down and started a bath. I plugged in my iPod, playing some soothing piano music, my ballet songs. Too bad. . . I really did like ballet.

Oh, well.

You win some, you lose some, you die. And that's it.

I ran the water lukewarm, completely comfortable. If I was going to die, I wanted to go out feeling good. Or as okay as I could.

I think I was warped, because at that moment, I felt like masturbating. Like I was completely turned on. So what the hell, right?

So I went back into my bedroom, lay on my bed and completely fingered myself to the point of the best orgasm I had ever had with myself, ever. And I wasn't even ashamed of it. I even jumped on my bed a little bit.

Anyway, back to business. I always did go on tangents.

I shut off the bath water and then sat in the bath tub. I sliced my wrists open, to the point that I was crying. I never cried when I cut myself. Ever. But today was different. I could let all my feelings out and not care at all. Not care who was going to watch, who was going to see, who was going to care.

Because that last one was going to be a resounding zero. And it still hurt.

And I felt myself start to fade, to lose too much blood, my body just letting go. Letting go completely. And that was alright with me. I could die listening to Chopin. I could. And I was just about there

*****

I opened my eyes and say my brother's blue eyes looking back at me.

I was surprised, because immediately, I thought I was dead, and he was too, but then I realized, heaven wouldn't smell like a hospital, so, well, I was alive.

"Isabella Marie Swan, what the hell were you thinking?" Jasper yelled at me.

"I wanted to die. I just did, because apparently, no one fucking cares about me, Jasper." I laughed. He was so funny.

"This isn't funny. You almost died," he said flatly. He was angry. His blue eyes were so cold, so frozen, so different.

"Yeah, I know. I was there."

"And what's with the pictures on you camera."

"My suicide note." I shrugged. "Jazz. What were you doing at home anyway? You were supposed to be away. You are always away. Isn't Lindsay Lohan so much more important than I am? After all, I'm not the one that pays your mortgage." I looked straight at him.

"Isabella, I'm your brother-"

"I know that, Jasper. I fucking know. But that doesn't mean you were always there for me, because in case you were there for the seventeen years of my life, you were never there! You weren't there, Emmett wasn't there, Mom was so fucking far when I see her on the fucking television I don't even recognize her. Dad hasn't talked to me in six years. Six fucking years, and you want to tell me that I'm fucking important? You can take that and fuck off," I told him.

"Yeah Isabella, after I take you to where you need to be. You need help, and I'll be damned if you don't get it," Jasper said evenly.

"So what?" I said with a giant smile. "You're going to suddenly start caring? Just suddenly want to help me? Because, wow, that's a really good joke, Jazz."

"Isabella, be serious. I'm sending you to a treatment facility and you're going to stay there however long you need to, and that's that. You're going."

"Fine," I said calmly. And then I smiled. "I can't wait until Mommy hears that her only daughter, her precious, wonderful, amazing daughter tried to commit suicide and is going to have to spend time in a treatment center. I bet she'll flip."

"Yeah, well, don't worry about what she thinks," Jasper said. He ran his fingers through his hair. "Just, let's go home so you can pack your shit. You're already off the deep end, you need to get some where before you start drowning," he said. I laughed.

"I'm an excellent swimmer, Jasper. You know that," I said with a laugh.

He looked at me like I was a completely different person.

**So, please review and tell me how you liked or didn't like it. **


	2. Some Things Are Different

**Okay, so this is the second chapter. Moves kind of fast in the end, but it isn't too fast. In any case, just read :)**

**And review :)**

**EPOV**

A fucking treatment center? Really?

My parents shipped me all the way to Vermont, where they didn't have to worry about me. I would be okay in someone else's hands, someone's professional hands.

This couldn't be good.

Why couldn't I be successful in one thing? I couldn't even kill myself right.

What did that say about me honestly?

That they were all right.

I was good for nothing.

Alice accompanied me on the plane ride. She tried to talk to me, but I didn't want her sympathy. If there was one thing she was good at, it was sympathy, and I didn't want it from her. I wouldn't be able to handle it.

She ran her fingers through my hair while I listened to my iPod, her fingernails running over my scalp. I liked it, but it was Alice. I wasn't about to suddenly open up to her, just like she suddenly cared.

But the long hours on the plane made me think a lot. A lot about everything I'd ever done in my life. All the things I did wrong. All the pictures I've ever taken. All the girls I've ever had sex with. All the things I've ever said. I thought about it all. And generally, I was a good person. I wasn't an asshole, I wasn't a pushover. I was just a guy.

She ran her fingernails through my hair again.

So why was my life different from the next guy's? Was there some initiation or something that I missed? Was there? Because I don't get it. And I didn't think I ever would. And that, was bad.

"Edward, we're here," she said. I looked at her. In two days it would be Christmas. I wondered what would happen then. Would Mom get warmer now that I wouldn't be there? Would Dad somehow notice that my life has been shit since I was born? Would Rosalie finally learn to shut the fuck up?

Somehow the last one just made me smile, because I knew Rosalie would never shut up.

Alice reached up to take the hair out of my eyes, looking in them. I looked away from her and recoiled from her touch. I couldn't take this much affection. Eventually it would all come back up spewing out of my mouth.

I sighed and followed Alice through the airport, waiting for my luggage and everything. She accompanied me silently, not complaining like Rosalie would have. I wanted to like her. I really did. But if she touched my hair one more time, I would have to act on my fucking impulse to squash her.

"Edward, can you smile for me? Please?" she asked her angel like face smiling at me.

"No." I looked at her and she was frowning. I couldn't give two shits enough to care. And maybe I was an asshole. But hey. I just tried to kill myself and she wanted to start being nice.

I was sensing sympathy.

I didn't fucking want it.

Alice had a car waiting for us at the airport when we were ready to leave. She had to go back home in a few hours, but she would make sure I was all settled in before she left.

I was seventeen. I was pretty sure I could handle myself.

The driver put all of my shit in the trunk and opened the door to the car so I could get in. Alice sat beside me and she sighed. She tried to hold my hand, and I let her. Only because she kept sighing so dramatically.

"Where to Miss?" the driver asked.

"The Vista Valley Resort, please, sir," Alice responded politely. Her voice made me want to cry, because she was crying.

Had I really hurt her? Had I really broken through her shell just this once? Because if I did, then maybe being alive would be such a bad thing. Maybe I could really do this.

But, thinking about Rosalie and my mother and my father just ended it for me.

Three against one weren't very good odds.

Vermont was very green. Like the country. It was sort of nice, I guess, but not really. I liked Seattle. I liked the city lights and the rain. I liked my glass house. I liked my room.

Now, I didn't even know what to expect. Not at all.

"Edward," Alice said softly to me. "I want to tell you something right now, and I don't care if you ignore me." Her voice lost all the warmth and politelness. It was hard. "You are my brother and I love you. And if you need anything, anything at all, you tell me, you understand? If you want to talk or-"

"But isn't this what you're sending me here for? So I can talk to some professional shrink and they can tell me I'm bipolar or schizo or whatever? Right Alice? Because You and Rosalie and Mom and Dad are so fucking perfect, and I'm not, so I need to get fixed." She wanted to say something, but I didn't let her. "I'm just not like you guys, so you send me away where you don't have to worry. And I get that Alice. But don't fucking tell me that you're here for me. Because you never were, and that's why we're in this fucking mess."

A tear slipped from her eye and she wiped it angrily.

The driver stopped in front of a hotel-like building, getting out of the car to open the door for Alice. But before anything happened, she smacked me across the face. And I took it.

"Don't you blame this on me Edward Cullen. You're a mess and it's your own fucking fault. You're just lucky someone in this goddamn family fucking cares." Her blue eyes were hard and cold, and I hated her again. Any hope for her was gone and I hated her as much as I hated Rosalie. And that was a lot.

She didn't talk to me for the next thirty minutes. She got me registered into the place, and then she talked to the lady at the receptions desk. Her name tag said Victoria. She looked nice, but looks were very deceiving. She had fiery red hair and a beautiful face, but I could tell she was very arrogant about herself.

"Mr. Cullen?" I looked up at her face and she smiled at me. I didn't smile back. She noted that.

I didn't care.

"Edward, welcome to Vista Valley. We really do want to help you. So, you'll be here as long as it takes you to get better, okay?" she said. She looked at me and spoke like I was deaf.

"I'm not stupid, and I get why I'm here. But if we could start this thing, then, maybe I could leave?" I said to her. She gave me a polite smile.

"Of course. But just so you know, we don't take attitude too lightly, so you _will_ speak to everyone with respect. Do you understand me?" she asked. She was smiling so politely anymore.

"Yes, ma'am," I said flatly.

"Good."

"Now, I'm going to show you to your room and then I'll explain the rules to you."

I didn't say anything.

But before we left, Alice hugged me. And it wasn't a weak hug either. It was a strong, loving hug. And it was the first time someone hugged me in years. I wanted to cry.

"I love you Edward, and really do want you to get better. Whether you know it or not, kay?"she whispered to me, her small frame holding me so tight against her.

I nodded. And then she left, out of my life for the next however many years she could decide to forget me. I looked back at her, but I didn't see Alice, only a girl I could describe as a ballerina.

She looked down at the floor, her chocolatey, creamy hair falling over her shoulders. She was beautiful in every sense of the word. It was only ironic that she was here, but for what?

There was nothing all over her body to suggest that she was in need of help from a place like this.

But she was wiped from my mind when Victoria pulled my down the the lobby, making me follow her.

I walked with Victoria down the hall and to an elevator.

"Okay, umm, let's see. You are a level zero. You have no privileges and have to ask for everything, to go to the bathroom, to take a shower . . . we need to know where you are at all times.

"Do you understand me? And this is your room, so you don't have to worry about sharing with somebody. And since dinner already passed, someone will bring something up for you, okay? And there isn't a dress code, but you do have to be descent around the girls. So that means wearing a shirt and pants when it's time to mix. And no PDA with the girls. If we catch doing anything aside from a quick hug or holding hands, we'll drop you a level. But since you're a level zero, you're stuck in solitary until tomorrow." Victoria stood in the doorway of the bleak room. I looked around, noticing my shit was already here, already unpacked and set up.

"The house maids unpacked for you, Edward," she said. "If you find something missing, it's because you're not allowed to have it."

I still said nothing.

Wasn't it enough that I had to stay in a place that was completely foreign? I knew nothing here. I knew no one, and I didn't want to know anyone, because they all had problems right? They were all just as fucked up as I was. It wasn't like I was going to pick my wife from a crazy bunch of psychopathic, suicidal chicks.

But seriously. I didn't want to be here. I couldn't imagine who would want to be in a fucking place like this.

"Well, I'll leave you to yourself. We'll be back with your medicine and your food later."

I just lay on my bed, wishing I would have died. Then I really wouldn't have had to deal with this.

If I could just meet one person that has gone through the same shit I have, then I'd take it all back. But until then, it was all acting from here. Make it look like I was getting better instead of showing that I was actually getting worse.

**BPOV**

Vista Valley Resort looked like a hotel from the outside. And I was pretty sure it would look like a mental asylum from the inside.

Jasper came with me, because Emmett was too busy with Tanya and the animals, and Mom couldn't be reached. Just like her to forget she had a fucking family.

I watched episodes of True Blood on my iPod while Jasper went over his patients' records. He was only twenty years old, and Emmett was Twenty four. How could they be so successful when they were so young? And why didn't it run in my blood like it thrived in theirs. I couldn't understand it.

I was a good dancer, a good student. I was perfect against perfect standards. So why was I on my way to a treatment center to rehabilitate my mind?

I wasn't crazy. I knew I wasn't crazy. I would know if I was crazy. I would. So why . . .

"Isabella, we're here," Jasper said beside me.

I tucked my iPod into the pocket of my black pleated skirt. I smoothed my black tights over my legs, and made sure my shirt didn't show any revealing skin. I didn't want to look like a slut, you know, because that was one thing I wasn't.

I twirled my hair between my fingers while Jasper got my luggage. He wouldn't let me lift anything because of my wrists. He was afraid that I would hurt myself. My hair smelled good, like strawberry candy. I smiled.

In the airport, we waited for my luggage, and then Jasper took me to the Starbucks and bought me a brownie and a frappacino. It was like the final meal on death row.

But it didn't scare me much. I knew I had problems. But there was always someone with worse problems than me. That's for sure.

So I ate my brownie and drank my drink while Jasper tended to his papers.

I locked myself into my mind. I went over old dance routines. That always calmed me down. One, two, plie, four, bow, six . . .twirl . . . . yeah, that always made me feel better, because when I danced, nothing was wrong with me. Nothing at all.

But anyhow, Jasper led me to the car they had sent from the resort. The driver was in his mid forties, a plump British man who looked happy that I was going to be going to the resort.

I wasn't sure if that was just creepy, or very flattering. But I smiled at him.

"Isabella, I'll be back in a month. They won't allow visitors until you've adjusted. And they have this account set up in case you need anything and have to buy it, and I've put five hundred dollars to start. Isabella, look at me," Jasper demanded.

"Yes?" I said, staring into his blue eyes.

"I love you," he said softly. And he picked a lock of hair and put it behind my ear. I cringed. I haven't been touched like that for years. No hugs, no touches, and I didn't want to start now. I just couldn't do it.

"Okay, Jasper. But I'm not going to lie and say that I love you, because really? I don't know you."

Jasper's face fell. And I knew why. Because I just told him he didn't matter. In not so many words, but still. The intent of it was completely and thoroughly there. It was.

He looked away from me and the driver drove to the stupid place I would call home until I got better.

It was nice looking I guess, just like a hospital was nice looking. Bland, but very clean. And there was no one in sight at all. I wondered idly if we would be chained to a bed.

There was a boy here. He was tall, but his back was turned to me so I couldn't see his face. And there was a little tiny girl, too. I recognized her as Alice Cullen. My heart hammered against my chest. The boy and a taller lady walked away, but Alice Cullen walked towards my brother. She talked to him for a minute and then exchanged phone numbers or emails or whatever because they both pulled out their phones. She smiled, a very flirtatious smile, and then she walked towards me. She sized me up and then smiled brightly.

"I absolutely adore your skirt," she said. Her black spiky hair shined like glitter in the light.

"Thank you. It is one of your designs," I said. "I absolutely love them all. I'm Isabella," I said.

"It's nice to meet you Isabella," she said. "In fact, it's very nice to meet you." And then she turned and walked away.

I could tell she was broken. Maybe that tall boy was why? Maybe he was here just like I was. But she seemed to love him, a lot of love, so maybe we were a lot more different than I could imagine. A girl named Angela (I read it from her name tag) came out from the door that said employees only, and then walked around the desk. She was pretty in that plain way. She was tall for a a girl, taller than me, with flat brown hair and glasses that were too big for her face. She seemed nice.

"You must be Isabella," she said. I nodded yes.

"Okay, well, are you ready to go up to your room, or do you still want to talk to your brother?" she asked me. I looked at Jasper and then looked away.

"I'm ready," I said.

Jasper just looked at me. "I love you, Isabella," he said. "And I am here for you if you need me," he called as Angela led me away.

"Okay, Isabella, you're going to have your own room so you won't have to worry about having a roommate. Umm, you're a level zero, and that means that you're going to have to be in isolation until tomorrow morning. Umm, you'll have to ask permission for everything you do, because we want to make sure we know where you are."

Angela opened the door to a bedroom.

It was bleak, but my unpacked things brightened it up a bit. My ballet out fit was laid out on the bed.

"Angela, does this place have somewhere where I can practice dance?" I asked her.

"You'll have yo wait until you get to level one. Until then you're stuck in solitary."

"But you have a place right?"

She nodded.

"Okay."

"It's on the boys side of the dorm, the dance studio. If you don't mind having teenage boys watching you as you dance, then yeah," she said. I smiled.

"I like it when people watch. It gives me more incentive to go ahead and keep going." I smiled and sat on the edge of my bed.

She smiled back. "Umm, we don't really have a dressed code, but like I said, there are boys, so you have to wear modest things. No booty shorts or shirts that practically show your nipples, you know?" She giggled a bit.

"No problem."

As if I would wear something like that around here. Why would I be attracted to a boy that was in a place like this. If he was here, he had problems right? A lot of problems, and there was no way in hell that I wanted to be with someone like that.

No way.

"Well, I leave you alone. Someone will bring you dinner in an hour since you missed it. And goodnight, Isabella." She smiled and closed the door to my bedroom.

I folded the ballet outfit and placed it in one of the drawers of the bureau. Then I stripped from my tights and my skirt, leaving just my panties and my shirt, and slipped into the bed. It was more comfortable than I imagined. Soft pillows and blankets, more so than what I had a home. And it didn't smell like a nasty hospital room, only like sunshine and happiness. Like it was teasing me that I didn't have these things.

I guess I fell asleep, because the next time I woke up, the sun was shining diligently in the room, and someone was knocking on the door.

"Come in," I called.

A woman with fire like hair walked in. Her name tag said Victoria. "It's time for breakfast, so get decent and then I'll take you to the bathroom so you can wash up."

I nodded and stood out of bed as she closed the door, going to the closet and getting a pair of dance shorts, and a simple white tee shirt.

Victoria took me down the hallway and I brushed my teeth with a new toothbrush and toothpaste she gave me. I washed my face with the towel that was in my cubby hole.

"There are assigned girls to a floor, because each floor is different. This is the 16-19 ages floor, so you'll only interact with kids about your age." Victoria's voice was annoying, and I could tell that I didn't like her already.

"Oh, okay," I said politely.

There were only three girls on this floor.

She lead me to the cafeteria, where three other girls shared a table, and about four other boys shared a different table, some other tables occupied by both boys and girls.

I got my food and sat at my own table, hearing some girls talking about me, my bandages on my wrists. They were bled through, so it wasn't hard to guess what I'd done to myself to deserve to be here. But I really didn't care what they thought, because they were here too. So I walked passed them, bearing my scars with honor and pride, not ashamed that there were marks all over my body. Because I liked them. I didn't care what everyone else thought.

I sat at the table by the window, enjoying the fact that it was just a little bit open so I could feel the freezing temperature. I played around with my food, not quite ready to eat scrambled eggs and pancakes, not ready to eat what they give me, just not ready to be awake yet.

Someone sat next to me.

I didn't know who he was. He didn't say anything. I didn't say anything, but I didn't know why he was here. He was the boy from yesterday, the one that came with Alice Cullen. The one I didn't see. But he was something. Gorgeous and hot and all the things an Abercrombie model should be. He had wild bronze colored hair and gorgeous green eyes, I could only smile a little bit. And he smiled a little bit back.

**EPOV**

I woke up this morning to a knock on my door.

"Yeah?" I called. A girl walked in. her name tag said Angela. She looked nicer than Victoria.

"It's time for breakfast, Edward," she said softly. "Get dressed, and then I'll take you to the bathroom," she said. Then she closed the door to my bedroom.

I got up from my bed, pulled on a t shirt and a pair of sleep pants, and then Angela took to me to the bathroom. I washed my face and brushed my teeth and then Angel escorted me to the cafeteria.

It was more like a room full of tables, some chicks lined up by the wall serving food. And that was exactly what it was.

I looked around the room, seeing a bunch of preppy cheerleader like girls and a bunch of guys that though they were too good to be here. And then there was her.

It was the girl from yesterday, the brunette ballerina.

She was sitting alone at a table by a frosted window, a finger tracing the glass patterns.

I sat next to her, and she looked at me, her big brown eyes making me shiver.

She was out of my league. She was too beautiful, too angelic, just too much for me.

But she smiled. And I smiled back.

I noticed the scars that riddled her arms. There were pictures and words and lines and shapes all over her arms. And someone would have been disgusted, but I thought they were beautiful, like that's what made her look like that.

"You tried to kill yourself." Her voice was certain, but pure. She was broken.

"How'd you know?" I asked her.

"I don't know. Maybe because I tried to, too," she whispered.

I couldn't see her dying. I just couldn't. Only because she was gorgeous and perfect . . . but maybe someone drove her to it. It must have hurt, cutting herself up like that, but maybe it was worth it.

"So how'd you do it, if you don't mind me asking," she said. "I've never met another suicidal person." She smiled a bit, like she was encouraging me to tell her.

"My father's a doctor, so I took as many pills as I could and then chased them down with vodka."

"Wow, that's creative," she said sarcastically.

"Not as much as cutting yourself," I answered back.

"Well, having a governor for a mother doesn't really help."

Something sparked in my mind. A small memory.

I was in the hospital, after trying to die. I remembered the television, the the woman, the girl. . .

"Your mother, she's Renee Dwyer?" I asked her. She looked up at me, staring at me for a few seconds. And then she nodded once.

"Yes. How did you know that?"

"I remembered seeing you on the news a few days after I woke up in the hospital."

"Oh, yeah. I remember that," she said with a wide smile. "If only it could faze her just a little bit. But it doesn't. Her daughter tried to commit suicide and she's off, gallivanting with Esme Cullen, designing buildings and having coffee." She sighed.

The mention of my mother's name shocked me a bit.

"I've never met your mother personally," I said to her. "And she's been over my house more times than I can remember."

"Wow."

"She never mentioned you," I said.

"I know. Just like your mother never said anything about having a son," she said back.

Her eyes were watery. I reached over and wiped her tears when they fell over. She smiled.

"What's your name?" she asked.

"Edward. You?"

"Isabella."

"That's pretty," I said. "Do you have a nickname?"

She shook her head. "Nope. My name is Isabella. My mother always said that I should have a nickname because that's doing things half-assed." She laughed.

"I just never thought I should have one," I told her truthfully.

"So call me Bella. I like Bella."

"Just call me Edward, because I can't stand Eddie."

"Sure thing, Edward," she said softly. And the way she said my name made everything okay. Maybe that was okay. Was it okay that he made me feel like everything was okay?

"I thought I would hate my family for bringing me here, but I think having one friend would be okay," she whispered.

"Sure thing, Isabella."

"I really like it when you call me that," she whispered. I laughed softly. "I never thought that I would get close to someone here, because that meant with dealing with some one else's problems, but I guess that's different now," she said to me.

"I thought the same thing," I told her. "I thought that getting in with anyone here would be stupid because they would have as many problems as I did. But having a friend doesn't hurt," I said to her.

"Nope," she said. "No hurt at all."

We ate our breakfast, and then Angela came up to us.

"Edward and Isabella, it's time for group."

"Group? What's group?" Bella asked from next to me.

"Group therapy sessions. It's time to go now," Angela said. Bella looked at me, and then she stood up, and I got a view of her entire body. She was a hot girl, but I liked her scars. They were all over her thighs and legs, and I could even see them on the sliver of skin that showed of her stomach.

She was beautiful.

"Come on Edward," she said. She took my hand in her soft, small, delicate one and led me with her to wherever we were going. It didn't matter because I think I was in love with a girl.

Angela opened the door and we walked inside and Bella led me to two empty seats. She let go of my hand, and immediately, I missed it, but for now, I would have to settle with the fact that she was sitting next to me.

There were two other girls here and three boys.

"Okay," said the doctor, "how about we go around and say names and why we're here, so everyone gets to know each other?" he said.

"Leah, anorexia."

"Emily, bulimia."

"Kim, prostitution."

"Jared, cocaine."

"Paul, bipolarity."

"Mike, meth."

"Edward, suicide" I said reluctantly.

"Isabella, and I tried to commit suicide. And I like to cut myself," Bella said.

Everyone looked at her.

"You _like_ to cut yourself?" the doctor asked.

"Yes, I do." Bella stood up and she lifted her shirt, all the way over her lacy pink bra. But no one looked at her bra. They all looked at the scars. And there were words.

Slut.

Bitch.

Hate.

More hate.

Virgin.

Sex.

And the rest I couldn't see, but there were a lot of pictures. Hearts and stars and stick figures.

"I like to see the blood. Call me crazy," she said.

It didn't matter to me she was still beautiful.

"So is that what lead you to kill yourself?"

"No. My suck ass family did. They don't really pay attention to me, and I like attention." Bella sat back in her seat and brought her legs up to her chest. She looked at her toes. Her toenails were painted blue.

My favorite color.

I wasn't going to sit there and lie to myself and pretend that everything was okay, pretend that Bella wasn't crazy. And maybe she wasn't, but I think there was something else beneath that. She liked to see herself mutilated. What was with that? But it didn't matter to me. She was still perfect, beautiful.

Maybe I was crazy myself. And right now, that was okay. I just wanted to kiss her.

"Edward?"

I looked up. "Yes?"

"What about you? Why did you try to commit suicide?" the doctor said.

"Because I was fed up with my life. Sex and money can only take you so far before you actually decide your life is worth more than that," I said flatly.

"What do you want Edward?" That was Bella asking.

"What every guy wants. A good life. A good woman. Just something to live for," I said to her.

She smiled. It made my heart hurt."Wow. So, you want the American dream."

"Sure," I said. "Doesn't everyone want that?"

"Yeah, but what's so different about you?"

"Everyone wants it, but not with the person I want it to happen," I said truthfully. Bella blushed, because she knew exactly what I was getting at.

I was infatuated with her. And she probably knew that. And that was okay, because I barely knew anything about her. But I would eventually get to know her. And then she would know me and that was that.

When group ended, Bella and I walked back to the cafeteria for snack time, or whatever.

Bella sat down next to me. "Edward, do you think I'm pretty?" she asked me.

"Yes," I said to her.

"Really?"

"Of course."

"Okay. Thanks." She smiled. "Can I kiss you?" she asked.

"What?"

"Come on, there's no one here now, and I just want to try really quick okay?"

"Okay," was all I could say, before she slammed her lips to mine. And it was such a perfect kiss, with her perfect soft lips and her perfect soft hands. And then she pulled away.

"Wow," she said. "That was something." She giggled. "I wish I would have met you before I tried anything Edward Cullen," she said. And I wished exactly the same thing.

"Bella, you are something amazing," I said to her.

"I know. Fantasize about me when your alone," she said with a grin, and then she stood up and walked away.

And even if I wanted to, I had nothing to say to that.

**Okay, so bear with me, this is only the second chapter I know, but the rest of the time they are in solitary, so they don't really have anything to do. So it got started kind of fast, but it'll get slower. **

**And Bella is really OOC in this story, and that's the point. **

**Edward, however is OOC, but he's sort of the same, in retrospect. But it works out. **

**And no I'm not suicidal, guys. **

**Please review :)**

**Jess**


	3. Impulse

**OMG! I didn't even realize it looked like a huge blog. I fixed it! Yay!. My laptop is old, and so it doesn't save my documents the way they're supposed to be saved. but here it's all fixed. **

**So . . .  
**

EPOV

Fantasize about her?

Like she needed to tell me to at all.

Isabella swan was on my mind all the time, and she wasn't even trying. It was the way her hips moved in those tiny shorts, the way she smiled, the way her tits looked in that tiny, lacy pink bra. I may not have stared, but I would be damned if I didn't notice.

Shit.

In four weeks a lot of shit happened to a guy.

Therapy, group sessions, realizing that the girls here crush on you way too much. And usually it would have probably turned me on a bit. I would have fucked them all. Separately, together, didn't matter. But I think I was actually getting better. Fuck my family, but I was going okay. And I think it had a lot to do with a girl.

Bella was like my new best friend. And it stopped there as we couldn't exactly sneak

away and make out, but it was okay. We talked during breakfast lunch and dinner, and sat next to each other during assemblies and group sessions. She told me a lot of things about herself, and I did the same. Two weeks was a lot of time to get to know a girl. Especially when that girl and this guy were alienated from all the people in the institution. So it was like Bella was stuck with me. And I think she liked it.

Bella always talked about dancing. Always. She told me about routines, about outfits, about competitions, awards, the other girls, teachers, lessons, inspirations . . . she was obsessed with it really. But I didn't mind when she talked about it, because in the end, I talked so much about photography and the beauty of simple things. She heard me blab and blab and whatever until she just looked at me and smiles that beautiful smile that lights up her face like a freaking meteor through the sky . . . she did amazing things to my brain.

She was like my life, and I finally got it.

She was really touchy though. She liked to hold my hand, or lean on me. Once she fell asleep as I recited poems for her. Or quotes from books. She just seemed to want to touch everything. And I liked it when she kissed me. Even though we only kissed that one time, I liked having her that way. She wasn't like the other girls, like Lauren or Jessica. Flaunting the shit they had. She wasn't a whore. She wasn't a skank or disgusting. She was so much more beautiful, so much more elegant. She was just so much more alive. Even if she did try to die.

Her mouth was warm. Soft and inviting. I wanted to kiss her all the time. All day forever. Just me and Bella kissing like that. Just touching her smooth, soft skin, just holding her. It would be nice to just be us out of this fucking place. Just be whatever the hell we were outside of boundaries. Just kiss and talk and be okay.

And some more.

Of course I was thinking about sex. I had a dick, so it came natural to me. And I couldn't help to think about sex with her. I mean, that's what guys are supposed to think right?

So I thought about her in every way I could. Naked. Clothed. In a schoolgirl's uniform. Out of a schoolgirl's uniform. In a ballerina's dress. Just because it seemed right, you know?

I looked out of the window. I woke up after breakfast, so I had to wait until lunch to eat something. I sighed.

When I got bored of that, I opened the door to my room and asked for Angela.

She walked down the hallway, and then inside my room. She closed the door behind me. "What's wrong Edward?" she asked.

"Nothing is particularly wrong . . ."

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked me.

So I shrugged and spilled. And she was a really great listener.

I told her about my over achieving family and my famous sisters and mother and my perfect father and the standards I had to live up to. I told her about the girls at school. The meaningless sex I had just to make me feel better about myself. I told her about what was going through my head when I tried to kill myself. Then I told her about Bella. I talked a lot about Bella. And she smiled anytime I said her name.

But I realized something. I knew I wasn't better. I may not have wanted to kill myself as much anymore, but I think I needed something other than uppers in the morning and downers at night. I couldn't deal with the thought of having this family I didn't know. I didn't know my parents. I didn't know my sisters. I didn't know anything about them, just like they didn't know anything about me. And it made me sad a little bit that I just couldn't give a damn if I knew them or not.

When I was born, I wasn't an expected child. My parents were still using birth control when I was conceived. But I guess God wanted me born. And I think because of the fact that I ruined their two-child dream, it made my life just that much miserable.

Angela left after talking to me for a little while, because she had to go to the middle school floor and get them set up for games and activities. I just sulked and looked out of the window, watching the snow fall onto the ground.

This was what I had to live for. Being stuck living this life no one wanted me to live in the first place. So why couldn't I just be successful and have killed myself the right way?

BPOV

There was a knock at my door.

That was why I woke up that morning.

"Isabella?" It was Angela's voice. "Sweetie, I'm sorry to wake you, but you have a call."

"From who?" I asked, sitting up.

"Your mother."

My heart sunk in my chest. My body was heavy. I didn't want to talk to that woman. Because now I felt pathetic. Pathetic that I was here and that nobody cared. No one cared about me.

I stood up from my bed and walked over to the door, rubbing my eyes from sleep.

Angela handed me the phone at the receptionist's desk and held up two fingers.

Something I assumes meant two minutes.

"Hello?" I croaked out.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she shouted.

"Mom, I—"

"You what? You wanted attention? DO you know what you did to me? Everything that you've done has made this race so much harder. How am I supposed to win the election if you keep doing this to me?" She was exasperated. I could see her red face in my head, the way she would look if she were standing right in front of me. "I've always taught you—"

"No," I whispered.

"What?" She exclaimed. I cleared my throat.

"You never taught me anything. I went to school and teachers taught me. I went home and the nannies taught me. You taught me nothing but how to be selfish and cold." I took a deep breath.

"You better apologize right now, young lady," she said.

"No. I have nothing to apologize for. Why don't you apologize to me since you're the reason I tried to kill myself."

"Isabella Marie!"

"What? You act like you're an angel mother. But you're not. Why is Daddy half way across the entire United states instead of married to you, living with us at home? Because you're a cold, lying, cheating bitch!" I almost shouted. She took a deep breath in. "What? You think I didn't know about what you had going on with that woman? Mom, you have to know that I was young, but I wasn't stupid. Never was I stupid. So don't think for a second you could fool me. And don't even think about denying it Mom. I saw that lady sneak out of the house on more than one occasion. You're a lying slut, and I'm so disappointed as to have you as a mother. Thanks for nothing."

She started to speak, but I hung up on her and started crying. It was already eight o clock anyway, time for breakfast.

But I didn't want to eat and I didn't want to talk.

I just wanted to cry.

Breakfast was deserted, and I didn't see Edward, so I sat alone. And no one came to sit next to me, no one cared.

When group therapy came around, I was the first one there. And then some of the others filed in, and then finally Edward, looking disheveled and as bad as I felt. We sat next to each other, just like always, but new didn't say anything.

I just silently wished that I would have died.

"So today, we're not going to play a game or have me talk anymore. Today we're going to get a little more in-depth with our stories. I want you guys to pick one memory that you guys have been thinking about lately, and then I want you to share it with the group, okay?" Dr. Gilbert said. "Okay. Who wants to go first?"

No one raised their hands, because no one wanted to go first.

And I sure as hell didn't. And when no one volunteered, he made people go.

"Leah?" Dr. Gilbert said. "How about you start us off for today?"

She looked around us and then she looked at her feet.

"Uh, well, I guess my memory would be why I started starving myself. Emily was my best friend, that is, until she stole Sam away from me. I'd never done anything to her, and then all of a sudden, she takes him away and I'm left with nothing. And I guess I thought I wasn't pretty enough. Maybe not skinny enough, not perfect enough to be with Sam. So I stopped eating. And then after about three months, I lost a lot of weight, but not enough to satisfy me. I was almost 84 pounds. I wanted to be eighty.

So I stopped drinking. No more milk, no more juice, just water. But I always thought of him when I looked in the mirror. What he would think was disgusting about me. And it pissed me off that I caught them together. In my bedroom no less. And now look at me. I did this to myself because what she did to me." Leah finished and she looked at her toes again.

Everyone else looked at Emily. No one felt bad for Leah. You could see it in every one's eyes, it just wasn't happening. Because I knew what it was like to feel alone. And no one should ever feel that. But sadly some of us did.

It was Emily's turn next.

"I was only thirteen when I started having sex. And one time, this boy, he told me I was fat. W-we finished and I stood up to go to the bathroom and he called me "The biggest girl he'd ever been with". And when he left, I cried for days. It was only a year ago, but it still hurts, even though I ninety one pounds. I just didn't know how else to deal with it. These girls at school told me how they could eat and still be skinny and so I started throwing up my food, everything I'd eaten that day, until all I had in my stomach was acid. But then I started doing it after every meal, and then after anything I ate. Even if it was only one little cookie. And then it got so bad that I was throwing up the water I drank. It just became a routine. So now, it's just . . . this is what I do. And frankly, I don't think it's a bad idea."

"Why not?" Dr. Gilbert asked.

"Because it makes me feel better about myself, just like a girl putting on makeup feels better about herself," Emily said.

"But that's different," I said.

"No one asked for your opinion, you suicidal freak," Emily shot back

"Yeah? Well no one gives a shit about your stupid suck-ass story, fat whore." I was so close to standing up and knocking her in the face.

"Shut up, you meaningless cunt. Did you think that no one knew about you? Your mother's a cheating whore who sleeps with her assistants, leaves her daughter to die a lonely death. Oh, gag me with a spoon. Your life is shit compared to mine," Emily yelled. She stood up from her chair and stalked over to me. Dr. Gilbert was calling for help and the other boys and Leah were moving out of my way. I stood up and watched as she moved over to me. "Nobody loves you, so get the fuck over it, slutty bitch."

And then she smacked me across the face. I launched at her, pushing her to the floor and then punched her square in the face. She spurted blood and someone dragged me off of her body before I started rearranging her face.

Edward clutched me in his arms and then I cried, and he let me cry, while they all took care of Emily. The bitch had it coming. But did she really have to go there? Did she really?

Edward's arms were my safe place now. He held me tightly, the doctors and staff noticing, but not making a big deal out of it. Someone told Edward to take me into the lobby and calm me down. He did, just simply picking me up and taking me. He sat me down on the fluffy, over stuffed sofas, and then he sat down with me. He took me into his arms, just rubbing my back and letting me cry against his t shirt. It was Nirvana. I smiled as I cried and then just cried some more.

But I wanted him to tell me stuff. All the kinds of things he used to. Those cute romantic quoted that he always told me when I was super sad, or my downers making me even more down when we were watching TV.

"Tell me something pretty," I said softly.

"Like what?" he asked. He pulled back and looked at my face, wiping the tears underneath my eyes with his thumbs. I smiled at him.

"Like those romantic sayings you have memorized."

"Oh." He thought for a minute, and then said, "Soul meets soul on a lover's lips."

I smiled. "Who's that by?"

"Percy Bysshe Shelly," he said.

"Another one."

He smiled back. "Okay, umm . . . I'd rather know what you're thinking — even if what you're thinking is insane."

I smiled, but very weakly. "Who said that?" I asked.

"It's from this book, called _Twilight_. I forget the main male character's name, but he said it." Edward reached out and then pushed a lock of hair out of my face.

"Why?"

"Because he's a mind reading vampire and can't read his human girlfriend's mind."

"Oh." I paused a little bit. "Do you think I'm insane?" I asked him. He didn't answer right away. Maybe I was insane then.

"Bella, I don't think you're insane, but I think my answer may be a little biased considering that we're in for the same thing," he said with a small laugh.

I smiled brightly. "Then I guess we are insane."

He smiled at me and leaned forward to kiss my forehead and give me a hug.

"Bella, do you mind if I ask you what memory you were going to pick?" he said.

"I was just going to pick the memory when I tried to kill myself."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I feel like I should have died. I don't fucking want to be here. I'm not healing.

There is no such thing as "heal" for the shit I've been through. That's just it. I'm not going to miraculously think that life is worth living just because a doctor says so."

Edward looked into my eyes. His lips were in a straight line. He took in a deep breath. "If you had the chance to kill yourself right now, would you?" he asked me.

I thought about my answer. I weighed every possibility from every angle possible. And it took a few seconds is all, but I had to answer the question carefully.

"If I hadn't met you? Sure. I would take it up in a heartbeat. But now? I don't think so. I just don't think I could," I said. I sighed. I hated bearing my soul. But somehow, Edward just made it so much better than it actually was.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because you're so good to me. This is the kind of shit I've been looking for my entire life. And now that I have it, I'm not going to even think about passing it up." I looked up into his eyes, wondering what he was thinking. "A penny for your thoughts?"

"How you would want to die in the first place? Of course, your life isn't perfect, but you have talent and beauty and something to live for. You could be the world's greatest dancer with all the things you know. You could be anything, if you wanted to. I just really hope you don't want to be dead."

I licked my lips and took a deep breath. "What about you?" I said. "Would you try it again?"

He was going to nod, but he smiled. "I don't have the kind of things you have Bella. I don't have talent or goals or amazing achievements." He looked at me with intensity.

"Edward, I don't know a lot about you, but I think that you do have talent. I don't know what it is, but, come on. You're not just a pretty face."

He laughed, but it wasn't the normal laugh he had. He was sad. And I didn't know what to do.

So I just hugged him and I cried some more. And he held me. And crying felt good. I remembered all the times that I had cried and cried, feeling cold and alone. But now I felt warmth radiate from him. Warmth my body wanted to repel, but couldn't because it was too strong.

After a while, I was laid across the sofa, so my head was in Edward's lap. I was looking up at him, watching him play with me hair. Everything was so calm in our little piece of heaven, dressed in pajamas, just sitting together. I wanted so badly to get out of here. I didn't want to do something wrong, and then realize I was better off dead. I just wanted someone to love. . .

"Who was your first love Edward?" I said softly. He looked into my eyes, calm and peaceful, not conveying anything.

"Don't have one," he said.

"Then how did you lose your virginity? Surely you would have to love someone to make love with them," I said to him. I mean it only made since for it to be that way right? It just seemed to me that that's how it went.

"Not everything is like that Bella. The girls in my town are easy. Very easy. It wasn't hard for a fourteen year old to lose his virginity. But, Elise was my friend. She had been my friend for that whole year and she asked me . . . so we did. And then she moved away. There was no love. No pain no hurt. It's just sex."

I mused over that for a second. I didn't think I could do that. I couldn't. To me, virginity was sacred. I couldn't just give it away to someone. Even if I did want to become a porn star.

Okay. So I didn't want to be one, but if all else fails right?

"But how can it be just sex Edward? That's one of the most intense things a person can go through. Don't you regret not doing it with someone you love?" I asked. He just stared at me.

"No. Bella, you have to understand that for guys, it's not as personal. Well, for some of us. It's just a way to get off and that's it. I've never regretted it because it's a part of who I am.

"What about you Bella?" he said.

"Well, I've never kissed a boy before you Edward. So my sex life is pretty much inactive at the current moment. I don't love anyone and no one loves me. And I think that's how it's always been, and always will be. I was raised to be a lady, that sex was for marriage, and it was a gift to the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with." I sighed. "I'm not sure if I'm ever going to find him."

"It might not be harder than you think," he said with a gleaming smile.

"Right. Edward, a soul mate doesn't just fall in your lap, sweetie." I smiled back to him, and he laughed.

His smile grew brighter. "You may be wrong about that."

EPOV

Victoria came and broke us up, sending me to my room until lunch and Bella to hers. She waved and then walked away. She was going to kill me.

I think I liked her more than she liked me. And in the real world, that might be a problem.

I walked to the opposite side of the building, where the boys' dorms were kept, and went to my room.

I never thought Bella as a slut. Never had I, but I never pegged her for a precious virgin either. Just somewhere in between, you know. Not a virgin, but not the football team's booty call either.

And that made me like her more. Of course, there were mornings where I woke up and all I could think about is how I should have used a gun instead of the pills, and this wouldn't be a problem I wondered if I would see God or Satan. Which place was I destined to be.

I hated the first few days here. After that first night, they made me sleep with the door open, and made regular rounds to see if I was still breathing. When, of course, I was. But they never let up. At least now I can sleep with the door closed.

I think Victoria, on more than one occasion, watched me sleep.

That woman is creepy, that's for sure.

I paced the small confines of my bedroom, thinking about what happened at group today. Emily struck a never with Bella. And it wasn't a tiny nerve. And man. It was so hot to see Bella throw that punch. That—that was definitely worth living for. Emily deserved it. If she would have kept her fucking mouth closed, then she would have a broken nose. No, she wouldn't.

I missed my old life. I missed slipping out of the house unnoticed to meet a girl, or to go walking along the rail road taking pictures of nothing. I missed being able to do whatever the fuck I wanted, whenever I wanted, and not having to answer to people.

I opened my window, torturing myself with the -2 degree weather. It was fucking freezing outside and I was just standing in front of the window like a stupid bastard. Maybe I could freeze to death?

I smiled to myself.

I would give anything to see my mother's face if I ever did commit suicide. Just to the pure shock that her son had the fucking balls to tell her "Fuck you" in the most royal of manners. Well. I would love it. Hell yes I would, and every minute of it, because she fucking deserves it. No one died. No one did anything to deserve the coldness she just shrugs off like her rabbit-fur coats.

She made me hate myself so much. Everything I did that night wasn't because of anyone else but her. I can try to pretend and say that it's not her, but Rosalie and Dad and Alice, but it's not. It's the way she looked at me with those eyes. Those hate filled eyes that even I could see wanted me to die.

I smiled and closed my window, lying back on the bed, wishing for just ten seconds that I could lie in Bella with Bella, curled up in a bunch of blankets similar to what we had been doing today. She was just so . . . indescribable, but there was more to her than the things we talked about. Sure, sometimes we talked about dancing and photography, but we never really talked about us. What our favorite colors were, or what we wanted to do when we grew up. Nope, none of that, and I think that was the most important wasn't it?

There was a knock at my door, and one of the hall monitors alerted me it was time for class.

This was the part of the day I hated most. Like I really felt like learning all of this stupid shit right now.

The schools faxed over our work, and then there was a teacher to help us with anything else.

I had AP classes for English, Calculus, and Photography. Usually, they let me go around the campus, with an adult supervisor, and let me take pictures of whatever I wanted. Other than that, I had P.E., but we did that every Saturday.

But whatever.

Class was by grade, of course, and then they sat us in alphabetical order. And even though C and S were a long ways apart in the alphabet, E and B weren't and it just so happened that there wasn't anyone names with the letters C or D, and Emily came after me in the alphabet, so I was stuck with Bella as a table mate. There were only thirteen of us on the floor. It wasn't hard.

Sometimes we passed notes. Sometimes she held my hand. That was only if she was having a crappy day though. Sometimes she would copy off my work. That was when she was tired, so tired I could see the need for sleep in her eyes.

But today, Bella wasn't in class when I got there. My table was empty, and that made me a little bit anxious.

What if she had to leave?

I would never see her again, no doubt. And then really, I would have a reason to kill myself since no one was giving me a reason to live. Not even Alice.

But I couldn't face the guilt of it all. I mean, I felt guilty now, think about it.

I barely knew Bella. Sure, we knew the shallow things about each other, but I couldn't figure her out yet. And I still needed to do that.

The teacher handed me the booklet of ancient Egyptian poems. The directions attached to them said to read them and then write a poem relates to a person I know, a poem of my own in the same style. Or an informal essay.

I didn't pick because I wasn't sure.

The first poem on the list was called "My Love Is One and Only, Without Peer". So I read it. And damn.

I could only think one thing.

I mean, I would be crazy not to think that the poem was not describing Bella. They may have alienated her, but when Bella walked into a room, everyone turned to look and watch as she moved her body, moved her hips and legs as she walked to wherever she was going.

I took out a sheet of paper and began to write about Bella in the only way I knew how to.

_She was far more striking_

_Than any of the girls could compare._

_As the marks of sadness displayed on her body,_

_Her eyes held hunger for passion and trust._

_Beautiful was she in ways one could not fathom,_

_Her aura a shining light_

_That cast glows on the lives of her followers,_

_Her admirers._

_She was the epitome of divinity,_

_Not created by them, but for them._

_Her paled face gave translucent light,_

_Illuminating skies farther than the eye can see._

_The arch of her eyebrow darkened her innocence_

_Yet accentuated her unengaged status._

_Her sweet lips,_

_Those I've kissed only once, could paralyze a man_

_Would know his mistrust._

_The sweet curve of her neck dipped lower_

_To breasts full and complete,_

_Which covered her heart, the soul of her being,_

_Her love._

_The marks of wounds healed trail from her collar down to her waist,_

_Words of hate and disconnection of the world._

_They freckled her body like a sole part of her,_

_Self inflicted wounds that would never heal._

_Her hips,_

_The power to kills a man with just one swift move,_

_Give him thoughts that would shun him_

_From God's great kingdom._

_Hips that dipped lower to innocence,_

_Protected by the belt she wore from the men_

_Who sought her._

_With the purse of her lips,_

_She beckons,_

_Though with a flick of her wrist,_

_She denies._

_But not me for I hold her,_

_Please her,_

_Quiet her cries of pain,_

_Cause her cries of pleasure._

_She lay back in the sand,_

_Her chest heaving with the heavy breath of her heart._

_'Lay with me,'_

_She speaks,_

_Her voice the song of the sirens._

_But I shall follow,_

_For I love her soul more than mine._

It was definitely a long poem, but I couldn't describe Bella any other way.

"Who are you writing about?" I turned to look, and there was Bella, sitting next to me, read eyes and puffy cheeks. She'd been crying. Hardcore crying. And I didn't know why. I hope to hell it wasn't because of me, whatever I said earlier.

"Just doing class work. Why?"

"Nothing. I just like it a lot. I hope you don't mind that I was reading over your shoulder."

I shook my head. "It's fine," I said.

Bella smiled. She wasn't stupid. She knew I was writing about her. "That girl that you wrote about, she's really pretty. I'm jealous," she teased in a whisper.

I chuckled. "Why should you be jealous? You're the only girl on the entire planet that deserves t be called beautiful. And anyway, you are far more than that."

She smiled, and opened an AP biology textbook, writing down the definitions. I watched her as she wrote. When she finished the definition of _mitosis_, she skipped down a line and then began writing again.

_Is your poem about me? _

Told you she wasn't stupid. She was suicidal. Not mental.

I took her sheet of paper. _Do you want it to be about you?_

She read my note, and she paused for a second and then wrote, _Yes._

I smiled. _Then yes, it was about you. I really like you, you know._

I do.

Well, then my confession wasn't necessary. I passed her the sheet of paper, and she smiled.

_It may not have been necessary, but I liked it._

She went back to writing definitions, and then I went back to my ancient poems. I guess it hurt a little bit that she didn't say it back, but I guess it didn't matter. Maybe I was just right about how I liked her more than she liked me.

She sighed and passed me a sheet of paper, a clean, practically unused sheet. But in her girly, but very sophisticated handwriting was written,

_I really like you, too._

She didn't look at me, just smiled as she did her work.

Maybe being in this place wasn't so bad.

**Please tell me how you liked it. I liked it a lot. I really do. :)**

**Jess.**

**Review. I want at least five before the next chapter. I've gotten a billion alert/fave story/fave author/author alerts for this story, so it should be a problem lovelies :)**

**I love you guys!**


	4. The End

**Okay. If you're wondering why you think you've read this, it's because you have. I mistakenly, posted chapter three as a replacement for this chapter and chapter three disappeared. but its all fixed.**

**Now. If you haven't read, keep going and enjoy :D  
**

Time was going by too fast, I think. Sure, it had only been three weeks, but it still went by in a blink of an eye.

Emily, that horrid bitch, made me get knocked down a level, because of misconduct and insubordination. But she was shipped off to a different house, so I didn't have to put up with her mouthing off to me. I was pissed off though, because now, I was back at level one. And being a level one meant solitary. Again. I hated solitary.

Before, I only saw people during breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and then during group and assemblies. And now, I could only go to my therapist sessions. I ate in my room, alone, and it drove me crazy because they wouldn't let me sleep during the day while I was bored out of my mind, and I had to leave my door open so they could check on me every so often. "Often" being the operative word. They never left me alone and I hated that so much.

I never thought I would want a cut any more than right now.

It had been two months since I'd seen the perfect, inviting shine of sharp blade. But I wasn't going to be picky. Anything would do right now. Anything that would give me a little slice of pain, so that I knew I wasn't going crazy . . .

I looked around the room for anything. Anything that would give me a little secret satisfaction. I didn't care about the consequences; I was already hopped up on enough meds to overdose a horse. They'd just put me in a fluffy white room in a straight jacket. I could deal.

I opened my drawers, flipped the mattress, looked through my closet, until I ran my fingers through my hair and the strands snagged in my earring.

BINGO.

I looked towards the door, making sure everything was quiet and the coast was clear before I did anything that would get me in trouble.

I took out my earring, and then I touched the end of it to my finger, biting my lip. It wouldn't work, and I was disappointed.

"Isabella, it's time for your session," Victoria said to me from my doorway. She was the one that knocked me down a whole level, and because of that, I hated her so much. Because I hadn't seen Edward in a little more than three weeks. At all. Surely he was like a level five or something, on his way out of this godforsaken place. I stood up, fixing my tight long sleeved shirt and my velveteen track pants. Everything I was wearing was from Alice Cullen. Everything. And I loved that.

Around the house, since we were only on one floor, they didn't trust us to wear shoes (I wasn't sure why), so all we wore were socks. And the tiled floor was kind of freezing. I shivered and wrapped my arms around my shoulders. I figured out a few things while I was in Solitary.

Everyone here was wealthy of some sort. I knew Edward was, but all of the other kids had last names that were recognizable in some way. You had people like Clearwater, Leah's Dad was the head of a music label in New York, and then you had Newton, Mike's dad, who was a famous race car driver.

These people had problems, but their parents just dropped them off like it was nothing. Just so they didn't have to deal with them themselves. Wow, what loser parents I had. The closest thing I had to a mom was Eleanor, my nanny from a long time ago. I think if I would have left to live with my dad rather than with my mom, things would have turned out better.

It just hurt that Edward noticed all my scars at first, but it took my family a clear epidemic to finally notice.

Daddy, you were right.

My dad was a good person. He really was. He was the sheriff of a town Washington called Forks, but he didn't stop here. Somehow, he was also sheriff of a county in Seattle, King County. It was crazy how humble he was though. He made a lot of good money, but he still had his little two story house, with mine and Jasper's bedrooms how we'd left them after we left with our mother after the divorce.

I hadn't talked to him in a while. And I was feeling really bad about that.

I sighed, and Victoria looked back at me.

"What's your problem?"

"Nothing, your highness," I said smartly. She narrowed her eyes at me. She grabbed my wrist with her nasty bony fingers. But her grip was strong.

"Keep it up, and you'll never see your little boyfriend," she growled. "Not like he wants to see you anyway."

Oh, so she wanted to threaten me.

Well, two people can play at that game.

"I may be young, but I know enough people who can put your ass in prison for hurting me. Assault and battery? On a governor's daughter? Do you really want to go there?" I said to her. I raised my eyebrows and glared at her. "That's dangerous territory you're heading for."

"Do you forget where you are you little bitch?" she asked me in a harsh whisper.

"No, I don't. But if you don't let go of me, your face is going to land in that wall," I threatened her.

She let go of me and walked away. I was in front of my therapist's office, so I wasn't able to really go anywhere, but I just stood there looking at the door. I didn't want this. I wanted to go home. I wanted to be able to dance and sing at the top of my lungs and go to school and read in the grass. I wanted to hang out with friends and be lost in infatuation with boys. I wanted to be in my familiar bedroom and have fun and just live, you know?

And I was regretting not cutting deep enough.

But, for now . . .

I stepped into my therapist's office.

"Isabella," he said. "Come in," he said.

I did, and I sat on the black leather couch, curling my legs underneath my body, crossing my arms over my chest.

"How has your day gone?" he asked.

"Same as yesterday," I said flatly. "Super!" My voice was false, of course.

"What have you been thinking about lately?" he asked. He was looking down at his paper, jotting down some notes. I sighed.

"I've just been thinking about living. How good it feels to be alive. I really think it was stupid of me to have tried to commit suicide. But I'm working past it. I want to see my family. I know I said that I hated them, but I miss them."

Lying came naturally to me, I guess. I only never lied to one person, and that was because I couldn't look in to his crazy amazing green eyes and let him believe something about me that wasn't true. But I had to lie to my therapist, or else I wouldn't ever get out of this place fast enough.

"So you're doing well then? I'm glad to hear that Isabella. You look like you've gained some weight; healthier these days," he said.

"Thanks," I said. "I've been eating." _And I've been rejecting my vitamins and depression pills, my uppers and downers, possibly saving them for an overdose._

"That's good. The nurses have been saying that you're doing really well in solitary. No backtalk or attitude towards them. I'm proud of you."

I smiled at him, and he smiled back.

"Since I've been seeing some improvement in you, I promote you to level two. But you need to keep it up. If I see any sign of insubordination I will demote you back to a level one. Since it's already late in the day, you'll start tomorrow as a level two." He paused for a second, writing something, and then he said, "How have you been sleeping lately? Any troubles?"

"Okay I guess. Not really. I mean, I stay up late during the nights, can't sleep. My brain feels like it's wired on something, everything goes too fast. "

"Okay, well then I'm going to get you some sleeping pills then, so you can get some sleep at night." He scribbled onto a piece of paper and then he shoved it away into his files.

We talked a little while, and I pretended to get happier and happier, smiling more, and laughing, pretending to be okay, even if I really wasn't. But he didn't know that, and that was the point. The faster I got out of there the better off I was.

EPOV

It'd been a while since I'd seen Bella. Don't know how long, since they shut us off from anything to the outside world, (couldn't even tell us the freaking date) but I knew it was a long time, at least a month.

I kept thinking that maybe she had been taken out transferred to another house or department, and just couldn't tell me. I mean obviously, she would have some way to contact me eventually if that were the case since my mother and her mother were good friends.

When it was time for breakfast, Angela came down and took me to the cafeteria, and I ate breakfast in our usually spot, just alone. Alone without Bella. It wasn't fun, just kind of monotonous and tedious. An everyday kind of thing.

I sighed and put my tray on the conveyor belt to the kitchen and walked to my therapist's office.

"Hello Edward," Dr. Mansfield said to me. "Have a seat."

I did, running a hand through my hair.

"Something troubling you?" he asked.

"Not really. I'm just—I can't sleep at night so I'm tired," I said to him.

Not lying, just embellishing the truth.

"Okay, well, I can't give you any prescriptions. We'll just have to monitor your sleep. Because of your history with medications, you know." He looked down at his paper and scribbled some notes. It felt like he was belittling me because of my method chosen for suicide. "Are you having any other problems?" he asked?

I felt guilty for thinking about Bella. So I had a little problem late at night with erections and wet dreams. It was like I was twelve getting off on online porn. But I couldn't help it. They way she touched me . . . the way she smelled, the way she smiled . . . turned my sleepless nights into dirty fantasies and masturbating.

"No," I lied. I didn't want to add that to my long list of problems.

_Not only is he a suicidal freak, he's also a pervert._

"Okay well how have you been doing generally? What are your thoughts?" Dr. M asked.

"Okay, well I guess I haven't been thinking about a whole bunch of things. Just bored out of my mind. Wish I could go take some pictures or something," I said.

"Is that what you want to be? A photographer?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Yes. Maybe a musician I don't know. Depends on if I ever get out of here. I mean I really can't build a portfolio in a place like this can I?" I said to him. He looked at me blankly.

"No, I guess not. But you're doing very well Edward, and I'm going to promote you to the next level. Three."

I smiled. "Does that mean I'm getting out of here faster? Getting better?"

He nodded. "Yeah. You only have three levels to go now," he was like genuinely happy for me. And I was happy for me too.

After dinner, I went to group.

"So today we're going to talk about healing," the doctor said. "Has anyone ever broken a bone?" he asked.

Several people raised their hands.

"Okay, how about you share?" he pointed to a girl who nodded.

"Well, I was having sex with my boyfriend on the stairs—"

"Can we keep the story G rated?" the doctor said. I smiled.

"Sure. It's not like I was going to talk about he grabbed my tits and fucked me hard," she said.

Everyone laughed and she smiled content. The doctor looked annoyed.

I rolled my eyes. Needless to say, that therapy session didn't go so well. And I was happy when it was over. I didn't feel like watching television, but I did anyway. It was on a channel where the news was playing, and Bella's picture was splayed over the screen.

"High school teen is missed. After three and a half months in a rehabilitation center, her brother, Emmett Swan, talks about his younger sister during his interview with Cosmopolitan Magazine," the new caster said. It switched to a clip of a burly man, really big and muscular, sitting next to an overly made up woman with over-done hair.

"I haven't seen her in a while, but I hope she gets better," he said. I scoffed.

"Yeah, right." I said to myself.

"Yeah, she's, like, the sweetest girl. We used to go, like, shopping all the time, but she stopped wanting to go and got all, like, loner on us. She was always, like, my favorite sister in law." The woman sitting next to Bella's brother looked accomplished. I wanted to choke her a little bit.

I stared at the television, disgusted. I went to my room.

I lay on my bed, after closing the door, staring up at the ceiling. I fell asleep, but I woke up thinking about Bella again.

That was pretty much the extent of the dreams. Nothing too extravagant, nothing to demeaning. Just a regular horny-boy fantasy. But it always ended up the same: cum on my thighs and guilt on my shoulders. If I got anymore guilt I was going to be a crippled bastard.

After I cleaned up a little bit, I grabbed my towel to take a shower, but there was a knock on the door.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"There's someone here to see you," Victoria said, opening the door.

"Who is it?"

"Ms. Dwyer?"

"What?" My brain was boggled, and for some reason I got dizzy. Why would Bella's mother want to see me?

I followed Victoria out to where Renee Dwyer was seated at a table, politely sipping from a mug.

I sat in front of her.

"Hello, Edward," she said.

"Renee," I said.

"How are you?"

"What are you doing here?" I asked her blankly. "Shouldn't you be seeing your daughter instead?"

"So I hear you've made friends with her?" she asked me, completely ignoring my questions.

"Well, yes." I looked at her cautiously, but she just smiled.

"Ah, I see. Well, I was just stopping by to see how you were doing. You were always like a son to me you know," she said.

I scoffed. "You don't even know me. You don't know anything about me." I leaned back in my seat, staring right into her black beady eyes.

"That's beside the point," she declared firmly. "I wanted—"

"You know, you should try talking to Bella. Maybe she wouldn't resent having you as a mother so much."

"My daughter does not hate me as a mother!" she said to me harshly.

"No, you're right. She hates you."

"Edward, that's enough," she snapped.

"Why?" I pressed. "Because it's true? What, do you hate the truth?"

"Edward Anthony Cullen! I said enough." She looked up at me with menacing eyes. I'd never fully understood why Bella was so much the way she was. But just looking into Renee's eyes, it was completely clear. Very clear. And it was scary. "Let's get this clear young man. I don't want you near my daughter. At all. I've been hearing from the staff that you've been trying to shack up with her, and that is completely intolerable. I won't have it, so you better find another girl to use. Isabella needs to get better. And you're not helping her. How can a boy who has worse problems help her?"

Ow.

But who was she to tell me all of this?

"And if I don't?"

"Try it and find out." She stood up and walked out of the room, leaving me fuming. But I could only shake it off.

I went to breakfast, filling my tray with an assortment of foods. As I walked to my table, there was another person sitting there. She had her feet curled underneath her body, picking at his breakfast tray with a disgusted look on her face, reading what looked to be a magazine. She was wearing reading glasses . . . made her look so much hotter than I remembered.

When I sat down beside her, she smiled. Nothing overly huge but more of a satisfied and sweet smile.

"Hello," she said. She pushed her glasses up her nose and giggled.

"Hello."

And then she leaned over to hug me. And it made me confused. I wasn't sure why. But then I wrapped my arms around her, and pulled her to me.

"Break it up you two!" An orderly shouted from across the room. Bella sighed. And like that, we were back in motion.

BPOV

He was so warm. I missed him.

"Your mom came to see me today," he said casually.

I dropped my fork reflexively, and turned my body to look at him.

"What?" I narrowed my eyes at him. He looked at me with luscious green eyes, and I backed off my anger a little bit. But it wasn't by much.

"She came to tell me that she didn't want me around you," he voice was indifferent, and my heart beat a little quicker, a little afraid.

"And are you going to listen to her?" I asked.

"Of course not. Are you crazy? No," he said. I smiled and felt a little embarrassed for being so insecure. He smiled at me back. We ate in some silence, talking only a little bit.

We made up for it later in the rec room while we sat on the carpet and played card games.

"So do you think you're doing better?" he asked.

"No. Locked up in my room just made it worse. I tried like hell to find something I could use to cut myself. But then I couldn't find anything and that drove me even crazier." I slapped down another card, a three of hearts, and he took it, and placed a different card in its place, an ace of spades.

"Bella, I thought you said you were getting better?" he said. He just looked at me, not like he was judging me, but more like he was disappointed in me. And I think that was worse. I cleared my throat.

"I am Ed. I promise." I gave him an innocent grin.

He laughed. "You called me Ed."

"Oops. Sorry, I forgot-"

"It's okay Bella. I sort of like it." He laughed and I took a deep breath.

"I'm tired. I hate that I can't sleep when there's nothing else to do." I leaned back on my arms and tossed my cards in the pile in the center. "I wish my mother came to see me. That sick bastard."

Edward laughed. "Yeah. She's not the best. And I can say the same thing for mine."

"I hope I stay here until after I'm eighteen, so I can finish high school, and then run far away, to, like, Europe or something, and just start over. Change my name to something like . . . _Mallory Woods_, and become a completely different person. Live in Spain by the beach, where I can swim all day and then have dinner by moonlight. I won't have to have a job, because I'll marry someone rich and famous and they'll love me and take care of me." I chuckled. "Too big of a dream?"

"No way. But don't you want to be a dancer?"

I shrugged. "I don't know what I want any more." I gave him a half hearted smile.

And it felt as if the world was giving us some catch up time. Because it was Sunday, we didn't have group sessions, and Dr. Mansfield wasn't coming today, so all therapy sessions were canceled.

"God, I miss the Internet!" I said.

"Why?" Edward asked.

"I love shopping on line. And photo-shopping pictures, and listening to music and watching videos and reading articles and blogging . . . my entire life was there." I sighed, but smiled.

"You're crazy."

"Sure, whatever. But you still like me, so shut it."

He laughed and we went back to watching TV. Holding hands a little. But something struck a nerve in me, and I couldn't handle it. For a moment, everything just crumbled from underneath me, leaving me on a narrow runway that could only lead from better to worse. There wad no middle, and there was no safety.

All I could see was darkness and hate, infidelity and death. And it all seemed so rational. I needed to do it again, and I was going to.

Just when the time seemed right you know.

**Now review.**


	5. Touch Me

**Okay, so this chapter revolves around sex. My characters are getting a little horny after spending so much time without physical human contact. Let's see what happens, shall we?**

EPOV

I looked up at the ceiling, fucking bored as hell. Moving up a level didn't mean anything unless you could do something. And I wasn't a television type of person. And playing with other kids who were aggressive and violent was not my scene. So I decided to stay in my room while free time rolled on. I would come to regret this voluntary placement in Solitary, but I couldn't help it. I guess I was such a loner, that I craved it. Man was I a fucking loser.

I just wanted to be in my room. With my pictures and my music, and my life. Sex, drugs, taking whatever medication was lying around . . .

Mostly sex. I was horny as hell, and jacking off was nothing compared to a chick.

So I had a problem. I had a few problems actually.

And absolutely no solution to any of them. I was addicted to prescription drugs and fantasies of naked girls. I wouldn't have to masturbate so much if I weren't in this fucking place.

I could have any girl I wanted. And that was it.

I sighed, running my hand through my hair. At least I was level three. Only three more levels until I was back home. I would probably miss graduation, but it wasn't like a I gave a fuck. My grades were amazing, but I just didn't give a fuck. It honestly didn't matter. I was a rich, bratty kid. I didn't need college. Rosalie and Alice had taken care of that for me.

Those bitches. Just shoved me out of the entire fucking picture. Really, I had no family. No one really cared about me. And I know I've said this so many times, but if it weren't for the fact that I threw up all the pills I'd taken and stained Mom's carpet, I would have kept on, being invisible, only to be seen as the failure.

There was a knock at the door, and Victoria walked in. "Time for dinner," she said curtly.

I stood up and walked out of the room, Victoria disappearing. I walked into the Cafeteria and saw Bella already sitting at our table. I joined her after I picked up a tray of food.

"So," she said, looking up at me. "How was your day?"

"Shitty. Yours?"

"Same." She smiled. "So, I was thinking. I want a puppy."

I grinned at her. "What for?"

"I don't know. So it can grow up and attack people. Who knows?" She laughed at herself and I smiled.

"You're so weird," I told her.

She fake-frowned. "Aww, Eddie! That hurt my feelings." She rolled her eyes and smiled.

We were silent, just eating our food. Bella put her hair up into a ponytail, pushing away her tray. She'd finished everything, whereas I had barely touched mine.

"Hey, you should eat," she said softly. "You're getting really skinny."

I shrugged.

"Dr. Mansfield will add anorexia to your list of issues, Edward. Do you really want to stay here for that long?" she said to me.

I sighed and ate what was on my plate. Bella kept a friendly conversation going, until I'd finished eating, where we went to the game room to play cards.

There were only two other people in the room, two girls who were sitting on the sofa, engaged in whatever they were watching on the television.

Very lowly, in an almost whisper, Bella called my name.

I looked up at her, taking my eyes off of my cards. She looked conflicted.

"Don't make fun of me, okay?" she said.

I nodded.

"I'm going to ask you something, but it's going to make me sound stupid. So, bear with me." She licked her lips, her eyes holding my gaze. She smiled softly. "What's it like to have sex? I've been thinking about it a lot, and . . . well . . ." She looked up at me, through her thick eyelashes, through the lenses of her glasses. "So?"

I paused to actually think about her question. It wasn't what I had anticipated, but then again, Bella was a surprise each time I talked to her.

I actually thought about telling her I'd like to show her exactly what it was like, but I decided not to.

"I don't know Bella. It's different for a guy than it is for a girl. It's good I guess." I smiled softly, and she returned it. "I'm not sure how to answer that really," I told her honestly. She put down her cards, taking in a breath.

"What do you think about?" she whispered. "When you're . . . _with_ her."

I shrugged. "I don't know. Depends on the girl. If I'm really into it then I think about her, what we're doing. If I'm not, then I think about another girl."

"And after? What happens then?" She blinked.

I shrugged. "I usually drive her home."

"No spooning?" she said with a playful grin.

"Nope. It's more like, getting it over with. Sex is good, but it's better with a person you actually want to be with afterwards."

"Why?"

"Because I'd be thinking about her, instead of the next girl that could come along." I shrugged again.

"So those girls that you fuck al the time . . . they're just toys?" she asked.

"You could say that." I looked at her. She was grinning, her dimples visible. She twirled her hair around her fingers, biting her lip.

"Do you think I'd be a toy, Edward?" she asked softly. ANd maybe it was the sincerity of her voice or the look in her eye, but she was actually serious.

"When I first saw you, All dressed like an Oxford college student? Yeah. I thought you were a toy."I looked into her eyes. SHe grinned.

"And now?" she asked.

"Now I know you. You're a girl, not a playtoy. You're manipulative in the kindest way. You're beautiful, smart, intresting. You're the kind of girl that would stay the night,"I said. "If I ever had the chane with you . . ." I added calmly.

"So you've never made love to a girl?" She slid her glasses up the bridge of her nose. Her eyes were big and facinated by all I was telling ehr.

I shook my head. "When you're high, drunk, and horny, Bella, making love isn't really what you want to do."

She giggled and sighed.

"What?" I asked her.

"Nothing." She grinned. She picked up her cards, glanced at them and then she slapped down a card, winning the game. I sighed.

"That's not fair Bella. I would say I'm letting you win, but I'm just really bad." I laughed.

"You're the one who made the game up!" She giggled. "I find this highly amusing. Again!"

"Can I ask you a personal question, Bella?" I said to her. She shrugged.

"Shoot."

"Are you going to try to kill yourself again?" I was staring at her, watching for her first reaction. But she didn't even flinch. She just continued splitting the cards into two piles. And then she grinned.

"I was thinking about it," she said.

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to be known as the girl who's suicidal. I don't want to be known as a cutter." She shrugged. "I want to be Isabella Swan, normal girl."

"You can be that, though." I caught her gaze, her brown eyes so guarded. I wished for a second that they weren't.

"I was serious about moving away and changing my name. I want to start over." I sighed, closing my eyes.

"Can I ask you something else?"

"Sure?"

"Would you take back the first time you tried?" She was still looking in my eyes. Her lips pursed; she was thinking hard about my question. I was wondering if she was debating to lie to me or give me a straight answer.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I got to meet you. And it doesn't matter what anyone says about how you can't help me. Because you were the one that stopped me from trying it again last night."

If I could have kissed her . . . I would have done it. But instead, she held out her hand, and I took it. She smiled at me.

That fucking smile was going to kill me and drag me to hell.

And those sex questions . . . if we'd have been in the real world, I would have taken her and shown her what it was really like. Only I wouldn't have driven her home afterwards because I'd want to do it all over again in the morning.

"I like you Edward. I'm not completely sure why, since together we're like a ticking death bomb. But we go together." She laughed.

I grinned at her.

Victoria called for the end of free time, and Bella grinned back.

We stood up and began to walk out of the rec room when Bella brushed past me. "I hope you're still fantasizing about me, lover boy," she whispered so soft I almost didn't hear it.

And you were wondering why I had such an issue with my dirty dreams.

BPOV

I sat on my bed, going through dance routines and such in my head.

But each time, I would be reminded by Edward. Something always brought me back to him. And I didn't know if this was some cliché that we were supposed to be together, but I had meant what I said about going together. We just fit. Why? I had no idea. And neither did I care. But I did know that I falling for him.

And very fast.

Was it healthy? Probably not. But I couldn't help the way I felt about him. One thing was for certain though. I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of here so I could actually have sex with him. It didn't matter if I would never see him again, or be the girl he lost his virginity to, or even become a distant memory fading away with every encounter of a new girl. But at least we could say the lust we had for each other was completely sober.

And that was good enough for me.

I knew what I was doing when I asked him all of those questions about sex. I wanted him to get the hint that I wanted him. This wasn't about suicide anymore. That ship has sailed. What I wanted was dirty, rough, bruising sex that lasted for hours, nothing interrupting our moment.

I wanted all my nasty, dirty fantasies to come true.

And if there was one thing I knew about myself, it was that I would get what I wanted.

I fell asleep, waking up with my hand shoved down my pants, not a single memory of what I'd dreamt about. But it wasn't hard to guess. considering the conversation I'd had with Edward the night before.

I turned over in my bed, facing the wall. I closed my eyes, my thoughts racing as I tried to think about nothing and fall back to sleep.

There was a knock at my door. I knew it was early, so it had to be important. Angela walked in and I sat up to see her.

"You have visitors, Bella."

"It's Saturday?"

She nodded.

"Boy, time flies," I said with a smile. "Who is it?" I asked.

"Your brothers." My good mood suddenly fell to the floor and I was pissed off. But the look on Angela's face told me I had no choice in the matter. I had to go see them.

She walked me to the bathroom where she supervised as I brushed my teeth and combed through the rat's nest that was my hair. I walked to the meeting room, where sure enough, both of my brothers were sitting there.

And boy were they handsome.

Emmett was my oldest brother, big, thick with muscles, used for training and treating wild animals. But he looked like my father, rough and completely bullshit free. Emmett's hair was dark and curly, and his eyes were the same shade of chocolate as mine. We were told, many times, that we could have been fraternal twins. But the simple fact was that he was seven years older than I was.

Jasper on the other hand was smaller, but just as tall. He had caramel colored hair, and blue eyes, the "black sheep" of the family. We were all convinced that Dad wasn't his real father, that our mother was a cheating slut, but we couldn't really go with that without proof. And even then, Dad and Jasper had a normal father son relationship.

I sat in front of them, looking at them, not saying one word.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked them, breaking the dark and ominous silence. "It's not like you fucking cared before." I growled.

"What are you talking about, Isabella? We've always cared about you," Emmett said.

I laughed. "Really? Is that what you tell yourself before you go to sleep at night?" I laughed again. "Because you have a great way of showing it. Thanks for the Christmas cards and Birthday calls, Bro," I said with a bite.

"You could be a little bit nicer, Isabella," Emmett said roughly.

"And if I don't want to? What are you going to do? Make me?" I rolled my eyes. "You guys are wasting my fucking time."

"Be a little considerate," Jasper said from the other side. He shook his head. "You're so different." Jasper's voice was nostalgic, missing the old days.

"What the hell did you expect. Five-year-old-Isabella?" I said to him. "Because in case you didn't know, she grew up."

"Isabella," Emmett said, "we're trying to help you. Can you let us?"

"No. I don't want your help. I'm doing just fine." I growled at them. I wanted them to go away. "Stop trying to act like you know me, because you don't."

"We're your brothers, Isabella," Jasper said, stating the obvious. "Of course we know you."

"Oh, yeah? What's my favorite color?"

He stared at me. He didn't know. I looked at Emmett. He said nothing.

"My favorite movie?"

They didn't know.

"My favorite candy bar?"

Again, they didn't know.

I smiled. "What about the first time I kissed a boy?"

"Isabella." Emmett looked at me, his eyes telling me I'd gone over and crossed the line.

I grinned. "What about the first time I kissed a girl?"

"Isabella." his voice was more urgent now.

"What about the first time I ever had sex?" I taunted.

Emmett slammed his fist on the table, it shaking underneath the impact.

Jasper spoke. "What are you trying to do to us? I know that I don't know you, but I don't need to know that my sister sleeps around." His blue eyes were hard. I laughed, a whole body shaking, toe-tingling laugh.

"But Jasper, dear brother, I've never done any of those nasty things. And contrary to what you think, I'm not a slut." I looked at him with a patronizing look. His eyes softened. I looked at Emmett, his face contorted with sadness. I guess it should be when you realize your sister has been knocked off her rocker. "Don't try to know me. It sickens me. I've waited for you both for seventeen fucking years. And now? It doesn't matter much to me. Because before that day, before December twentieth, you would have never paid attention to me. I could have been a porn star. I could have been a slut. A druggie, a complete waste of life. But I'm not," I said calmly to them.

"And who told you that you weren't a waste of life?" he asked, like he was incredulous that I _were_ one.

"Edward did," I said contentedly.

"Who the hell is Edward?" Emmett said.

"He's a friend I have here. Why?" I asked.

"Did you ever think that maybe he just told that to a pretty girl to get in her pants?" Jasper asked me.

I laughed. "I'm a virgin Jasper. And even if it was the case, I'm not so easy. It takes more than a few comments and compliments to get inside my jeans. So don't fucking go there."

That was actually a lie, considering I was having wet dreams about him.

"Why do you think we put you here Bella?" Emmett asked me. He sat back, looking at me with the most intense eyes I've ever seen from him. He was analyzing me.

"Because I couldn't stay at home by myself without someone thinking I was going to off myself again," I said sweetly. I shrugged myself. "You guys put m e in a cage with a bunch of shrinks and fucked up kids so I would learn and get better." I smiled.

"We did not put you in a cage," he said, shaking his head.

"Then what? At treatment facility? Oh that's great." I asked him.

"We want you to get better."

"We? Who the fuck is we?" I asked.

"Mom, Dad, Emmett and me." Jasper made it sound obvious.

It wasn't.

"Sure. Okay. I believe you. I really do. But I think I really don't fucking care what Mom, or Dad, or the both of you think about me. I'm here, and I'm getting better. I don't want to cut myself so often anymore. No more scars. All I want to do it get out of here and lay down in the grass and breathe, and hold hands with someone I love, and kiss and touch and hug and breathe, guys. I don't want to feel unloved. Because only at breakfast lunch and dinner do I feel wanted. And that's only because Edward and I get to talk and sit next to each other and talk.

"Edward talks to me. He tells me what he's thinking. What he wants to do. His dreams and his desires, what was going through his mind when he thought he was going to die. He tells me what his family is like and what his bedroom looks like, and what music is on his iPod. He tells me I'm smart. He thinks my scars are beautiful. He thinks I'm beautiful. And I think he's beautiful too.

"But no one cares about that stuff. Every one cares about the stupid superficial shit. But not me. I like that he likes photography. That he finds things that other people would call beautiful, ugly. Other people would call me ugly because of what I look like when I don't have any clothes on. But Edward likes that I have so many scars. And I like that Edward has so many thoughts. I don't need you, or Mom, or Daddy. I just need myself." I let out a huge breath, fighting my tears. I didn't want to cry. not right now.

They just stared at me like I was doing drugs. And maybe I was because I said a lot of things.

"You sound like you're in love," Jasper said.

I shrugged. "So what if I am. If you really cared about me, you'd be there for me. Always. Even if I do like a boy who tried to kill himself. Just be happy that I'm alive-"

"We are, Isabella, because we love you."

Emmett nodded, his mouth shut tightly together.

"But how can you love me if you don't even know me?"I yelled.

"Damn it! Isabella! Don't you think we're fucking trying. Why the hell else would I come all the way from Africa to this damn town to see you? You're my sister. My family. And if you don't believe that, then there is something wrong with you. Why can't you just let us?"

"I won't let you because it's too late. I just can't handle having the standards so high in my life. I just want to live without them. Where whatever I do is the best, where I'm the best." Tears spilled from my eyes. I wiped my tears from my face, breaking into a sob. Arms wrapped around me, squeezing me tightly. I hugged back, realizing Emmett had been the one to hug me. Jasper did the same, and I cried into his shirt, sobbing hard and recklessly.

"I love you Isabella. And you are the best little sister anyone could ever have. You are beautiful. You're intelligent, you're brave. You're our little sister and we want you here on earth, where we can talk to you and see you smile." Jasper's voice broke and I realized that he was crying too.

I formed the words on my lips, sounding them out in my head. Because I realized I hadn't said them to anyone in a really long time. Possibly since I was a little girl.

"I love you, too Jasper," I whispered so soft. I pulled back from him, but only so I could see his face. I hugged him tighter again. "And you too," I said to Emmett. He held me to him, kissing the top of my head.

"We're just trying to let you get better, Isabella. And whatever it takes, we're going to get it for you."

I bit my lip, looking up at my brothers. "Can you ask Dad to come see me?" I blurted out. I blinked back more tears.

"Yeah. We'll call him when we get back to the hotel. We're supposed to tell him about today. Mom didn't want him involved, but nothing stops that man," Emmett chuckled.

I smiled. "Thanks guys, for coming to see me. It really means a lot."

"No problem, Bella. We missed you." Emmett ruffled my hair a little and I smiled.

"When do you think you can come home?" Jasper asked. I sighed.

"I'm not sure if Mom told you, but I got into a fight and got demoted back to level one a few weeks ago, so instead of being on level three, I'm only a level two. There are six levels, so it could take a while."

Emmett grinned. "You kicked her ass, didn't you?"

I nodded. "But since she started it, she was placed in a different facility." I laughed.

"Mom didn't tell us that, but she did tell us you were friends with the Cullen's son, who's also here. What's his name?" Jasper said.

"That's Edward. We sort of have the same problem," I said. I shrugged.

"And this is the Edward you were talking about?" Emmett asked.

I nodded, frowning. "You guys aren't going to tell me to stay away from him too, are you?"

Jasper shook his head. "Of course not Bella. But just be careful, okay? We want you to get better, not worse."

I nodded.

"Okay, Isabella," Victoria came in, a sweet smile on her face. I wanted to punch it off. "It's time for your visit with Dr. Mansfield."

I hugged Jasper and Emmett goodbye, holding them each for a good length of time. "Don't forget to tell Dad I want to see him, okay?" I reminded.

"Don't worry, Bella," they said in unison. I smiled one last time, and left with Victoria so she could escort me to Dr. Mansfield's office.

I waited outside, sitting with my legs pressed to my chest, my chin resting on my knees.

Smiling.

**Review!**


	6. From Beginning

BPOV

Seeing my brothers brought back so many memories.

We were close when we were little . . . they used to take me for walks and to the park, swimming . . . when I was nine and Emmett first got his license, we used to go tot he mall.

But then Jasper and Emmett got lives and had girlfriends and became amazing things. And I was still a little girl, and was left behind.

The boy that had been in the Doc's office finally walked out, and I walked in, sitting on the sofa, tucking my legs underneath me.

"I hear you've had a meeting with you family. How did that go?" he began.

"It went well. It started off rocky, but in the end we came to an understanding. My brothers are going to talk to my Dad so he can come see me." I smiled.

"And your relationship with your father . . . is it stable?"he asked, scribbling in his book.

"I haven't seen him in a few years, but we never fought. I would really like to see him."

Dr. Mansfield took advantage that I was talking so highly of my family, and even though he's just promoted me to level two, the fact that I'd been doing so well with my family matters, he promoted me to level three. Talking trash about my family was the only thing keeping me on level two.

And I couldn't be happier. I thought of all the horrible things I could do without the close supervision. I scratched the skin of my arms, anxious to feel the bite of metal into my skin.

Dr. Mansfield dismissed me with a note stamped with his approval, that I was a level three. I skipped to the main desk, giving the orderly at the main desk the note.

The first three levels were easy to ge to. Now to get to level four, I have to be stable enough to not take as many meds as I was. I was taking antidepressants, medication for being bipolar, antibiotics for my cuts, and also for a condition that was like a temporary ADD.

Pshh. Like that was going to happen.

"Okay, Isabella. Free time is going to begin in a few minutes, so why don't you help some of the orderlies with set up?" The woman said. I smiled.

"Sure!" I skipped away to the rec room, helping set up tables and chairs, plugging in electronics and playing the movie of the day in the DVD player.

_Up._

When would they realize making us do things that weren't age appropriate wasn't going to help. This was . . . just making us seem like fucking five year olds.

Blech.

I sat at the table where Edward and I usually played cards, waiting for him. I fixed my red and white polka dot shirt and dance shorts.

Edward walked toward the rec room with a group of other boys that were level three and above. He looked tired, like he'd just woken up, his hair was all messy, but sexy, and his clothes were pajama types, sleep pants a concert t-shirt from a few years ago. He walked into the rec room and when he saw me, he smiled.

"Finally made it to level three?" he said with a grin.

"Yup!" I began to pass out the cards, initiating a game. we began to play, a light conversation being held.

"So, I was thinking about something," he said.

"What?" I was paying attention to my cards, putting them in numeric order.

"I think I want to cut my hair," he said blankly. Like an option. Only it wasn't an option.

"I don't think so, my dear friend." He placed a card on the table, winning the round. "You're getting better at this game," I said softly. I frowned. "Edward," I said. He looked up at me, his eyes tired and dark. "You're not . . . you're not thinking about it, are you?"

"About what?" he asked.

"Offing yourself again," I whispered.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because you're not eating, you're not taking your meds . . . you want to cut off your godlike sex hair . . . something is wrong." I smiled, but I wasn't charming him just yet.

EPOV

I looked at Bella.

"Do you really think I would considering what you said yesterday?" I asked her. Bella looked ashamed.

"Well, I'm just asking, Edward. I don't want to be here forever," she said softly.

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"Look. If the staff figures out what you're doing, you're going to get demoted. Not good. And if you get demoted, that means you stay here longer. And I figure that you're probably going to need a friend. And since the outside world isn't going anywhere, why not stay with you?" She grinned.

"You'd actually get yourself in trouble to demote yourself a level?" I was absolutely incredulous. But thinking about it, if I was on the verge of getting out, and Bella had gotten demoted, I would have probably found a way to stay as well.

"Why the hell not. It's not like we've got things to look forward to when we get out there."

I laughed. But I did have a few things I looked forward to. They all involved Bella however. In most of them, she was naked, but I wasn't pushing it.

"I'm fine Bella, really. The food sucks, and even after the months that we've been here, I'm not going to eat the shit." I smiled at her and she seemed content.

I really hadn't been planning anything like that. I couldn't. Not with what Bella and I had between us. The faster we got out of here, the faster I was able to be with her.

For real. Not this fake, restrained shit that was happening.

Three levels to go.

"Hey, Edward, you have a visitor," Angela said walking into the rec room. I looked at Bella and smiled.

"I'll see you at lunch Bella," I said. She blew me a kiss and winked, gathering the cards as I walked away.

Angela escorted me to the meeting room. It was nearly empty, only one family there. They were talking quietly and sanely, a little blonde girl with the medical wristbands the patient. She looked over as I walked in and smiled. I smiled back at her.

"Who's my visitor, Angela?" I asked.

"Your sister, Rosalie." She said with a smile. I wasn't happy about it, but she was better than Bella's mom.

"Oh." I honestly would have thought Alice would have been the one to come see me . . . I'd always felt a tighter connection between her and me rather than Rosalie.

But when I walked inside of the meeting room, she stood up, tears already streaming. She grabbed me and took me into her arms.

I hadn't seen Rosalie cry in years; I couldn't even remember the last time I'd seen her at all. I scared me a little.

"What the hell were you thinking? Are you crazy?" she said.

"A little," I said truthfully. I was serious about this meeting. What the fuck was she doing her in the first place?

"Edward, you almost gave Alice a heart attack. I know I was bitchy in the hospital, but I was pissed off." She pulled back, enough to see my face. I looked away from her. "Look at me Edward." she demanded. I did, her crystalline blue eyes staring straight into mine. "I was angry at you for even trying something like that. God! I was so mad. I didn't do anything but fucking sulk after I said all of that mean shit to you. I don't hate you, Edward. I love you so much it hurts. You're my little brother, and what kind of a fucking sister am I to do that to you?"

I took in a breath, not saying anything. Rosalie Cullen was actually apologizing to me. Of all people. I bit back the sarcasm creeping up my throat.

I said nothing, sitting in my chair, looking down at the floor.

"Edward, can you at least look at me?" she said softly.

"That's the thing, Rosalie. I don't want to. I don't want to talk to you. I don't even want to see you, so you're wasting your fucking time on me," I said flatly.

"I hurt you," she said, stating the obvious. And I wouldn't blame you if you hated me. I hate myself too."

"Aww, poor Rosalie. She's actually feeling something with her cold, dead heart."

Rosalie laughed humorlessly. "You know, I don't even know why I came. I was hoping that I could maybe talk some sense in to you, but you're more stubborn than I thought."

I looked up sharply. "What? Did you think I was going to welcome you with open arms? You told me I should have died. Thanks for the encouragement. Maybe next time I will." I clenched my jaw and she smacked me.

"Listen to me, Edward, and listen closely," she whispered maliciously. "I said those things out of spite because I was fucking pissed off you even tried it in the first place. Do you know what it was like walking inside of the room, seeing blood all over the floor? Do you know what it did to me?" she said. "No, you don't." Her voice broke. I wanted to feel sorry for her, but if I was so close to dying, would the goodness of her heart have shown instead of the viscousness?

"And so they rushed me to the hospital where people took care of me. I'm a live. And they all lived happily ever after."

"No Edward. That's not how it worked. Mom stopped working, and Dad had to take time off because he couldn't concentrate. Alice is currently sleeping in your room because she can't stand the fact that you're so far away from her."

"Oh my fucking God! Are you serious? I haven't seen you both in over two years, and Mom's been gone for six months! And now you guys miss me?"

"You're making this really difficult. I'm trying to apologize. Why can't you just let me?"

"Because _I don't want your fucking sympathy_," I said to her. She shook her head, like she wasn't believing what I was telling her.

"Edward, swallow your fucking pride. Who the hell are you trying to impress?" Rosalie's voice was curt, but I could tell she was hurt by the fact that I wasn't letting her in. I didn't want her to be my best friend. She had seventeen years to try and now she wanted to make a difference? That's not how it was going to work. That wasn't how I worked.

"Why are you guys suddenly taking an interest in me? You had seventeen years, and now that I try to off myself, you all of a sudden love me?" I said, my tone harsh. Rosalie looked taken aback.

"Edward, you're forgetting all of the times you alienated yourself away from us. You can't say it's our fault entirely."

"I didn't pick your jobs, Rosalie. Fashion designer, lawyer, doctor, architect . . . there is no time for anyone but yourselves. I mean look at Mom and Dad. How many times did they want to get divorced because Mom was too busy away on trips and Dad was working long hours at the hospital? I ran away four times, and not once did any of you notice. What the hell kind of family is that?" I asked.

"Yours." She said with a bite. "I didn't come here to hear you whine, Edward. I wanted to see if you were doing okay." She sighed. "I'm trying here. But you have to help me."

"When? Before or after you said anything about wanting to do something with me?"

"Why is this my fault!" I yelled. Rosalie was surprised. Her eyes widened and she flinched. "I did what I did. I'm not going to be punished for it."

"It doesn't fucking matter, because I don't want you to pretend. You said all of those things to me in the hospital because that's what you felt. Just like Dad said he doesn't want a fuck up for a son. Mom doesn't even like me. And Alice. . . Alice is trying, and right now, she's the only one I believe." I looked away from her, out of a window in t he far back of the room. It was raining. God, how I missed the rain.

"No. I don't want your help. I don't need you to try. You should have thought about that a long time a go."

"Can you stop being an asshole for a fucking second?" she hissed. I didn't say anything. She grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at her. But fuck whatever she wanted.

"No, Rosalie,"' I said, pushing her hand away from my face. I glowered at her, and her eyes challenged me. "Because you're too inconsiderate to stop and thing about what everyone else wants. You're too fucking selfish to figure that shit out!"

"Oh, right, Edward, because you dying solves everything," she spat.

"It would have. For one, I wouldn't be having that stupid conversation with you. I don't' need your help Rosalie. I'm doing just fine without you, thanks."

"Edward, think rationally. Do you think I would come all the way from Seattle just because? No. You are why I'm here. I'm not blaming you, Edward. I just want to . . . I'm trying to be available. But apparently it's not working. You're pushing me away. And what am I supposed yo do? Let you? Hell no! That's how you got into this fucking situation in the first place." Rosalie sighed, running her fingers through her perfect waist-length blonde hair. "Let's face it Edward. You're not going to get out of here alone. You need help. And I'm going to give it to you. How else do you think you're going to get better?"

"Rosalie, I can't just up and forgive you. I mean, that's not what I'm capable of. I'm not going to get better and have you pretend that we're best friends, only to have you push me away again."

"Fine," she said. She grabbed her bag and stood up. "I'm still going to help you, Edward. Who the hell do you think is paying for all of this shit?" She asked. "I'm the one who thought about it in the first place. Just so you know, you're not the only one with problems, so don't get cocky."

"I know that Rosalie. Have you been eating lately? Because you look like a fucking skeleton." I glared at her, her eyes glowering back into mine. "You want to help me?" I asked. "Fix yourself before you fix me."

She opened her mouth to say something, but instead, just turned around and walked out. She finally understood after I repeated it for the last hour of us talking.

I didn't want her.

I stood up to leave, but Angela walked over to me. "This is unusual, but you have another visitor," she said.

"Who is it."

"It's Alice."

I looked at the floor. I didn't want to talk anymore. And I'm sure she passed Rosalie in the hallway, so she would know that I wasn't in the fucking mood for fake sympathy.

Alice walked in, carrying a box in her hands. It was black, wrapped in a white ribbon. Alice herself was dressed the same way, a black dress, shoes, and coat to match. Her black hair held a white ribbon.

She didn't smile like I expected her to.

She sat down and waited for me to do the same. "I'm sorry I'm late," she began. "The people at the airport can't do their jobs correctly," she said.

I just stared at her.

"I'm sure you gave Rosalie a hard time, even though she had good intentions, but I'm sure you had a reason." She smiled then. "I brought you some brownies," she said. "You're skinny. Have you been eating?"

I shook my head.

"Why not?"

"Because The food sucks ass, and I don't want to eat it, Alice." I sighed. "What did you come here for?"

"I wanted to see you. I missed you, you know."

"Rosalie told me you've been staying in my room," I said to her.

She nodded. "I know I've taken you for granted, but I don't want to anymore. I want to be there for you, Edward. At all times for whatever you need." She reached over to me, fixing the hem of my shirt so it lay flat.

I looked at her. "I can't do it with her. I can't become best friends with her, Alice. She's . . . she doesn't get it."

"I know, Edward. And that's what I wanted to talk to you about." She sighed. "Mom doesn't want you back in the house. And I figure you only have a few more weeks left of this, and then you can come home."

"Home? Where the hell is home for me?" I asked her. She reached over and moved the hair out of my eyes. And this time, instead of recoiling, I let her.

"Hopefully, with me. I bought a penthouse in Seattle. It's really big and there are two floors-you can have your own space and I'll have mine." Alice looked hopeful, happy even. And that made me feel like an asshole, considering I wanted to turn her down.

But she was being to nice. It was what I wanted. My family to take interest in me.

"Can . . . Can I think about it?" I said to her.

"Yeah, of course. It's yours for the taking though, whenever you want it." Alice grinned, happy with herself.

"Edward and Jane," Victoria said from where Angela had been. "It's time for lunch."

"Can you let me help you?" Alice asked me.

I shrugged. "Sure?"

"Edward." She gave me a stern look and I sighed.

"Yeah, Alice, you can help me." I smiled softly at her.

She smiled. "Good. How many levels do you have left?"

"Three." I shrugged. "I'm doing pretty well."

"Mom says Renee Dwyer was complaining that you've been fooling around with her daughter." Alice grinned.

"I wouldn't say fooling around, considering the restrictions in this damn place," I said. "She's my friend. The only friend I have here. Everyone else is completely insane. But Bella and I . . ." I tried to think of something that would connect us in a way that didn't seem we were absolutely infatuated with one another. "We're on the same page."

"And she's here because of the same thing, right?" Alice asked. I nodded. She shook her head. "She's such a gorgeous kid and an amazing dancer. . . it would have been horrible to lose her."

I nodded. Because I believed both parts. If she had lost anymore blood . . . I would probably be sulking now, not even talking to Alice. Nothing. I wouldn't be anything because she was mostly why I woke up in the morning. Other than the orderlies pounding on the doors.

"I'm happy that you have a friend, Edward."

"Yeah, me too."

Alice stood up and I followed her. She pulled me into a hug and I let her, her warm body pressed tightly to mine. Alice was a good twelve inches shorter than I was, but she made up for her lack of height in strength.

She let me go, however, very hesitantly.

"I'll see you next Saturday," she said. I smiled at her. "I love you, Edward." I knew Alice was genuine . . . she'd never said a single malicious thing. But Rosalie . . . it was harder to warm up to her. She was a cold person. Just like my mother.

I nodded. She waved and walked out of the room, disappearing down the hall, leaving the center. I sighed.

The other girl that had been in the room waved goodbye to her visitors. I looked back at Alice and Rosalie who were both smiling at me. I smiled back.

"Hey!" I looked behind me to see the little blonde girl behind me. "Hey. I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I'm Jane." She smiled, her gray eyes blank.

"Edward." I looked at her, confused.

"This is weird, but I see you hang out with that girl, the brunette . . . is she your girlfriend?" she asked.

"Uh . . ." I smiled. "I'm not really sure."

"Oh. Well, I was wondering if you could take me to talk to her . . . I saw her scars and I was-I wanted-I was wondering . . ." she stumbled over her words, twisting her hair between her fingers. She looked up to me as if asking for help.

"Well, I was on my way to lunch, so I'm pretty sure she'll be there," I said to her.

"Thanks," she mumbled. She followed me to the cafeteria, barely making a sound. I picked up a tray of food, Jane doing the same, both of us going to sit down at the table where Bella had been sitting already, with a boy.

Something ignited in me, and it took me only a few seconds to realize I was jealous. I smiled at her, and she grinned back, her eyes lighting up. That is, until she saw Jane trailing behind me. Her eyes narrowed as she kept her brilliant smile.

So maybe we had a few things in common.

Jane and I sat down in front of Bella and her friend. Bella smiled at me.

"Edward, this is Riley," she said. "Riley, this is Edward."

We shook hands briefly, and Bella looked at Jane, willing her to introduce herself. So Jane, nervous as hell, did.

"I'm Jane," she said softly. She twisted her blonde hair between her fingers. "You're Isabella, right?" she asked.

Bella nodded.

"I've been wanting to talk to you. I . . . I-um-I really like your scars," she said. The malice in Bella's eyes disappeared, and Bella smiled. Sweet and soft, like the normal Bella. Bella pushed her glasses up her nose.

"Why, thank you, Jane. I do admire yours just as well," she said, looking at the thin, angry looking scars that ran horizontally up her arms.

Jane blushed. "I have anger problems. Well, I mean, that's why I'm here. I have this . . . issue with authority . . . I pushed my stepfather down the stairs. He sent me here." Jane said. She shrugged. "He ticked me off."

Bella laughed. "Believe me, I know what you mean about family," she said. Bella looked up me. "Don't we Edward?"

I grinned at her and she turned to Riley. "Why are you here?" she asked.

"I like to play with fire," he said. "I almost burned my house down . . . Mom was pissed, blah blah blah, and so I ended up here," he said.

Riley looked similar to Jane, in physical traits. Blonde hair, blue eyes, shy, but menacing in a weird way. And oddly, I liked them both enough to actually not be repulsed by their pathetic stories.

"Well, that's very interesting," Bella said. I could hear just a twinge of sarcasm in her voice. She thought they were pathetic as well. And why not? We'd tried to end our lives. Pushing people down the stairs and setting fire to buildings didn't come close.

"Why are you guys here?" Jane asked.

"We tried to kill ourselves," I answered. I shook my hair out of my eyes, and Bella grinned at me and I smiled back.

"Together? Oh, that's so romantic," Jane said. She bit her lip and blushed. Bella and I laughed.

"No, not together," Bella said. "I can think of better things to do together." Her voice was sexy and suggestive, and my heart beat fast.

It took everything I had in me to keep myself from getting hard.

"I'm a nympho," Bella admitted, " although the doctors don't know that yet." She giggled.

We all laughed.

Riley looked at Jane, while Jane looked at Bella. I looked down at my food, forcing myself to eat. I handed the box of brownies Alice had given me and opened it, sharing with my new table mates and Bella.

We ate with some sort of conversation flowing over us, mostly about sex and what we were like normally.

"I live in Orange County. My boyfriend dumped me when he realized I was crazy," Jane said with a smile. Bella raised an eyebrow.

"Are you really crazy, Janie?" Bella asked. Only thirty minutes with these kids, and she'd already picked out nicknames.

"Bipolar," she said, "but who the fuck knows?"

"And you Rye?" she said, turning to Riley. "Are you crazy?"

"Nope. I just like fire."

"Sweetie," Bella said. "That means yes."

Riley grinned at her. She grinned back. "I know I'm crazy." She looked at me, bit her lip and sighed. She threw down her fork.

"All right, free time, level threes!" An orderly shouted to everyone.

I grinned. "Fucking finally."

Riley, Jane, Bella, and I walked to the rec room. We played cards, but not the same game Bella and I played alone. She insisted it was our secret game.

We played on teams, Bella sitting next to me. She leaned against me, her body warm. She was wearing a pair of track pants and a normal t shirt. Her hair smelled clean and fresh and her skin was soft.

Goddamn, I needed to fuck her.

Riley and Jane quickly became disinterested in the game and slowly disconnected from Bella and I. Bella looked up at me.

"What are you thinking, Edward?" she asked me softly.

I laughed. "A lot of things I shouldn't say aloud."

She smiled. "Hmm. Does it start with "I want" and end with "to fuck Bella"?" she asked.

I grinned at her. "Something like that," I said to her.

She said nothing, only licked her lips and closed her eyes.

When she opened her eyes, they were hooded and gleaming, a sexy grin on her lips.

"You're going to kill me, Bella," I said to her.

"That's not good," she said. "Then we'll never get to fuck."

She stood up and walked out of the rec room, beckoning me to follow her. And so I did.

**Review.**


	7. To The End

Edward followed me out of the rec room, but from a distance so no one knew he was following me. I could feel that he was eager. And why shouldn't he be? I was going to find a way to make the sexual tension an actual act.

I turned down a dark hallway, stopping to open a door. When I was successful, I walked into the room, which was actually a storage room. I sat on the desk, waiting for a few minutes, until the door opened, someone walked in, and the door shut.

"Bella?" he said into the darkness.

"No," I giggled, "it's the boogeyman." I felt my way toward him, considering it was darker than black in the room. My hands collided with his chest, flat but toned. I sighed internally.

His hands rose up my arms, over my shoulders and down my back, resting at my waist. I stepped closer to him, my body pressed against his. I was ready to go all the way. Being a virgin didn't matter to me anymore. Not when I was being touched the way he was touching me. However, I wasn't such a slut to lose my virginity in a fucking closet. Hell no.

His lips found mine, his kiss rough and wanting, and I was ready to give. His mouth was hot, his tongue soft as it collided with mine. I curled my arms around his neck as his hands rose from my waist to my ribcage, then higher up until I felt them graze the sides of my breasts.

"Yes, like that," I said to him, breaking our kiss for a half second. He didn't question my authority, as I thought he wouldn't. He was a guy and he had a dick, so I would imagine he wouldn't say no. His hands slid between us and palmed my breasts, his big hands pressing against them. I moaned in his mouth and he groaned in return. His hands disappeared from my chest, only to be placed on the backs of my thighs. Edward picked me up and I gasped in surprised. Hmm, strong and sexy . . . I sure was a lucky girl. Think of the amazing positions we could fuck in with that kind of strength. He sat me down on the desk and slid between my open legs, his hard body pressed so hard against mine.

Fuck, this was so good. I wanted him this way. I'd told him so. I just didn't think it would feel so good.

I let my fingers explore underneath the shirt he'd been wearing, tracing the lines of his muscles as he grunted in my mouth. His kisses fell from my lips in a trail to the base of my neck, where he kissed and sucked, surely leaving unexplainable red marks.

I pushed him away. "You can't do that to me," I whispered. "They'll know."

He laughed a low, sexy sound that made my legs quiver. "I don't give a fuck," he said to me. I grinned, pulling my shirt over my head, bearing my bra-clad chest to him. I took his hands so he could feel the exposed skin. He leaned down and I arched my back instinctively, letting him kiss the swell of my breasts. He left marks on my, all over my collar and my chest and I returned the favor.

"Come here," he said. Edward found my lips with his, mouths hot and open, tongues eager to taste, hands going where they shouldn't have been. Edward's fingers slipped past the waist band of my track pants, but I stopped him.

"I don't think so, Edward," I whispered to him. He continued to kiss my neck, raising his hand up to my waist.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Not yet. I want to be able to see your face when I come," I said to him, moaning softly. He pushed me back, so I was lying on the desk. He climbed on top of me, reaching my lips. His body on top of mine felt different than what I'd imagined. It felt good, sexy. He put a hand on my chest, undoing the clasp that held my bra together. They poured out, and his hand covered one, and then pinched my nipple, until I cried out a little, the pleasure sending a jolt through my body.

"Yes," I said. I put a hand on the back of his neck, bringing him closer as my legs linked behind his back. He took my wrists in his hands, putting them over my head, holding me down. I moaned out his name, and his grip tightened . . . so much that it was painful. I squirmed, conflicted with how I felt about it.

One part of me liked it, while the other was hurting.

"Edward, you're hurting me," I said softly. He didn't stop. I wriggled out of his grasp, gaining control of my arms. I pushed him off of me. "Edward, stop."

Edward sat up, his legs straddling my waist. I smiled softly too myself. I reached out for him with my hand, bumping into his stomach. I found his hand and took it.

"I'm sorry Bella," he said.

"You were really aggressive Edward. What's wrong?"

He was silent for a minute. I just lay back, waiting patiently for him to tell me.

"I don't know anything anymore, Bella. I thought I was so sure of myself, I thought I knew what to do, but now I'm confused."

I fixed my bra and shifted so I could wrap my arms around him. We both climbed off of the desk, holding each other.

"I think I might want to go live with my sister. She said my parents kicked me out of their house completely," he said. His voice was rough, angered by the news. And I would have been too. Edward's parents were dicks though. Instead of helping him, they were throwing him out. He deserved so much more.

"Alice . . . she came to visit me today. And Rosalie, but all we did was fight. I actually talked to Alice." He shook his head and I hugged him tighter. I rested against his chest, feeling his breathing.

"Those people don't matter," I said. "If you wanted, you could make it alone. You're not dependent and that's a good thing. Why don't you just get your own apartment?" I asked him.

"And what? Be alone?" he said. "That's the reason I'm here." He didn't say anything for a long while, only leaned down to kiss my lips. He was gentle, his lips soft and careful. He was scared he was going to hurt me again. "Or are you trying to come with me," he said. His voice sent chills down my spine. Fuck yeah I would have gone with him in a heartbeat. But that hadn't been what I'd been thinking.

"That's not what I meant," I said to him. I hugged around his waist, my fingers slipping underneath his shirt to lay my hands on his warm skin.

He chuckled. "Don't get so defensive Bella, I was only joking." I could feel his body tense slightly. "I'm sorry about hurting you." Edward's whisper was so soft, I almost didn't hear it. I shrugged.

"It's no big deal."

"It is a big deal."

"Edward. Get over it. I kind of liked it, actually," I murmured.

"Only you." He chuckled and I tightened my arms around him.

He leaned down to kiss him and then we left, a few minutes apart. I'd arrived at the rec room where everything was as it had been left. I sat down where Edward and I had been playing cards. Edward joined me a few minutes later, sitting in front of me. We continued playing our game like nothing happened.

I looked up at Edward and I winked.

He smiled.

EPOV

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

I don't even know how I could have waited so long for a kiss like that. With her. Finally. But of course, I had to go fuck it up by hurting her. I guess it was true about virgins being delicate and all that shit.

I lay on my bed. Free time had been over and it was only three o' clock. Group wasn't until four, and with the way time was slowly ticking by, four o' clock was never going to get here.

Just touching her . . . I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of here.

Shit . . . did it really just dawn on me that I wasn't going to be anywhere near her? She was all the way in Arizona, and I lived, or was going to live with Alice. How the fuck are we ever going to be together then? It's worse than being here!

I can't believe I was so stupid . . . fuck. And all the things we'd talked about. I wondered if Bella had realized the same thing. That she was going to live hundreds of miles away and even seeing each other physically was out of the question. And that was the point. To get out of here and see her. Touch her. Do things that we'd been waiting months to do together.

I was so fucking frustrated now. For one, I was hung up about a girl-that had never happened to me. Two, I was sexually frustrated. I wanted to fuck her. And I respected the fact that she didn't want to do it in a closet, but still. My dick was going to explode if I didn't do something with it. And three, I'd just decided I was going to live with my sister who'd been MIA for three years.

Argh. I felt like screaming.

I paced at the end of my bed, wonder just what the fuck I was going to do.

I went into the hallway, walking up to the reception desk in the boy's hall. Angela was sitting there, and I was happy about that.

"Hey," she said. "What wrong?"

"I just wanted to know if I could use the phone for a second. Am I allowed to do that?"

"Have you made a call this week?" she asked. I shook my head. She looked at the computer, touching the screen.

She pursed her lips for a second, and then smiled genuinely. "Then, yeah, it's fine. Give me the number."

I recited the number by memory, and then she handed me the receiver.

It rang. I was nervous. I hadn't called Alice since I was eight.

It rang again. I ran my fingers through my hair, sighing.

"Hello?" Alice's voice sounded surprised.

"It's me, Edward," I said to her.

"Oh. Give me a sec." There was some shuffling, and I could hear her say, "It's my brother. Hold other calls and meetings until I'm finished."

I smiled to myself. She really was making an effort.

"Were you busy?" I asked her.

"No, what's up?" she asked.

"I want to live with you. You know? I mean, I want you to-yeah." I sighed and Alice laughed.

"Great. I'm so happy. I'll have some people move your things from Mom and Dad's. Oh my God, this is great Edward. I'm so happy you decided for this. There's a great school nearby . . . it's an Art School. It's like an academy-you'll love it there."

"That awesome," I said to her. I was actually happy about this-it was what I wanted. But I already missed Bella. And maybe this meant she wasn't the girl for me. Maybe I only like her because she tried to do the same thing I did.

Fuck if I know. All I did know was my sister was fucking trying. And I'm happy about that.

"Okay. Is there anything else?" she said.

"No."

"Okay, well, then I'll see you Saturday." She paused for a second and sighed. "I love you."

"I know," I said. She hung up after a minute of silence on her part. I wondered what she was waiting for. I handed Angela back the receiver, and she smiled genuinely at me, dismissing me back to my room without a single word.

In my bedroom, I lay on the floor, closing my eyes. What the hell? I didn't know anything about anything anymore. All I knew was I wanted to be really wasted right now, at some girls house, where nothing mattered except who was going to sleep with whom, and who was buying the next bag of weed.

I wanted to be back there. And selfishly, I wished I'd never tried anything, so my life wouldn't be this pathetic, this needy.

But I couldn't fully believe that I wanted to be back in Seattle, not having met Bella. Sure. She was as crazy as I was, but I still liked her. More than I liked any girl. And today in the closet . . . it blew my mind. I couldn't believe it, that we'd been hiding away, making out. And not getting caught at all.

When it was finally time for group, an orderly knocked on my door and let me leave the room. Riley walked up to me, saying hello. And I guess he was a good candidate for a friend. A potential friend, because he did need some work.

"You and Isabella . . . disappeared," he said.

"Really? I had to go talk with a counselor. Bella had a meeting with her doctor." I was good at lying, so Riley bought. And I was happy.

"Oh." He paused. "She's . . . she's hot," he said to me.

I said nothing for a second, debating whether I should ask him not to talk about Bella that way, or agree. "She is." I took the easy way out. And even though it was hard for people not to notice that Bella was sex on legs, I didn't like it that people said so. I already knew this. They didn't have to remind me.

"You're lucky."

I didn't say anything. Bella and I weren't officially together. And who would want to be when we were stuck in a place like this? We were only on level three. Who knew how long it was going to take us to get the fuck out of here?

So really, I wasn't all that lucky. She liked me, I liked her, but it would be ridiculous to begin a relationship in a fucking place like this.

Group wasn't what I had expected, however.

"All right," Doc said, beginning the lesson. There were no chairs, so everyone was standing. There were little dots on the floor, arranged in a circle, in different colors. But no color was repeated more than twice.

I wasn't in the mood to play these fucking games today.

"Okay, today, we're going to do partner group sessions today. You're going to talk with your partner about the things that have been bothering you and then they'll try to give you some advice. Then your partner will do the same to you and you'll give them advice. Please keep it clean. I won't hesitate to write you up and demote you a level because of failure to apprehend the rules. Don't be insubordinate." Doc looked around, picking up a black bowl with little slips of papers.

And no I was sure I wasn't going to get Bella as a partner.

Half of the room got to pick out a slip of paper. I just waited for my partner to find me so that I could get on with my life.

"Hi, I'm Heidi."

I looked up to see a girl, with long jet black hair and dark blue eyes. She was the kind of pretty that was annoying, like the girls in my school. They were pretty, but they were easy.

"Edward," I said bluntly.

She swayed her hips in a way she knew I would watch her. She was hot, but it wasn't working for me. I . . . wasn't attracted to her.

"So should I go first or you?" she asked. She had a sort of . . . tone to her voice, the kind that reminded me of sex. And how could she not? She was a bombshell, and I was a guy. Put two together . . . and I was surprised I wasn't humping her leg yet.

"You can go," I said flatly.

"Okay," She smiled. "I'm from Forks. It's this little-"

"I know where it is. Go on."

"Well, there isn't a lot to do in Forks, you know, but I . . ." she grinned. "I killed people."

I just stared at her. Bored. "Really."

"Yeah." She seemed proud of her . . . . achievements. "When boys would piss me off, I would lead them to a secluded, dark place, and then," she drew a line across her neck with her forefinger. I laughed.

"Do you really expect me to believe that you killed people?" I said to her.

"Believe what you want," she said with a snarl. I think it was safe to say that I'd pissed her off. "But if we were in the real world, you would have been next."

I grinned at her.

She didn't.

"Well, good luck with that," I said to her.

"And what about you? What did you do?" she asked me. "Lie to your mommy?" She flipped back her hair with an expert flick of her wrist. Her eyes were big and blue, undressing me.

"Suicide."

"Aww, the poor baby was feeling unloved." She changed her stance, placing her hands on her hips. She was smiling. "Is that what was wrong? Mommy didn't love you anymore?"

"Because the little girl who kills boys is loved by _her_ mommy? You're starving for attention, Heidi. This is just so people can see you, so you'll be known for all of the bad things you've done. Daddy probably fucked you up when you were a little girl, so you feel the need to retaliate on the male species," I said to her. "You don't like boys because Daddy did things to you."

"How did you know that?" she asked me. Her smile faded. Her eyes were darker and she looked like she was ready to attack me. "I've never told anyone about that." She looked down, her fist balling up, her knuckles white. And for some reason, I managed to feel satisfied by it. By her internal pain.

Being her was making me more fucked up.

"Because you're easy," I said to her. "Easy to read, easy to talk to, and I'm pretty sure, all of those boys you killed had it easy to get into your pants."

I triggered her emotion, sending her over the edge. So she lunged at me, her sharp nails dragging at my skin, drawing blood. She managed to hit my jaw, where she made three perfect lines parallel to my jaw line. I tried to get her hands so she wouldn't scratch me anymore, because believe it or not, it hurt like a fucking bitch. And I was above hitting a girl, but I wasn't going to stand there and let her kick my ass, either.

Eventually, everyone noticed that she was trying to kill me, and orderlies pulled her off of me. She was so bad they had to use a tranquilizer to get her to calm the fuck down.

She kicked me a few times in the process, so I knew I was going to have a few bruises.

"What happened, Edward?" Doc asked me.

"She told me that she killed boys and I laughed at her. And then I told her what I was here for, and she mocked me, so I tore her apart." I shrugged my shoulders.

Doc looked at me. "She really did kill some boys, Edward. Six of them."

I shrugged. "I'm not that easy to kill, if you haven't noticed, Doc," I said to him with a sly grin. He shook his head.

"Go to the nurse and get cleaned up. You're covered in blood."

I walked out of the room, down past the receptions desk and into the room marked "Infirmary."

"Well, what happened to you?" the nurse asked me.

"A girl decided to use me as her scratching post," I said flatly. The nurse smiled. She cleaned me from the blood, and dabbed a little bit of medicine to keep it clean an speed up the healing.

"I don't want you shaving for a few days, you'll irritate it," she said. I nodded.

But as for the scratches on my neck and chest, she had to put butterfly band aids on them since Heidi's nails were long and sharp, getting deep into my skin.

Seeing how I was hurt so bad, I wondered why it wasn't painful. I mean, I stood there and took everything she gave me.

And maybe, I didn't sort of like it.

I never thought I'd be something like a masochist. I mean, I was a person who tried to stay away from pain. And now that I think about it, all of it . . . .

"Okay, you can go back to group, now, Edward." She dismissed me and I walked back to group where Doc looked disappointed at me.

"Go read a book or something until the others are finished." Doc ordered. I did, going to the bookshelf and picking up _As I Lay Dying_ by William Faulkner.

Doc looked at the clipboard he was holding and then sent me off since Dr. Mansfield was free.

Down the hallway, I thought more about my . . . suicide.

"Come in Edward," Dr. M said. I did, walking in and sitting down on the sofa. "What's wrong? Our session isn't until tomorrow," he said.

"I think I figured out why I tried to kill myself."

Dr. Mansfield was surprised that I'd said so. I'd been avoiding talking about my suicide ever since I'd been here.

"Please explain Edward," he said.

"Well, I think I might be sadistic. And/or masochistic," I told him.

"How so?"

"Well, Heidi attacked me and I realized, I didn't feel attacked. It was more of a sexual thing. I think I liked that she scratched me like that."

"Heidi Reynolds?" he asked.

"Yes."

"So you think your sexual tendencies might be linked to sadism and/or masochism?" he asked me. Of that, I wasn't sure. But . . . it could be true.

"Probably, but anytime I've ever had sex with a girl it was normal sex. Nothing out of control, and I'd never hurt a girl. But I think my suicide is . . . an act of sadism."

"Why are you thinking all of this, Edward?"

"Because when Heidi attacked me, I realized I liked it. And then when Rosalie came to visit me, I enjoyed the fact that she was squirming and struggling . . ." I trailed off relishing in the fact that she was bothered by my hate for her. But I didn't really hate Rosalie. I didn't I just hated the way she fucking treated me.

"So you think you tried to kill yourself because you wanted to inflict pain on someone else?" I could hear Dr. Mansfield's pencil scribble on his paper.

"Yes . . . my family. I wanted them to feel pain. So I tried . . . don't you think I would have chosen a better method? My father is a doctor. I would have known what kind of medicine mixture would have been fatal, except I went into my mother's stash of medicines . . . completely harmless drugs, a mixture of sedatives . . . . somehow, I knew I wasn't going to die. At least it was a subconscious thought. I never wanted to die, but just watch the pained look on their faces.

"I remember thinking to myself I would never give my mother the satisfaction of seeing me dead. Because I never wanted her to be satisfied. I wanted her to feel the way I felt." I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

"So you mean to tell me that you're not suicidal?" Dr. Mansfield asked.

I shrugged. "Yeah. I'm just a sadistic, masochistic sex-addict."

"And you've come to the conclusion that you're a sex-addict how?"

I laughed. "I do it all the time." I smiled. "Well, I did," I corrected. "And when I can't . . . I have these weird fantasies about girls I would like to sleep with."

"And do you sleep with them?"

"Sometimes. I mean, I can't go around sleeping with middle aged women, you know." I shrugged again. "Or married women. Contrary to what you may think, I have morals."

Dr. Mansfield raised an eyebrow. "Explain."

"Well. I don't sleep with people who are in relationships. It's unethical, and stupid. And I also have an age limit. No one over twenty five."

"You've slept with women who were twenty five years old?" he asked. I nodded.

"It's not hard to get into a girl's pants, Dr. Mansfield. I've never had to try. It's just that simple for me."

"And because of the ease, you've managed to build an addiction?"

"Yeah. I like having orgasms. Constantly. I become like a person without a cigarette if I go without it too long," I said. Which was true. Only, since I was forced to keep my dick in my pants here, I had to use other resources to reach an orgasm.

"Interesting."

"Yeah."

"And your fantasies, on a scale of one to ten, ten being the most graphic, how graphic are they?" he asked.

I thought for a second, and grinned. "Well, I'd say about a ten."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"But you have no suicidal thoughts?"

"No. I'm actually going to live with my sister when I'm finished with this thing. She invited me to stay with her." I smiled. "I couldn't say no to her."

"Wow, Edward. I can honestly say that you've progressed since the first day I've sessioned with you."

"Thank you."

"And I also see no reason to keep you here."

I turned my head to look at Dr. Mansfield. "What?"

"You may have an addiction to sex, Edward, but you're also a teenaged boy with an active libido. It's not uncommon for young men your age to want to have sex all the time."

"So what then?" I asked him. "I can just leave?"

He nodded. "You're done here."

"How do you know I'm not lying to you?" I asked him.

"Because I've seen your tox screen. What you've just told me matches with the facts. And even though you were here as a suicide case, you aren't suicidal. I can assess that through your behavior. The way you sit and stand. The way you talk, how you use your hands when you speak. Realize this, Edward, you're not the type of person that would commit suicide fully. Only to grab someone's attention." He smiled. "And you've realized it yourself.

I just stared at him. I . . . was done with this. I was free to go.

So why did I feel so sad?

"I'll have Angela call your sister."

And with that I was dismissed. I tried to protest against it-I couldn't just leave Bella alone in this hell-hole. But I would be dismissed from the center altogether if I tried to stay.

They would know I would be trying to stay because of her. And they would _make_ me leave.

I walked to the rec room since it was free time. Bella and Jane were sitting together, messing around and drawing on each other with the markers we were supplied with.

Bella looked up at me a grinned. "Hey there, stranger," she said.

I smiled at her. She was so fucking happy, and I felt like a piece of shit for what I was about to tell her.

"Hey, Edward," Jane said. "We were just talking about you." She smiled absently.

"Well, when you speak of the devil-"

"He shall appear," Bella finished. She had that sexy grin I knew so well, one that could have made me want to fuck her.

"Bells."

"Yeah, Eddie?"

"Can I talk to you, just for a second?"

Her smile faded and her eyes were sad. She stood up form where she was sitting, and we walked a few feet away to our corner where we played our card games.

She took my hand. "You're leaving me, huh?" she said.

I nodded.

Her eyes watered up. She looked down, her hair falling over her shoulders. "Lucky," she whispered.

I put my fingers under her chin, lifting her face. Her tears had made little rivers down her face. She pulled me into a hug, her arms around my neck and her body pressed tightly against mine. She was so warm and alive . . . how could I want to kill myself after having experienced her? I wanted more. And I wasn't going to stop until I got it.

"I'm going to fucking miss you," she whispered.

"I know. i'll miss you too," I said to her.

She laughed. "Now I wished we would have had sex, boyfriend," she said.

I smiled at her. "Is that what I am to you? Your boyfriend?" I asked. She shrugged.

"You're so much more to me than that Edward. You're my other half, my best friend. And possibly my soul mate." She smiled. "You're mine."

"Promise?"

"Forever."

I leaned down to kiss her, and she kissed me back, hard and fervently, like she fucking meant it. I held her to me, and as cheesy as it was, I didn't want to let her go.

"Hey, break it up, you two," an orderly shouted. Bella rolled her eyes.

"Give us a break. We still have our clothes on," Bella retorted. "Write to me, okay? Like that poem you wrote about me," she said with a smile.

"Are you mad?" I asked her. Because I sure as hell was.

"Not really," she said. "I have Jane here with me, and Riley's pretty cool. They're not as cool as you are," she grinned, "but I'll manage."

I laughed.

I looked at the doorway and Alice was standing there, in all her glamourous glory.

"Hey," she said.

I smiled at her. i looked at Bella.

"Alice, this is Bella," I said.

"It's wonderful to meet you, Bella," Alice said to her. Bella looked up at her with sparkling eyes. I knew they would like each other.

"It's great to meet you too," Bella said. She slid an arm around my waist, and I hugged her.

She didn't say anything, and I could tell she was trying not to cry.

"I love you," I said to her.

She looked surprised. "Me? You love me?"

"How could I not?" I said to her.

"That's true," she teased. "I'm kind of amazing."

"You are." i kissed her again and she giggled.

"I love you too."

Alice pulled me away then and I followed her up to my room where she helped my pack all of my things. She seemed pressed about something, like she was in a fucking mood. Maybe she was on her period.

"You love her?" she said softly.

I smiled. "Yeah. I do."

"Why?"

"Because she's the only person who cared about me from the first time she met me. And she never stopped." I shrugged. "I mattered to her. And she fucking matters to me."

As good as it felt to be free from this place, it would always remain that I was still going to miss Bella.

"I didn't know you were that close," she said.

"She's my best friend."

Alice smiled.

Before we left, I saw Bella one last time. She made me promise I wouldn't forget her. like that was even possible. And then, I was outside, breathing the air of Vermont, ready to board a plane to Seattle, Washington, to live with Alice.

In the car, Alice turned to me and said, "I put my phone number down on her list of emergency contacts, Edward."

I smiled. Even though I wanted to fucking kill something, things were still right in the world.

I just had to wait for Bella to accomplish three levels. That shouldn't be too hard. Right?

**Review.**


	8. Problem Solved

BPOV

I never thought I would be so depressed. I was my normal chipper self in group and during free time with Riley and Jane, but Edward leaving the center really took a toll on me. I knew it was pathetic, but I cried every night before I went to sleep.

_I love you_.

I could hear his voice replay in my mind, over and over again . . . his voice rolling through me. I never realized it could hurt this much being away from him. I looked at the clock on the wall.

2:42 a.m.

I was never going to get to sleep.

It had already been a week since Edward had been freed. And Jane and I . . . well, we became friends instantly. She lived in Florida, so our friendship would be cut short when we left, but she was almost as great a friend as Edward. I told her some secrets, but all of my secrets were known by Edward. And all of his were mine.

So did we really love each other? Could we really love each other?

Yeah. Considering our relationship wasn't built on the physical, but the people we were. Edward had overcome his suicidal tendencies. Now he was seeing a doctor on his sex addiction.

This couldn't be too bad. I mean, if I wasn't here, and with him, then the addiction wouldn't be a problem if it was sated, right? I mean, an addiction is only a problem when you're not getting your fix. And I most certainly could give him his fix.

I lie back, letting my hand travel from where it had been lying safely on my chest, to lower, going past the elastic of my track pants and underwear.

It wasn't the first time I'd touched myself to the thought of him. And how could I not? He was so sexy. Most of the time, I couldn't help but think of what it'd be like to fuck him and be done with it. Just do it. Feel the intense strokes of his body inside of me, his hands all over my body, his mouth, hot and warm against my scarred flesh.

I could imagine all the primal sounds that would fill the room. The grunting, moaning, sighing; the slap of flesh against flesh, the drumming of heart beats in time with the rocking of the bed frame against the wall. Because I knew when we would fuck, it wouldn't be sweet, cute lovemaking, but carnal pleasure. . Pure _need_ being satisfied. There were monsters inside of us that want to feel this.

I could imagine it's raining outside, the droplets pelting against the roof. I can hear the music in the background, classical piano, opposite our hard, needy, rough fucking.

I came in my panties and cursed, making myself get up to change my underwear.

I sighed. I looked out of the window, over the green land that spanned miles. My bedroom faced the back of the center, so it was undisturbed land for as long as I could see.

I just missed him. It wasn't that hard to guess, I figured. After being so dependent on him, I realized that's what it was.

I needed to get the fuck out of here and fast.

"Isabella?"

I was in the free time room with Jane, watching The Little Mermaid. I turned around to see an orderly standing in the doorway, expecting me to do something.

I wasn't a dog. I wasn't going to do a fucking trick. I wanted to growl at her, however.

"You have a visitor," she said.

I stood up and followed her out of the rec room.

I expected my visitor to be either one of my brothers, so I was fairly happy to see them. Jasper and Emmett hadn't come since that day, but I had been getting phone calls that let me keep up to date with them.

In the conference room, I sat down at an empty table, waiting for one of my brothers to arrive.

But it was neither Emmett nor Jasper who came to see me.

And it wasn't Edward either, so it wasn't a romantic gathering.

It was my father.

He was taller than I remembered, and skinnier than I imagined he would be. His hair was cut short, and he had a prominent mustache that made him look like the Sheriff he was. He wore normal clothes, jeans and an old Rolling Stones t-shirt. I stood up as he walked in. There were tears in his dark brown eyes.

I ran into his arms. Because on the contrary to whatever I'd said about him out of spite, he was the only one in my family that I truly could say I loved.

"Daddy," I said softly. He sighed and shivered and I realized he was crying too.

"Isabella, I'm sorry," he said. "For everything."

"You didn't do anything, Dad," I said to him.

"That's the point."

We sat down across from each other. I smiled at him. "I missed you, Daddy," I said to him.

"I missed you too, Princess." He smiled. "Even with all the pictures Jasper sent me, I can't believe how beautiful you are. I can't believe you're so grown up."

I was stunned. Jasper was contacting Dad? And I didn't know about it?

"How long has he been sending pictures of me?" I asked him. Surprise was evident in my voice, though I tried to keep it out of my expression.

"Since I left."

"Dad, why haven't you talked to me?"I blurted out. I could hear the spite, the anger in my voice, and I wanted it to disappear. I didn't want to fight with my father. However, if this had been my mother . . . I wouldn't have held anything back.

"I've tried!" He looked angry. And I knew, just by a hunch, it was because of my mother. "I've sent you birthday cards, holiday cards, presents, money, and I never heard back from you. Every time I asked to talk to you, Jasper was out of town and couldn't get a hold of you, and with Emmett living in Africa with Tanya, he couldn't do much either." He looked away from you. "I always thought it was because you were mad at me for divorcing your mom."

"I don't hate you Dad. It's the very opposite actually. I missed you." I wiped my face with the back of my hand. "I wanted to hear from you. I . . ." I sobbed a little, trying to find my voice within my throat. Why was this so fucking hard? "I thought you didn't love me anymore."

"Are you crazy? You're my daughter and I love you more than air. More than life. I would give anything just to have you back home again. I missed you too, Isabella. You don't know how much."His voice was gravelly and rough, like he was on the verge of crying.

I smiled. "So how are you?" I asked him. I didn't want to talk about that anymore, because eventually, it would lead to talking about Mom. And I didn't want to talk about her. She was only going to make things worse between us, and I didn't want that.

"I'm fine. Work is a little hectic, but I'm doing well." He shrugged. "No big deal."

"And you're not remarried?" I asked hesitantly. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer to that question. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the reason he didn't try hard enough to contact me. The reason I felt abandoned.

He hesitated. "Well, I am . . ."

I smiled. "Dad, I'm not going to be mad," I said. He laughed.

"I can never tell with you." He shook his head, realizing how long it's been since he last saw me. I was eleven. "Her name is Sue Clearwater. She has a daughter in college and a son about your age . . . sixteen in a few weeks. Leah and Seth."

"Wow." I sat back in my chair, trying hard not to think how my dad replaced me.

"Do they know about me? About Jasper and Emmett?"

"Oh, yeah. There are pictures of you guys all around the house. Sue's always talking about how she wants to meet you. We watch your dances online."

I frowned. "I bet she thinks I'm some kind of crazy person now," I said to him. He shook his head. My heart was beating at an impossible rate, and I was starting to get lightheaded.

"No, she doesn't. She thinks your mother is crazy," he said. I laughed, felling a little better.

"That's because she is," I giggled. Dad smiled.

"Sue loves you. She . . . ." He looked at me straight in the eye. "She actually proposed that you come live with us for a little while. Try and start over," he said.

"Really?" I sat up a little. I had been thinking of invading one of my brothers' houses, because I hadn't wanted to live at home anymore. But to live with my father . . . I think that beats it all.

"And the kids? Do they want me there?" I asked.

"Seth is ecstatic about having a new sister. He's excited to meet you. Leah, however, she's a little less happy, but she's mostly away at college, anyway. She had to deal with her father's death the most, and just the fact that her mother married me was hard on her."

"I have a feeling I won't like Leah," I said truthfully. And I wasn't being cocky or mean, I was just stating what I could feel.

He frowned. "You probably won't. But there's a room for you, and the high school isn't too far away . . . Seattle is a nice place to live," he said. He smiled. I think he was mostly happy at the fact that I was contemplating one of the best things to happen to me.

My ears perched at the sound of Seattle. My heart almost stopped. "I thought you lived in Forks, Dad," I said.

"I did, but we moved to Seattle for a bigger house." He shrugged. "Is something wrong?"

"No," I said with a gigantic smile. "Everything is perfect."

"Great. I'll tell Sue you're coming home."

_Home. _It sounded so foreign, but it was something I longed for. And it was an added plus that I would be in the same city as my wonderful, sexy boyfriend.

Dad and I talked for a little while longer, but selfishly, my mine wandered off on the thoughts of being with Edward. Being with Edward without any restrictions. Making last night's fantasy real. And all of the other things real. We could do whatever we wanted.

And even though I was just as sex-crazed as Edward was, I wanted to do one thing with him before we did anything else.

Sleep with him. And not the sex kind of sleep, but the real sleep. Just lie next to him for hours, undisturbed and unrestricted.

Just that much was all I wanted right then.

In Dr. Mansfield's office, I was promoted to level four for good behavior and that I'd knocked off my anti-depressant pills and was not longer taking any medications.

Two levels and I was hightailing my ass out of here. I couldn't fucking wait.

"I thought you would never come back," Jane said, twirling her hair between her fingertips. I sat down next to her. She took my hand in hers. "Hey, Isabella?" she said.

"Yeah?"

"What's it like being with Edward?" she asked. I laughed.

"I don't know, Janers. But when I find out, I'll give you all the dirty details." I giggled. "I'd like to know myself."

"Wow. I thought you guys had done it already," she said. "Me and Riley have already had sex like five times in the past three days," she said.

My smile turned into a frown. "Well luck you. And it doesn't matter, since Edward isn't here." I took my hand away from hers, suddenly angry. While Jane was off on her little escapades with Riley, I was in my room, fucking myself at thoughts I had of my boyfriend. Where was there justice in this world?

EPOV

Alice's penthouse was more extravagant than she led on.

My bedroom was enormous with an entire glass wall facing the city. It was a great view, and she'd given me everything I needed, plus all of the things I'd had in my old bedroom at Mom and Dad's.

"Hey, Edward? What do you want to eat for dinner?" Alice shouted up the stairs. I smiled.

For the last week, Alice and I had done a lot of things together. Movies, concerts, dinner, in depth talk about life. And I realized she was a really good person. Not a fucking weirdo like I'd pointed her out to be. Her OCD was only because of her designer's eye. She was trained to make everything look perfect.

"Is sushi okay?" I called back to her.

"Yeah, that's good."

I lay on my bed, looking out over the vast expanse of Seattle. It was already dark, and the city lights were bright in my dark bedroom. I wondered what Bella was doing at the moment. I looked at my cell phone for the time.

8:42 p.m.

It was almost midnight where Bella was, so she was probably in her room, asleep.

God I fucking missed her. I've never missed anyone in my life, and here she comes along and I feel like my fucking heart has been ripped in half.

Before we left the facility, Alice talked to Dr. Mansfield about my condition. She was surprise by what he told her, what exactly my addiction entailed.

But she came up with a rule.

"No girls in your room after nine o' clock," she said to me. I laughed at her. Genuinely laughed. It felt good.

"For one, Alice, I wouldn't take some random girl up to my bedroom to fuck her. And two, I'm in a relationship remember?"

She just looked at me like it was impossible. That I was bound to screw up and fuck the first girl that came along. Well, I'd already come across a lot of hot girls at the academy, but I still hadn't fucked them.

Honestly, I wanted to do this with Bella. She was "my brand of heroin" and all that shit. And it was going to happen.

_*earlier that day*_

_I'd just come out of school, driving to Dr. Newman's office, my sex therapist. I tried to convince Alice that I didn't need someone to tell me what I already knew, but she wasn't going to have it. She didn't care. She just wanted me to talk to someone. _

_I sat down on the armchair across from Dr. Newman. She smiled. _

_Sure, it was weird having a female for a doctor, considering what my problem was, but Dr. Newman was old and not very attractive, so I had no problem there. _

_"Good afternoon Edward," she said. She was like a grandma. A very smart one, but like one nonetheless. She was also very nice. _

_"Good afternoon," I replied. _

_"Okay, so how was your night last night?" She asked. I shrugged. _

_"My dream wasn't as I graphic, I guess." I looked down at my shoes. "It was actually kind of blurry, like, Bella wasn't really there. I can't remember the whole dream," I told her. _

_I was lying. And I didn't know if she believed me or not, but I did remember my dream. And Bella was hot. She was completely naked, save for the black pair of panties she'd been wearing. _

_I woke up in wet sheets. _

_"What do you remember?" She asked. _

_"The fucking," I said. "I remember that much. But the rest isn't coming back to me." _

_She scribbled in her notebook. "Why do you think you're so fascinated with intercourse, Edward?" her voice was firm and flat, showing no emotion. _

_"I don't know! I thought we went through this already?" I snapped. I didn't like repeating myself. I didn't know why I liked to fuck girls so much. I just did. I didn't know it was such a crime._

_"And Bella? Have you talked to her?" _

_I shook my head. "It's been a week." _

_"And does she know you have these dreams about her?" Dr. Newman was looking down at her clipboard. _

_I shrugged. "She doesn't know the details, but she knows that I fantasize about her." _

_"How?" _

_"She told me to." _

_Dr. Newman looked confused. "She told you to fantasize about her?" _

_I nodded. "She likes sex a lot too. She's a virgin, but . . . she's very willing," I said. I remembered how close we'd been to actually having se before I fucked it up. _

_"Bella's a virgin? So you've never had sex with her before?"_

_I sighed. "Dr. Newman. No. I haven't had sex with her. But I want to fuck her so bad. Is that what you wanted to hear?" I said. My voice cold and void of emotion. Dr. Newman maybe nice, but she did like to beat around the bush a lot. _

_"Edward, why do you look for acceptance from sex?" she asked. _

_"Is that what it is? I'm looking for love in sex?" I wasn't surprised, considering there was a time where that was all the love I fucking got._

_"I think you're so dependent on sex because that's the only way you feel. And your masochistic/sadistic tendencies are because you don't like to suffer by yourself, but with other people. You have the need to have sex because you're insecure." _

_I stopped. "Excuse me, but I'm not insecure. I have nothing to be insecure about. I can fuck any girl I want to. I get pretty much what I want when I want it." I caught her gaze and she held it, her eyes angered. _

_"That's exactly it. You're insecure about sex itself." _

_"Now I'm fucking confused." Here's what I thought. Dr. Newman was getting a little bit old and didn't know what the hell she was talking about. _

_"You need sex because you're insecure about how girls feel about you. Even though your relationship with your father isn't strong, there is a relationship; where as the connections with your mother and sister have failed. So you look for connections to women in sex." _

_"Great. So I'm still fucked up?" _

_"It doesn't just go away, Edward." _

_"I know that." _

_"But it would help if you were sated. You seem . . . tense," she said. I laughed humorlessly. _

_"My girlfriend is in a fucking facility. It's kind of hard to fuck her when she's in a different time zone." I sighed. _

_Dr. Newman shifted in her chair. "Maybe you should try a different girl," she said. _

_I narrowed my eyes. "Are you suggesting I cheat on my girlfriend?" _

_"No," she said simply. "Maybe you should take a break from Bella who can't be a physical aspect in your life and get a girl who can be." _

_"That the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." I grunted. "I'm not going to break up with Bella so I can fuck another girl." I wanted to leave already. _

_"And so how exactly do you plan to satiate yourself?" She asked. _

_I smiled as if it were obvious. "Dr. Newman, are you trying to suggest masturbation?" _

_She nodded. _

_"Well, I've beat you to it." _

_"Then, Edward, I can't help you. I can't get rid of your dreams. You have to have sex in order to do that. And if you refuse to do so, I can't help you." _

_And like that, I was driving home, fucking pissed off, because Alice was paying for me to get fixed and it wasn't happening, and because I needed sex and I wasn't getting it._

_*end*_

"Edward! Dinner!"

I padded down the stairs and into the living room. I sat next to Alice on the sofa, watching TV as we ate together. I eventually told her what Dr. Newman had told me.

Alice was pissed. Mostly at the fact that she had paid for something that hadn't been of any use. She smiled at me.

"I think there's only one ways we can solve this, Edward," she said.

I looked at her, confused.

"We have to kidnap Isabella."


	9. Hello?

**You're guys' review made me laugh. "Are they really going to kidnap her?" Oh, you guys. It made my day. **

**I guess you guys are going to have to read to find out, aren't you? :D  
**

"Are you fucking kidding me? How the hell are you going to do that? You must be out of your fucking mind." I just stared at Alice as she smiled brightly. "You can't just take Bella out of treatment because I'm horny!"

"Edward," she said, trying to calm me down. "You're overreacting. It'll be good for the both of you. You'll get to see her and solve your problem." She smiled. "And besides. Don't you miss her?" She acted like it was totally normal. It wasn't. Why was she so fucking weird?

"Of course I do. But this-this is-no, Alice. Don't do this," I told her. "This is ridiculous. This is the craziest thing I've ever heard from you."

"No it's not, Edward. Think about it. You'll get to satiate yourself," she said. "And also be with the girl you love," she said. I shook my head.

"I'm a little creeped out by how much you want me to have sex with a girl," I said to her. She rolled her eyes.

"Aren't you supposed to be saying stuff like 'wait until you're married' and 'don't pressure her' blah, blah, blah . . . ?"

"I would, but in this case, things are so much different. You guys are depriving yourselves." Alice stood up and paced in front of me, contemplating on her ridiculous plan . . .

And even though I thought my sister was absolutely fucking nuts, I was intrigued. I thought about Bella being here, how we could be normal teenagers in a relationship together without any restrictions. And that's basically what we needed.

"You can hardly call it deprivation when one of us is a virgin," I stated flatly. Alice's eyes changed from crazed to hopeful in a matter of seconds. I could see it in her eyes. She didn't fucking care. When she wanted something, she was going to get it. And that little problem of Bella being a virgin would be solved.

"I saw how she looked at you. If you ask me, I think she's a little more than willing."

I yelled in frustration. "What is it with you!"

"Since when can't your sister be your wing man?" she said. She stood up off of the sofa. "I'll call Jasper Swan and-"

"Her brother?" I said to her. "When did you get his phone number?" She turned red and avoided eye contact with me. She was totally fucking him.

Alice shrugged, composing her face so it was blank. I could still read her like an open book. "I met him passing through the hotel I was staying at. I fell and he helped me up, and the next thing I knew I was having coffee with him. I didn't know he was Bella's brother until I had told him about you."

I sighed. "Is that what you do? Tell people about me?" I asked softly.

She frowned. Her eyes were darkened. She placed a hand on my shoulder. "Edward, I didn't mean to hurt you," she whispered. She hugged me, and I couldn't help but hug her back. "Besides," she said. "he was in the same boat with me so it really wasn't a big deal." She fidgeted with the hem of her skirt, a faint smile playing her lips.

"You like him don't you?" I said to her.

"I do not like my baby brother's girlfriend's brother. Do you realize how weird that would be?" She raised an eyebrow,

I shrugged. "Whatever." If there was one thing I didn't want, it was to know about Alice's love life. I could live without knowing those weird details.

"You don't find the idea of it appealing?" she asked. I shrugged.

"It doesn't matter if you like him or not. It's no big deal," I said to her. "You're the one who's fucking him."

"NOT THAT," she said suddenly. I hadn't expected her to fucking scream in my ear, so I flinched in surprise. I glared at her. "Edward, I meant inviting Bella over."

I laughed. "So now you're inviting her over?" I sighed. "Just don't do it," I told her. "It'll be hard enough when she has to leave."

I looked at Alice. She was thinking. "It'll be a little vacation. You guys can use a few days together."

"No," I said. And it was final. I wasn't sure she was going to listen to me, but at least I tried. When she didn't say anything, I just padded upstairs, falling into my bed. I thought about it, having Bella here . . . It was nothing I wanted more. I mean fucking seriously I wanted her here. I wanted her in my bed doing that giggling shit that she did when she was happy. I wanted to see her eyes and her lips and her sinful body . . . But I couldn't do that to myself or to her. She'd have to go back to that damn center and she would be a lone again. I pretty sure she was pissed at me for not staying like I'd said I was.

I fell asleep on my bed, only to be woken by a knock on my door and then someone coming inside of my bedroom.

I opened my eyes to the bright light, seeing Rosalie cross the room and sit on the edge of my bed.

"Time for school, baby bro," she said.

"It's Sunday, Rosalie. And excuse me for saying this, but can you fuck off while I sleep?" I growled at her. I turned in my bed, and pulled the blankets over my body.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said in a mock-sweet voice. "Alice asked me to keep you company while she's at work today." She pulled off my blankets and threw them off the floor. I grabbed the nearest thing I could and threw it at her.

It hit something hard, probably the wall, which made me just a little bit disappointed. I would have liked to see blood. "If that would have hit me, you wouldn't be living," she threatened.

I rolled my eyes. She was threatening me, when she was waking me up at seven in the morning for no apparent reason. The chick had lost her mind. "What the hell, Rose. It's fucking seven in the morning. What the hell do you want to fucking do at seven in the morning?" I yelled.

She smiled. "We can play some board games," she suggested playfully. "My favorite is Monopoly."

I glared at her. "What the hell do you want Rosalie?"

"You're a bit of a potty mouth, aren't you?"

I said nothing.

"I thought we could spend the day together." Rosalie smiled, charming and beautiful. Too bad I didn't give a fuck.

"I don't want to do anything with you. You're mean."

She laughed. "All lawyers are mean, baby bro."

"Stop calling me that."

"Would you rather I call you Eddie?" She said in a mocking tone.

"No. Only Bella calls me that." I sighed and turned over looking at her. "Can you just leave me the fuck alone? When I want to hang out with you, I'll come find you in your crypt."

She laughed, her hand settling on her hip. "You're funny, Edward," she said. "I never knew that about you."

I narrowed my eyes. "Well, if you would have been a better person, you would have," I said dryly. She glowered at me. In all honestly, I didn't want to see her. I didn't want to talk to her. Right now, anything Rosalie was going to piss me off. I could feel it in my blood. She didn't like me as a person, but she was forcing herself to try.

But it was too bad I still didn't give a fuck.

"Where's Alice?" I asked her.

"She had to go in early because some bride-bitch was complaining about her dress so Alice went to fix it. And she has a few special orders, so she won't be home until late. It's just me and you."

I grumbled and climbed off of my bed, walking into the bathroom. I peed, brushed my teeth and then climbed into the shower, letting the steaming hot water hit my back. . . .

"Hey Edward-"

I almost slipped at the sound of Rosalie's voice, catching myself on shower curtain.

"Oh, my fucking god, Rosalie. What the fuck are you doing in here?" I yelled at her.

She laughed her witch cackle and then proceeded to say, "Just keeping you company."

"Thanks, but I can shower by myself."

"You don't get it Edward. I'm not leaving you."

I shut the water off and grabbed the towel that hung from the glass door. Rosalie had been facing the door so as to not look at me. What the hell was wrong with her brain?

"I don't want you to be here."

"That was the same thing I said when you came home."

I flinched, my heart racing. "Thanks Rosalie," I said to her. I wrapped the towel around my waist and walked out into the bathroom. She turned around. She didn't look sorry at all.

"Edward . . ."

"What?" I snapped. "You come here and want to start shit. I don't feel like fucking fighting today, Rosalie. So just leave me the fuck alone. I get it. You hate me. It doesn't bother me so stop trying." I stared at her, and then walked passed, into my bedroom to get dressed.

In my closet Rosalie followed me. "I don't bother you? _I_ don't bother _you_?" She was yelling at me. "Well what about this, Edward. You're adopted. Not even your own fucking parents wanted you."

Alice drove me to school in the morning. I was emotionally worn out. Without having Alice at the house, that kept me from talking to her about the whole situation. And I couldn't tell her about now with me on my way to the Academy.

"Hey, Edward," she said. "You look like someone killed your puppy." She smiled softly. "What's wrong?"

I didn't want to tell her now. I didn't want to talk about it with her at this particular moment. I just wanted to forget all about it for the time being.

"Nothing. I'm just exhausted. I stayed up all last night playing video games." I was a good liar. And expert. And so, Alice, the nicest person I knew at that moment, bought it. And I didn't care that I had no feelings at that moment.

I just found out I was adopted with a whole other family on the other side of the world. I hadn't done anything drastic yet, so I was doing well.

"Okay. I'm going to be late again tonight, Edward. I have some stuff to do. Jana, my assistant, is going to drop off the car for you so you can get home. The key will be in the glove box. Just don't have any friends over."

I nodded. When we'd arrived at the Academy she kissed my cheek and I climbed out of the car, carrying my book bag.

I walked out of the parking lot and onto the school campus. The girls flocked me like I was some designer pair of jeans or something. It was both annoying and unnecessary.

"Hey, Edward, there's a party at my house," one of the girls said. "Tonight at eight." She smiled up at me. "It would be really great if you came."

"Can't." I said flatly.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm having dinner with my sister." It was the best lie I could come up with. Either that, or, "I'm going to kidnap the president."

"Oh. You're such a great person. I wish my little brother is as great as you are," she said.

I nodded .

"I'll catch you around, then."

I nodded again. She skipped away and then Zac came up to me.

Despite the weird population, Zac and a few others were the only people who were normal. Who didn't have parties on Monday nights. He came to school stoned and had a regular girlfriend. And he didn't give a fuck about my personal problems. And that was good. He was also one of the few people that I knew before the whole treatment center episode.

"What's up, man?" he asked. He fell into step beside me.

I just shrugged.

Zac said nothing as we walked to class.

"Hey, are you and John up for smoking after school?" I asked Zac.

He shrugged. "Sure. Your place?"

I nodded.

"And Lila, can she come?"

"Of course. Can't have the man without the woman," I said with a playful grin. "We all know you're whipped."

He shoved me, and I laughed.

"Can't help it. You've seen her . . ."

He basically described everything I felt about Bella. It wasn't hard to fall in love with a perfect girl.

I slipped into the classroom, late, but the teacher didn't notice me. I sat at me easel and readied my supplies. It was an art school, so the majority of my classes were of the fine arts. And didn't mind. It was better than having math and science classes.

I had been painting memories from the center. The first time I'd met Bella, some of her different emotions over the months that I'd known her. But today, I didn't paint Bella Swan. I painted a vast open space with a black hole in the center of the meadow. But in the middle of the space a hand reached out. It was the hand of a female, all soft and delicate, but still rough and worn.

I didn't know what I'd been feeling while I painted, but I soon realized I knew who this person was, the girl I was painting.

It was Rosalie. And she was reaching out to me. I painted a dark figure at the edge of the meadow, but with enough light to see the glow of my green eyes and the strands of reddish brown.

Rosalie didn't want to help me. She wanted me to help her.

Fuck. I hated art.

When the bell rang, I kept thinking about Rosalie. I didn't like her, but it was only because I'd never tried to like her. I was just as much as a bitch as she was to me because I was scared of her.

I wasn't afraid to admit it. She had the power to rip people apart with just a twist of her words-that's what made her such a good fucking lawyer.

When lunch rolled around, I sat with my friends, Zac, Lila, and John. We talked about what would happen after school and the fact that John couldn't come because he was grounded.

"Too bad for Johnny," Zac said, making fun of him. And it was funny, the fact that he was the most careful out of all of us to hide his stash, but was the one that'd gotten caught.

Lila, looked at me, somehow sensing my suck-ass mood. She raised an eyebrow. "Talk to me Edward," she said.

But I couldn't. I knew Lila meant well, but I had to talk to Alice first to make sure everything was true. What if Rosalie was lying to me just so she could see me suffer? She was capable of it.

"I miss Bella," I said to her. And although it was true, I was still lying, because that hadn't been what was bothering me.

Lila smiled. "Aww, you're whipped like Zacky," she said. Everyone laughed. And even I had to laugh. I was. Bella had me on a leash. She might not know it, but it was a very short leash at that.

Soon enough, after school came and Alice's car was sitting in the parking lot, the key in the glove box. I drove home, Zac and Lila behind me.

At the penthouse, we broke out the weed and the liquor, having ourselves our own pity party. we smoked for the rest of the night, drinking until Lila started throwing up.

After a while, Lila had gone to sleep on the couch in my bedroom and Zac went with her. I collapsed in my bed, feeling the same as the night I'd almost committed suicide. But instead of dwelling on those thoughts too long, I closed my eyes and fell asleep, not a hard feat, considering the state I was in.

BPOV

"Jane," I said, "Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"Oh, Bella," she said playfully. "I don't go that way, but I'm so flattered."

I rolled my eyes and smacked her arm. "I was just asking."

"Why are you thinking about it?" she asked me.

"I don't know. But last night I had a kinky dream about Edward . . . and Megan Fox."

"Well, you do know how to pick them," Jane said approvingly. I laughed.

"Megan isn't even that hot, Janers," I said to her. She laughed.

"It doesn't matter, considering I'm not a lesbo."

I shrugged, thinking a little more about my weird dream and my questionable sexuality. But then as I thought about it, I remembered the Edward-parts of my dream the most. Maybe it was a little questionable. I'd have to talk to Dr. Mansfield about it.

It was after dinner and while Riley was in his therapy session, Jane and I sat together, watching a movie on the television. I was already a level four and if I kept up my good behavior and kept progressing in group and with Dr. Mansfield, I was on my way to Seattle in three weeks tops.

Although Jane was nice, and just the right amount of mischievous, she was still kind of boring, and I found myself missing all of the conversations I'd had with Edward. We would most likely be talking about sex, but still, they were meaningful conversations I looked forward to when I woke up in the morning.

In my bedroom that night, there was an envelope on my bed. The return address was Edward's. I smiled.

I sat down and ripped it open, eager to read. It was his first letter, and I wondered what it said. But I didn't get my hopes up that far high in case it was bad news.

_Dear Bella,_

_I miss you. A lot. It's fucking crazy. _

_I wonder a lot about what you're doing. I miss your smile. I started school and the people there suck. Sometimes I find myself wishing I was back at the center. At least the company was interesting._

I laughed, smiling. I missed him so much.

_I'm not sure what else to write to you. (I'm trying to keep this letter as G-rated as I can in case the staff reads it). But I want you Bella. And not just for sex either. Even though it does sound appealing. But the minute you're out of there, I want to take you out somewhere. Where ever you want. So we can be together. You deserve that much, right? I mean don't girl like dates and stuff?_

_So, I'm going to go now, before I fuck up this letter and say something stupid. _

_I love you, Bells._

_E._

I smiled down at the sheet of paper, reading the letter over and over again. It wasn't as romantic as the poem, but it was just as nice. I set the sheet of paper under my pillow so I could have sweet dreams about him.

Okay, okay, I wanted the dirty fantasy dreams, but those were kind of sweet too, right?

I shut off the light and lay in bed, curling up with my blanket.

I thought about him, his green eyes, his brownish-red hair, his freckles. Yes, Edward Cullen, the sexy badass I loved so much had freckles. Even though my body was covered in them, they were just dusted across the bridge of his nose and a little over his cheeks. I had bets that he'd been a very cute baby.

The next morning, Angela walked in, smiling. "You have a visitor," she said.

I was confused. Emmett had gone back to Africa, and Jasper back to LA. Dad had to fly back to Seattle after our meeting and Mom wouldn't come see me if they paid her a billion dollars. I had absolutely no clue who it could have been.

In the conference room. Alice Cullen and Jasper were sitting side by side, waiting for me to walk in. I pulled my long hair into a decent pony tail, sitting in front of them. Despite their smiles, I was scared I was in some sort of trouble.

"Hi?" I said, my voice a little raspy from just waking up.

"Isabella, Alice wanted to know if you'd like to spend Spring Break with her," Jasper said, cutting right through the bullshit and getting straight to the point.

"Why?"

"Because you haven't a vacation for all the months that you've been here and the staff is willing to let you go for a few days," Alice said.

"Oh," I said. I frowned, not sure I wanted to go with Alice Cullen anywhere. I barely knew her. Why was Jasper dumping me on her? I didn't get it.

"No, thanks," I said. Alice looked surprised. "I think I can wait a few more levels before I become free," I said.

"Did you and Edward have a fight?" she asked. Jasper looked at me. He was studying me the way a psychologist would. I looked away from him, hating how he sized me up that way.

"No," I said. "Nothing like that. I'm just-why do you want to spend Spring Break with me?"

Alice and Jasper laughed. At me. And it was a full blown, borderline making fun of me laugh. I pouted.

"You're not spending Spring Break with only Alice, Isabella," Jasper said.

"The whole point is to surprise Edward," Alice said. I smiled.

My jaw dropped and my heartbeat accelerated. "You mean I'll get to see Edward?" I said.

They nodded. Bella

I was suddenly so happy. I wanted to leave now. _NOW. _

"Okay," Alice said. "Then it's settled. Go ahead and get dressed in decent clothes, and then we'll leave," she said.

I hopped out of my chair and hugged the both of them. "You guys are the best. I'm so happy you're together," I said to them. They became flustered.

"I-we're-"

"She's not-I'm-"

"He's not my-I'm not his-"

But I ignored them, skipping off to my bedroom to slip on a pair of jeans, a sweater and a coat because it may be April, but it was still freezing outside.

Alice had arrived in her own private jet. We detoured to take Jasper back to California, and then from there, we left to Seattle. It took the entire day, flying, so we were there in the wee hours of the morning, not to mention the delays we had in California because of a nasty rainstorm in Seattle.

I'd slept through most of the flight, so I was exhausted when we arrived at the landing dock. She made me wait a while before we left, taking care of some business on the plane, and then we left to her penthouse.

And her house was enormous and gorgeous. There were art pieces everywhere and it felt homey and real. She retired as soon as we walked through the door, telling me to make myself comfortable where ever I pleased.

When she left the living room and I heard a door shut, I waited a few seconds and then hunted for Edward's room. After all, it was the single, most important reason I was here. For him.

I climbed up the stairs, my footsteps as quiet as I could make them. After opening a series of doors and not finding Edward, I almost gave up until I saw a door painted black, at the end of the dark hallway. I grinned and walked towards it, testing the doorknob to check if it was unlocked. It was.

I walked inside the bedroom, kicking off my boots and coat, nixing my jeans soon after. It was warm inside the room, and I wasn't cold, so being scantily dressed wasn't a problem. Besides, Edward slept in just his boxers. At least I still had a sweater.

There were other people in the room, but that didn't exactly faze me. They were his friend . . . they were probably exactly like Edward in mentality if they he tolerated them that much to have them sleep over.

But before I could climb into his bed, I had just one thing I needed to take care of.

In his bathroom, I looked for something sharp enough to cut my skin with. I just needed a little cut. Nothing too serious, but something to not let me forget who I was. Even thought I didn't want to be known for my cutting, I still had an addiction to it, and wanted to see the blood bead on my skin and river down my arm.

I eventually found a pair of clean, sharp, inviting scissors, not hesitating as I slid it down the inside of my elbow, making a small incision. It felt so amazing, like finally getting that fix I'd needed.

I cleaned up, placing a piece of tissue over the cut and pulling down my sweater. Edward was still sleeping in the bedroom and didn't stir when I climbed in next to him in his bed. He slept on his back, one arm at his side while the other was flat on his chest. His hair fell over his closed eyes, his mouth slightly open. His chest rose and fell with every breath as I watched him in the dim light from the city. I smiled to myself, thinking he was all mine.

I lay down, slowly and carefully moving so I would be able to cuddle close next to him. He was warm and solid, and it was just what I needed.

He didn't wake up, but his arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me close to him. I rested against his firm chest, his warm body sending shivers down my spine. I hitched a leg over his hip and he turned on his side. I feared I'd woken him, but still, he slept.

So this is what home felt like. I closed my eyes, not needing to wish for dreams of Edward, when I had him right underneath me.

EPOV

I woke up and immediately thought of what Rosalie had said to me. Actually, spending the entire day mulling over it yesterday hadn't helped at all.

How do I deal with the fact that I'd just found out I was adopted? I wasn't sure what to think. I didn't even know who the fuck I was anymore.

But the fact that Zac and Lila had spent the night with me, joining my pathetic pity party, sort of helped. Not a bunch, but just enough.

I rolled over on my bed, hitting a body. I figured it was Alice. She had terrible nightmares in the middle of the night sometimes and requested that I leave my door unlocked for those occasions.

Only it wasn't Alice, but another girl, with long brown hair. She shifted so that she lay on her back and I saw her face, freaked out, screamed, and then fell on the floor.

I looked up at the ceiling, stunned.

"Edward?" I heard Zac say from the couch across the room. I looked at him, and then he looked at Bella and Bella looked down at me from the side of the bed. "What are you doing on the floor?" she asked. Her voice was small and squeaky-like. Her eyes were big and brown, more gorgeous than I remembered in the last week. She was fucking . . . I didn't even know what the hell she was.

"What are you doing in my bed?" I countered. I stood up and sat next to her, where she wrapped her arms around my waist and snuggled into my side.

"Alice picked me up yesterday . . . something about spending a few days with you . . . . and surprising you . . . I can't remember real well, considering I'm half-asleep."

After I told her not to do it, she did. Alice never listened to anyone. And she was going to get in real fucking trouble if she kept it up.

"Aren't you happy?" she whispered.

"Of course I am." I pulled her up, so we were both at eye level. Bella's lips looked so tantalizing and sexy, I couldn't help myself.

But she kissed me first, climbing on top of me. "Good," she whispered. "Because I missed you too." She kissed hard and intense, unrelenting. Her hands roamed over my naked skin, and fuck if it didn't feel good. She sat right on top of my dick, and through her panties, I could feel her getting wetter and wetter and I was getting hard. After not being with a girl for almost five months and finally being so close, it was inevitable that I would be so turned on. Not to mention this was_ Bella_.

"So, that's our cue," I heard Lila mumble. They quickly shuffled out of the room, and closed the door behind them.

I grabbed the hem of Bella's sweater, pushing it up over her chest and then pulling it completely off, her hair falling over her shoulders. I saw more of her scars, and noticed a fresh wound on her elbow. I didn't say anything and I quickly pushed it to the back of my mind as I watched her slip out of her bra, her breasts pouring out of them.

And that was it, I was completely gone. I needed to fuck her. It was one thing to feel and touch her body in the dark. But in the light, where I could see her, and know what exactly I was touching. . . . There was nothing else. That was it. And Bella's body was more than sinful.

It was the road to hell.

"Edward, you're looking at me like you're hungry," she said with a smile. Because I was hungry. I leaned forward and kissed her clavicles, going lower to her nipples, taking them in my mouth and sucking on them. She moaned into the room, and I pulled her closer to me, kissing up her neck and then finally back onto her lips.

"Let's do it, Edward, right now," she groaned, rocking her hips over mine. I couldn't have been more eager, but I had to remember that this was a virgin I was dealing with.

"Are you sure?"

"Are you really fucking asking me that?" she said. She looked at me blankly and I grinned.

She leaned forward and kissed me, and then, as I'd thought about it, I didn't have any condoms. So I told her so. She looked frustrated and annoyed. She frowned and bit her lip. She hesitated before saying, "Do you think Alice might?"

"I'm not going to ask her!" I said. I looked at her like she was crazy.

She laughed. "You won't have to. I'll distract her and you go up into her bedroom and look for them."

I raised an eyebrow.

"What?" She grinned and pushed me down, planting kisses all over me. She trailed her tongue over my skin, tracing the lines of my muscles. Her hands touched and explored and I realized, even though it wasn't sex, it felt good. She was paying attention to me, and since I craved so much fucking attention, I ate it all up.

She straddled my waist again, putting her hair up into a pony tail. I watched her, my eyes ogling her chest and the rest of her body before she giggled.

"You are such a guy," she teased. But she wasn't embarrassed about it. In fact, I could actually say she liked it. Liked the fact that I thought her scars made her beautiful rather than hindering.

I leaned up to kiss her again.

The door to my bedroom opened. Alice just stood there, looking at us.

"What are you guys-" As realized what she'd just witnessed she immediately walked out of the room, shutting the door behind her. "Sorry!"

Bella laughed. I just lay back on the bed.

"That was so cute," Bella said laughing still. I looked at her. Didn't say anything. "Edward, lighten up. We still had to get the condoms anyway."

"Yeah, but . . ."

She went into the bathroom and after a few minutes, she came back out, a towel wrapped around her body. I went into the bathroom after her, brushing my teeth and washing my face, skipping the shower.

She was fully dressed, sitting on my bed and putting on her shoes. I sighed.

This wasn't the way I wanted it to be. Bella and I were supposed to be fucking right now. I mean we were awake and capable right? But of course, Alice had to walk in and ruin everything.

I pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and then my own converse. I ran my fingers through my hair, and then ushered Bella downstairs.

"Morning, Alice," Bella said politely.

"Good morning, Isabella," she said in return. She looked at us, ashamed at herself. "Sorry about earlier," she said. Bella shrugged it off and I raised an eyebrow. But as Bella talked to Alice, I slipped upstairs and into Alice's room to look for the condoms.

When I opened the door, there was a dude sitting on her bed, getting dressed.

I just fucking stood there, looking at him. "Who the fuck are you?" I asked him.

"Jasper . . . you must be Edward."

I nodded, trying to figure where I'd heard his name before . . . "You're Bella's brother?"

He nodded.

"Does she know you're here?" I was already accusing him of spying on her. Maybe he was solely here for Alice. I mean I already knew they were fucking.

"I don't think so. Alice sort of invited me here on a whim. I'm leaving in a few hours," he said. He stood up, but I ignored him as I walked to the night stand next to Alice's neatly made bed. There was an entire box of condoms there, but with Bella's brother watching me, I couldn't really get them. I felt like an asshole for even considering it.

So I just left the room, back downstairs where Bella was eating an apple.

"She didn't have any," I whispered to her, when Alice left the room. Lila and Zac were eating at the table.

"We could go out and get some," she said. "And besides. I have some good news to tell you."

"Okay, I have to talk to Alice first for a minute and then we'll go."

"You two," I said to Zac and Lila. "Keep my girlfriend company," I said. Lila smiled.

"No problem," she had a wicked grin and for a second I was worried. Bella pushed me away.

"Just go Edward," she said. "They're not going to kill me."

I raised an eyebrow and looked at my two friends who had the most innocent smiles on their faces. "You'd be surprised, Bells."

She shook her head, grinning and I kissed her, then went upstairs where Alice was in her bedroom alone, Jasper having snuck out the back door.

"For one," I said, walking inside, "you said you two weren't together. And two, Rosalie told me something yesterday."

"What?" she asked, combing her short hair into perfection.

"Why didn't anyone tell me I was adopted?" I said softly. I was pissed off, of course. I'd lived almost eighteen years not knowing that I was someone else's kid.

Alice screamed, "WHAT?" Throwing everything she had in her hands onto her vanity. "What the hell did she tell you?"

"She was mad at me, so she said, '_How about this: You're adopted. Not even your fucking parents wanted you_.'"

"That's not true, Edward. Mom had a hard time trying to fight for you and your sister-" She cut herself off, realizing she'd said too much.

"I have a sister. A real sister?" I closed my eyes, trying not to scream at her. That was the last thing I needed. I didn't want to get mad at Alice. It wasn't her fault I was adopted.

Alice nodded in response to my question. "Her name is Eva. She lives in Europe with another set of adoptive parents. Mom didn't want you to know about her because she was scared that you would leave her."

"Well," I said. "She was doing a great job of pushing me away. Why would she adopt me if she didn't want me in the first place?" I said to her.

"Because you and Eva were the twins of her friend's daughter. She, Elizabeth, ran away when she was fourteen and she was raped. She was so young when she had you guys . . . Eva was already spoken for, but Mom took you in."

"How come you know all of this? I asked her.

"I found your adoptive papers in Dad's desk when I was sixteen. Mom told me the whole story but made me promise not to tell anyone. But I told Rose. I didn't think she would say anything to you . . ." Alice looked heart broken. "But you're my brother. Do you hear me. I love you, Edward-"

"I know, Alice. I'm not going to run away or anything," I said to her. She smiled through her tears. "I promise."

She ran up to me and hugged me. "I don't know why I ever let other stuff come between us. That was so stupid of me." Alice sobbed lightly and then let go of me.

"I want to meet her though," I said.

"Who?"

"Eva . . . and Elizabeth."

"I can try, but don't get your hopes up, Edward." Alice took in a deep breath. "I can't make any promises."

"I'm not too worried about it." I sighed. "I'm going out with Bella, Zac, Lila," I her.

"Sure. Call me for whatever," she said. I nodded and then left her bedroom, and descended downstairs where Bella was lying on the sofa, asleep. I hadn't meant to take that much time talking to Alice, but I guess I had.

"What did you guys do?" I looked at Zac and Lila who were sitting at the table, still eating.

"Nothing. She said she didn't feel well so she went to lay down." Lila shrugged.

"We're going to get going though," Zac said. "Lila's hungover."

She flipped him off and we said our goodbyes and they left. So there goes going out with them.

I was confused again. About my entire life now. I was adopted by my Mom and Dad . . . which meant they weren't at all blood family to me. And all I knew were names of my real family. But in reality, that wasn't really much of a help either.

But I did have Bella still, the only things that was absolutely certain in my life. She was the only actual thing I could fucking count on. And that really scared me. She was only my girlfriend.

I shook Bella lightly so she would wake up. She opened her eyes and smiled. "I didn't mean to fall asleep," she said. "I flew all day yesterday and I'm a little more than tired."

I shrugged. "It's not a big deal. But you can go up to my room if you want," I said.

"Will you come with me?"

I nodded and we both climbed the stairs. I kicked off my converse as Bella did the same, and we climbed in bed together.

"Are you okay, Edward?" she asked me. She was curled up against my side, her eyes big and curious.

"Nothing. I'm just tired."

"You're lying," she said, "but because I'm too tired, I'll let it slide. But when I wake up you better tell me," she demanded. I smiled and kissed her forehead. "And I like your friends. We should hang out."

"Yeah," I said to her.

I pulled the blankets over us and then we fell asleep.

**A little bit of drama so bear with me. So how did you like it? Was it good? **

**Review!  
**


	10. Old Lovers and New

It was only four when I woke up, But Edward was still sleeping. Something had been bothering him before we'd gone to sleep, so I left him there on the bed, so he could get some peace of mind.

At least, until he exploded all of his feelings and thoughts on me and then have hot, passionate, amazing sex with me.

Hey, a girl can dream, right?

I went into the bathroom, thinking about how hot this morning was. I'd missed Edward so much, and just seeing him made my heart pound with white-hot need.

I sat on top of the counter, taking my scissors from the top drawer, where I'd left them last night. I began my procedure, taking the scissors and cutting on the inside of my wrist. I watched the blood rise and fall over my skin, dripping into the sink. The red against the porcelain white sink made me dizzy.

And maybe I was sick for still cutting myself, considering I was supposed to be getting better at that stupid center. But I needed to indulge. And since I wasn't having sex right now, this was the next best thing.

I pressed a wad of toilet paper against the wound. I sighed, the feeling of euphoria surrounding me. I hadn't done this in so long, I couldn't remember how it felt. But I could live like this forever, feeling the salty waves of this euphoric ocean.

The doorbell rang.

And rang, and rang. I thought Alice would be here to answer, but apparently she wasn't. I threw away the tissue and hopped off the counter, seeing Edward was still asleep.

I went downstairs and opened the front door, a gorgeous blonde girl walking past me.

"Um, hello?" I said. She smiled at me, her gray eyes warm despite their color. "Who are you?"

"Hi, I'm Edward's girlfriend." She smiled at me and I just looked at her. "Are you the maid?"

I clenched my teeth. "No, I'm not the maid," I growled.

"Oh well, it's not important. Is Edward here?" she asked. Dumb bitch was persistent.

I was greatly confused for a minute. And I was also getting a little pissed off. He'd been here a week and already found himself a girlfriend? What the actual fuck? "I'm sorry, I think you might be mistaken," I said to her. "Edward doesn't have a girlfriend." I stood there, with the door open, willing her out of the house. She just smiled though.

"I think you might be mistaken. I'm Chelsea Wrangler." She held out her hand but I didn't take it.

"Edward's not here. He stepped out," I said to her. I was annoyed. How was that she could just walk in and demand Edward. I was Edward's actual girlfriend and I didn't think I had that much power.

"Alice said he was here. I just saw her. So can you please get him for me?" Her voice was lethal and icy, and the warmth in her gray eyes disappeared. "I would like to speak to him."

"Sure," I said, my voice having an icy bite.

I padded up the stairs and into Edward's room. He wouldn't betray me like that. He said he loved me. I had faith that Edward wouldn't do something like this to me.

"Edward, wake up," I said, shaking him lightly. He stirred, his eyes opening and finding mine. "You're girlfriend is here," I said flatly.

He grinned. "I know that . . ." he was confused now. "What's wrong Bella?"

"I meant your other girlfriend," I said. "Chelsea?"

He looked shocked. Genuinely shocked. "Chelsea? I haven't seen Chelsea since I left to the center," he said.

"Well that doesn't matter, considering she's downstairs," I grumbled. I was jealous. And I wasn't going to not admit it. Well, I wouldn't admit it to Edward. That would be stupid.

"Hey," he said, looking at me. "She's not my girlfriend." He leaned up and kissed me, and if it weren't for the dumb bitch downstairs, I would have rolled into bed with him.

He stood up and I followed him downstairs. When he saw Chelsea, he looked angry. Annoyed at the fuck that she was here in the first place.

"Hi, Edward," she said, her voice all sweet and nice. I glared at her. I wanted to choke her.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her.

"I thought I would come by and say hi to my boyfriend," she said.

Edward just looked at her. "I'm not your boyfriend, Chelsea. I thought we went through this already," he said. "We're not together anymore."

"No, Edward. You just left. That's not how it works." She looked sad. She shifted her weight. She was wearing heels that were at least six inches. What the hell was she wearing those monsters if it was Spring Break.

"Well, consider us over," he said icily.

"Why?"

"Because Bella's my girlfriend now," he said. Straightforward, no ifs, ands, or buts. Not even a maybe.

"Are you serious? She's a virgin," Chelsea said. She seemed astounded that Edward would even consider a girl like me.

"And your point is?" Edward countered. I was finding this funnier as the time passed. This was like my favorite TV show. And I was the one someone wanted. And Chelsea was a needy girl and apparently, Edward paid attention to her. But he only wanted her because she was a slut and it guaranteed him the one thing he wanted. Whereas I didn't have a suck ass personality.

"She can't do the things I can," she said, trying to be sexy. And well, she was actually succeeding. I hated to say it, but on this girl, slutty looked good on her. She worked it. And even I was willing to break up with me to sleep with her. I'd never known what kind of girls Edward could get, but apparently, his dick was some high class shit.

"Listen here, girlie," I said, finally. "I can do all kinds of shit you can't even dream of. So I suggest you get your fake extensions, pick your face up from the floor, and walk out the door because Edward is mine." I looked straight into her gray eyes and smiled. "And if you don't get it, I can smack it into you." I flashed her my friendliest smile.

Her lip trembled and she looked at Edward. He shrugged.

"The queen has spoken," he said.

She sobbed and ran outside. I looked at Edward and laughed. "You sure do know how to pick them."

He smiled. "She was my last girlfriend. She was the head cheerleader . . . made perfect since to be with her, you know?"

I looked into his eyes, his hair hanging delightfully tantalizing in front of them. But they peered back into my eyes, and I couldn't help but spill my guts.

"Did you love her?" I asked him.

"No. She wasn't really my type," he said. "Too high maintenance."

I laughed. He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me to him.

"Besides, I have my eye on a certain brunette." he grinned playfully.

"Really?" I said. "Is she cute?"

"Gorgeous."

"Smart?"

"Brilliant."

"Funny?"

He smiled. "Fucking hysterical."

"Well, she sounds like a catch."

"She is."

"I'm jealous."

Ha chuckled and kissed me, his mouth hot on mine, eager to finish what we'd started this morning. And who could blame him. We were alone in his house, without any restrictions and able to do whatever the fuck we wanted. And I was betting that we were going to get somewhere.

But my stomach growled angrily, complaining about the fact that all I'd eaten today was a fucking apple.

"I'll take you out," Edward mumbled against my lips. I nodded, but didn't move, this kiss too sweet to ignore.

But Edward pulled away, knowing better.

I pulled on a pair of sandals, and Edward put on his shoes, grabbed his keys and we were out the door.

Eventually, we arrived at this little cafe. It was a nice day, so we sat by the window that over looked a park. I was so excited to be here for some reason, and Edward kept smiling at me.

"What?" I asked him.

"You're so gorgeous," he said. I giggled like a shy little school girl.

"You're not so bad yourself."

"Can I ask you a question?" he asked. His voice was serious, his expression matching. It frightened me, to be honest.

"Sure," I said softly. He took my hands where I'd clasped them on the table. I was so pale in comparison to his light golden flush of color.

"Why are you cutting yourself?" Edward looked saddened by this. I took in a deep breath, not sure exactly how to answer his question.

"Well, it's like an addiction. That little sting of pain makes me feel better . . . about everything. I love it. You know that," I said to him. I remembered our first day in group together, when we'd introduced ourselves. And he'd called my scars beautiful.

"I know that, but do you ever think of stopping?" he asked.

"That's like asking you to become celibate," I said to him with a small grin.

He grimaced at the idea. "Yeah, I guess you're right," he said.

"Actually," I said to him. "I want you to do me a favor."

"What?"

"Would you write your name on me?"

He sat back in his chair, looking at me. He was debating it. "With a razor?"

I laughed. "Considering that's the only way to get it done," I said to him.

I could tell he wasn't appealed by the idea of cutting into my skin. It was written all over his face. "Why not just get a tattoo?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Because this means so much more to me that a tattoo. It's the way I express myself."

"Are you sure? You'll have my name as a scar for a long time, Bells."

"I know. That's why I want it."

He smiled. "Why me?"

"Because I love you." It was a simple answer, but one that held all love the truth in the world.

He nodded. "Okay. But you'll have to walk me through it."

I smiled. "No problem." I was happy, because I knew that after that moment when he carved his name into my skin, I would always have a piece of him. For fuck's sake, he was my first love. That's got to constitute for something.

The waitress came by and we ordered our lunch/dinner, continuing our little conversation. We didn't talk about much, just the classes that Edward was taking at his school and how he was thinking about trying out for soccer.

And then I remembered about my Dad and his wife's proposal.

"Hey," I said to Edward. I swallowed the food I had in my mouth and took a sip of my Coke.

"What?" he said back.

"My Dad, he came to see me. He asked me to come live with him," I said with an enormous grin.

"That's great. Where does he live?" Edward asked.

"Here in Seattle."

He looked surprised. "Really? You're shitting me?"

"I shit you not, boyfriend," I said. He smiled.

"You're going to live here in Seattle. Close to me."

I bit my lip. "That way, we can have all the hot sex we want."

"That reminds me," he said. "We have to get some condoms."

"Yes." I smiled at him. He just didn't know how bad I wanted him. I wanted to fuck him before I left back to that dreadful center. I wanted that piece of us to happen already.

We finished eating and then left to the drugstore to get what we needed. After arguing for about ten minutes about what kind of condoms to get, we decided to get three different kinds and try them all out.

The girl at the counter looked annoyed at the fact that we bought so much, considering Edward was hot and I was plain Jane. I could tell, just by the scorned look on her face that she was jealous of me. And damn, it felt good.

At the penthouse, Edward and I rushed up the stairs, hurrying to pull of our clothes. Edward was rough when he handled me, his grips bruising and bordering painful, but I liked it. I liked being manhandled, I noticed, and it did help that I was so turned on I was wet before I slid out of my jeans.

Edward locked the door and then gathered me into his arms, pushing me against the wall. I moaned as his lips attacked my neck, kissing, licking, nipping, _and biting_.

Oh God.

I moaned out into the room, my fingernails digging into his back. His hands slid down my waist, over the prominent curve of my hip, and then in between my legs.

"No, no," I said, stopping him.

"What's wrong?" he asked. I kissed him.

"I don't want to do this foreplay shit. I want you to fuck me. Now."

I barely got to finish my sentence before Edward threw me on his bed. He pushed off his jeans, still in his boxers, and I took his cue to strip out of my shirt and bra. He climbed on top of me, between my legs, his dick already hard. I shivered, relishing in the fact that it was all for me.

Easily, Edward slipped me out of my panties, tossing them behind him. I sat up and pushed down his boxers, bravely grabbing his cock between my fingers.

I licked my lips, looking up at him. "Mine."

I could feel the shudder that ran through his body. I took one of the condoms and ripped the package open with my teeth, rolling it onto his dick. I slid my hand up his chest and over the back of his neck, pulling him down for a kiss.

He pulled my legs so I was lying back. I left one leg raised, throwing it over his shoulder.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yes. Fuck me."

He grinned and slid into me, being careful, despite my vulgar invitation.

I had to admit it was weird having something that big inside of me, and it took me a second to adjust, but when I did, Edward started moving inside of me. His hips slammed into mine and it was over.

I flipped us over so he was lying on his back and I was straddling him. I bounced up and down over him, sliding over his cock, my inner thighs wet. I moaned out, louder than I had meant, but matching his primal sounds. He was grunting and groaning as I braced my hands on the bed on either side of him, his hands palming my tits. He leaned up and took a nipple into his mouth, biting softly as I ground into him, one of his hands sliding down my body and in between my legs where our flesh met. He rubbed my clit, hard and quick, and I made these whimpering noises, not being able to help at how fucking amazing it felt.

"Yes!" I called out, Edward's grip on my waist tightening as my movements became quicker. His mouth was hot on my skin, sucking my nipples and then pinching them between his fingers. I was covered in sweat just as he was, flipping my hair back and grinding my hips harder. A shudder ran through me as Edward placed his hands on my ass, gripping harshly. I leaned down over him, my lips brushing his, my body pressing against him. He leaned up and kissed me, our tongues colliding, as I kept riding him. Our kiss was sloppy, yet very thorough, his mouth unrelenting. His hips lifted to meet mine, hard and rough, and I widened my stance so he could go deeper. His hands gripped my ass, and I closed my eyes and bit his lip, my stomach tightening.

"Oh, God," he groaned against my neck, and I muttered the same thing, as his cock continued to slide in and out of my wet, hot pussy, ramming me. I never thought sex would be this intense, this excruciating. I couldn't get enough of anything, his mouth, his hands, his cock . . .

"Harder," I demanded. "Fuck me, harder!"

He pushed me down and without pulling out of me; he kneeled in front of me, and continued his hard, fast rhythm. I watched as he thrust inside of me, his cock glistening with my wetness. I bucked my hips, and I gripped his thighs, his fingers playing with my clit again, taking me to the edge, but never letting me come.

"Fuck, God," Edward grunted. I opened my mouth, calling out his name, trying to catch my long lost breath.

I bit my lip, clenching my eyes shut. "Yes, yes, yes . . . oh, right there!" I chanted over and over again, yelling into the room. At that point, I didn't give a fuck who was listening. I looked down and where Edward was thrusting into me, the sound of our skin smacking against each other, my legs tightly wrapped around his hips. . . .

"Edward . . ." I threw my head back, my fingers pinching my nipples.

"What do you want, Bella?" he said. His voice was dark, and deep, raspy with the concentration of fucking me. My heart was beating fast as my fingers continued what Edward had stopped. I flicked my clit, rubbing as I called out his name.

"I want to come, Edward," I said to him. "Let me come, please," I begged.

He didn't say anything, just raised my arms over my head. Edward was a hot, sweaty, sexy mess. His eyes were closed tightly, the veins in his neck prominent. I watched him as he fucked me. I let go of the hold I had around his waist, letting my legs fall to the side. His rhythm increased as we made eye contact and I licked my fingers and touched myself, wanting my fucking release.

And then it was happening. I was breaking into a million pieces, shuddering and cussing and coming, Edward following me.

"Oh, Fuck . . . yes . . ." Edward hissed and I just lay back, breathing hard, enjoying this high I'd never felt before.

"Jesus, Bella," he managed to say. I grinned at he rested against my body, his grip on my wrists loosening.

"That's exactly how I imagined it," I said with a little laugh. Edward chuckled against my throat. He kissed me, not at fervently or as passionately, but it was still instilled with just as much emotion. I held his face between my hands and I kissed him back.

"You're telling me," he said finally. I smiled. He rolled off of me and I sprawled all over the bed as he cleaned himself up. I stretched out like a contented cat, rolling onto my stomach.

I stood up and pulled on Edward's boxers since I couldn't find my own panties. "I'm going to the kitchen," I called to Edward. "Want anything."

"No, I'm good."

I went downstairs, not bothered by the fact that I was topless. I made myself a sandwich and poured myself a glass of Coke.

As I walked out of the kitchen, Alice and a group of her friends walked inside. I smiled at all of them, taking a sip from my glass.

"Hi," I said.

The men ogled me and the women looked at me like I was crazy. Of course, I was still topless, but I smiled like was fully dressed.

"Isabella?"

"Yes Alice?" I said to her.

"You're boobs are showing."

I laughed. "I know. Edward was painting me, but I got hungry," I said.

Everyone nodded in understanding. Now they thought I was a nude model rather than Alice's little brother's floozy girlfriend.

"Nice to meet you all," I said, walking up the stairs. They all called after me, and I smiled. I fit in here. It felt good.

Edward ambushed me when I walked inside of his bedroom, closing the door and locking it as I sat on the edge of his bed. He'd dressed himself in boxers so we were equal.

"Were you talking to people downstairs?" Edward asked me. He took a bite of my sandwich and drank half my Coke.

"You said you were good," I complained. He laughed.

"I lied."

"I noticed." I took a drink and then said, "You're sister's friends came over. Since they found me topless, I told them you were painting me."

"Smooth," he grinned. "So . . . how do you feel?" Edward asked me.

"I don't know? I feel a lot of things. One, I feel like round two is coming very soon. And my legs . . . they're going to be sore in the morning."

Edward smiled. "After a while, it goes away."

"How do you feel?"

He fell back, lying on the bed. "Like I'm the luckiest guy in the world."

I laughed. "It's 'cause you are."

EPOV

Bella pranced around my room, still topless. I enjoyed it, how comfortable she was with it. She was so hot, so perfect . . . and the sex with her . . .

Granted, she was going to get better, considering she was a virgin. But even then, she was already good at it.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked, breaking me out of my thoughts. "You have a stupid grin on your face. You look funny." She smiled. She walked over and straddled my hips, sitting of my lap.

"What do you think I'm thinking about?"

She turned serious, looking at me curiously. "What were you mad about earlier, before we went to sleep?" she said softly.

I sighed. I completely forgot about the whole Rosalie/I'm-adopted episode. And frankly, I didn't want to fucking think about it. But I had no fucking choice. I couldn't ever keep a secret from Bella. "I had a dumb argument with Rosalie last night and she told me I was adopted, so I went to talk to Alice about it. Turns out I have a fucking sister."

Bella rested her head on my shoulder. She didn't say anything. And I couldn't expect her to. What the fuck do you tell a person after they've said something like that?

"I'm sorry," she said.

"It's not a big deal, Bella. I already know who my family is."

"Yeah, you have Alice . . . and your friends from school . . ."

"And you," I said to her. I captured her lips in a kiss and she sighed against me, her arms tightening around my neck.

"Me?" she asked. As if it weren't blatantly obvious. She and Alice were all I had.

"Of course you. You can't think I love you and not consider you my family, Bella." I looked into her enormous brown eyes.

"I'm just surprised, is all." She smiled and hugged me.

"You're my family too," she whispered.

I was taken aback by her confession, and then smiled, wrapping my arms around her waist.


	11. Love Is High

**Hello dear readers. I hope you're liking the story so far. It's about halfway done, maybe a little more than half, but I'm trying to prolong the ending. I really like this story.**

**So, I'm going to update this story's next chapter on Monday. I think Monday and Thursdays are going to be my update days for this chapter. But if I'm late, don't shoot me :D**

**So anyway, here it is! **

EPOV

I wasn't exactly sure how long we'd had sex the night before, but Bella was insatiable. And that was saying something considering I practically needed to fuck to survive.

It was almost sunrise, and Bella was straddling my waist, her body resting against mine. Her breathing was soft and quiet. I traced circles on the skin of her scarred back. She ran her fingers through my hair, kissing my lips. She slid her tongue against mine and held her close to me, one arm around her waist and my other hand on her ass.

"I love you," she said in a quiet whisper. I ran my fingers through her long, dark, messy sex hair and smiled.

"Yeah?"

She nodded. She slid off me and lay on her back, pulling me on top of her. Her body was so soft and warm . . . I rested my head against her shoulder. She linked her legs around my waist.

She moved her hips, sliding lower underneath me so my cock was able to enter inside of her. She curled her arms around my neck and I slipped inside of her, watching as her face went from completely relaxed to completely satisfied.

I moved my hips, Bella's hands settling on my waist.

I moved slowly inside of her, my body pressed against her. She sighed, her big brown eyes looking up at me.

"Kiss me, Edward," she whispered.

I leaned down and did just that. Her mouth was eager, her tongue sliding against mine, her nails digging into my back. I kissed her neck, sucking her skin and leaving red marks-the same marks she wouldn't let me create when we'd made out in the center. But this time, she held me to her, her fingers on the back of my neck; my mouth latched onto her like my life depended on it.

"Oh, Edward," she moaned, and I moved just a little bit quicker, Bella's legs tightening around my hips.

She was silent for a while, save for a few whimpers and sighs, and I was just the same. I was trying to figure out what it was about her that I loved so much. It wasn't the sex, even though it got better the more we did it.

But it was something else.

"Fuck," I murmured.

"What?"

"I'm coming," I said to her. Considering I made a stupid mistake of not putting on a condom, it was kind of a big deal.

"Uh . . ." She pushed me back so I could see her face. "On my stomach," she managed to say.

So I pulled out, and Bella grabbed my dick, running her hand up and down my shaft. I slipped my fingers inside her, both of us working for our orgasms. I came on Bella calling out her name, just as Bella writhed underneath me. She bit her lip and shut her eyes, shuddering.

I kneeled in front of her, between her legs, just trying to catch my breath. And suddenly, I was embarrassed. I'd just spilled my load _on_ Bella. She deserved better than me coming on her.

"That was interesting," she said with a playful grin.

I smiled at her. "You're such a dirty girl, Bella."

"Well considering I have your come on my stomach, I'm very dirty." She put a finger in her mouth, slowly sliding it out. She slid it through the come on her belly, licking it from the tip of her finger.

Then she licked her lips.

I was completely speechless. I just stared at her as she stared back at me.

"I don't even know," I said to her. I climbed off of the bed and grabbed a towel, letting Bella clean herself up.

I noticed more cuts on her arms. I looked at her face.

"Bella, you're going to get in trouble with the center if you keep cutting yourself," I said softly to her. I climbed into bed with her, pulling her to me.

She shrugged. "Does it matter?" She didn't care. Hey eyes conveyed that by the way she stared at me. She wanted to handle this by herself, without my help. And even though I was a little hurt by this, it didn't matter.

"But the point is for you to get the fuck out of there."

"I know Edward. But I can't help it. It's a craving."

"But . . ."

"I'll handle it, Edward."

I guess I just had to trust her, since I couldn't change her fucking mind about it at all. I flipped our positions so Bella was lying on her back and I was resting on top of her.

"Why are you so quiet?" She asked. "It makes me nervous."

"I don't have anything to say," I said to her.

She didn't any anything, just ran her fingernails over my scalp, drawing imaginary lines.

"I love you, too, you know?" I said after a while.

"I know."

I looked up at her, and she looked down at me. She kissed me, faking a smile, and then lay back, looking up at the ceiling.

I wondered what it would be like if I could see inside her head for just a minute or two. What I would find out about her, things she thought weren't important to tell me, but really were. But I fell asleep, lying there with her arms wrapped around me, forgetting all about her complex mind, her hypnotic breathing so enticing.

Bella was in the shower, and I was downstairs, watching television. It was almost seven. Bella and I had slept most of the day due to the simple fact we'd stayed up all night fucking.

Bella learned a few things over the night she'd never forget, I was sure. But spending that much time with her doing the one thing we'd wanted to since we'd first met each other did things to me. For the first time in a long time, I felt . . . sated. I didn't feel like there was this unnatural hunger inside of me, begging to attack the first woman I saw. Now I didn't have to fantasize about Bella because I'd experienced her. And fuck if she wasn't better than the damn dreams I'd had.

I walked into the kitchen, grabbing one of the bottles of water. I drank from it, feeling exceptionally hungry. And I was sure Bella was feeling the same, considering we hadn't ate since yesterday.

I went upstairs where Bella had just finished walking out of the bathroom, naked and wet. She smiled.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to walk in on you," I said to her. I was sure I blushed.

The one thing I did hate about being so attached to her was how I'd changed. I'd been so apathetic before, completely uncaring for the opposite sex, and here she comes, and I'm blushing because she's naked.

But that didn't faze her. She shrugged. "What's up?"

"You want to do something?" I asked her. I sat on the edge of the bed, watching Bella walk around the room, mind you she was completely naked. I was enjoying myself.

"Like?" She pulled on a pair of lacy red panties and for a second, I imagined walking up to her and ripping them off.

Okay, so the hunger for sex wasn't completely satisfied, but it was getting there.

"I don't know. See a movie? Go to the mall? Eat?"

She smiled and hummed. "Food does sound really good right now," she said.

So I waited for her as she got dressed and was ready to leave. We went to the mall, eating first and then walking around and going into stores that Bella liked.

"So," she said softly. "Have you talked to your parents about being adopted?" She looked up at me from a black dress she was holding.

I shook my head. "I'm going to, though. Someday. When I figure out what to say to them." I shrugged. "What do I say to the people I thought were blood related to me my whole life?"

She bit her lip. And although it was a rhetorical question, I would have liked to have known the answer.

She frowned. "Are you going to look for your birth family?" She peered at me with her brown eyes. I felt like she'd been asking me if I was going to leave her.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, they obviously didn't want me in the first place. Why go looking for something like that?"

She sighed. "But don't you want to know why?"

"Why what?"

"Why they left you." Bella stepped around me in the store, spotting something she liked. I followed her, watching her ass. I grinned and wished we'd been back at the house . . .

"Alice told me why," I said. "My mom was fourteen when she had us. I couldn't imagine having a kid _now, _let alone at fourteen." I sighed. "I guess I would have done the same thing."

Bella looked surprised, but she didn't say anything. She walked around the store and I thought about Rosalie.

"I'm going to try this on. Wait for me here," Bella said. I nodded and she disappeared into a black stall.

I didn't know why I hated Rosalie so much. Why she hated _me _so much. It was like from the minute I was born I'd ruined her life.

I hated being so fucking confused.

"Do you like this dress?"

I looked up at Bella, who was wearing a short black dress, with long sleeves, but a really deep V-neck. Not to mention it was really short; it was more like a long shirt, rather than a short dress.

But the way her hair fell over her shoulders, and the milky white color of her skin, how incredibly long her legs were despite her height, she looked fucking . . . she looked indescribably gorgeous.

"Bella, you're just asking for it, wearing that dress," I said with a smirk.

She grinned. "I thought you might like it," she said. Bella walked over to me, and pressed her body against mine. I ran my hands over her ass. She wasn't wearing any underwear, just like she wasn't wearing a bra.

"You're such a tease," I said to her. She laughed, turned on her heel and walked back into the dressing room.

She came out in her normal jeans and sweater, still just as hot.

"I don't know how I managed a girl like you," I said to her.

"I can't help it that I'm so awesome," she said. She flipped her hair back from her shoulder, exposing her unmarred, but very spotted, neck. I laughed. She took my hand and we walked up to the register where she paid for the dress.

We walked around a little while longer, Bella buying a lot more things that I imagined her to. Dresses, jeans, heels, sunglasses, lacy underwear . . . if she wanted it, she bought it.

I just sat back and enjoyed watching her try everything on. Especially the underwear. Though I couldn't follow her into the dressing rooms, she sent me pictures . . . which made me _want_ to follow her inside.

"Have you thought about where you're going to college?" she asked.

I shook my head. "I don't think I want to go."

She thought about it for a second, and then shrugged. "I think I might want to go the Harvard."

I grinned. "Really?"

"Yeah. Or Julliard, to be a dancer," she said.

"I like that one better," I said to her.

"But you've never seen me dance."

"No," I said, "but I can imagine you're as flexible when you dance as you are when you fuck."

She squealed and smacked my arm. "Thanks."

"No problem," I laughed. I was only being truthful. Bella and I had engaged in some . . . interesting positions, and even though she was a virgin, I would say she knew how to navigate the internet.

Everything about spending time with Bella was perfect. I didn't have to pretend about anything. And neither did she. We were who we were and that was basically it.

We got bored after a while and decided to go back home. Bella ran upstairs to change out of her clothes into some pajamas, so we could watch a movie in the living room. I waited for her in the kitchen,

It wasn't five minutes that we'd been home that Lila, Zach, Cain, and Brie walked into my house liked they owned the place, Lila flashing a sizable bag of weed.

"How about it?" she said.

I would be lying if I said I didn't want to spark up a blunt and get high with my friends. But there was Bella to consider. I hadn't even told her I smoked.

"Sure," I said. At that moment, Bella walked downstairs, in nothing more than a tank top and panties, her wild hair messy and seductive. She looked at everyone, then over at me.

"I'll go put more clothes on, then," she mumbled. I grinned, wishing my friends hadn't come over so I could have taken advantage of my very sexy girlfriend.

"Wait Bella," I said. I walked over to her. "How would you feel about smoking some weed?" I asked lowly. She looked at me, her eyebrows furrowing. She bit her lip.

"I don't know . . . I've never done it before," she whispered. She looked skeptical.

I grinned. "You've never had sex and you're pretty damn good at it."

She punched my arm. "That's different, you douche bag." She smiled. "I guess it would be okay," she said. "I mean, it's _just_ weed, right?"

I nodded. She smiled. "Okay," she agreed. She ran back upstairs, to change into much more decent clothing.

"Roll it up," I said to Lila.

I went into the kitchen, pulling out the bottles of liquor, setting them on the coffee table in the living room, placing plastic cups as well. Even though Alice didn't like when I had my friends over to do what we were doing, she ignored it.

So when Alice walked in at that second, she didn't say anything but asked if we were hungry.

"We will be," Zach called to her.

Alice laughed and disappeared into the kitchen. "Is pizza okay?" she shouted.

"When is pizza never okay?" Cain shouted back. "Goddamn, she is so fucking hot," Cain said, shaking his head. I shrugged.

"Dude. She's my fucking sister," I said.

"So what? Doesn't take away from the fact that she's sexy as fuck." Brie nudged him in the stomach and he groaned.

"How about you not talk about another chick in front of your fucking girlfriend, asshole," she chastised.

"Why must you be such a bitch?" he retorted.

"Because I'm dating you."

We laughed and Brie looked at me, smiling.

"So, that girl. Who is she?" Brie asked. She grinned. "She's majorly hot."

"She's my girlfriend."

"You mean your fuck friend," Cain said. "Edward Cullen doesn't have girlfriends."

"Well," I said with a shrug. "She's my girlfriend."

"Oh, my God," Brie said. "It's the sex. It's too good to let go."

I rolled my eyes. "Could you be any more nosy?"

"Hmm, let me try." She paused for a second. "Has she ever had a threesome, and if not, can I be her first?"

I glared at Brie. "Jesus. You're such a bitch."

"What?" she said. "She seems like she's able to handle a little . . ." Brie wiggled her pierced tongue in a very sexy, very suggestive manner and then grinned. "Girlfriend or not, Cullen, I'm going to tap that."

I narrowed my eyes. "Back off Brie," I warned her.

"I say someone is hot, and I get punched, but you can make threats about fucking someone's girlfriend? Something is wrong here." Cain shook his head in mock sorrow. I grinned.

Brie rolled her eyes. "Because you're my bitch," she said sweetly.

"Fuck that," he said.

"That's not what you say when we fuck," she retorted.

They were such a weird couple. And a lot of times, I didn't know why they were my friends. But hey. I digress

Bella came downstairs, finally, wearing a pair of dance shorts and one of my Nirvana band tees.

I sighed. She looked fucking amazing in my clothes. Brie laughed.

"Well hello," Brie said. "And who might you be?"

Bella sat next to me on the couch and smiled at me. She leaned forward and planted a kiss on my lips. I could actually feel my ego grow. I put an arm around her waist, pulling her to me. "Isabella," she said politely. She smiled.

"Guys, this is my girlfriend."

"Really?" Brie said. I ignored her.

"Yeah," Bella replied. She bit her lip. She looked at me. "Why is that such a foreign concept to these people?" She asked me.

"Because half of them are only in relationships for sex," I said, staring right at Brie. I glared at her. "Anyway, Bella, this is Cain and Brie, and you know Zack and Lila," I said to her.

She gave a shy wave and shrugged.

"So where are you from, Isabella?" Cain asked.

"Arizona. I . . . came to visit Edward for Spring Break."

"How nice of you," Brie said absently. "So, are you and Edward serious?"

"Well, I would think so," she said sweetly. Everyone looked at me, with the same glance: "Why are you with this nice, goody two shoes?"

They just didn't know how well we fit together. Not to mention how amazing the sex is. So Brie wasn't too far off of what our relationship entailed. But I wasn't going to fucking tell her so.

"And how do you know Edward?" Cain asked.

I wanted to punch someone for asking so many questions. They never did this with any of the other girls I'd fucked.

I could feel the both of us tense up at the same time. None of them knew why I'd been gone for almost six months. So we lied.

"I saw him at a Bring Me The Horizon concert a few months ago, with some blonde chick. I was with my boyfriend but we decided to ditch them because the band sucked," Bella said. "Turns out we have a lot more in common than I thought." She licked her lips and smiled.

"Aww, how cute," Lila said. I'd forgotten Lila and Zach were even here, considering they were making out in a corner.

"Yeah," Bella said. She stretched out on the couch, lying so her head was in my lap. She blew me a kiss.

I smiled at her.

When the blunts were rolled, Brie and Cain poured drinks for us. Bella looked bored as she twisted her hair between her fingers.

"Is this all you guys do?" she asked me.

I shrugged. "It's only the beginning," I said to her. "Wait until you're high."

She giggled. Brie handed Bella a plastic cup, and Bella looked at it, still a skeptic as she was earlier.

"What is it?" she whispered.

"It's just Coke and rum."

She made a face.

I sighed. "Just drink it Bella. It's not going to kill you."

"So you think," she teased. She leaned up and tipped the cup to her lips, hissing after she swallowed. She grimaced and smiled. "Interesting." But instead of pushing it away, she raised the cup to her lips once more, taking another drink. I drank form my own cup, feeling the warmth of the rum run down my throat into my stomach.

Cain handed Bella the blunt and she took it, unsure of what to do. So I showed her. I put it in between her lips. "Inhale," I instructed. She did. I pulled the blunt away from her lips. "Now take another breath in without letting the first one go," I said. She did, her chest rising. "Hold it in for a few seconds . . . And now, breathe out."

She did, a stream of white smoke flowing from her puckered pink lips. She coughed and everyone laughed.

"Aww," Zach said. "She's such a newbie."

Bella smiled. "Can I do it again?" She asked softly.

I nodded and she hit it again, doing the same motions I'd taught her, not coughing as she let her breath let this time.

She passed the blunt to mean and we kept with rotation. I sat back, Bella resting against my shoulder. She giggled. "Is the room supposed to be spinning like this?" she asked.

We laughed.

"Oh, man," Cain said. "What I'd give to be that high."

Bella giggled again. "You guys are boring," she said she stood up and turned on the stereo, grabbing Brie's arm and pulling her up. Brie laughed.

They danced to some hip hop, Lila going to join them. I just watched Bella as she fit in with my friends, even though Brie was like a shark waiting to bite Bella.

They laughed and giggled. Cain looked over at me. "Why does she have so many scars?" he asked.

"She had a hard time with her parents. Took it out on her skin." I looked at Cain. Lila, his little sister, had the same problem, but chose to burn herself rather than cut.

Zach raised his eyebrows. "It doesn't bother you?"

"Of course it bothers me. But it's different with her than it is with Lila." I shook my head. "Bella's just a different person on so many levels.

Alice came out from her hiding spot, holding a pew boxes of pizza. Cain smiled at her especially and Alice laughed.

"So, are you single?" he asked casually.

"Dream on, kid," she said with a laugh. And then she climbed up the stairs. Still laughing.

I laughed at him. "Dude. You just got burned."

"She'll come around. They always do."

I shook my head. When I looked up at the girls, Lila and Brie had Bella cornered, and they were all making out.

At first I was startled; I had no clue what the fuck was going on. But then, as I watched, I was turned on. Really turned on. And it was probably just the fact that Bella looked sexy as hell with those little shorts on, and that I was turned on by mostly everything she did, but she was kissing two girls. Right in front of me. Not giving a fuck who watched.

Bella looked flushed, her skin a light pink color, her eyes closed.

"Hey," she said. "Hands on top of the clothes." That's when I noticed Brie's fingers sliding up Bella's waist from the waistband of her shorts.

I pulled Bella away from the girls before it became an orgy and Alice freaked out. Bella sat on my lap, while Brie and Lila ambushed their men.

Bella looked at me. "Oh, shit," she said. "I think I just started an orgy." Bella's smile was sexy, and I couldn't help but indulge in the fact that she was all mine, and very turned on.

"Edward," she said. "Stop looking at me like that, and fucking kiss me."

I picked her up a repositioned her so she was sitting on my lap.

She licked her lips. And leaned forward. I kissed her neck, her hips grinding against mine. She took my hand and led it from her waist to her thigh, to in between her legs where she was warm and wet.

"Stop it, Bella," I said to her. It was more of a growl and Bella responded with her own primal sounds.

She laughed, a low, sexy sound I could feel with my lips pressed against her throat. "Why? You like it."

"Not here," I said to her. She turned to looked at everyone else who were already in the middle of bases two and three.

"Everyone is high and drunk, Edward. It's just a party. I promise to keep my clothes on," she said. Her eyes were half lidded and her lips swollen from stolen kisses. It was hard to argue about it when I was already getting hard. I sighed and shook my head.

"Then let's go up to the room," she said. "I want to fuck you."

I picked her up, and walked up the stairs, throwing her on the bed when we reach my bedroom.

She grinned. "For some reason," she giggled, "I always imagined you as an exhibitionist."

I shrugged. "I guess it's because I'm greedy and I don't want to share you with anyone."

She sat up, putting her hands on my hips when I reached her. She unbuttoned my jeans and pushed down the zipper, letting them fall off of my legs. She reached inside of my boxers, pulling out my already hard dick.

She licked from base to tip and I groaned. She took me into her mouth, letting me go as far as she could let me. Even with the lights off, I could see her pick lips wrapped around my cock, her big, brown eyes looking up at me. She let me go with a pop and smiled.

Bella stood up and pulled off my shirt and pushed down my boxers, letting me help her take off the rest of her clothes as well.

I could hear the sounds of fucking coming from downstairs and next door, and Bella grinned.

"Let's get to it, baby."

For being a kid on the verge of suicide, I was doing pretty well. And maybe it was because I wasn't depressed about not having anyone who cared for me, blah blah blah.

And for a second, I didn't mind being adopted. Granted, it made me realize that for seventeen years, I'd been lied to, but it also made me a different person.

I didn't know who the fuck I was, but that wasn't the point. The point was I was starting over. With my hot ass girlfriend naked in my bed and waiting for me to fuck her.

I was going to find out the shit I need to find out, and then I was going to live my life the way I fucking wanted. And if that meant with only Alice, Bella, and my friends as allies, then so be it. Because I was a pro at having enemies. And right now, I didn't fucking care that my family fucked me over.

I was Edward Cullen.

Nothing defined me.

Period.

**So Edward is back into his natural habitat. How do you like it?**

**Review please :D**


	12. Can I Say Something?

**Goodness! Sorry I'm super late! But I had a lot to do this week and I couldn't edit this chapter in time. A little bit of fluff in this chapter, but I can promise all the angst will be back next chapter. **

BPOV

Being with Edward was so amazing. It got to the point where I didn't even want to get out of bed . . . I wanted to fuck him all the time. Talking to him, sleeping with him, fooling around . . . everything we did together was a million time better than when I'd imagined it. I thought Edward and I were . . . sure, we talked a lot when we'd been at the center, but here we did the same, only in between, there was sex.

And even though I loved it, being with Edward, I knew it was going to be cut short in just a few days. And then I would be back at the center, trying to reach level five and six as fast as I could so I could come home.

I couldn't sleep after the sex we'd had last night. Sure, it was great, like it was all the time, but there were too many feelings racing in my mind to let me fall asleep.

Edward was asleep next to me however; our naked bodies pressed together, his arm wrapped around my waist. I couldn't help but cuddle closer and close my eyes, trying to be as peaceful and asleep as he was. But it just wasn't happening. So, I took advantage and went into the bathroom. I lit the small candle to give me a little bit of light without turning on the actual light, and I pulled out the scissors from the first drawer on my left hand side, and began to hack away at my skin, even though I had nothing to be mad at. I wasn't angry at anyone, save for my mother, but that would never go away.

I wasn't suicidal anymore. I didn't even think about dying. It wasn't something that crossed my mind like it had been. And even though my mother was like brand mark on my emotions, she didn't piss me off enough for me to feel sorry for myself. I just wished I would have met Edward Cullen earlier. Yeah, we were still fucked up, but just by meeting and falling for his gentlemanly charm and his words that made my panties drop at the word 'go', I still lived to feel the torture my mother extended towards me. And sometimes, it was bearable, but other times . . .

So when I dug the sharp point of the scissors into my skin, it didn't feel good. In fact, I hissed at the pain that welled up. It didn't make me feel alive like it always had. But I had to keep going . . . it was the only way I would feel anything.

But this was bad; it was horrible because I felt everything. I'd never felt anything so painful. Not even the night I tried to kill myself . . . it felt wonderful then. So I stopped, tears streaming down my face from the pain. And I guess I was crying too loud, because there was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Yeah?" I called out, softly, unable to speak any louder. I tried to stand up and find a towel, but I was too dizzy, and moving made me nauseous.

"Are you okay? I thought I heard you crying." His voice was soft since he'd been asleep for a while.

I wanted to tell him I was fine, that he didn't have to worry about me at all, that he could go back to bed. But I couldn't clean up myself. And I was bleeding a lot, and my head was starting to hurt.

"Edward . . . I need you to help me," I said, even softer than before, leaning against the bathtub.

Edward walked inside and turned on the light, finding me curled up in the corner, holding my arm as the blood poured out. I couldn't stop it; there was more than I'd ever dealt with. And it was starting to scare me.

He grabbed a towel and extended my arm, trying to stop the bleeding. It hurt as he pressured the cut, but all I did was cry. I just let him, but not because I wasn't embarrassed or proud, because was embarrassed and the farthest things from proud. I let him fix me because I was broken and I needed him to. I continued to sob, wanting the pain to go away. I didn't want something I trusted so much to hurt me anymore. I didn't want to cut anymore.

He pulled back the towel and looked at what I'd done to myself. I could see it in his face, the horror, the disgust. But he didn't say anything to me. Nothing. Just grabbed the bottle of alcohol from beneath the sink.

I struggled with him; I didn't want him to pour it on me. But I was weaker than he was at that moment.

"Isabella, stop it," he said. His voice was rough and impatient, and I could feel his anger as well as feel it. So clenched my eyes shut and dug my nails into my thigh, and when he poured the alcohol, I bit my lip and dug my nails further, almost drawing blood. Any harder and I would have. But it hurt so much and he kept pouring. I screamed, digging my fingernails into his forearm.

I could feel his gaze hot on my skin, and when I looked up at him, his eyes were scared, sad, and angry. And why not? I was sitting there with a gash in my arm, bleeding like a waterfall, and crying like a little baby.

He put little butterfly-band aids across the gash, and then a larger bandage over the wound, and put everything away. He looked down at me and for a second, I felt like he didn't want me anymore.

But before I knew it, he pulled me into his arms, and I was against his warm firm chest, still crying, but feeling a lot better than I had been.

He didn't say anything, but just carried me back to the room, laying me on the bed. He went back into the bathroom and didn't come out for a few minutes. But I could hear slamming and other noises that suggested he was the farthest thing from happy.

But when he came out, his face was blank. He brought me a few aspirin and a glass of water. I swallowed the pills and drank to water, lying back.

Edward didn't climb into bed immediately. He first went out to the balcony to smoke a cigarette and I watched him, his hands shaking.

God! I hated myself so much for doing something so stupid. Cutting isn't like having sex at all. It eats you up and spits you out. At least with sex there was someone else to comfort you.

He came inside then, throwing the pack of cigarettes on the desk and then looked at me. I caught his gaze, his green eyes so dark they were black. Edward climbed in bed next to me, facing away from me. I could feel he was angry at me. It was thick in the air. But he didn't know how sorry I was, how I didn't want to cut anymore. But I couldn't find my voice to tell him so. I couldn't tell him that I was done with all of it because I was happy with what I had now.

I pressed my chest into his back, hitching a leg over his hip. I wrapped an arm around his waist, my hand resting on his lower stomach. I kissed the back of his neck.

He entwined his fingers with mine. His heart beat escalated.

"I'm sorry," I said, whisper soft. Edward didn't say anything, but his grip tightened on my hand. No other words were spoken. But I felt his anger dissipate as we fell closer to sleep.

The next morning, Edward was in a bad mood. And I had a feeling it was because of what I'd done last night.

He was sitting outside on the balcony, drowning himself in his music.

I sat at the kitchen, along with all of the other hung-over friends. Lila and Brie weren't as close to me as they were last night. And I guess that's what alcohol and drugs do to you.

It was nice being high, and the sex was great . . . but the cutting . . . and he was so mad. He didn't have to tell me. I knew. I could feel it in my blood.

"Hey."

I looked up at Cain. His short blonde hair was messy, and his eyes looked bored. He nodded towards Edward. "What's up with him?"

I shrugged, which annoyed him.

There was some whispering among them and then after a few more mugs of black coffee, they all left, one by one, eventually leaving me alone in the kitchen. I've never felt so abandoned.

I walked over to the sliding glass doors, pushing one open. I stepped outside, wrapping my sweater tighter around my body. It was cold out, and it didn't help that I was wearing tiny dance shorts.

"Edward," I said softly. Edward looked up at me. He shook his head and I bit my lip in effort to keep my tears back. It wasn't working too well. "I'm sorry." My voice cracked and I broke down, crying again. I thought I only cried when I was pissed off, but I'd been doing a lot of crying lately, and not only because I was mad.

"Dammit, Bella," he said. He stood up in front of me, dropping his iPod where he was sitting. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close. "It's not fair," he whispered.

"I'm so sorry," I said to him. "I didn't mean to cut that much-"

"But you did." Edward's green eyes were so pure. And I could tell who he was angry at. Himself. And I hated myself for that. "And you lost so much blood. I was actually debating whether or not I should wake up Alice or even take you to the hospital. "

"That's the thing, Edward. I don't want to do it anymore. I realized something last night . . . it hurt. And usually when I cut myself it feels good. But it was so painful . . . I can't do it anymore because I'm happy. I know I'm alive. I don't need that anymore. I'm not in love with my razor anymore," I said to him. I placed a hand on his cheek. "I'm in love with you."

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "It was scary seeing you like that," he said softly. His gaze was penetrating and deep. The green of his irises were brighter than I'd ever seen. But I frowned. I'd hurt him really bad. It's one thing to know about something . . . and then there's actually seeing it.

"I know. And you'll never have to see anything like that. Ever again. I promise. I'm never going to do it again." I looked up at him, and he rested his arms around my waist.

"I love you. This is me caring, you know. I couldn't just sit there and let you slowly kill yourself," he said.

"I know that." I smiled softly. He pulled me closer, hugging me. And despite the cold bite of the air, I'd never felt better.

He picked me up and lust washed over us, and in a second we were struggling to shed each other's clothing and trying to make it up the stairs.

I was left in my panties by the time we'd gotten up the stairs, Edward in his boxers. His hand was around my wrist, gripping me tightly as he pulled me into his bedroom. The door shut with a loud bang and he walked over to the night stand, grabbing a condom. He stalked towards me, his eyes shiny with lust, want, and need. My eyes raked his body, over his chest and down to the tense muscles of his stomach, gazing over the prominent erection he had. He kissed me, hard and rough, our mouths colliding, and our hands rushing over skin.

He turned me so I was facing the wall and pushed me against it and I braced myself, placing my hands on the wall, widening my stance. Edward came up behind me and without taking off my panties, just pushing them aside with his long fingers, he entered me. His was cock hard and hot, ramming into me, nothing nice or sweet. Just hot, sexy, erotic fucking.

It was one of the only positions we had yet to try . . . and damn it felt good. Edward wasn't inadequate in size which helped much. And even though I was a virgin, I wasn't stupid when it came to size. I knew what a big dick was . . . and it just so happened my boyfriend had one.

I cried out, and he grunted, but then pulled away from him, turning around, and sliding out of my panties. I pushed down his boxers as well. I dropped to my knees, grabbing his cock and taking into my mouth. I took him as far as I could, and then let him go. I grabbed his balls and sucked his dick, finishing with a loud 'pop'. I stood up and fetched a condom. He pulled me in his direction, and pushed me hard against the wall. My head snapped up to see him, his eyes raging with lust. I ripped the little foil package open, rolling the condom onto Edward's hot, hard erection. I was already panting, grabbing his hips and pulling him to me. I lifted one leg in the form of a split, holding it up while Edward pushed his cock into my wet, waiting pussy. I threw my head back, relishing in the feelings of how he filled me, whole and complete.

We made eye contact the entire time we fucked, me biting my lips so hard I could draw blood.

"Fuck, yes," I murmured, as his hips smacked into mine, the erotic sound of slapping flesh momentarily filling the air. Our fucking was raw and pure, no love-y feelings involved, just two sexy, needy, lustful bodies, and very high stamina. It was dirty and rough, our lean bodies colliding, hot mouths connecting, tongues sliding against one another.

Edward leaned forward to kiss my neck, his teeth biting softly, his lips sucking my skin. I moaned outward, holding onto his waist, willing him deeper inside of me.

"Fuck me, baby," I grunted. My nails dragged over his skin, and he hissed, biting my shoulder harder than I'd anticipated. But it felt good, not at all painful. I liked it.

"You liked it, didn't you," he grunted.

I closed my eyes and nodded.

"I can't hear you Bella," he said forcefully. He put a hand on my chin, forcing me to look at him. "Did you like it?"

I nodded. "Yes, I like it! I like it!" I screamed. "

His eyes were hooded with satisfaction. "Good."

His large hands engulfed my chest, and I arched my back, wanting to feel his big, rough fingers all over my flesh. I slid my hand down in between us, rubbing furiously at my clit, while Edward pounded hard into me.

I was close to my climax and it was way too good to worry about anything. I shut my eyes, and Edward roughly put his hands on my ass, picking me up. I straddled his hips, still feeling him deep inside of me.

"God, yes," he groaned.

I mimicked his words in a whisper of a breath. "Edward!" I cried out. I ran my fingers through his hair, holding him close to me.

"What Bella?" He growled at me. His voice was deep and rough, a rumble that ran over my skin.

"I'm coming," I said to him.

He gripped my hips hard, almost bruising, but his thrusts were harder and rougher, and then we were both shouting and screaming and coming, my body shuddering above his while his thrusts became slower, his body satisfied.

He held me close to him, and I hung on, my arms still wrapped around his neck and my legs linking behind his waist.

I was breathing as if I'd just ran a race, Edward's breathing as hard as mine. He pulled back just enough to kiss me, a slower kiss, but still just as hot.

I pulled away, sliding down his body, until my feet touched the floor.

I pushed him back and walked past him, tossing him a box of tissues. He grinned.

"Bitch."

"You're the one with the condom full of come," I said. I grinned at him and he rolled his eyes.

He said nothing, but flashed me that signature grin, walking away to the bathroom. I smacked his ass while he was his way. He didn't even turn around, just flipped me off. I laughed.

I fell on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. There was no way in hell I was going back to that damn treatment center after having sex like that. There was no way in fucking hell that I would. And someone would have to fucking drag me kicking and screaming.

Edward finally came out of the bathroom, dressed in a pair of boxers and jeans. His jeans were unbuttoned, so they were low on his hips, and his boxers were also tantalizingly low, his happy trail leading underneath. I licked my lips and grinned. He climbed on top of me, and tried to turn my body over underneath him, so I was facing away from him.

"No!" I screamed. He was laughing, and I was too, which made me weaker than him, so he finally managed to turn me over. And then, he slapped my butt, and I yelped, still laughing, even though it did sting.

"You're an ass hole!"

"Yeah, yeah. But you got what you deserved, little girl."

I pushed him off of me and then jumped on him, pinning him to the bed. "That's not fair!"

"Says who?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

I pouted. "That's cheating. You can't look that hot and get away with it."

He broke out into a gorgeous, full smile, on purpose.

I stuck my tongue out at him. He pulled me down and kissed me again. I thought about the sex we'd just had. Sure, I was getting more and more aroused with each second he kissed me, but when he pulled back, I remembered how he'd bitten me . . . and I blushed. Hard.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked, grinning. I tried to cover my face.

"Nothing," I said. I tried to cover my face and Edward laughed.

"No one blushes like that if they're thinking about nothing," he said. He leaned forward, placing gentle kisses down my neck and throat, proceeding over my uncovered chest. Oh, he was good.

But I still couldn't tell him that I liked being bitten, that I wanted him to do it again and again, that I may be a masochistic little girl when it came to fucking.

I blushed harder. I could feel my face, neck, and chest turn hot, his kisses only making my flesh hotter. "What are you thinking about Bella?" he said. His hands teased me, running up and down my legs, over the insides of my thigh, over my naked entrance. I held back a moan that was crawling up my throat.

"Nothing," I moaned out. He chuckled, and he slid two fingers inside of me, my legs falling open like a book.

"Tell me, Bella," he demanded. He withdrew his fingers, putting them in his mouth. I moaned again, thrusting up my hips, rubbing against him.

"I-I liked it when you bit me," I cried out. I opened my eyes to see Edward grinning.

"Really?" he asked.

I nodded. "Oh, God. I can't believe I just said that," I said.

"Why?"

"Because it sounds so kinky."

"That's because it is," he said. He laughed again and leaned down to kiss me, biting my neck softly.

After a while of playing like that, I pulled on one of Edward's button-downs, buttoning up but still letting my boobs be shown through. I didn't think being conservative was a must in front of Edward, considering not too long ago, we'd fucked like crazed animals.

Edward was on the balcony, smoking a cigarette. I'd never seen him do it . . . only the weed we'd smoked last night. But there was something decidedly sexy about him standing out there, shirtless, absent minded, blowing out smoke from his lips. My eyes ran over his back, his shoulder blades, and the two dimples right above his ass . . . he was such a gorgeous person. And sure, it was nice, but I loved that he was my best friend. The only person that knew all of my secrets.

Why the fuck would I want to leave that behind?

I watched him, sitting on the edge of his bed, pulling my legs up to my chest, resting my chin on my knees.

When he walked in, I looked up at him. "I need to see my dad."

Edward cocked his head to the left, like a cute little puppy. I smiled, but he looked confused. "Why?"

"Because I don't want to go back to the center," I said to him. "I can't live without having you at my side. I'll go crazy." He walked up to me, pulling me up to stand. I kissed him, soft and sweet. "I just want to be a kid again."

He smiled, pushing back a lock of hair from my face. "But do you think your dad will pull you out?" he asked me. His fingers drummed lightly on the small of my back, my heartbeat matching.

"I think so. But I have to get Jasper on my side. If he sees that I'm stable enough to be out of that damn place, then Dad will. And besides. I think he'll be happy about having me home."

"Why do I have a feeling that I have to hide?" he asked.

"I can't introduce you to Dad yet. He'll think I'm trying to get out of treatment because of you. And even though you're mostly why I don't want to go back, I need to let him see that I'm good by myself." I sighed.

Edward nodded. "Fair enough. When are you going?"

"Whenever I can get Jasper to get here," I said. I kissed him softly, smiled.

I found Edward's cell phone in his jeans, sitting on the edge of the bed and dialed Jasper's number from memory. I heard it ring downstairs.

Why would Jasper . . .

I grinned. I knew they were together. I turned to look at Edward. "Did you know he was here?" I asked him.

"Well . . ."

I raised my eyebrows. "Did you?"

He nodded. "He was here and he said he was leaving . . . I guess he never left."

I pursed my lips. I rushed downstairs to see Alice and my brother sneaking around the kitchen. I watched for a few seconds before interrupting them.

"Shut up," Alice said to Jasper, giggling. "They're going to hear you." Alice twirled in her sexy lingerie, only dressed in a black bra and matching lacy panties. Jasper was just in a pair of jeans.

"_They're_ going to hear _us_? We can hear them, and we're all the way down here," he said. "They shouldn't be having sex that rough. He's going to break her." He seemed stiff, mentioning that we'd been having sex. And why not? I'm his pure, innocent, little sister.

"She's a strong girl," Alice said, rolling her eyes.

I smiled on the inside. Edward did say I had a tendency to get a little loud.

"Besides," Alice continued. "You weren't complaining when we were upstairs fucking that hard."

Oh my God, eww.

"So were you going to keep it a secret that you were in town or eventually tell me?" I said to them, breaking their little cute eye-fucking, before Alice said something else I didn't want to hear.

They both jumped, startled. Alice laughed.

"Hey, you had your fuck buddy," she said. She looked up at Jasper. "I wanted mine."

"For one, that's gross." I blinked a few times and then smiled. "And two, I need you to do me an enormous favor, Jasper."

"What?"

"I want you to do a psychological evaluation on me, Jasper."

He snapped his head to me, his blue eyes staring into mine. "What for?"

"To show I'm sane enough to stay home," I said. I took in a deep breath. "I don't want to go back."

Jasper shook his head. "I knew it was a bad idea. I knew we shouldn't have taken you out. I knew you were going to try to weasel your way out of there."

I raised a hand to stop him from saying anything else. "Jasper, hear me out. I'm fine. I'm happy. Alice and Edward, they've been amazing to me. And Dad wants me to live with him and his new family." I smiled. "I want to start my new life now. But I need your help. Please?"

"Bella, I can't because I'll be biased. You think I want you to go back there?" He looked away from me. "I can't. You have to go back Bella, and finish."

"It's been six months! I think I'm better by now, Jasper," I snapped. Jasper didn't look convinced. I walked up to him. "What if I talked to a therapist on a regular basis?"

"You mean have regular sessions?"

I nodded. "I'll go every day until you want me to stop," I wagered.

He shook his head. "It's not the same."

"Jasper, if you send me back, I'll go insane." I sighed. "I can't do it."

"Isabella . . . it's not that easy. What am I going to tell them?"

"The minimum time that I'm obligated to stay there is three months. It's been twice that. I haven't been cutting"-a lie, i knew that, but it wasn't going to help my case if I told him I was hacking away at my skin-"and I haven't been having any suicidal thoughts."

"None at all?" he asked. He looked skeptical. I knew he would be the first person to grab me by the arm and throw me back there until he was sure I was better.

I nodded. "I've been too happy with Alice and Edward . . . and you. The fact that I'm not around Mom makes me better. And Dad . . . he wants to have a better life with me."

"How can I trust you, Bella, and not believe that everything you just told me is a bunch of bullshit?"

I pursed my lips. "Instinct, I guess. I don't know Jasper. But I'm telling you the truth. I want you to be able to trust me. Please?"

He gave in a after a few minutes, he performed an evaluation to test my mental health. He asked me personal questions, about my dreams, my thoughts, what sex was like for me, what I thought my future held me.

I answered everything, even the sex question as truthful as I could. Even if most of the time, I was blushing.

Alice and Edward sat at the top of the stairs, watching Jasper work on me. Alice stayed in her skimpy underwear, just as Edward was dressed only in a pair of sleep pants.

But then just as quickly as we'd started, I was finished.

I looked at Jasper expecting . . . I wasn't sure what to expect actually.

"Well, aside from a few abnormal sexual behaviors, you're doing fine. But I'm going to have to take you to a real psychologist to make sure. One that doesn't know you at all to make sure I'm not being too biased with my evaluation."

I smiled. "So you think I can stay home?" I said.

"You seem fine to me," he said with a shrug. I jumped on him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I'll have to talk to Dad and see if he's willing to let me pull you out."

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

He put me down and I looked up at him.

"What?"

I shrugged. "You're helping me. I never thought this would happen," I said. I looked away from him.

"Hey." Jasper looked at me, with all the love I could possibly imagine from him. "You're my sister. And I rather see you home than locked up like that."

I smiled. "Thanks Jasper. Can you take me to see Dad later?" I asked.

He nodded. "If you get dressed, we can go now."

"Okay." I hugged Jasper once more and then ran for the stairs. But Alice caught me, looking into my eyes.

"I don't care what anyone says, Isabella," she said. "But you saved Edward. And that was more than any of us have ever done. And I'll never forget that about you," she said.

"He saved me too. And he still does. Every day." I smiled at her and she pulled me into a hug. I hugged her back and then ran for the stairs, slamming my body into Edward's. He laughed as he wrapped his arms around me, holding me so I didn't slide down.

"Okay," Alice said. "How about we go out for lunch. All of us," she suggested. I looked up at Edward. He smiled at his sister.

"Yeah, that sounds good," Jasper agreed.

"We'll be ready in a few minutes," Edward said, and dragged me up the stairs.

He led me into the bathroom and turned on the water, picking me up and sitting me down on the counter top. He kissed me again and his hands went into my hair. I rested my palms on his chest and kissed him back with everything I had, everything he'd taught me, everything I'd_ learned_. And then we pulled apart and I walked inside the enormous shower, beckoning Edward to come with me. He enter the shower, leaning against the cold tile and just watching me as I stood underneath the spray of the water, letting it rinse my entire body. I took a bar of soap from the ledge and washed my body from all the activity that had gone on this morning, and then washed my hair with the shampoo that was there, rinsing and conditioning with the provided conditioner, it smelled wonderfully like vanilla.

After a while, Edward and I switched spots, me grabbing the razor that sat there. I shaved my legs as Edward washed his hair, then my underarms. Angela was always nice to me; she snuck me a razor once or twice, but I had to deal with her watching me shower because of the fact that I was in for cutting. Oh, well.

Edward walked out, wrapping a towel around his waist, and then I rinsed off, turning off the water when I was finished. Edward was finishing brushing his teeth when he held out a towel for me to walk into. He wrapped it around me, held me to him for a kiss, and then let me go. I walked into the room and dressed, wearing a tight sweater over a pair of Seven jeans. The sweater was a warm gray color and cut low in the front.

I went into the bathroom, and blow-dried my hair so it was soft and fluffy. Then I brushed my teeth, applying a little bit of mascara for finish.

When I went back into the room, Edward was lacing up his converse. He looked up at me and frowned.

"I don't like it when all your scars are covered," he said walking up to me.

"You just saw me naked," I cried as he picked me up and spun me around.

"That may be, but I'm a teenaged guy. I want to see you naked all the time."

I laughed and he kissed me, still holding me off the floor. His strength was amazing. He was built like an Abercrombie model but had the strength of a god. He held me for a long time, and I wasn't that light.

"You're beautiful," he said. I smiled.

"And you're very handsome. I still don't know how this happened," I said with a big smile.

"Well, you had the balls to sit down next to me. I have to admit, you intimidated me at first. Especially when you called me out."

"I couldn't help it. I just had to because I didn't know what you were there for and I wanted to."

"Well, because you did that, we're together. Do you think you did the right thing?" he asked. I nodded immediately, not needing to second guess. "Then don't question it," he said. I smiled and he kissed me.

When he put me down, I slipped into a pair of my own converse. I may have been a dancer, and I may have been graceful at times, but when I walked, I was clumsier than anything.

I pulled on a black coat, and then I smoothed out my dress. I looked alright, but then there goes Edward, wearing a band tee, pair of jeans, and a leather jacket, and he looked like he just walked off an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog. Don't get me wrong, I love it. But man, he was going to give me a freaking heart attack one day.

And in case it wasn't evident, I had an obsession with Abercrombie & Fitch.

"Ready?" he said to me. I nodded and he took my hand, and we walked out of the room, down the hall and to the stairs.

"Alright," Alice said to us. "Let's get going."

For some reason, Alice was insistent on taking two cars, so Edward and I went in Alice's car, and Jasper and Alice drove in Jasper's car. Jasper and Alice made a cute little scene, kissing and play fighting. I smiled at their little display. It looked like we would be double dating our siblings. A while ago that might have frightened me, but now, it was quite refreshing.

Jasper stopped at a quaint little place, a building that looked like a house more than anything, and then parked the car. We all got out, and I fell in love. It was a tiny mud-colored brick house, with a chimney and everything thing. I couldn't wait until I walked inside. It didn't matter how much money I had to my name, which was a lot, but when I bought my first house, with husband or no, it wouldn't be something extravagant, but a cute little things that my children would be comfortable in.

The host sat us in a booth that looked more like two love seats on either side of a wooden table. It was set up nicely, and I just felt like I was at home.

Edward and Alice sat on one side and Jasper and I sat on the other. We ordered, coffee and hot chocolate, keeping a light conversation flowing.

"Isabella, do you want to go shopping later? With me? Alone?" Alice asked. I smiled at her. The way she'd stressed how much she didn't want anyone with us, namely Edward.

"Sure, Alice," I said. "We can go after lunch."

Jasper looked at me, then to Edward, and then back at me. Alice laughed. "You guys can catch a game or something on TV. Or play some sort of sports."

Edward didn't say anything, but just shrugged. Jasper nodded.

We finished eating, and Edward left in Jasper's car with him, while I left with Alice in hers.

At the mall, Alice and I walked around, an awkward silence surrounding us. We were in the middle of Victoria's Secret when I blurted out what was on my mind.

"I need to get on the pill," I said hurriedly.

She looked at me, her face alarmed. "Why?"

"Because Edward and I get clumsy sometimes, too carried away to put on a condom . . ." I said. I frowned. "This is so weird talking to you."

Alice smiled. "I'm sure," she said. "But at least you're being safe." She raised her eyebrows. My hands were shaking; I was more nervous than I should have been talking to her. I mean she was someone I looked up to, and definitely someone I could trust. So why was I feeling like I could shit bricks?

"I know," she said, "but still. You wanting to get on the pill makes perfect sense. I did when I first started having sex with Jasper." Alice sort of gleamed when she mentioned Jasper.

"How long have you guys been together?" I asked.

"About four months."

"Were you a virgin when you met him?"

She shook her head. "No. I was married before I met Jasper."

I was deeply surprised. Alice Cullen had been married. She wasn't even twenty yet.

"I thought it was love, but he was out for my money, and divorced me when another prettier, richer girl came along. It was only about six months before I met Jasper that this had happened. I was devastated-"

"Was that when you came out with the All-Black Winter line?" I picked up a bra held it to my chest and imagined what Edward would think about it. I put it back, deciding he wouldn't like it.

"Yeah. It was a bad time in my life. I couldn't help it."

"Well, it was definitely his loss," I said. She smiled.

"Thanks Isabella," she murmured. I shrugged.

"No problem."

There was a little silence while Alice and I continued to walk around the store. Alice kept looking at me like she wanted to ask me something, but kept deciding against it.

"What, Alice?" I said to her.

She pursed her lips. She ran her fingers through her black, choppy, short hair and peered into my eyes with her own crystalline blues. "I was just wondering if Edward was being okay with you. Not too pushy . . . not asking for things you're uncomfortable with . . . because, you know, he has that weird addiction and with his sadism/masochism . . ." She took in a deep breath.

"Yeah, Alice, everything is fine," I said. "I mean, sex is as great as it can get a seventeen years old." I shrugged.

"Are you in any danger of getting pregnant?" she asked. I shook my head.

"I don't think so. I mean, he pulled out . . ."

She looked at me, shocked that we'd had unprotected sex. "Isabella!"

"Wha-"

She didn't even let me finish my fucking word. "We're going to get you tested before anything happens. Can you imagine having a baby right now? Do you think you're ready for that kind of responsibility?" She practically yelled at me.

"No . . . I- please don't tell Jasper."

She sighed. "I won't. But you have to promise me that you guys are going to be serious about this," she said. She gave me that "look". I took in a breath.

"Yeah, yeah, I promise." But I couldn't control what we were doing when we were high and horny.

"Okay. Well, In the meantime, we should get you some sexy lingerie," she said.

"Okay." I was going to leave to look around, but she grabbed my arm.

"Uh-uh. Not here. We're going to my store to get the lingerie," she said.

I have a lot of her lingerie. Just nothing too racy. Never had the reason for it. But now, I was kind of excited.

Alice bought three black bras and a pair of one hundred and fifty dollar boots, and then we left the store. We went up to the second level of the mall, and walked down to her store. Denali Designs was amazing. She had bridal gowns on one side of the store and then casual outfits on the other. And it was formatted like a closet, with sofas and chairs and mirrors everywhere. Alice's clothes were expensive, but I couldn't help but buy anything I wanted when I walked into the store.

"Hi, welcome to Denali–Oh, shit, you're-you're-"

Alice cut off the sales girl, immediately. "Yes, I am. Where can I find the size small section?" Alice asked.

The salesgirl pointed to the back. Alice dragged me with her, and she handed me all kinds of things, and I tried all of them on, wishing that I would have shaved my vag before coming with her.

She bought everything, even though I would have thought that she would have just taken it all.

"That store needs profits. If it doesn't do well, I'll have to shut it down," she said. I nodded like I understood. When really I didn't. But it didn't matter.

I just wanted to see Edward again.

**Please review! :D **

**And just so you know, the story is going to get a little bit intense from here on out, so just be prepared. Don't say I didn't warn you. **


	13. You Can't Handle The Truth

**Hello, readers! Here's Chapter 13 . . . and yeah. A few good things happen in this chapter, along with a whole lot of "what the hell?". But just bear with me. There's no crazy cliffhanger at the end, so don't be frightened. :) **

**So, on with it . . .  
**

EPOV

Jasper drove behind Alice, to the mall, considering we didn't really have much in common, and it was something to do. He really wasn't bad. He was a little analytical, but the same could be said for me.

We hit the food court once the girls had left. I kept my iPod on low volume, in case Jasper and I hit an awkward point in a conversation.

"So," he said. "How's Isabella?"

"Bella's fine. She just likes to be active. Doing something with someone." I paused, trying to phrase my words. "Bella doesn't like to be alone."

Jasper frowned, but otherwise dismissed the subject. I wasn't sure if it was normal, but I felt guilty that I had slept with Bella. I never thought I would have that feeling. But I guess it was because I knew that he was sleeping with Alice and I didn't really like that. But that would make me a hypocrite. And that would be stupid.

"You do know that she was a virgin, right?" he blurted. I looked at him, his face blank. I was confused on why he would say something like that when I was pretty sure he knew we were already fucking anyway.

"It was one of the first things she told me. Next to the reason why she. . ." I trailed off, not wanting to bring it up. "I know that you're trying to be the older 'protective' brother and all that, but it won't faze me. The entire sex thing was Bella's idea." I shrugged my shoulders.

"But you can't say you didn't want it," he accused. "You're, um . . ."

"Yeah, I'm addicted to it. I mean, it's not as intense as a regular sex addiction, you know. I'm not stalking anyone, and I can hold a relationship with a girl." I sighed. "But Bella's so much more than sex. I _care_ about her. I . . . I love her. I've never loved anyone in my life. It's fucking ridiculous. I mean She's . . . she's the last person I thought I would love." I looked at Jasper as we walked down the crowded mall. I was shaking because of a few things: I wanted a cigarette, I wanted sex, and I wanted sleep. I could just curl up and knock out in a corner, if I was really desperate.

"You love her?" he asked me.

"Yeah. It's weird to say . . . fuck." I looked down at my feet, my feelings all mixed up in my head. I couldn't think straight.

"Weird how?"

"You know when you like a girl, but you're not sure you like her, but you can't get her out of your head? And then when you finally realize you like her, she becomes every little thought you think of. It's like a conscious effort to try to impress her all the time, even though she doesn't fucking care." I sighed. "With Bella, I'm not normal. I talk to her, I laugh and all that weird couple shit. I just love her. She's my . . . my . . . my forever." I laughed at myself. "That was such a cheesy thing to say."

Jasper laughed as well, shaking his head. "You've got it bad. And that's coming from a psychologist," he said.

I shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I mean, from the first time I saw her, standing there in the damn center, she looked like she didn't belong there. And I still think that she doesn't belong there. But, no offense, your family is kind of fucked up. And I'm going to play the boyfriend card and take her side." I shook my head. "I don't know how someone can just leave her . . ."

Jasper was tense, in a sense that he wasn't happy that I'd brought it up. "It was a mistake. I shouldn't have put people I didn't know before her. Emmett, Isabella, and I used to be like best friends when we were little. But she was a girl and we were guys and had girlfriends and we were significantly older. It's not her fault, but if she'd been older and could understand what was happening . . ." Jasper just trailed off, shaking his head. "I became more preoccupied with early graduation and then classes at the university, and my ex-girlfriend. Isabella was the last thing on my mind. I don't know her teenage life.

"When I found her with all the scars, bleeding, and the pictures, I felt like a fucking asshole for letting this happen. I didn't notice it until then, how they run all over her . . . everywhere. She wrote about us," he said. He looked up at me. I felt guilty for knowing all the crude things Bella scrawled all over her body.

"I know," I said. "I've seen her body so many times, the images and words carved into her skin. She wrote she hated you." I looked away from him. I didn't know how I would take it if Bella had written something like that on her skin, where the world could see it. I would hate myself forever.

"Do you think she still does?" he asked me.

"Hell no. If anything, she's glad to have some portion of her family with her. Even if it is just her brother." I thought about my own family . . . well I had two families. Bella just had her brothers. I had three sisters, two mothers, and two fathers (one unknown). I had more of a chance of getting a family than Bella did, and I was pushing them away. But I didn't fucking care. They were assholes. I didn't have patience for assholes.

We kept walking, every so often entering a store. I never looked around until we went into a jewelry store. I asked Jasper why we had come inside.

"Next week is my sister in law's birthday. I always send her something shiny," he said. I nodded.

"Oh," I said in return. I looked around nothing really popping out at me, until I reached a charm. It was a simple charm, but I thought it fit Bella so well. It was a key. A large brass key, with minimal flourish, letters engraved into the hilt. _Je t'aime, ma cherie. _I didn't know what it meant, but it sounded nice. It was an old fashioned key, and it looked like it would actually unlock something. Bella was a simple as it got, but I thought it would make a great gift for her.

I realized it was the first gift that I had gotten her. She should be lavished with more gifts than she can handle.

When Jasper was finished we left the store, and I was a little excited.

"So, has Bella thought about birth control?" he asked. I shrugged. I wasn't sure. We hadn't really talked about it. All we did was buy condoms. "And you? You know you have a responsibility to get condoms right?"

I looked at him, just stared. "Are you going to go with me to buy the condoms I'm going to use to have sex with your sister?" I asked him.

He blinked his face blank. "No. Ask Alice. I-hell no."

I laughed.

We were finished at the mall. Well, more like we got bored and home started to sound like a better choice than to keep walking into stores that held useless shit.

So we picked up some pizza and went home. Bella was upstairs, standing in front of a full length mirror, naked, brushing her hair. She smiled at me through the mirror. I walked up to her, taking off my jacket, and hugging her around her middle. She giggled.

"Hey, baby," she said. She leaned against me, and then turned around. Her eyes were sparkly.

"Hi," I whispered back. I held her body to me, kissing her neck softly. She sighed, contentedly. "I got something for you," I said to her.

"Why?"

"Because I felt like it," I said. She smiled and pulled on a pair of shorts and one of my band t-shirts.

"Okay," she agreed. "Gimme."

I grinned and took the little box from the pocket of my jacket. I sat next to her and handed Bella her gift.

She unwrapped it silently, taking off the cover of the box. She took out the necklace, dangling it in front of her face. She stared at it with a burning intensity, and then she let it drop into her lap, and buried her face into her hands, her body trembling.

"Bella, Bella, what's wrong?"

She tackled me, wrapping her arms around me. "It's so amazing. I . . . I've never gotten a gift so wonderful," she said. Her voice was no louder than a whisper. Her arms were tight around my neck, her body warm. She straddled me, pulling back. I wiped her tears away.

"I love you," I said to her.

She beamed. "I love you, too," she said. She laughed. "I have a surprise for you, but it's not that great," she said.

I smiled. "What is it?"

"I'm going on the pill."

I laughed again. "_You _might not think it's that great, but _I'm_ ecstatic." Bella giggled above me, pushing me so I was lying down. She put on her necklace, the key hanging low enough to lay right in her cleavage. When she leaned forward, it dangled, and then rested on my chest.

"Of course you would be. Now we can do it anywhere!" She cackled and I watched her be her normal, cute self. She didn't like to be alone. I would never leave her alone. "Anyways, Alice and I rented some scary movies, so we're having a kind of movie night," she said.

"Isabella! Edward!" Alice's voice rang from downstairs.

"Okay, let me change," I said. Bella waited, toying with her necklace. I kicked off my shoes and socks and changed into a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt.

"Do you know what this says?" she asked me, referring to the writing on the key.

I shook my head.

"Well, it's French for 'I love you, my darling'." She lay back, smiling.

"How did you know that?" I asked her.

"I'm fluent in French. I spent my summers in France at a dance school. I was forced to learn it."

"I didn't know that," I said to her. "Say something else."

She grinned. "_J'aime quand vous parlez sale pour moi_," she said.

"What does that mean?"

She pressed her body against mine, her lips in a sexy grin. "It means, 'I like when you talk dirty to me'," she said. I pulled Bella up for a kiss and then led her downstairs. We all sat down on the couches, with blankets and pillows, Alice playing the movies on the projection screen rather than the television.

And that was it. We had a family night right there in the middle of everything that had happened. Wow. I couldn't believe how far we'd come. We were so different. I would have never thought that I would be sitting here with my girlfriend, her brother, and my sister. It was a foreign concept to me. But one I welcomed.

The next day, despite our peaceful night, everyone was nervous. Bella and Jasper because they were going to see their father and Alice and I because we were going to see Mom.

Alice was more nervous than I was, strangely but it still didn't take away from the way from the fact that I was shaking. I didn't want to see my mother. I knew she would judge me, like always did, and I didn't want that. I didn't want to be known as her deficient son. Even if I wasn't really her son at all.

Alice drove us, and we sat in a scary, very uncomfortable air.

The house was the same as I remembered, three stories, white, blue shutters on all of the windows, a small balcony above the door on either side. Those belonged to Alice and Rosalie. I had the top floor to myself, and I think because of that, I was always alone, alienated from my own family. The grass was cut and the bushes trimmed. But I was sort of ashamed to say I lived here. It was like living with the Stepfords. Perfection everywhere I turned and there was no question about it, only why _I_ couldn't be as perfect as the rest of them.

Alice pulled up into the driveway. She'd called our parents to notify that we were coming, but it didn't calm me down. I felt like I could feel their hatred radiate from the house. Not so much from my father, but from Esme Giselle Cullen, who on the outside was glowing and sparkly, but on the inside, dark and black, eating up the emotions of people. That's how she survived. She liked to watch people crumble.

It was fucking disgusting.

I climbed out of Alice's Porsche, Alice following me up the steps to the door. She just walked in, not bother ringing the doorbell. She didn't live here anymore, but she acted like she owned the place. But I felt like a vampire; I couldn't go in without an invitation.

"Come on, Edward," she said. She looked impatient, her perfectly arched black eyebrows furrowed. Her lips were pursed and her entire body seemed tense.

I walked inside of the house, following the stomp of Alice's heels into the kitchen. Our mother was sitting at the table, nursing a mug of steaming liquid.

"Mary Alice," Mom said. "Do me a favor and make yourself scarce." Her tone was dreadful and fucking scary. I hadn't seen my mother since I'd been in the hospital, much less heard from her. Dad had sent me letters, most of which I had been an ass and never read, and of course Alice and Rosalie came to see me now and again. But my mother . . . .

She looked up at us, at me, her eyes searing through my skin. I felt ashamed to be inside of her house.

"Edward," Esme said. She gave me a forced smile. "How are you?"

I shrugged.

"Answer me when I talk to you," she snapped. "And stand up straight. You have such horrible mannerisms."

I fixed my posture and walked further into the kitchen, sitting across from her, annoyed that she was already criticizing me. She pushed a glass toward me, pouring hot tea into it. I didn't know how many times I had to tell her that I didn't like hot tea, but I guess she just didn't care. Which wasn't new. She never cared. She assumed and if it wasn't correct, she would make _her_ way the right way. She was the kind of person who stepped on people, hurt people, to get what she wanted.

Now my father on the other hand . . . He actually wanted me to be better, even if his way about going at it was a little bit rough. At least he cared.

"So how has living with Mary Alice been?" she asked. I turned to look at my sister who disappeared. And I understood why. She didn't want to be in the middle of this fucking mess.

"It's been nice, Mom. She's done a lot for me."

"Well, I hope you don't thank her the way you thanked you father and I." Her face turned sour and her eyes were the darkest blue I'd ever seen.

I never thought about how everyone else's eyes were blue. Dad, Mom, Alice, Rosalie. All blue. But me . . . my eyes were as green as grass. So different. My mother had caramel blonde hair, my father a light golden yellow. Rosalie was platinum blonde, just like Alice, but Alice dyed her hair black, constantly. I hadn't seen her with blonde hair since I was little. But me? I was a redhead with freckles. The signs were so evident. I didn't know why I didn't question it earlier.

"Mom, why haven't you told me I was adopted?" I said suddenly.

She jerked, spilling the tea she poured onto the table. Her cold, crystal blue eyes found mine. I could feel her anger crackle around us.

"Who told you?" She demanded.

I was never scared of my mother, but her tone suggested someone was going to die. And frankly, it scared the shit out of me. I wasn't sure how to answer.

"It doesn't matter who told me. It's the fact that _you _didn't."

"It wasn't supposed to matter. You are my son. And that's the end of it."

I stood up in a single, fluid rush, smacking my hand on the table. "Then maybe you should try treating me like it!" I yelled at her. "If I'm so fucking precious to you, why the fuck did you drive me to kill myself?" I glared at her.

"Edward Anthony Cullen! Watch your damn language, young man." She stood up, her elegance completely contrasted with my teenaged awkwardness. She slammed her hands on her hips.

"I have given you everything, EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER WANTED! AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME!" She shouted at me. She stalked up to me, took back her hand and smacked me across my face. "You ungrateful little shit."

"I'm not ungrateful, Mom. I just hate the way you've treated me all the years I've been alive." I sneered. "I'm grateful for everything that Alice has done for me. What Dad's done for me. Hell, I'm even grateful for what Rosalie is trying to accomplish. But you? You are just . . . nothing. And you treat people like we're unworthy of you."

"That's not what you say when I'm the one that pays for you to go to school or to get you the nice things you like to have," she countered.

"That shit doesn't matter, _Mother._ What about the art galleries I've participated in? The only person who's ever gone is Alice. What about the award ceremonies, the fact that I'm the valedictorian for my senior class? Dad was there. But where the hell were you?"

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Is that what you're crying about? That I've never been to one of your ceremonies?"

"No, Mom. It's the fact that I've been invisible since I learned how to walk. Our family is the farthest fucking thing from normal," I countered. She glared at me.

"How? How are we not normal?"

"No one knows anything about me! At all! I've spent my last three birthdays by myself. Last Christmas I broke my arm and the only reason someone noticed that I was gone the entire day was because someone called my cell phone and I'd left it here. How the fuck is that normal?" I growled at her. I watched her face. She was like ice, unmoving, unfeeling, but very numbing.

"Well I can't do anything about that, Edward. You're an adult now. Deal with it." She picked up her cup from the table and sipped contentedly.

"So you're not going to care about the kid you adopted?"

She stared at me, completely composed, but then she broke down, crying, sobbing. She didn't care about her appearance, the fact that her makeup was running black down her face. For the first time, she looked human. She looked like a mother. But she was acting. If there was one thing my mother was excellent at, it was acting. And why not? She had to pretend to be a loving mother and wife for who knows how many years.

I looked away from her face. "You did it to yourself," I said to her, still angry. She looked up at me, her eyes still cold.

"I never hated you Edward. Never. How could I ever hate my son?" She sobbed.

"Because I'm not really your son. Because I have green eyes and red hair in a family of blue-eyed, blonde perfectionists. Because I couldn't be as great as you and Dad wanted me to be. Even as I tried to kill myself I failed. Where everyone else was completely perfect, I was the exact opposite." I shook my head. "Mom, who the hell am I? I'm not a Cullen-"

"You stop your words right there, young man. You are a Cullen. More than we are." She tried to smile, but the tears kept her from it. I wanted to believe her. I really did. But it was hard to ignore seventeen years of neglect over five minutes of emotional outreach. And I wasn't going to take a chance.

"How?" I asked her. She smiled at me. It was a soft, motherly smile.

"Because you, unlike all of us, have admitted to the failures we've made. Your father you're just like him. Carlisle always wanted a son . . . but after Alice, I could have any more children . . . but when Arnold, a close friend of ours, told me about Elizabeth, your mother, how she was, at that moment, giving birth, I couldn't help but become interested. But we'd found out that she was having twins when she had you. She hid her pregnancy from everyone. But when she had the girl, another couple had already claimed her . . . but then there was you. And I couldn't help myself at all. I wanted you, this helpless little child.

"Elizabeth wanted to keep you, and take your sister back as well. But she was on a dance scholarship in France, and she knew she couldn't give you guys a life. She was only fourteen. But Elizabeth made me promise to take care of you, and I vowed. But I broke my promise. . .

"But I had to provide for the three of you. And I couldn't just drop my job-"

"You didn't have to. There are plenty of people have families and are capable of taking care of them. But you're selfish. You don't take what you can get. You take what you want. And it doesn't matter who you have to step on to get it." I looked at my mother, watching as she glared at me. I was right, whether she was ready to admit it. Alice and Rosalie were just like her, only they were changing. They were more like my father, determined, but still he had a heart. I don't think my mother knew what a heart _was_.

"Alice said you and Dad didn't want someone like me living in your house," I said. "Someone like me. Mom, like I'm an outsider. If all you ever wanted was me, why the hell did you treat me so fucking badly?" My voice raised and she looked up at me, her eyes cloudy.

"I was pissed off because you were favoring Alice over the rest of us." She wiped her eyes, smearing her black makeup. "And anyways, your father and I are getting a divorce," she said.

My eyes widened. I couldn't believe Dad would do something like that. Divorce someone he's known since he was a little kid. Someone he vowed to love forever. I wasn't sure how I felt about it.

"So are you guys going to separate?" I asked slowly.

"Yes. Your father is going to get his own apartment. He says I'm too much of a bitch."

I could see why.

I stared at my mother. I was confused. She wanted to be kind and caring, but she'd just called me an ungrateful shit not too long ago. Which was I supposed to believe?

Mom sighed and smiled. She took my hand. "I want you to be happy, if anything. I can understand if you're pissed off at me, I haven't exactly made it so I'd deserve your sympathy." She sighed. She pushed her hair back from her shoulder and turned around.

"Define happy, Mom," I said to her.

"Find a nice girl, get married have kids, be successful, feel like you're the luckiest man in the world and not regret the things you've done to get there." She paused, turning around to look at me. "But not with Renee Dwyer's daughter. There's not possible way you can be happy with a girl like her."

I froze. How can she tell me to be happy and then turn around and tell me who not to date? "What's wrong with Renee's daughter?" I asked.

"She had too many issues. She's . . . not right for you."

I laughed. "I'm sure her father is telling her the same thing," I said roughly. I crossed my arms. "But Isabella is amazing, Mom. She's beautiful and she loves me."

My mother dropped the tea cup she was holding, her eyes finding my gaze and holding it.

"She loves you? _Loves you_? Don't tell me you pity her, Edward," she said. "Don't settle for something that needs to be fixed when you can have something brand new."

What was so horrible about Bella that didn't see? I could imagine all the surface problems that she had, but underneath all of that, Bella was just like any other girl. Only, I wanted her.

"I don't pity her. I love her."

"How! How can you love a girl like her? She's suicidal and she cuts herself. She's manipulative and insane!"

I clenched my teeth, balling up my fists. "Is that your problem with me? The fact that I have issues?"

She hesitated. "Of course not," she said.

"It is," I said. "You hate me because I'm unstable. That at any moment I can off myself without thinking about it. That I rather be drunk and high and _dead _than be sober and deal with you."

"It doesn't matter. It's the fact that you're in love with a girl who's insane, Edward. She cuts herself for _fun_. What the hell is that?"

"She does it because no one sees her. Because her mother is exactly like you. A complete life-ruiner. You don't care about anyone but yourself. Go ahead and insult me, tell me I'm worth shit. But DO NOT take your anger out on Bella. She's done more for me that you could ever want-"

"Sex doesn't solve everything, Edward." She raised an eyebrow. I paused. I hadn't known she was aware of my addiction. And I was embarrassed that she did. She rolled her eyes. "What? You thought I didn't know about your little problem?"

I just looked at her.

She shrugged. "Sooner or later, you're going to need a woman who can take care of you, who can bear your children. She's incapable of being a mother."

I blinked. "I'm sorry my mother didn't see that about you before handing me over."

"Why? So you can be a spineless little bitch?" she spat. "Because that's what she was. That's how she got pregnant in the first place. She was weak."

I shrugged. "Right now, I'd take anything over having you for a mother."

I turned around, fucking pissed. I didn't know what to say to her. She knew nothing about me, about Bella. My mother didn't know that Bella had promised me that she would stop cutting . . . that she saw the world through different eyes. Bella wasn't capable of being a mother because she was seventeen fucking years old. But my mother didn't understand that. She wanted me to be like Alice and Rosalie, successful and married by eighteen. But that didn't work too well, considering both of their husbands divorced them after a year of being married.

"Alice!" I shouted. "We're leaving!"

She came running down the stairs, black tears and smeared makeup. She was carrying her coat, pulling it around her shoulders. She stomped into the kitchen. She and Mom started yelling.

"That girl cares more about Edward that we ever did!" Alice shouted. "Do you know what she's done? She's changed him. And he's so much better. But you can't see that considering you're knee deep up your own ass!" Alice screamed.

I heard a sharp smack and flinched.

"Mary Alice Cullen! You watch it, little girl," Mom shouted back. "I'm your mother-"

"I don't have a mother. Not if it's you!" Alice yelled. She stomped out of the kitchen.

As Alice walked toward me, she screamed, "And I hope you know you just lost two of your kids. I'm taking Edward into my custody."

She grabbed my arm and pulled me outside. We climbed into her car and sped down the driveway and down the road. She was still crying. She glanced at me, smiling.

"Isabella is the best thing that's happened to us," she said. "And I'm proud of you." She wiped her tears and continued speeding down the street.

I forced a smile and looked out of the windshield, content. I may not have gained my mother as a person I could count on, but I had Alice, and it was really all I needed now.

**Please review. I would like at least ten reviews before I put the chapter up on Monday, OR I WILL BE FORCED TO KILL A CHARACTER!**

**Just saying.  
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	14. Are Things Looking up? Or Looking Down?

**Hi guys! Can I just say, your reviews are awesome! Thanks so much guys. I love the notes and you guys are just plain awesome. **

BPOV

"Bella! Let's go!" Jasper yelled.

Alice and Edward had already left to their parents' house, whereas I was running a little bit late. I pulled on my jeans and a scarf, pulling a jacket over that.

"Coming!"

I ran downstairs, almost tripping as I did so. And then I really did trip, landing right in Jasper's arms.

"Just like old times," he muttered. I grinned.

Jasper drove me to Charlie's house without saying much. But I could feel he was happy. And I was happy. So far, today was going well. Granted, it started with an argument with Edward about cutting, but the sex after that was absolutely incredible and the fact that I don't have to go to that stupid center anymore is great.

I couldn't wait until I started dancing again.

Jasper parked in the driveway, behind a shiny white Lexus. We walked up the path to the front door ringing the doorbell.

A tall, black haired girl answered the door, dressed in a pair of cut off shorts and a bikini top. She was pretty, in a tomboy kind of way, and had a body of a swimsuit model. She was covered in sweat.

"Yeah?" After a second of not saying anything, she continued. "Can I help you?" She growled.

I blinked, not sure whether to be just as rude, or ignore her and be straightforward.

"I'm Isabella . . . Charlie's daughter?" I said to her. She widened the door and let me pass through, Jasper quickly catching up.

"Daddy?" I called out. He and a middle aged woman walked down the stairs, looking quite happy.

"Isabella?" He looked around the living room, setting his eyes on me. I smiled.

"Hey Daddy," I said. He walked up to me, hugged me, and spun me around like he'd done when I was a little girl. Oh, to be young and naive. I wish. I wanted to start all over with Dad, be his little girl. But we can't turn back the hands of time.

"What are you doing home?" He asked. He hugged Jasper, and then Jasper disappeared into the kitchen, his phone ringing.

"I was in town . . . Jasper pulled me out of the center for a little vacation," I said to him. "How are you?" I asked.

"We're good. Sue wants to renovate the upstairs for a little more room," he said. The woman next to him smiled.

"It's getting crowded is all," she said with a tiny laugh.

We all sat down in the living room, Sue having introduced herself and Leah, the half naked girl who answered the door, to me. Sue was nice, but Leah was a little hostile. I don't know what crawled up her ass and died, but she needed to take care of that.

"How've you been, Isabella?" Dad asked me.

I smiled. "Better. I'm super tired. But Jasper and I are getting along really well, and Seattle is beautiful," I said. I sat back on the sofa, tucking my feet under me.

"That's great. I'm glad you like it here," Sue said. She was so motherly and comforting. I wondered how mothers could be like the one I had.

"So how is the center?" Dad asked me.

"It's fine, but I'm bored there. The school work is the only thing that keeps me on my toes." Which wasn't a lie. Group and therapy sessions had blended together, and nothing about it was at all exciting. Aside from Edward, of course. "But that was something I wanted to talk to you about," I said hesitantly.

"What's up?" Dad said.

"Well, I wanted to know if I could come home early." I sat there, waiting for his response when his face turned blank. I had a feeling he was going to reject the idea, tell me the same thing Jasper had told me before he agreed to do the evaluation. Only when Dad said something, he stood by it.

"Why do you feel like you have to come home early?" he asked. He was getting information. Good. That meant I had a chance, however small. I furrowed my brow, biting my lip.

"I just feel like I don't belong there any more, Dad. I'm healthy again. Jasper did an evaluation on me and said I was a lot better . . . that I didn't have to go back to the center." I looked at him, my heart and soul full of hope for this. I didn't want to go back. "I feel like I can be a normal girl."

And if I had to go back, I would be kicking and screaming. Along with scratching and biting and punching.

"Are you sure, Isabella?" he asked. His face showed so much skepticism I wanted to cry. It made me feel like he thought I wasn't well enough to come back. It hurt to know that my Dad thought I was crazy. I could just feel him saying no. I knew he would. I didn't know why I had so much confidence for another different turnout.

"It's been five and a half months. And I've even made friends there. But I want to graduate high school like a normal teenage girl. I want to be able to have sleepovers with the girls and go on dates with boys and be normal."

"Well, if Jasper says you're fine . . . and you're not thinking about doing . . . it . . . . Again? . . . Are you?"

I shook my head profusely. "If anything, Dad, I want to live! I can't imagine . . ." I was going to say, "Not having Edward," but I caught myself. "I can't imagine not living. I don't feel like it's time for me to go yet."

"I don't know, kid. I think you should just complete your time there, that way we're sure everything is fine, that you're good to go." He looked at me, and I could almost feel my body crumble.

"Please Dad; I don't need any more psychiatric help. I need my family. You don't know what a place like that does to you. Alone all the time, and being treated like you're five . . . I'm almost eighteen and I . . . I need to be treated like an adult."

Dad looked at Sue. She was smiling.

"Well, you are welcome here as soon as possible. We want you home, Isabella," she said. "And Seth has been dying to meet you. He thinks you guys will get along just fine. He's been taking ballet."

I felt like she was the mother I'd never had. And I could get used to being a part of a family that loved me. And I'd known Sue for fifteen minutes and I already loved her.

"Thank you!" I said, jumping up. I pulled my father into an embrace and he laughed.

"You deserve to be home," he said. "I missed you, Isabella."

"I missed you too Dad."

"So stay for dinner!" Sue exclaimed. "I'm preparing a roast and it would be wonderful to have you and Jasper stay."

I paused, thinking about Edward. I knew I didn't need his permission; our relationship wasn't like that. I did what I wanted when I wanted. But I thought about if he would need me . . . as his girlfriend for the night. To either act out his sexual frustration (which I wouldn't mind), or just have me there to yell at and vent. I couldn't just leave him hanging, considering it was his mother he was talking to.

"Sure, just let me make sure it's alright with Jasper. I think he might have made reservations at Janna's," I lied.

"Okay, it's no problem," Sue said.

I smiled and walked away to where Jasper had disappeared to. He looked stressed, like he was arguing. Or trying not to. He ran his fingers through his honey blonde hair, and sighed.

"Well, I'm vacation with my sister," he hissed into the receiver. "That to me is a little more important. They can wait . . . or go to a different office. That's the end of it."

Jasper hung up and looked at me, forcing a small smile.

I sighed. "If you have to leave, go. It's not a terribly big deal." I smiled at him.

He smiled. "Always the martyr." I laughed. "You're more important right now. I'm staying," he said. "Nothing else is more important than you are."

"And Alice . . ."

He grinned. "Okay, you and Alice. But you more. I don't have to worry about Alice like I worry about you." His eyes softened. There was no arguing with him on this. And I was happy about that. I smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Can I use your cell?" I asked him. He handed over his shiny new iPhone and I navigated through it so I could call Edward. It rang a few times before he picked up.

"Hello?" His voice was rough, but soft at the same time. He sounded . . . hurt.

"It's me," I said softly. "Are you okay?"

"Are you on your way home?" he asked, ignoring my question.

"I could be, why?"

"I need someone to talk to, and you're the only person I feel like I won't be pissed off at," he said with a small laugh. But I could hear the immense sadness underneath it.

"Okay, well, I'll be home soon then."

"I love you, Bells. Even though this fucked up world makes it kind of hard." He chuckled a little, but it sounded forced. I wondered what had made him so sad . . . so tense.

"Love you, too," I said back. I smiled to myself. Saying it to him came so effortlessly. It was because I genuinely meant it. I meant what I said about loving him.

I hung up and told Jasper we needed to go. I told him what I'd said about the reservations, so he called and put them in place, for himself and Alice. He thought it would be a good idea to take her out officially.

I smiled. I was watching my brother fall in love. And it was so nice. We were becoming a family . . . even thought it was just Alice, Jasper, Edward and I.

"Dad, maybe we can stay another night," I said to him, when Jasper and I walked back into the living room. Sue and Dad were still talking, and Leah was lounging on the couch, flipping through the channels.

He nodded. "We'll have a special dinner for you, then. It was good seeing you, kid." He hugged me. "Stay safe and listen to your brother," he ordered. I saluted him playfully. He laughed.

"Yes sir!" I grinned. "I love you Daddy."

"I love you too, Princess."

"And it was lovely meeting you, Sue," I said I gave her a warm hug as well. She laughed.

"Likewise," she said. She flipped back her long, gray-streaked, black hair. "Don't be a stranger in the mean time, Isabella."

Just then, the front door opened and then closed, a husky, tall teenage boy walking into view. He looked at all of us, just as we looked at him. Leah sat up, a smile breaking out on her face.

"I thought you were coming later," she said. She sounded lovesick. Maybe that was what was up her ass. She missed her boyfriend.

"I decided to surprise you," he said smoothly. His voice was friendly and cheerful, a big contrast against Leah's gloomy, unhappy tones.

"Meet me upstairs," Leah said. And then she disappeared, running up to the second floor. A door slammed behind her.

"Hello, Jacob," Dad said.

"Sheriff," he said. "Hey Sue, Jasper."

But he paused when he got to me. His smile was confused, but friendly.

"I'm Isabella," I said. "Charlie's my Dad."

"Well," Jacob said. "It's nice to meet you. Maybe we can hang out or something-"

"JACOB!" Leah's voice came like a shrill, and we all jumped.

Jacob laughed nervously. "Gotta go. It was nice meeting you," he said. I nodded and smile, giving him a small wave.

"See you around," I called after him.

We re-said our goodbyes, and then Jasper and I left. In the car, Jasper laughed. "Be careful, Isabella," he said.

"Why? What did I do?" I asked. I looked at him, confused on what I did. I hadn't done anything wrong.

"Leah will kill you if you steal away her boyfriend. And I like having my little sister alive, thanks," he said. I laughed.

"She doesn't have to worry about that, Jasper. I love Edward. And I'm in no place to even want to consider having a relationship with someone else."

Jasper looked at me curiously. "You're really in love with him," he said. "Like, really?"

I nodded. "This is going to sound girly, but I get butterflies when I see him, and when we talk it's uncensored, and I don't have to pretend about anything with him. We don't have a lot of boundaries when we're together. When something happens it happens. And even though I'm only seventeen, I feel like this is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me."

"But you're a lot more mature than the average seventeen year old," he said. "You've experienced something that a lot of people don't." He shrugged. "Makes you appreciate things more."

He dropped me off at the penthouse, Alice already waiting outside for Jasper when we drove up. She was dressed up and gorgeous, almost sparkly. Nothing could top the way she looked in her pale cream dress, matching coat, and Burberry heels. And Jasper was already dressed for occasion, so they were good to go.

I rode the elevator all the way up to the twentieth floor, carrying a box of brownie mix with me. I'd made Jasper make a pit stop to buy it just so I could do something nice for Edward.

It was quiet inside of the penthouse, all except for the loud music coming from Edward's room. It was Slipknot, dark and heavy, so I knew what ever happened today had been bad. Why is it that I can have a happy ending, but Edward couldn't? I didn't see that it made sense. And I didn't like it how much Edward was suffering.

He was on the balcony, leaning on his elbows which held him up on the rail. He was looking up at the sky, blowing smoke from his mouth. He looked enticingly sexy standing out there, barefoot and shirtless, the muscles tense and his skin taut.

When he looked forward, he didn't see me in his bedroom, but I saw him, and a little piece of my heart broke.

Edward was crying. I'd never seen Edward cry before. Never in the six months that I'd known him. And as I watched the tears stream down his face as he smoked his cigarette. His hands were shaking, the rest of his body trembling just as much. I felt like I should have given him a few more minutes alone. Maybe it was because he was alone that he was letting his emotions go. But the second I moved from the doorway, he spotted me.

He wasn't embarrassed like I thought he would be. He didn't move from where he stood, but just kept standing there, staring at me, finishing his cigarette. He threw the butt over the ledge and leaned back, his gaze holding mine. He beckoned me over with a quick nod of his head.

I walked over to him, outside on the balcony. I stood in front of him, resting my hands on his shoulders. He pulled me to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he broke down, crying on my shoulder, holding me tightly.

I'd never known Edward to be so vulnerable. I've cried so many times in front of him . . . . But I was a girl. Girls cried all the time. Edward, he wasn't exactly emotionless, but I wouldn't call him sensitive either. He somewhere in the middle. He held his feelings in, until everything pissed him off and he had to let go. Get drunk or high, have sex, kill himself. It was the way he handled things. Just like me with my cutting.

I led us back inside, to the bed. I sat down and pulled him with me, both of us lying back. I gathered him so his head was resting on my shoulder, his body in between my legs.

His skin was cold, and for the first time, I noticed his back littered with scratch marks, the sides of his waist covered in more scratches. I felt bad for scratching him so much, but then good because of _why_ he had so many marks. It was the same as my throat, collar, and chest covered with hickeys. Sex for us was just that good.

And when he bit me . . . it was kinky, but it pushed my orgasm over the top. I never thought . . . _hurting _would ever feel so good. Well, outside of cutting anyway.

Edward didn't say anything for a long while, and it didn't matter that he didn't want to talk. He was quiet though, silent and barely moving. His arms were loose on either side of my body, his breathing slow and almost inaudible.

"Edward?"

I didn't get an answer, considering he was asleep. I tried to slowly and carefully slide from underneath him so I wouldn't disturb him with my fidgeting. But as I tried to get loose, he held me close. I smiled.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked. His voice was a rough rumble, but still contained the velvety smooth texture I was so used to.

"I thought you were sleeping, so I was going to leave so I didn't bother you," I said softly. He lifted himself from above me, and suddenly, I missed the comfort of his weight above me. He rolled to his side, facing away.

"What's wrong?" I asked him. I placed a hand on his shoulder, sliding it down to his hand resting against his stomach. I pressed myself against his back, and placed a small kiss between his shoulder blades. I could feel his pulse on my lips, slow, yet defined.

"I'll tell you about it later. I don't want to think about it right now," he said dismissing it altogether.

"Okay," I said. I pulled the covers over our bodies and we lay there for hours. Edward turned around and looked at me, my face, my eyes . . .

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

I smiled. "About you, of course."

He smiled subtly. "You're the best part of me, you know that?" His voice was soft, rough with sleep. I pulled myself to him

I stayed awake, thinking about everything that happened today. And despite Edward's sadness, I finally fell asleep, content with my life.

Edward and I were lying on the sand of the beach, dressed in nothing short of jeans, sweaters, and coats. He leaned back on his elbows, and I sat between his legs, my back resting against his chest. He lifted a hand and traced the hairline on the back of my neck with a single finger. A shiver clawed down my spine, and I smiled. The sun shined brightly over us. It warmed my skin, but it didn't compare to the heat of Edward's body underneath mine.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked me.

"I don't know, nothing, I guess." I snuggled into his body. He lay back, and I turned over, lying on top of him in between his legs. I looked down at him. Smiling.

"It's later, you know," I said.

"What?"

"You said you would tell me what happened with your Mom later. It's been two days, Edward."

He grinned, but it didn't touch his eyes. "It's nothing, Bella," he said. He looked up to the sky. I put a hand on his face. He looked down at me his eyes surprised.

"It made you cry, Edward," I said softly. "It can't be _nothing_."

"My mother adopted me out of guilt," he said. "Only because she was there and Dad wanted a son, and I was just lying there without parents. My mom, my real mom, wanted to take me back, but she was only fourteen when she had me and my sister, she couldn't take care of us. So my sister . . . she was adopted immediately, and my mom . . . she saw me lying there, without a home and took me.

"But she couldn't keep up. She couldn't have a loving family and an amazing job. She couldn't. So she just . . . picked her job over us." Edward looked away from my face, past me. "And now, my mom and dad are getting a divorce and Alice is taking me into her custody. I'm so fucked up," he whispered.

I cast my eyes down on his chest, reading every single letter of _Nirvana _on his shirt. I didn't know I was crying until I saw a tear fall onto his shirt, darkening the light grey.

"Why are you crying Bella?" his voice was alarmed, but it was so soft and inviting.

"Because we can't do anything about it. My mother is a psychotic, egotistical, busybody who can't even see that her daughter is hurting. And you . . . oh, my God, you. I can't even fathom how you feel, how come you're still alive. Not that you shouldn't be, because you're the best part of my day." I wiped away my tears and Edward pulled my body up to his. His hands rested warmly on my waist as his eyes held my gaze. "But I don't know how the fuck you deal with it all."

"I don't know either, Bella. I don't know anything anymore. I just wish . . . I wish that my real mother wasn't manipulated by my mom. I wish that she'd been stronger, that she would have raised Eva and me as her own kids."

"Why don't you talk to her? Obviously, your mother knows who she is, and where to find her-"

"Do you really think my mother would give up that information willingly?"

I sighed. "I guess not," I said.

"What's done is done," he said. He licked his lips and I leaned down to kiss him. "Besides," he said after a little while. "I got to meet you, didn't I?"

I smiled. "I guess you did, didn't you?"

He hugged me and I rested against him.

**Tell me how you felt about everything! There _is_ a reason for my madness, you know :)**

**Maybe fifteen reviews today? **


	15. I Can't Even

**Yeah. I didn't get too many reviews from last chapter so I think I'm going to have to kill someone. DUN DUN _DUN!_**

Spring break was over, so I had to go back to Vermont and to Arizona to pack my things and get settled into Dad's house. I hadn't seen Edward in what felt like a month, but had only been six days. It was still excruciating.

In Arizona, I was with Alice, since Jasper had to leave to California to take care of business with some of his clients. We were going to pick him up on the way back to Seattle.

The house in Arizona was desolate. I knew it would be harder taking my things from this house than it was at the center. Jane had been released early, so she wasn't there, and Riley got caught with matches, so he was sent to JDC. Alice helped me pack the shit I'd brought and we were out of there. Alice left Angela her number so she could stay in contact with us.

But my house . . . as desolate as it seemed, was scary to me. This was the place where I spent my Christmases alone, my birthdays alone, where I committed suicide alone. This house held so many memories . . . of me being alone.

But I didn't rush to pack my things. Alice took a nap up in the guest bedroom, so I pulled on some dance shorts, a tank top, and my ballet shoes.

Man, I was out of shape. Not unfit, but my toes didn't like the way my ballet shoes hurt them. I stretched my body, my legs, feeling the stretch of the muscles that had been dormant for the last six months. Other than sex, I didn't really exercise. But even then, it was only for a half hour or hour that Edward and I fucked. Some times longer, but it wasn't enough to keep my body in shape. And when I danced, I danced for hours . . .

I twirled, jumped, and plie-d around the dance studio, not relenting even though my muscles were screaming at me to stop. But I had to keep going. I had to . . .

"You're going to kill yourself if you don't stop."

I turned around to see Emmett standing in the doorway, his lips playing a half smile. I smiled back. I ran to him, jumping in his arms. I held him, not wanting to ever let go. Ever. I hadn't known it, but I missed him. I really did.

"When did you get here?" I asked when he put me down.

"Just now. Tanya and I . . . . Jasper called and so we decided to come see you. Because I want to talk to you," he said. He gave me a happy grin and I matched it with a big smile of my own.

"About what?" I asked. I took a long drink from my water bottle, the cool water rushing down my throat. I stood there in front of him, panting.

"Well, Jasper said you were going to live with Dad, but I was wondering if you wanted to live with me . . ." Emmett trailed off, his body leaning against the door jamb. I stared at him.

I shook my head. "No . . . I can't . . ." I couldn't even finish my thought. It was one thing to leave and pack my shit so I could be with Edward, but I couldn't even comprehend leaving and not getting to see Edward at all. "You live in _Africa_. How can I build a life there when all I know are you and Tanya? And Tanya doesn't even like me."

He gave me a face. I shook my head. "Tanya likes you," he said.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, right," I said. "But I can't go with you. I just . . . I want to be with Dad right now. I haven't seen him in _years_." I looked at Emmett, guilty of what I was saying, but I couldn't help it. I wasn't going to even mention the fact that I was in love with a boy and didn't want to be away from him. I could live with it if I had been living with Jasper. Los Angeles and Seattle are like five or six hours away from each other. I could visit him every weekend if I wanted to. But _Africa_? Hell no.

"There's a reason you don't want to come with me, and it's not Dad. What is it?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Nothing. I just want to stay with Dad."

Emmett shook his head. "Isabella, I know you better than that."

"It doesn't matter! I'm not going to Africa to live with you and a woman who can't stand me." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"It's that boy-"

"Actually, Isabella's my assistant in my corporate offices in Seattle."

Emmett and I looked up to see Alice standing in the doorway, wearing boy short panties and a tight, very small tank top. But even then, she wasn't embarrassed about the amount of skin she was showing.

"Who are you?" Emmett asked. Alice ignored his rude tone of voice.

"I'm Alice Cullen."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Aren't you Jasper's girlfriend?"

Alice smiled. "That would be me!" She said with a tinkling laugh,

"And you want her to stay in Seattle because you, a multi-millionaire, can't find a new assistant, one with actual credentials?" he asked. He was annoyed. Some woman was trying to keep him away from his little sister.

"Fine! Fine! It is a boy. It's Edward. And I'm not ready to be that away from him yet."

Emmett's eyebrows shot up and his mouth turned into a smile. Alice just stood there, a raise eye brow, her lips a straight line.

"He's the boy that was at the center with you, right?"

I nodded.

Emmett said nothing. Just looked at me.

"So yeah," I said.

"I want to meet him." Emmett's voice was blank and certain.

"What? Why?" I thrust my hands on my hips.

"Because I said so, Isabella. I want to see what is so great about him."

"Oh, God, you're . . ." I sighed. "If you say one thing that hurts him, or even mildly offends him, Emmett, I will end you," I growled.

He held his hands up, backing off. "Hey, all I want to do is meet him," he said. I glared at him.

I left the room, suddenly frustrated. Edward was having a hard time as it was expressing himself. After the talk we had on the beach about his mothers, he stopped talking. He was constantly inside his head, and it scared me. I couldn't handle it if he was even remotely thinking about killing himself again.

In my bedroom, I walked around, looking at the posters and pictures. I might have been alone, but I was a very popular girl. I had a lot of "friends" and boys who liked me. I just couldn't keep up with how fake they were.

I didn't want to, but I walked inside of my bathroom, all of the feelings of loneliness and worthlessness flooding around me. It couldn't happen. Edward would be pissed that I was cutting again, but I needed it, just this one time.

So underneath the sink, I found the little heart-shaped box filled with my clean, sharp razors. I picked one up and pressed it to the inside of my elbow.

I just needed a simple cut. Nothing big. And God, it felt so good. I whimpered, sliding the blade across my skin, watching the blood rise and fall over into the sink, staining the white porcelain a bright, ominous red.

I sat on the counter, panting, looking at my reflection. I looked pretty. Healthy. My cheeks were pink against my pale skin. My hair was shiny and long. My body was fit.

But I could see the darkness in me. The intrigue of death, the want for suicide. It was sick, and it made me angry. Everything was fine in my life. Why the fuck would I want to kill myself again? I had no need.

Tanya barged into my room, and I found a towel to hide my bloody mess.

"Isabella! We're having dinner in a few minutes," she said.

"Okay!" I called back to her, leaning against the bathroom door.

"What are you doing in there?" she asked.

"I'm taking a shit. Want to come watch?" I snapped.

"Isabella, there's no need for that tone of voice. I was just asking." I head the door to my bedroom close after a few seconds, and I cleaned myself up, putting a bandage on and pulling on a sweater. I turned down the air conditioner so it was colder, to justify wearing a sweater in eighty degree weather.

But instead of going downstairs for dinner, I stayed in my bedroom. I unlaced my dance shoes and fell into my bed, falling asleep to the throb of my heart beat in my arm.

I was looking around Dad's house, trying to find a movie to watch since the cable and internet were out. Leah was outside with Jacob, completely alienating me, so I kept to myself and decided not to bother the bitch.

I walked into Sue's son, Seth, room finding an enormous rack of DVDs, VHSs, and Blue Rays, along with about another million Xbox and Playstation games.

"Oh, my God! What are you doing in my room?"

I turned around, startled by the sudden intrusion. I slammed a hand over my heart, feeling it race.

A teenage boy stood in the doorway. He had longish, "emo" styled hair and a lanky frame that suggested he was no older than sixteen. He stared at me, a back pack in one hand and a bag of chips in the other.

"My God! You scared me!" I said. "Hi, I'm Isabella. I'm Charlie's-"

"Oh yeah. Well, I'm Seth. My mom said you'd be coming to live with us. Only I didn't think I'd have to share a room with you." He frowned. "You can have that side. I'll clean up the mess . . . you're not opposed to marijuana, are you-"

"We're not sharing a room," I said with a vibrant laugh. "I was just looking for a decent DVD to watch and you happen to have the best collection," I said. I looked around his room. Typical teenage boy type. Messy, clothes, books, and video games littering the floor. His bed was unmade and there were posters of bands and movies on the wall, as well as pictures of what looked like friends. He smiled at me, his two front teeth slightly bigger than the rest, giving him a childish, but very handsome smile.

"I love movies, so I buy them when I can." He walked over the rack of DVDs and VHSs and glanced at the titles, then looked at me.

I looked down at the VHS I had in my hand. "Spice Girls?"

"Baby Spice is my favorite." He laughed. "Although Posh is kind of hot."

I grinned. I could already tell we were going to get along just fine.

"So," he said. "How old are you anyway?"

"I'm seventeen," I said. He smiled. He threw his backpack on the floor and came and sat next to me on the bed. "You?"

"Fifteen. But I'm a senior. Mom made me study hard so I'm kind of smart," he said. I looked at him, giving him a thorough once-over. He looked like the kind of kid that got teased by the kind of kids that looked like Edward.

"You skipped two grades?" I said. I was stunned. I'd skipped only one grade. Tenth, but that really didn't matter.

"Three actually. Seventh, ninth, and eleventh." He smiled.

"Wow. That's fantastic. I'm sure your mom and sister are very proud," I pressed. So I was a little nosy, but I really wanted to see his relationship with his family. What I should be braced for.

He frowned. "Leah's annoyed by it. But that's because she flunked tenth grade." He shrugged. I could sympathize with him. I had amazing dance accomplishments, but my mother hated that I was so great. She made it sound like I wasn't great enough.

"Well, do you want to watch a movie together?" I asked him.

He nodded. "I just got _Youth In Revolt_ on DVD," he said by way of asking.

"Sure."

Seth was a good kid, funny, kind, and just a touch perverted in the way fifteen year old virgin boys were. We were in my bedroom, lounging on my bed with a bowl of popcorn, watching Michael Cera act like a complete dork trying to get a weird bitch to be his girlfriend. I had to admit though, it was kind of funny.

"Knock, knock."

I looked over to the door to see my dad standing there, two plates with pizza in his hands, along with two bottles of Coke.

"Hey, Daddy," I said.

"Hey, Dad," Seth said. Charlie seemed fine that Seth called him Dad.

"Isabella, Seth," he said in return. But I was dazed. I wondered how long Charlie and Sue had been married for Seth to be calling Charlie 'Dad'. "What are you guys up to?" Dad walked further into my bedroom, taking not in the way I'd decorated and arranged the furniture.

"Just watching a movie," Seth said. He was already scarfing down his pizza. I smiled.

"So you're getting along?" Dad asked.

"Yeah," I said. "Seth's my new little brother."

Seth grinned. "Yeah, Isabella's great."

"Okay, well, Sue and I are going out. Jacob and Leah are out back," he said. He looked at me. "Make an effort to get to get to know her." he smiled.

"Yeah," I said. _Like that's going to happen. Maybe when she gets whatever is up her ass out . . . . then it's a possibility. _

"Alright. Seth, be in your room by ten," Dad said. "And Jacob has to be out of the house by ten-thirty and Leah inside. House rules."

"Okay. Have fun, Dad," I said. "Love you." I looked up at him, and I felt like a little girl again.

"Love you too, princess. Night, buddy." Dad left my bedroom and Seth and I watched a different movie.

It felt good to have a stable home, where there were people came and left, and came back again. Although Leah was still hostile, I had Seth to hang out with, that is, until I could introduce my Dad to Edward.

And I had to do it soon, because I wasn't about to sacrifice my days without seeing him. That wasn't in the cards for me. I needed Edward. I needed him to talk to me, to fuck me, to listen to me.

It was weird sleeping alone, not having him to wake up to in the morning.

And worst of all, it's been a week since we'd even come close to fucking.

And my vagina wasn't too happy resorting to masturbation. I might just have to get a vibrator to cure my lonely nights. Or sneak Edward in. We may live in the same city, but Edward lived about a half our away. Which was annoying to say the least. It would be nice if he lived down the road like Jacob did.

The doorbell rang downstairs and Seth dashed to answer it.

"Isabella! There's a guy down here that says he's your boyfriend," Seth called up the stairs. I jumped up and looked down over the banister. Sure enough, Edward was standing there, a beanie over his head, covering his thick, messy hair. He was wearing a black hoodie over a white Hollister shirt, and faded, ripped jeans. He looked absolutely fuck worthy.

"Hey," I called down to him. He looked up and grinned.

"Hey," he said back.

I padded down the stairs and walked up to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He picked me up, holding me tightly. I placed a small kiss on his neck.

"I missed you," I said to him.

He pulled back only slightly, letting me slide down his body until my toes touched the floor. He kissed me, hard and deliciously, my body arousing and attuning to his every move. My body anticipated the things he did to me, the way he grabbed my ass, how his hands teased the sides of my tits . . .

Seth coughed nonchalantly.

We broke apart and looked at him. Edward had a "Do you fucking mind?" look on his face. But I just smiled.

"Seth, this is my boyfriend Edward. Edward, this is my new little brother Seth," I said. They sort of just looked at each other, and Edward was in no hurry to let me go.

"Nice to meet you," Seth said. "So, I'll be up in my room . . ."

I nodded and Seth left us alone.

I looked up at Edward and bit my lip. "You know, I want you," I said to him.

He raised an eyebrow. "It's not exactly the best time to fuck, Bells," he said. I grinned.

"It's always a good time," I said. He laughed. "Your addiction . . . It's contagious."

"I couldn't imagine why," he said sarcastically. I led him upstairs, into my bedroom. It was the first time he'd been in there, so he took the time to look around. I could tell he'd noticed some of his things, like the few shirts and albums I had lying around.

"Why is half my shit here?" he asked. "I haven't even spent the night yet."

I grinned. "Don't worry, Edward. You will." He looked at me, his smile so gorgeous. He locked the bedroom door and walked over to me where I was messing with the stereo, putting in a Linkin Park album. Once _Meteora_ filled the silence, Edward kissed me, the sound of our breaths and moans becoming a part of the soundtrack. Against the wall, I could feel the thump of the bass in my back.

His hands worked to push down my panties from underneath my skirt, his fingers sliding over my clit, rubbing small circles that elicited constant moans from my mouth. He kissed my neck, sucking my skin as to leave the hickeys I was so familiar with. I was surprised when I _didn't _have them.

I unbuttoned Edward's jeans, sliding down the zipper, making room to shove my hand down his pants and grab his cock. He groaned and I echoed him, sliding my fist around his hard shaft.

He picked me up, though, his lips finding mine. I braced myself my gripping his shoulder, where I could feel the muscles flex.

But then I stopped. "Fuck," I murmured. "I don't have any condoms here."

I looked up into Edward's amazing, alluring green eyes. He frowned. "I didn't bring any either. I forgot to put one in my wallet," he said, "after we'd had sex at the airport."

I remembered that, a shiver riding through me like waves. I pursed my lips trying to stay composed rather than attack him and not give a fuck. "I can't take the chance of being unprotected again. I can't get pregnant," I grumbled. "I can't deal with another red-headed little monster. I've got my hands full with you." I sighed. "And Alice wants me to get tested for pregnancy before I get on the pill because I told her about the time we did it without protection. She flipped."

He laughed. "I would imagine so," he said. "You think you could ask the chick?"

I grimaced. And then shook my head. "I don't think that's a good idea," I said to him. "But I can sneak in and check, really quick." Edward dropped me to my feet. "I'll be right back," I said.

I brushed my skirt and fixed my top before going into the hallway. The coast was clear, but I couldn't help but feel guilty. I opened Leah's bedroom door to find out it was messier than Seth's. But I climbed over her disgusting, mess-covered floor to her night stand, opening the drawers to try and find a freaking condom.

"The first drawer in the other night stand."

I jumped. It was the second time someone had startled me today, and frankly, I didn't like it.

I turned to see Leah standing in the doorway, arms crossed over her full chest. She was grinning.

"Don't worry. I don't hate you. In fact, it's kind of nice that there's another girl here," she said. She shrugged again, her tall frame leaning against the door frame.

"Well, that's not what I-I thought you didn't like me for some strange reason," I said sarcastically.

She shrugged. "That was before I found out you have such a hot boyfriend and are sexually active. I mistook you for a plain Jane prude." She flipped her long black hair form her shoulders. I smiled. "I can't handle that."

I smiled. I climbed over her bed, retrieved a box of condoms she had there.

"Well, appearances can be deceiving," I said. "But if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my hot boyfriend."

She laughed. "Don't worry. I came up here to grab the same thing you were," she said.

I raised my eyebrows. "Where are you guys going to do it, if not in your room?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Backyard. Seth knows not to go out there when the blinds are drawn." She smiled knowingly. Oh, to have everything set in motion. I mean, how long had this been going on that she would have boundaries set like that? Man, to be a normal teenage girl with a normal life. Argh.

I shook my head. "You're a bad girl." I smiled. "But I like it."

"We'll talk later," she said. She grabbed the box from my hand, leaving me with an entire ribbon of condoms. I skipped away contentedly to my bedroom where Edward was lying on my bed, already shirtless. I locked the door behind me, and threw the ribbon on the bed and jumped on him, careful not to hurt him.

"Don't you think she's going to miss a whole strip, Bella?" he asked.

"Leah gave them to me," I said. "But enough about that."

Straddling him, I held his arms down on either side of his body. I kissed him, sliding my tongue over his, pulling back just slightly to bite his lip.

I kissed along the line of his jaw, over the scars he had from where Heidi had scratched him, then down to his throat and chest, until I reached the line of his jeans, where they sat low on his hips.

"Do you think I could make you come if I only gave you a blow job?" I asked him.

He looked down at me, smiling, but confused. "Why?"

"Because I want to try it," I said.

"It might take a while. I don't usually get off that way," he admitted while I unbuttoned his jeans and pushed down the zipper, pulling them down along with his boxers. He was hard and inviting, and I couldn't help but just want to lick his thick, hot, cock.

So I did, taking him into my mouth, careful not to drag my teeth. I started slowly, pumping the rest of him with one hand, my other handling his boys. He groaned, and when I looked up at him, his eyes were closed and his hands creeped up into my hair. I hummed and I could feel a shudder run through him.

"Is that good?" I asked him, in a low, sultry voice, and all he did was nod. I grinned and got back to work, until Edward said he was going to come. I swallowed against him, his come tasting a mixture of sweet, salty, and bitter. I wasn't sure what it tasted like but it was okay.

He sat up, panting. He grinned. "So Bella does the impossible," he said.

"What can I say?" I said. "I'm good with my hands." I shrugged and grinned, climbing on top of him. He tried to change our positions, but I held him down. "I don't think so, Mr. Cullen. I'm on top."

He lay back as I slowly undressed him, leaving him solely in his boxers. I went into my closet and pulled out two scarves, tying Edward's arms loosely to the bed posts. He grinned the entire time, and I felt a sense of empowerment, feeling a little like a dominatrix.

I turned the volume of the radio up and did a sort of strip tease, shedding my clothes slowly to the music. When I was totally naked, I climbed on top of Edward, his eyes crazed with lust, and my body responding. I pushed down his boxers, climbing on top, straddling his waist. I pinched my nipples, my hands making their way down my waist and over my flat stomach to where I was wet and hot. I rubbed myself, and I could feel Edward's gaze jump around all over my body.

"Bella?" he said, his voice just a whisper. I opened my eyes and looked into his.

"What Edward?" I said back to him. "What do you want?"

"I want you to fuck me," he said roughly. His eyes were hooded, the green of his irises darkened. His hair was ruffled over his eyes and his mouth was half open where he was breathing hard. I leaned down, pressing my chest, and the rest of my body, tightly to his. I traced a finger around his lips, covering them with my mouth.

He kissed hard, teeth clashing, tongues fighting, lips finding. I pulled back and reached for a condom, ripping the package open and sliding one on Edward's cock. It was hot and hard, and I shivered, ready to feel him inside of me.

I positioned him at my entrance, and then slid down, adjusting to his size. I moved in small circles, then slowly up and down, bracing my weight on his chest.

"Come here," he said. I did, leaning over him as my hips slid forward and back, his dick gliding in and out of me. I whimpered, and he echoed with a groan.

Sex this time was different. It was slow and patient, despite the reckless start of it. I rested my body weight on my elbows, running my fingers through his thick hair. My heart was pounding and my breaths were shallow. We kissed, slow and sensual, different than any other time. Not sex crazed, not horny, angry, or sad. I felt like my heart was pouring out to him.

Edward's hips matched my movements, thrusting up into me, as I slowly ground into him. I flipped my hair back, letting it fall over us like a curtain, and I looked into Edward's sultry gaze, trying to keep contact.

"Untie me, Bells," he grunted, his muscles flexing, taut and tense and delicious. I reached up, loosening the scarves around his wrists, still riding him. His hands curled around my waist, holding me to him while he sat up. His thrusts were stronger, more prominent, and I couldn't help every moan that escaped my lips. Edward kissed me hard and fervently, his groaning get louder as we kept on fucking this way.

I was lost in this pleasure. Edward's body was covered in a thin sheen sweat, as was mine. "Oh, Edward, harder," I managed, bouncing lightly in his lap. His cock was reaching a point that had me whimpering, throwing my head back as he took a nipple into his mouth.

He pushed me back, so I was lying on the bed and he leaned forward, hovering over me, not stopping the thrusting inside of me. He continued to into me, long, deep strokes that created a friction like no other. I pulled Edward down, kissing him. His thrusts were stronger, harder, more powerful. I moaned out loud, matching his groans.

I was beginning to feel like I was going to explode, my stomach tightening, my fingernail digging into his skin . . . I arched my back, breaking our kiss, but Edward's lips didn't relent. He continued to kiss me, suck on my skin, palming my breasts.

"Oh, God," I whispered. "I'm . . ."

But Edward already knew, because he was coming with me, both of us shuddering and shaking with the intensity of our orgasms. I lay back, and Edward rested on top of me.

"What was that?" Edward asked in a rush of breath.

"You made love to me," I said softly. He looked up at me and licked his lips. He didn't say anything. "What's wrong?"

"Why would anything be wrong?" he said. His green eyes were playful when he looked up at me.

I shrugged.

He grinned. "Let's do it again."

**Review please :) Or Someone dies. That is my ransom. All the characters are my hostages. **

**ten to fifteen please. **

**Jessie.**


	16. Take Me, Baby

**I'm obsessed with body piercings. So sue me.**

EPOV

Bella and I met up at school during lunch. We didn't have any classes together, considering I was a Visual Arts major and she'd signed up for Dance. My academic classes were all college level, where as Bella didn't have to take academics because she had more credits than necessary to graduate. But she did. She was more of an overachiever than I'd thought.

I waited for her by her locker.

"Oh, my God, I'm starving," she said. She brushed off the skirt of her uniform, running her fingers through her hair. She pushed all of her books inside, handing me a Microeconomics text book. "Mr. Tanner is fucking crazy. He's giving us a test tomorrow on the chapters we learned today." She grimaced. "Did I mention I hated school?"

I laughed at her. Being with Bella at school was different than she was at home. She didn't talk about her scars, didn't hint towards sex, but studied and always had a book in her hand. I knew Bella was smart, but she was practically a genius. And if I hadn't already been named Valedictorian, she would have taken the position from right underneath me.

"Yes, you mentioned that," I said to her.

She closed the door to her locker. "Where are you friends?"

"We're going to meet them," I said. Zac and Lila had already left to the pizza place with John, and Cain and Bree had been right behind them.

Bella and I held hands to the parking lot, and I could see a lot of different girls look at her menacingly. I knew a few of them had crushes on me, but this was ridiculous. I wasn't being conceited either. It was a known fact that a lot of girls wanted me. I was used to it, but it was still ridiculous.

"Hey, Edward." A girl named Sasha, and a few of her friends, walked up to me, stopping us. "There's a party at my house after school. You should come," she said. She flipped back her long, bleached blonde hair, grinning. Don't get me wrong. All of the girls at this school were hot. Fucking gorgeous. But I had a woman to consider now. And even though there were girls upon girls just lying at my feet and waiting for me to fuck them, it still didn't take away from the fact that the only girl I wanted to be with was holding my hand.

"I'm sorry," Bella said. "He's busy."

"Doing what?" Sasha looked up at me, hopefully. Was she really that desperate?

"Not you, thank God," Bella said.

Sasha stood there, in a sea of her shocked-faced friends, and thrust her hands on her hips. "You little-"

Bella took a step forward, inches away from Sasha's face. "I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you." She growled.

Sasha shut her mouth and eventually she and her friends scampered away, Bella stalking off ahead of me. When I reached her, she wasn't happy.

"What?" I said to her.

"I'm tired of fighting off your girlfriends," she said. And it was true. That was the third girl this week she had to give a hint to.

I smiled. "I love you. I think you're forgetting that," I said to her.

"Did you see her though? She was fucking you in her _brain_. I could see the desperation all over her face. It was fucking _disgusting_." Bella grimaced and took a breath in.

"You're the only one I want to fuck, Bella. Stop sulking." I gave her a quick kiss.

She stuck her tongue out at me, and we walked to my car. I smiled.

Zac, Lila, Cain, Bree, and John were already eating when we got there, and even though it hadn't seemed like it, Bella and Lila were becoming friends. Bree however, didn't like Bella that much.

"I don't know what you see in her," Bree said. "She's not even blonde. You're always with a blonde girl. I'm blonde. Lila's blonde. Everyone is blonde except for her."

"Bree, I'm not sure if Cain told you or not, but brunettes are the relationship material. Blondes are easy." I looked at her, and her face fell. "They're good for fucking and making sandwiches afterwards."

Bree flipped me off. "Whatever. Blondes may be easy, but I doubt that she can fuck like a blonde girl can." Bree raised an eyebrow and flashed a wicked smile.

"No, Bree, she fucks better," I said.

Bree rolled her eyes. Cain laughed. "I'm going to have to get me one of those brunette girls then," he said. Everyone laughed.

"I don't think so," Bree said. "You want a brunette, I'll dye my hair."

"But that's no fun," Cain ginned. "Blonde hair, brown hair, blue hair, you're still a bitch."

I ate my pizza while Cain and Bree argued playfully, John texting and Zac spaced out. I looked at Bella, who was laughing and talking with Lila. She and Lila looked over at me, and Lila smiled, whispering something in her ear. Bella burst out laughing.

At least she was making friends.

After lunch, we went back to class. I sat in Chemistry, bored, and unfocused, just wanting graduation to come. I didn't know why we were still in school, when seniors had already taken finals, and those of us who wanted to go to college had already sent in college applications.

So you can imagine how relieved I was when we were freed from school with the bell rang.

Bella wasn't at her locker or by my car when I went to meet her. In fact, she was talking to a guy. Well, more like arguing with him. I walked up to her, and she turned to me, looking relieved.

"What's wrong, Bella?" I asked her.

"'Bella? He gets to call you 'Bella'? I've known you for seventeen years and you won't even let me take you out?" The guy she was arguing with glared at me. He was as tall as I was, and I was almost six three. He had the same color hair Bella had, only his was cut a lot shorter, and it was messy and curly.

I stood there, confused. Sure, I was the only person that Bella allowed to actually call her 'Bella', that I knew of anyway, but it wasn't really something to get worked up over.

"Whatever. I told you why," she said to him.

The guy looked at her. "Hanging out with your boyfriend is not a legit answer," he said. Bella growled.

"Well, you wanted to meet him, right? That's what you came all the way over here for. Emmett, this is Edward. Edward, this is my brother Emmett." She slammed her hands on her hips.

"Hello," I said slowly, not really wanting to get into a fight between Bella and her brother. And judging by the size of him, I wouldn't stand a chance. At all. And I knew that.

"Happy?" She sneered.

He sighed. "I just wanted to know the person who was making Bella want to stay in Seattle," he said. He glared at Bella. "Was that so hard?" he asked.

"I like it here, Emmett," she said.

"You fucking hate the rain."

She mumbled. "It doesn't matter, Emmett! I'm not here for the fucking rain!" she screamed. "You can't just come here and expect to be my best friend. You're the one who told me I wasn't ever going to be smart like you are. Or perfect like you are. You were the one who told me Mom didn't love me as much as you and Jasper. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Forget half of my childhood?" Bella threw up her hands and ran away.

There was no goodbye, no anything. She just turned around and ran to the general direction of my car.

I looked up at Emmett.

"Look. I'm just trying to get back into Bella's life. Jasper did it, Dad's doing it. I don't know why it's so hard for me to," he said.

I shrugged. "Because you're doing it for yourself, rather than for her." I gave him a sympathetic smile. "She knows you're not fully committed to her. You may have America fooled with your 'I miss my sister' bit on TV, but Bella can see right through it," I said to him. His face changed and he looked annoyed. He didn't like the truth handed to him so coldly. I shrugged.

"You don't know anything about Isabella, kid. So save it," he responded.

"I know more than you'd think. And if you think that you can just come here and mess up her life because you're looking for some kind of atonement, Bella's not going to give in easily. She's not that easy."

"And how would you know?" He asked. "You've known her for six months. I've known her for her entire life. I think I win," he said.

"It's not a fucking contest," I said to him. "I know _her_. I know everything. You only know surface things. Think about it. You weren't there for her whereas I let myself be a doormat so she could walk all over. Just so she could get her feelings across the board, so I knew what I was dealing with. You've never done that for her. You don't know her like I know her." I looked up at him, his brown eyes full of jealousy and rage, pissed because I told him the truth.

He didn't say anything, and I didn't expect him to. I left to my car, where Bella was leaning against the passenger side door, arms crossed over her chest, her hip jutting out to one side, one leg bended at the knee. She looked pissed. Angry, mad. Whatever. She was seeing red, and it didn't stop, even when I walked up to her and tried to kiss her.

"I'm not in the mood, Edward," she said, her voice like a rattlesnake's bite. I don't know what her brother said to her, but he pushed the right buttons.

I unlocked the car and she climbed in, staring out of the window. In the reflection of the glass, I could see the stream of tears that fell. "He doesn't like you," she said. She looked at me, wiping her tears. "He threatened that he was going to tell my Dad that the only reason I wanted to live with him was to be close to you. And even though it's true, I really do want to live with my Dad." She looked up at me. Her eyes were so sad, so conflicted. "I have a confession to make," she said. "I know I promised I wouldn't, but when I went to Arizona, I started cutting again." She bowed her head.

I sat back in the driver's seat, looking out of the windshield. So many things crossed my mind. What if she had cut to deep? What if she cut too much? What if she lost too much blood? What if? What if? What if?

I took in a deep breath, started the car and drove away, to Bella's house. We were silent the entire time. I didn't like fighting with Bella. In fact, I hated it. Fighting with her was like doing the impossible. Because I couldn't stay mad at her. I could be mad at what she'd done, but I couldn't be angry at _her_. She wouldn't let me be. Not with her big brown eyes staring at me, willing me to say something. But she told me she would stop, and she didn't. I wasn't always going to be there when she couldn't handle the pain. And what if one day the pain was too much and she ended it? Ended it forever?

Bella's house was quiet, save for the blasting of video game music coming from Seth's room. And the girl, Leah, was nowhere to be seen.

Bella dragged me up to her room. I sat on the edge of her bed as she gathered things. In the end, she came out with a few razors, a bloodied rag, and a pair of scissors.

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

"I don't want to do it anymore. At all. It feels good," she said. "It feels so good. But I can't be in a relationship with you and have you not be able to trust I won't cut. I can't." Her voice broke in several places as she paced back and forth in front of me, crying. I grabbed her arm and pulled her into my lap. She straddled my hips, her arms around my neck, and I just held her.

I remembered the first time I'd seen her cry. It was after her fight with Emily. The orderlies allowed me to talk her down, so she could be calm, and I did. But right now, I didn't know if I could do it.

She cried for a while, and I let her, eventually both of us lying back on her bed.

There was a knock on her door, but she was asleep, so I answered it for her. It was her Dad. He looked surprised when I opened the door, his face falling, his mouth turning into a frown.

"Son, who are you?" he asked.

"I'm Isabella's friend from school," I said smoothly. "She had a bad day and invited me over to try to cheer her up, but she was crying and so she fell asleep. I was just leaving-"

"No, no," he said. She seemed to consider what he was about to say. "What did you say your name was?" he asked.

"Edward, sir," I replied. He nodded.

"Well, you can, uh, hang around until Bella feels better. I can't say that I know what will calm her down," he admitted. I nodded. He looked at me again, giving me a firm once over. "You look familiar. Have I seen you around?"

"I'm Alice Cullen's little brother . . ."

"Right, right, Jasper's girlfriend."

We sort of stood there in an awkward silence, until he turned around and descended the stairs. Halfway down, he turned around. "Dinner will be ready in an hour if you want to stay." And then he left.

That wasn't exactly how I'd meant to meet Bella's Dad, but at least I'd gotten it over with.

I walked across the hall and knocked on Seth's door.

"Who is it?" He said in a big rush.

"It's Bella's boyfriend, Edward," I said lowly.

He opened the door just a bit, and I could smell the weed he was smoking. I grinned.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Just wondering if I could hang out until Bella woke up . . ." I said, sort of leaving the question open.

"I don't know man," he said back. "I have homework-"

"I have more weed if you're up for smoking," I suggested. He opened the door wide and let me in, shutting it behind me. Leah and her boyfriend were sitting side by side on Seth's bed while Seth was sitting on the floor, resuming his video game. The window was wide open, and the ceiling fan was on its highest setting. I laughed.

"He's the Sheriff. It's bad enough that he came home early," Leah said. Her eyes were hooded and red, her black hair pulled back in a ponytail.

"And so you guys are going to keep smoking?" I asked, sitting at Seth's desk.

"Yeah, man," he said from the floor. "He watches TV in the living room any way."

So that was it. We smoked another blunt and we were all high, taking turns to play video games, listening to music. After about an hour, Bella came into the room. She smiled at me.

"I see you found the stoner's head quarters," she said. She sat next to me, lying back on Leah's lap. Leah smoothed her hair like they'd been best friends forever.

"There's nothing wrong with a little bit of cannabis," I said to her.

"Indeed, boyfriend."

"Do you want to do something?" I asked her.

"Can we go to the beach?" she asked, pursing her lips. "It was nice last time we went."

"I'll settle for the park . . ." I suggested. "I don't want to be near cold water in the middle of April."

"The mall?" she said.

I nodded. "I've never had sex in a dressing room," I said with a playful grin.

"Well, dream on, boyfriend. Because it's not happening today."

Leah laughed. "Don't knock it until you try it," she said. Jacob was grinning from her side. Seth, however, rolled his eyes.

"She'll do it anywhere," he mumbled.

I laughed. "We'll see about that, Bella," I said.

She gave me a look.

So Bella and I left, after eating dinner with her father, when my high went away and I was able to drive.

We held hands the entire way, the car silent, save for our breathing. It began to rain, pounding down in thick pellets, drowning out any other sounds that were made inside of the car. Whenever I looked at Bella, she seemed distant, thinking about something sad, or something that made her worry.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked her. She shrugged.

"My Mom. Just why she hasn't come to see me yet. Stuff like that," she whispered. "Even though I'm fine without her, it would be nice to know she cares even just a little bit. I mean, what kind of mother does that?" She stopped suddenly and looked at me. "I'm sorry, I'm being so insensitive," she said.

I smiled at her. "Don't worry about it."

She sighed. "When is everything going to be okay?" she mused.

"Everything is fine now. Why are you thinking something is going to go wrong?" I asked her.

"Because I feel like something is going to go terribly wrong! I know it." She crossed her arms over her chest, slamming her feet on the dashboard. "I've felt like this since I went to Arizona."

I pulled over on the side of the desolate road and turned off the engine.

"Bella, tell me what's wrong." I turned my body to her, pulling her arms from her stance. She rubbed at her eyes and curled up.

"Everything is wrong. Ever since that day at the beach, when you told me what your mother felt about you . . . and how I feel about my mother and just what happened to both of us . . . our lives can't be this great. Come on! I mean, we can't have great sex, a great relationship, and have no consequences," she said.

I couldn't tell why she was in such a pissed off mood, why she was so angry at the world.

"Edward, I love you so much, so, so much. But I can't shake this fucking feeling." She crawled across the center, curling her around my neck, tightly. She kissed my neck, up to my mouth. She kissed me hard and intensely and I wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her to me. "Just promise me you'll always be there. That even if we break up or are somehow not in a relationship, that we'll be friends." She raised her eyebrows and frowned.

"I promise, Bella."

She disconnected from me and sat in the passenger's seat without another word. She looked out of the window, where it was still raining.

I looked at her, her long dark hair lying over her shoulders, her lips tinted pink and puffy from our kissing.

"What?" she asked, after I sat there just looking at her.

"Are you okay? I mean seriously?" I said to her.

She shook her head. "No, I'm not. But what the hell? Am I ever going to be okay?"

She was right. Were we?

I continued the driving to the mall in the pouring rain. We ran into the building, Bella slipping and falling a few times. It was hard not to laugh at her. She was so cute.

Bella and I walked around the mall, going into stores, buying everything and anything we wanted. We were being just a little bit spoiled, and it helped that Alice and Jasper had given us access to all the fucking money we could ever possibly want.

I sure wasn't complaining. And neither was Bella considering she bought everything she touched.

But I got bored after a while. I didn't like being at the mall for long periods of time. I could only take so much pushing and shoving in a day, you know. But Bella liked it, shopping, walking, and moving. She was so excited by the little things, and even though it was an unimportant day in April, she bought everyone gifts: Alice a chunky charm bracelet and Jasper a watch, which "subliminally matched" according to what Bella said.

As for my gift, I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I thought it was . . .

"I think," she said, pulling my arm to stop me, "we should get piercings."

I looked to where she was gazing, a tattoo and piercing shop. I stared blankly at Bella. It was absolutely out of the question. She had to be ridiculously insane for me to agree to stick any fucking needles unnecessarily through my body.

But she looked up at me with her brown eyes . . . those eyes I would do anything for . . . and I couldn't help but forget about my hate of needles.

"Bella," I said, making a face. "I don't like needles."

"It won't hurt, Edward," she said. She smiled.

"Says the girl who cuts herself for fun."

Bella laughed. "Come on," she pleaded. "It will be fun!"

I didn't have to answer her, seeing as she dragged me in there anyway. I didn't even know what she wanted me to get pierced. If she even mentioned my dick, I was walking out of there without her.

"Bells. What the hell do you want me to get pierced?" I asked her. I leaned against the glass counter as she looked through, skimming the body jewelry.

What the fuck was I getting myself into?

"Your tongue," she said automatically. She stuck her tongue out and wiggled it in that suggestive manner that would have made her blush if I'd have done it. I grinned.

"Have you thought a lot about this?" I asked her. She shook her head.

"It just seems right. And I think it would look very sexy, dear boyfriend." She smiled and winked. I watched her as she tossed back her hair, and placed her hand on her hips. Her clothes were still wet, so they clung tightly to her body, her flimsy top doing nothing to hide the fact that her nipples were hard. She'd been wearing jeans, but they were the kind that accentuated her hips, ass, and thighs, not to mention the incredible length of her legs, even though she was only 5'6".

"And what are you getting pierced?" I asked her.

She smiled. "My nipples."

I shook my head. "You never stop surprising me," I said to her. I slid my hand into the back pocket of her jeans, pulling her to me.

"Can I help you guys?" A man with long hair came out from the back, pulling off the rubber gloves he was wearing. He looked to be about late twenties, with a really skinny body. He reminded me of Travis Barker; tattoos and piercings . . . it was a fitting place for him to work.

"Umm," Bella hummed, looking up at the man. She smiled. "Is it possible that I could get my nipples pierced?" she asked him.

"Yeah, we can have female staff do that for you." He looked at Bella, as if questioning her age, and then looked at me. "And for you?"

"He wants a tongue piercing," Bella said. She grinned. The man looked at us.

"Your sister?" he asked me.

I laughed. "No. No way."

"I don't think so." Bella blushed, no doubt thinking of all of the fucking we've done that brothers and sisters can't do.

"Okay, well, let's get started. You, follow me," he said to me. I did and a girl came to get Bella so she could get her piercings. "My name is Justin," he said. He handed me a cup with a blue liquid inside.

"Rinse out your mouth."

I did, following his instructions to complete the procedure. Then I was sitting in a chair, my tongue stuck between two clamps, a huge needle ready to be stuck through. I was nervous. I didn't like needles. It was enough when I had to go to my doctor to get shots.

"Alright, ready?" he asked.

I just looked at the guy, not really able to talk considering the position I was in.

So he stuck the needle through and I shut my eyes tightly, the pain shooting through me. It went away after a few seconds, only becoming a dull throb, but I still didn't like it.

He pushed the bar through my tongue and screwed on the little ball that Bella had picked out.

"You're all set," Justin said, throwing away the used equipment and then it was over. I had to admit, it was fucking weird having something metal sticking through my tongue. And I wouldn't be able to eat for a few hours, but it wasn't a big deal. I knew Alice would go nuts. At least you couldn't see the piercings Bella had.

Justin gave me a packet of paper that held all of the rules and procedures I needed to follow to keep the piercing clean and to stay away from infections.

But I understood by what Bella meant how hurting yourself was addiction. So I decided to get a tattoo and a second piercing through the bottom right side of my lip. When I was finished, Bella was waiting outside of the room, leaning against the wall with a magazine in her hand. When she looked up, she grinned at me.

"Wow. It's looks good Mr. Cullen," she said. "Let me see the other."

I stuck my tongue out at her. She bit her lip.

"I liked it. Did you get anything else?"

"A tattoo." I flashed her a half smile.

She looked at me. "Of what?" She slid her hands on her hips. I looked down from her face, too her chest, able to see the little rings through her flimsy shirt. I grinned.

"It's a surprise," I said to her. She looked up at me and smiled.

"You're talking with a lisp." She giggled. "It's cute."

I shook my head and together, we walked up to the register. Justin rang us up and I pushed the black card to him, and he took it.

It cost a few hundred dollars, what we'd done together, but I felt like it was so totally worth it.

We left the mall and I drove Bella back to her house. She invited me inside, and I wasn't one to turn down an invitation. She threw her shopping bags down and let herself fall on her bed. "Ugh. My nipples hurt," she said.

"I would imagine so, considering," I said to her.

She giggled. "You're still talking with your lisp." She beckoned me over and I lay on my back, next to her. "It's adorable." She kissed my cheek and laughed. "I was serious about my nipples hurting." She sat up and faced me, lifting up her shirt to show me. Through her nipples were two silver bars with 3-mm balls on either side. "What do you think?" she asked.

I couldn't say I didn't like them. In fact, they went well with Bella. "They look good."

"Good," she said. She let her shirt fall over her naked chest. "Now," she said standing up. Bella took off her coat and kicked off her shoes, stripping out of her jeans. "Show me your tattoo," she said. I laughed.

"Fine." I shook off my jacket and pulled off my t-shirt, turning around so she could see my back. Up between my shoulders were three perfectly simple letters. IMS. That was it. No flourish, no pictures, no extravagance. Just three scripted letters.

Bella was silent. She traced the letters with her fingers, placing a kiss over it. She wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing her body against me.

"I can't believe you did that," she whispered. But then she laughed to herself. "Then again, I did want you to carve your name into my body." She sprinkled kisses all over my neck and shoulder, eventually her entire body coming to sit on my lap. She linked her legs behind me. "You do realize you're going to have that forever," she said softly.

"Because I'd have you forever."

She giggled. "I don't know how you can be so rough with me, and then be so charming." She tightened her grip around my neck. I rested my hands on her thighs. "Spend the night with me," she said. "Please?" She leaned forward, and gave me a kiss.

"I have school in the morning," I said to her. "And you'd have to wake up early to go with Alice for your appointment, anyway."

"I know, but I like sleeping together," she said. She sighed. Her lips turned up into a smile. Just things like smiling made Bella so much prettier than she already was. "You're right. But don't think you're off the hook, mister." She smiled brighter. "Go home. You look tired."

"I'll see you after school tomorrow," I said to her. She walked me to the door and grinned.

"I'll be here, unless I'm out with Alice or something." She pulled my close, for a hug rather than a kiss, putting her soft, sweet lips at my ear. "Don't forget to fantasize about me, boyfriend," she whispered like countless times before. I shook my head and walked to my car, driving away to home. I took the stairs up, letting myself into the apartment.

It was dark, so I assumed Alice was out. I turned on some lights and went to my bedroom, showering and dress solely in a pair of boxers. I looked at my appearance in the mirror.

The ring in my lip looked weird. It made me look like one of those freaky emo kids. I stuck my tongue out, the sliver bar sticking out.

The only thing I had really wanted was the tattoo. Bella was important to me.

I lay in my bed, trying to sleep. I was exhausted. Between the sex and school, I hadn't got a lot of sleep, and damn, I could sleep for days.

**Review. I'm serious. You won't like it so much when a character you like dies.**


	17. Meet The Parents

**I know that this is a very short chapter, but I had to cut it in half because the second part of this didn't fit too well. But I hope you enjoy.**

Alice left with Bella so she could get on the pill and make sure she wasn't already pregnant. Zac and Lila came over and we sparked up a blunt, smoking on the front porch before school. Lila didn't want to smoke though, so she just lay on the couch waiting for us to finish.

"Where's your girlfriend?" he asked. I took a drag, letting the smoke fill my lungs before answering.

"She's with Alice. She's getting a pregnancy test."

Zac's face changed. He looked shocked and surprised, like he had a million questions. I wasn't worried about it though. I passed him the blunt.

"Don't you think you should be a little bit more nervous?" he asked. "You might be having a baby." He grimaced. "I can't see you with a kid."

"I'm not having a kid though," I said. Apparently Bella and I were the only people who weren't worried. We'd used condoms, and I pulled out before I came each time we hadn't used a condom. Bella was fine, and no one was going to have a baby.

Zac shook his head in complete disbelief. "Think about it. If Alice really wanted her to get that damn test then there's a reason. Alice knows everything."

"Dude. Do you really think I'm that fucking stupid? I've had sex way too many times before to know how to pull out." I flashed him a look. "And even Bella said she didn't want to get pregnant. It's not going to happen."

"Whatever man. I'm just saying you should take your head out of the fucking clouds and be prepared in case it does happen. Not all of us are perfect."

I looked at Zac. I felt like he was trying to say that Lila was pregnant without actually saying it. I blinked a few times. "Zac. Dude. Is Lila . . . ?"

He took in a deep breath. "She found out last week, and I'm not sure what to do about it."

"You're not going to leave her, right?"

"Hell, no, man. That would solve nothing. And, I still love her."

He left it at that, so I didn't press the subject any further.

I was driving us all to school, when my phone rang. The number was blocked, but I answered it anyway.

"Hello?"

"Edward, I'm pregnant."

I could feel Zac's gaze on me as I heard her say those words. How could she be pregnant? She was the one that demanded we use condoms all the time? It was . . . a surprise to say the lease. A big fucking surprise.

"Are you going to tell Jasper?" I said into the phone. She sighed. I was feeling just a little bit sick. How I was I supposed to help take care of a kid?

"I did. It was the first thing I did. He suggested I tell you, too." Her voice was happy, only tinged with a little bit of annoyance. After all, it was Alice who took Bella to see if Bella was pregnant. Alice must have taken a test as well, and found out she was. Alice was pregnant. Now, wasn't that calling the pot calling the kettle black?

"And Bella? Is she pregnant?" I asked slowly.

"Hold on," Alice said. I could hear shuffling as she passed the phone.

"Hello?" Bella's voice was sad. Which, in turn, made me anticipate the worst.

"Bella . . . are you-"

"No," she said slowly. "The thing is, when they took some of my tests, they wanted to take more because they found some sort of irregularity or abnormality. I know this isn't a big deal now, since we're not trying for a kid, but I can't have kids at all. Ever." She was silent, and I could only hear her breathing. I wasn't sure what to say. It was like finding out your best friend's mother died. What could you really do?

"Can you . . . can you come get me?" she asked in a small voice. I could tell she was going to cry. I could feel it.

"Yeah, sure." I shifted into the next lane over, going to make a U-turn.

And then she started crying.

"Edward," Alice's voice said. "She's really beat up about this. Just . . . handle it carefully. I'll be home in a few hours, okay?"

"Yeah."

She hung up and I tossed my phone onto the dashboard. Zac looked over at me. "What's up?" he said, concerned. I took a deep breath.

"Bella found out she can't have kids. At all," I said. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I never saw myself with a bunch of little kids, married, with a picket-fence house.

"At all?" Lila asked from the back seat. She laughed. "If you want a kid, I'll give you mine," she said.

I smiled at her through the rearview mirror. "Thanks, but I don't think I can take an adopted kid," I said. Why the hell would I want to take in a kid when they could have their own parents? So they can turn out like me? I don't think so.

"Why couldn't you take an adopted kid?" she asked. "You'd have to if you and Bella wanted to ever have kids."

"Because I'm adopted," I mumbled. I wasn't sure if I should have told Lila and Zac. They were my best friends, the only people I'd learned to trust. So why did I feel like I'd told someone my deep dark secret?

No one said anything. Lila sat in the back seat, her hand on her stomach, her other hand twirling her long dirty blonde hair. Zac was just looking out of the window, preoccupied with the scenery.

I didn't know what to think. Ever since leaving that damn center, I've felt like I was brainless, like I couldn't fucking think for myself at all. I just did things, and endured the repercussions.

Bella was standing outside when I pulled up, hugging her coat around her body. She wasn't crying, but her face was blank. Zac moved from the front seat to the back, next to Lila, and Bella sat next to me.

She didn't say anything, didn't acknowledge anyone in the car, she just took my hand.

I finished driving Zac and Lila to school, but I took Bella home. Well, to Alice's penthouse, rather than her father's house.

I felt stupid for even remotely believing that I could help her. I couldn't. I knew I didn't have anything smart to say to her, so what then? I was in a fucked position, and even though I knew that, I couldn't help but want to try.

Esme believes I'm a spineless little bitch, but when I was raised by the devil herself, there was no space to be fucking spineless.

* * *

Bella looked like a zombie. There was no nice way of saying it. She was mute, and she'd been crying all day. Her eyes were redder than blood, and there were dark circles under her eyes. Her lips were swollen and dark pink, her cheeks flushed with color. I gave her space, but every so often, she found me on the balcony, smoking, and dragged me back to my bedroom where we fucked. I felt guilty for fucking enjoying sex with her, when she was so sad and angry. What kind of asshole was I?

I was leaning against the balcony smoking a cigarette after Bella decided she would take a shower. It was almost seven and I hadn't heard from Alice, who was the one who was actually pregnant.

Bella came outside, her long, wet hair in a messy ponytail. She was wearing tiny black shorts and a long-sleeved light purple sweater that cut low in the front. She had no make-up on, any jewelry was nonexistent, and her brown eyes were red. And even then, she was still gorgeous.

"I never wanted kids, you know," she said. She took the cigarette from my hand, and put it to her lips, taking a drag. She exhaled the smoke through her nose. I watched her, as she leaned against the banister, looked up to the sky, and closed her eyes.

I didn't say anything to her. I didn't want to scare her away. I didn't want her to stop talking to me. We hadn't talked much the entire day.

"But I still thought I had the option," she continued. "I could have had one if I wanted. Or twenty." She looked at me and smiled softly. "We're seventeen. Like we need a fucking kid," she laughed. I just looked at her. "But it would have been nice to know that we could have if we decided we wanted one." Her smile fell. "What are you thinking?"

"Are you okay?"

"Fuck, no," she said. "I'm the farthest fucking thing from okay. There's one thing women are put on the earth to do. Have babies. That's why there are more girls than boys on the earth. But I can't even do that." She shook her head, taking another drag from the cigarette. "It's like I'm such a fucked up kid, the universe doesn't want me to reproduce."

"Bella, that's not true," I said to her. "There are other ways to have a baby if you wanted one."

"I know that," she murmured. "But it's not the same as waking up pregnant with a kid from the guy you love." She shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe it's just a girl thing." She sighed. "It's not enough for some other fucking chick to have my kid." Her eyes were angry. At herself, because of the way her body was. And I felt sorry for her. This was something I couldn't fix for her, and it was killing me. I couldn't make her better, which meant I couldn't make her happy. And that fucking frustrated me.

She walked over to me, handing me the cigarette. "What if one day, you woke up, and realized the only thing in life you wanted right then was a baby?" she asked me. She pushed the hair away from my face with her fingers. They were cold, her fingernails stained with blood. There was a new bandage on her wrist. I frowned. "I couldn't give you the one thing you wanted."

"I want you, Bella. I'm not going to wake up one day, wanting to have a baby. I want _you_. And there's nothing else. God, if I wanted a kid, I'd take Lila's. But I don't. Bella, I never saw myself with a kid, much less with a girl like you," I said to her. Her face lit up. "You're more than I could ever want."

She wrapped her arms around my waist, and I pulled her to me.

"I want you, too," she said, softly.

We stood there, on the balcony for a while, not saying much, but Bella's mood changed. She wasn't sulking anymore, and she was laughing and giggling at all my stupid jokes. I guess that's what she was worried about; the fact that one day, I might want a kid. But I didn't care. If I had Bella, I was set for the rest of my life. However short or long that may be.

"Hey," she said. She looked up at me, still sad, but she was smiling.

"Yeah?"

"I think I should take you to meet my Dad. We could have dinner or something. I'm supposed to be coming out of school now any way," she said.

I shrugged. "Okay."

Bella put her uniform back on, and I followed suit, and drove her to her house.

Her father was there already home, and she held my hand as we walked in.

"Hey, Daddy," she said.

"Hey, Kid. Edward."

I nodded to him and sort of smiled. Bella looked up at me, confused.

"You guys here to study or something?" Chief Swan asked.

Bella hesitated. "Well, I just wanted to introduce you to Edward," she said.

"I already know him, Isabella," Chief said. He raised his eye brows.

"So you know he's my boyfriend, then?"

"I do now."

"I invited him for dinner," she said. "Is that okay?"

Bella's father didn't seem any different. I think for the entire time since he'd met me, he'd known that Bella and I were involved in that way, rather than not.

"You know the rules Bella," the Chief said. "No boys in the house after ten. And curfew is at midnight on weekdays, two a.m. on weekends."

"I know, Daddy."

He grinned. "I know you know. I making sure he knows it."

Bella and I laughed. Her father was a good guy. Just like mine. But our mothers . . .

"Edward, your sister. How is she doing?" Charlie asked.

"She's fine. She found out she was pregnant, so she's with Jasper—"

Charlie's face fell. "She's pregnant?"

Bella and I nodded simultaneously. Charlie looked utterly surprised. "At least they're good together, rather than not. She's good for him."

At least he approved. I wondered how _my _father would take it.

"Okay, well, we're going to go hand out with Leah and Jake . . ." Bella said.

"They're in her room," Charlie said.

So we went upstairs, but to Bella's room instead. We were making out, nothing hardcore, but it made me feel a little bit better about everything that happened today. Bella was something stable in my life, something I was used to. Talking to her, kissing her, fucking her . . . it was something _normal_ to me. And I had some energy to burn, and Bella was a little more eager than I expected.

"Edward," she whispered as I sucked on her neck, my fingers between her thighs. She bucked her hips toward me, my fingers sliding in and out of her in a slow-paced rhythm. She was smooth and wet, so enticing . . .

There was a knock at her door just then and Bella growled. I grinned at her. She took my hand and licked my fingers, slowly and I couldn't help but imagine that mouth on my dick.

She stood up and answered her bedroom door, Leah standing there.

"I need some condoms. Do you have?"

Bella looked at me, and I took the ribbon out of the drawer next to her bed, and tossed it to Bella.

"Here you go," Bella said to Leah.

"You don't need any?"

"I'm on the pill, sister," she said happily.

Leah smiled thoughtfully. "I'll have to get on that. In the meantime . . ." she grinned and disappeared. I laughed.

Bella closed and locked the door, and crawled back on the bed. She crawled on top of me, and I leaned up to kiss her.

* * *

Bella spent the weekend at my house, hanging out with Alice. We were on the sofa, just watching a movie.

The doorbell rang then, and Bella untangled herself from me to go. I waited for Bella to come back. But when she did, she just asked me to come downstairs because there was a woman who wanted to see me.

It was a woman, a redhead I don't remember ever meeting, dressed in a pair of jeans and a navy blue sweater. She was a little taller than Bella but her hair was the same length. She looked familiar, but I couldn't fucking figure it out . . .

"She said she needed to talk to you," Bella said. She shrugged.

I looked at the red head. And it was then I figured out why she looked so familiar. She looked like _me_. My green eyes, my red hair, my freckles across her nose.

"My name is Elizabeth, and . . . well, I just wanted to see you . . . I'm not sure what to say." She looked mixed-up, confused, sad, happy, and even a little bit angry. I wasn't sure why, but she was. "You're bigger than I thought you would be." Her eyes watered. "You look like your father," she whispered.

I looked up at Bella, who was standing next to me. She looked shocked; her eyes were wide and scared. She'd realized who she was, who this woman was to me. "I can-I can leave you guys . . ." Bella said hesitantly. She looked at me, her eyes confused. I took Bella's hand as she tried to walk away. Bella frowned and shook her head. "I think you need time alone, Edward," she said softly.

"Stay," I pleaded. Because frankly, I figured that I couldn't do it without her.

"Elizabeth," I said, carefully, "this is Isabella, my girlfriend. Bells, this is my biological mother."


	18. Playing God

**Hi! Enjoy!**

EPOV

Elizabeth shook Bella's hand as I introduced them, like I'd known Elizabeth my entire life.

"It's wonderful to meet you," Bella said.

"Likewise."

Elizabeth looked up at me, her eyes unsure. "I would have thought you would have been angry at me . . ." she shook her head. "I don't know. I just imagined you hating me."

"I'm not. I—" Fuck. I'd said I wanted to see her. I wanted to meet my actual mother. And here she was, standing right in front of me, and I didn't know what the hell to say to her.

Bella smiled. "How about we go inside. I was about to call in for dinner," she said smoothly. Elizabeth nodded, so in the living room, Bella and I sat on the couch, while Elizabeth sat in the arm chair. She reminded me of Bella, her mannerisms, how she was so elegant while doing normal things. I guess that's what it was like being a dancer.

"So, can you tell me what happened? What really happened to you? How you got pregnant? With Me and Eva?" I asked her. Bella was holding my hand, and I could feel her discomfort, but the fact that she stayed . . . I knew I was a fucking wreck. I'd been smoking weed and cigarettes, was wearing last night's pajamas, and could have used a shower.

"What do you mean? I would have thought you'd have known," she said. Her green eyes, like my own, were clear and flecked with gold.

"I've been told a few different versions."

"Well, your father, and I were best friends since we were little. We were about fourteen when we decided to have sex. We weren't really prepared, so I became pregnant. I couldn't tell my Dad . . . he would have killed Eddie and would have disowned me. So, Eddie's sister, Elena, helped me with my pregnancy . . . but my water broke while I was at dinner with my parents. They were furious. They hadn't even the slightest hint that I was pregnant." She sighed. "Eddie's parents sent him away to boarding school . . . he's never seen you or your sister. We're together now, but . . . we've always regret putting both of you up for adoption." She shook her head. "You're the only kids we've had. We felt like it would be unfair to have more, considering we'd had two already."

I sat back in my chair. Though there had been a few misconceptions of the stories I've been told about her, but this was . . . she regretted giving me up. I was . . . wanted. I looked at Bella and she smiled softly.

"How did you find me?" I asked next. She smiled.

"A blonde woman came to my office and demanded that I see you. Her name was Rosalie; I don't know if you know her or not. But, she showed me a picture of you and I came here. Though I've been pacing my hotel room for three days worried you'd hate me." Her smile was fucking luminous. This was my mother. A woman who cared if I was upset with her, who was worried about my feelings. She sat across from Bella and me, not judging, but absorbing everything she saw.

"And my father? Is he here?" I asked her. She nodded.

"He thought it would be a bit much if we both ambushed you."

I looked at Bella. She was dazed, looking at Elizabeth with a confused, but pensive stare.

"But he's here?" I asked her.

She nodded. Elizabeth took in a deep breath. "How long have you guys been dating?" she asked.

"Six months," Bella said softly.

I smiled. "But it feels like our whole lives," I said to her. Bella's grip tightened on my hand.

"That's nice," she murmured. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you really try to kill yourself?" she asked. I was different talking to her about something like this. I felt . . . ashamed that I'd tried to, and didn't want to admit it to her.

But I nodded anyway, and she looked sad.

"Why?"

I shrugged. "Because I wanted attention," I said. "I was a shallow person. I didn't have enough attention, so I tried to commit suicide so I could be satisfied."

She nodded understandingly, and sighed. "Will you ever try it again?" she asked softly.

"No, I don't think so." I sat back, still holding Bella's hand.

Elizabeth smiled content.

Elizabeth, Bella, and I talked over dinner; until Elizabeth was convinced she was monopolizing my time, and wanted to get back to her husband. And I felt . . . a sense of longing towards her. She was my mother, but she was also a complete stranger. I didn't know her that well to be feeling the sense of belonging that I did with her.

"Can you and my father come by tomorrow?" I asked her, sort of sheepish and shy.

She smiled, though, like I'd made her day. "Of course, baby," she said. She hugged me, and for the first time beside from Bella and Alice, I felt something towards another person. This was my mother. She was here now. And I wasn't going to let anyone take her away from me.

Alice came home then, with Jasper right behind her, who was carrying all sorts of shopping bags. She'd bought baby stuff. Because she was having a baby. I didn't really know how I was going to cope with that. I wasn't really fond of small children. At all. Crying and begging and needing all the time. I couldn't do it. I'd kill myself.

Bella and I helped with her bags.

Alice looked so happy.

"I'm having a baby, and because of this, Jasper and I had an extremely long talk about what we were going to do," Alice said. They were hugging each other and being all cute, and I could see Bella smile greatly. It was all I could do not to roll my eyes and my cheesy sister. "We're going to buy a house in LA," she announced.

Bella's smile fell as well as my own. She shook her head. "I thought the whole point of living here was to have Edward nearby," she said.

Alice was still smiling. "But this is the best part," she began.

Both Bella and I just stood there, looking at her, waiting to hear what she'd planned.

Alice produced a ring of keys. Two keys to be exact. On e a regular house key and the other key for a car. I was still confused. She handed the ring to me.

"I'm giving Edward the penthouse so he can stay here."

Bella grinned. "You're letting him stay?" she said.

"Why not? He's a big boy, and you're here most of the time anyway," Japer said. "And we can even maybe convince Dad to let you live here instead of home. But after graduation."

"So you guys are moving after graduation," I asked them. Alice nodded.

"We can get everything settled by then, and I want to make sure you're okay," Alice said to me.

"I'm fine," I said. "My mother came by today."

"What did she want? She's such a bitch you know. Always—"

I cut Alice off. "Not _your_ mother," I said. "_My biological_ mother."

Alice's eyes opened wide. I felt sick, strangely enough. "Really?"

I nodded. "What did she say? What happened?"

"We talked about her for a while. Whatever mom told you was a lie. She wasn't raped. She just had a baby with the guy she loved. Not a crime," I said to Alice. She stared at me.

"And your dad? Did you get to meet him?" she asked me.

"No. But they're coming by tomorrow. So . . ."

"Okay, Edward. I'm—" Alice smiled. "I'm happy for you."

Alice hugged me and I hugged her back, her body so tiny in my arms. She laughed.

"I love you, Edward," she said softly.

I sighed and smiled. "I love you too, Alice."

Alice and Jasper went upstairs after that, leaving me and Bella alone. I pulled her to me.

"I'm happy," she whispered. "Even though this day was totally weird." She smiled.

"I'm happy too." I kissed her, slowly and intensely, one that ended up with Bella against a wall, pressed against me. She had her legs open and around my waist.

"It's weird having sex with them in the house," she whispered.

"So, what then?"

She shrugged. "Let's just not," she said.

I let her slide down my body, her hands still firm on my shoulders. She felt so good, being this close to her, not really doing anything.

"A movie, then?" I asked her. She nodded. So we sat on the sofa and watched a movie. And that was basically it for the night until she fell asleep. I carried her to my bedroom, and Jasper called Bella's dad to tell him she was spending the night.

I hadn't had thoughts of suicide in a while. In fact, I couldn't even remember the last time I had. But just seeing my mother and Alice wanting to move away, it brought back certain feelings I'd been feeling before. Like being alone. That was the last thing I wanted. And even with Bella so close to me, I thought it might be better if she didn't have me pulling her down. Because eventually I would. I was going to drive her insane and she would leave me. And I didn't think I could handle breaking up with her.

"Edward?"

I turned around and saw Bella there, dressed in an oversized t shirt and not much else.

"What are you doing?" she asked. She walked over to the sofa, standing in front of me.

I looked up at her, guilty for thinking all of those things that I had. "I'm just watching TV," I said to her.

"Come back to bed with me," she said. She rubbed her eyes, a cute little gesture. I turned off the television and walked over to her, taking her back to the room. She pulled me to her, and I leaned down to kiss her. She ran her fingers through my hair, and when I pressed my hand to the small of her back, she moaned. She took my lip in between her teeth, biting softly. When she let go, she slid her hands underneath my shirt, her smile more dangerous than it was playful. "Fuck me," she said, her voice ringing softly, but still, I could hear the lust and want inside of those two words. So I pushed her against the wall, slid my hand underneath her shirt and pulled down her panties.

Bella groaned and I lifted her up as her hands worked to push down my pants. When she did, she grabbed my cock in her tiny hands, gliding up and down my shaft a few times. I threw y head back, just feeling all of the things Bella did to me. She guided me to her entrance I thrust inside of her as she gripped my shoulders, groaning in my ear. I pounded her into the wall; nothing measured, nothing gentle, just fucking because I felt like it.

But she was so warm and so tight and so delicious and perfect . . . it was hard to control myself.

My hands touched her breasts underneath her shirt her hard nipples pressing against my palms.

"God, I don't even—" Bella gasped and moved her hips against mine.

I gripped her ass, and she played with her clit, and made eye contact with me. "I'm coming."

I moved faster, harder inside of her, coming after she did. My balls tingled and I was completely spent, spilling everything I had inside of her.

Bella panted, and I watched her face. She closed her eyes and smiled.

"Warn a girl when you're going to get all aggressive," she said.

"Sorry."

She looked up at me, her eyes burning. She put a hand on my face. "Don't be." She gave a lazy smile. "It was good," she said.

"I thought you said it was weird?" I raised an eyebrow and she grinned.

"Well it's three in the morning. I think we're safe." She put a hand on my face, running her fingers through my hair. I reveled in the softness of her skin, how comfortable I felt with Bella. "Are you okay?"

I grinned at her. She stood on her toes and kissed me, her hips still in my hands. We just stood there, like idiots, looking into each other's eyes. I felt guiltier that I had before. But even then, dying just seemed like the best way to go. I loved Bella. With all of my heart, and I had no doubt that the feeling was mutual. But could I live with the regret that I hadn't done the thing that I most wanted right? I felt like suicide was the only way to escape all of this fucking shit I'm enduring in my life. I couldn't hide forever from my mother, and not live up to my biological parent's new expectations of me. And Bella.

Oh, Bella. She expected nothing, but then again, expected everything. I couldn't give her all that she wanted. I wasn't stable enough to.

"Of course I'm okay."

Bella looked at the necklace I'd been wearing, just a chain with a silver circle, a square cut through the middle. Nothing extravagant, but I'd taken to wearing it all the time, since I was in middle school. She smiled.

"It's pretty," she said.

"My Dad gave it to me when I was in fifth or sixth grade. I've worn it ever since."

Her smile faltered just the tiniest bit. "Wow. I wish I had something like that," she whispered.

"I love you," I said. Her eyes found mine quickly and she smiled.

"Say it again."

"I love you."

"Again."

"I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you."

She smiled softly. "One more time?"

I grinned at her, picked her up in my arms bridal style, and took her to the bed. We climbed in and Bella snuggled into my side, her head on my chest, her arm resting over my stomach, her leg draped over my hips. I turned so I was facing her though, the fronts of our bodies pressed tightly together.

"I love you," I whispered into her ear. She kissed my neck.

"I know," she whispered back. "And I love you, too."

Fuck suicide. We weren't perfect, Bella and I, but we were together, and somehow, together, I felt alright.

BPOV

Dad, Sue, Seth, Leah, and I all went to La Push for the day, fishing and swimming, and even though I missed Edward with all of my fucking heart, I was having so much fun. Seth and Leah showed me around, until Jacob joined our group.

A little while later, Leah and Seth left to go pay respects to their father, Dad joining them, leaving me alone with Jacob on the beach.

He was a hot guy. His hair was long, but it was nice. And he was built, like an athlete, but more like a sports player, rather than a track runner, like Edward. I was wading in the water, and I could feel Jacob's eyes all over my body.

I wasn't ashamed of my scars. I embraced them. But even then, I did feel kind of weird standing in a bikini in the water with a guy I barely knew.

"What?" I said to him. "Stop staring at me."

He looked away, but there was something on his mind, something he wanted to ask me, but was too scared to do it. I already knew what it was about. Some people had the balls to ask me about my scars, and other people just sat there and pretended they knew all about me.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"What are all your scars from?" he asked.

I frowned, looking at my fingers through the crystal waters. "I used to cut myself," I said softly.

"Is it true you were in a center because you tried to kill yourself?" he continued.

I just nodded.

"I'm sorry."

I looked at him, his soulful brown eyes so penetrating. "Why? For what?"

"That you felt the need to leave us," he stated simply. He stared back into my eyes.

"Me too."

He smiled. "Why'd you do it?" he asked after his face turned sober. "I mean—"

"I know what you mean," I said to him. "My mother . . . she's the biggest bitch you could ever meet. And I mean _ever_. And I'm an attention whore, and no one loves me, blah blah blah," I said in a teasing tone of voice.

"You tried to kill yourself for attention?" Jacob asked.

I shrugged. "I just felt like if I wasn't around, my mom would care a little more, that she wouldn't pressure me anymore, that someone would fucking miss me."

Jacob pursed his lips. "You didn't think that boyfriend of yours would miss you?" he asked.

"I didn't know him then. Believe me. If I had, I wouldn't have tried it."

Jacob said nothing and I continued further into the water, quietly humming to myself.

Later that night, I was lying in my bed, asleep. But then something jolted me awake. The first thing that came to mind was Edward. But the feeling I felt, it was all wrong.

I was worried.

It was only midnight, according to my clock. I picked up my phone, only to see that it died. I plugged it in, and when it illuminated to life, I had six voicemails, and several text messages.

I ignored them, and called Edward, his cell phone going straight to voicemail. So I left him a message.

"Just calling to make sure you're okay," I said softly. "Call me in the morning—"

Alice came into my room, and I looked at her. She looked panicked and scared and she was crying.

"What's wrong?" I said, jumping out of my bed.

"It's Edward."

EPOV

The next day, Sunday, Bella and her family had gone to visit the reservation, so she'd been gone the whole day. Alice was off with Jasper doing baby stuff, and Zac and Lila, as well as the rest of my friends, had been equally busy.

Elizabeth called and said she couldn't come today, and wanted to have lunch with me, along with my father, the next day. I told I her I had school, so she suggested dinner, which I agreed to.

I sat on the sofa, playing Halo, when Rosalie walked in, a red mini dress and sunglasses. She was also carrying a box of pizza.

"Hello little brother," she said. She sat next to me, and I tried hard to ignore her, but it had some to my attention that I was fucking starving. "Thought I'd stop by and keep you company."

I rolled my eyes, otherwise not taking my eyes of the television screen. "It's a little late for that, don't you think? Considering it's almost eight," I said to her.

"Come on Edward. I don't hate you. I just thought that maybe, we could smoke a little and just chill. Can we at least do that?"

I paused the game, looking at her. "I'm not surprised that you know I smoke, Rosalie, but I didn't know you did," I said to her.

She didn't smile like I thought she would. "There's a lot to me you don't know," she said. But she pulled out a bag of weed and shrugged. "Are you up for it?" she asked.

I nodded. "Sure Rosie," I said. I shook my head surprised at the nickname I'd called her. I haven't called her Rosie years. Her face looked surprised, a mix of happiness and nostalgia.

"You haven't called me Rosie since you were eight," she said.

"I missed you, I guess. Not the bitch, but the sister that would let me sleep with her because the thunder scared me," I said softly.

"I remember how you, me, and Alice would have slumber parties when there were thunderstorms. Because we were all too scare to sleep alone," she said. I laughed.

"And we would all hide under the covers in your room because you had the biggest bed. With flash lights, too, telling stupid stories." I remembered those nights; we would stay up so late we would all feign sickness in the morning because we didn't want to go to school.

"And you would always fall asleep first. Alice and I would sing the lullabies that Mom sang to us when we were little to you while you stayed asleep," she said.

"You guys were the best," I said back. Because they had been. I'd had the best sisters ever. We were so close.

"And now . . . I'm sorry that I'm so retarded," Rosalie rolled her eyes and started crying. "I hate myself for everything. You don't know how much I want to just go back to those days and have you and Alice as close as you were to me.

"Alice told me about the fight you had with Mom. I can't believe she's so heartless. I'm so glad Dad is getting a divorce from her." She shook her head and lit up and blunt. I watched, her shaky fingers holding it to her mouth. She inhaled and exhaled slowly. Her blue eyes were sad.

"Nothing matters anymore," I said. "It happened. And now I'm here. We're here."

"I love you, Eddie-kins."

I grinned at her. "Thanks for finding my mom, Rose," I said.

She smiled. "I had to do something. And I figured that was it."

I nodded. "It was."

I stood up and was about to walk to the kitchen when Rosalie shouted.

"What the hell is that on your back, Edward?" she yelled. She stood up and walked over to me, scrutinizing the tattoo I had there. I shrugged.

"Just something.

"_I M S_ . . . what does that stand for?" she asked. I smiled.

"Isabella Marie Swan."

"Who the fuck is she?"

I turned around. "_She _is my girlfriend."

She shook her head. "You got a tattoo of a girlfriend? What is your future wife going to think?" Rosalie said disapprovingly.

"I think she'll like it considering they're _her_ initials," I retorted. She laughed like it was never going to happen, but said nothing otherwise.

I grabbed a bottle of liquor from the kitch and a few cups, and we continued smoking, drinking and laughing.

It was eleven the next time I checked the clock.

"You want to go to the beach?" She asked.

I looked at her. "Are you sure we should be driving while we're like this?"

"I'm fine. I can drive. And besides. The beach is right there." She grinned. "Let's go!"

"It's late already, Rose. And I have school in the morning . . ."

"You can skip one day. Come on! Be a badass!"

I laughed at her and finally agreed, so Rosalie put on one of Alice's bathing suits and I pulled on my trunks, and we were headed for the beach.

In the car, we were listening to the radio. Rosalie was so happy, singing along. We were stopped at a red light and I sat back and closed my eyes.

I thought about Bella. The song playing, reminded me of her.

_She'll pick up just to watch you fall  
it's her hands on my hips, I can't escape 'em  
it's that mouth and those lips, try not to taste 'em_

I opened my eyes, and the light turned green, so Rosalie drove forward. But we were in the wrong place at the wrong time, I guess you could say.

Or maybe it was fate. I had been asking for it.

But right as we drove through the intersection, a red, gleaming Mustang was driving fast toward us, and I stared at it, confused. Only then I realized what was going to happen. And when it did happen, the scratch of metal against metal was so loud, so ominous.

It was silent then, and I couldn't open my eyes, I could only hear Rosalie screaming my name, barely feeling her hands on me.

She kept screaming, and as I was sure she was getting louder, I could barely hear her. And then, I fell unconscious.

**So remember all the times that I said I was going to kill a character? **

**This can go one of two ways. You decide. **

**Review.**


	19. Earthquake

**Hi! I got many review saying not to kill Edward. Maybe if you'd review, then I wouldn't have to resort to such horrific plot twists. **

BPOV

_12:13 a.m._

I was numb. And I was sure it was because I was panicking, but I couldn't feel anything.

Jasper was driving. He was calm, holding Alice's hand as she sobbed in the front seat. No one knew what happened. So I was sitting there, in the back seat, expecting the worst. For Edward to be dead.

I mean, what else was I supposed to think? No one answered my questions, and Alice was crying _so _hard. I must have looked so heartless just sitting there and seeming to give a fuck about nothing.

The hospital was crawling with people. My Dad was in his uniform, sitting with a blonde girl. Alice ran up to her and started cursing at her, yelling and screaming, lashing out with her limbs.

"YOU HATED HIM SO MUCH THAT YOU HAD TO KILL HIM! I HATE YOU, I _HATE _YOU!" Alice shouted. I flinched every time she said the word hate. But Alice couldn't sincerely hate someone who loved her dearly, I thought. Alice was just angry that she'd helped Edward . . . for nothing.

"I swear to God, you bitch," she said, seething. "If he dies . . ." Alice just smacked the blonde girl clear across her face. The blonde didn't even hold up a hand to stop Alice's blow. It was like she wanted to be hit.

Maybe she was numb.

But Alice didn't stop. She grabbed the blonde's hair, and Charlie and Jasper had to hold Alice back before she did any real damage.

Jasper took Alice outside.

The blonde looked panicked. Her eyes were glazed over and wide, so crystal blue . . . she was Alice's sister. I saw the resemblance. Which meant her to be Rosalie.

When my father saw me, he looked so sympathetic. I walked up to him, slow and lifelessly.

"Isabella, Edward . . ." he began, his voice so soft and delicate, yet rough. "He was in an accident. And the doctors don't think he's going to make it."

"What do you mean he's not going to make it, Daddy?"

"He's in surgery now, and one of the doctors came to tell us that it's not looking good at all."

I just looked at him, not comprehending what he was saying. I felt dizzy and lightheaded, and then next thing I knew, I was falling, my eyes closing.

_12:34 a.m._

My eyes fluttered open to see Emmett's face contorted with worry and concern. I closed my eyes again. I couldn't deal with this. The fact that Edward was lying somewhere in this fucking hospital, holding on by a thread to life. He couldn't die. Did he realize what this was going to do to me? Edward was my entire life. My entire life.

All of it.

I opened my eyes again, and Emmett helped me to sit up.

I was shaking and crying, a mess. Emmett pulled a jacket over my shoulders, hugging me tight. Jasper was sitting across from us, Alice lying her head in his lap, asleep. Dad was sitting on my other side, and Rosalie was by herself, standing near the exit. She was nursing a cup of coffee, her fingers trembling. She looked so lost in this.

Her bottom lip was bleeding, her tongue catching the blood every so often. Her eyes darted around the room, and then she stepped outside of the hospital, lighting a cigarette.

"Have you heard anything?" I asked Emmett. He shook his head.

"He's still in surgery," Emmett whispered. I sighed and looked down at my feet, the chipped electric blue nail polish not as cheery as it had been a few days ago.

I stood up.

"Hey," Emmett said. "Where are you going?"

"I . . . I—I have—I have to, um—" I stopped talking, trying to stop my brain from jumbling, and let myself calm down. I realized then that I was shaking too. "I have to go talk to her," I whispered finally. Emmett let me go, nodding his head.

I forced myself to walk over to her. She looked ashamed when her eyes met mine.

"I'm Bella," I said softly. I pulled the cigarette from her fingers and placed it at my lips, taking a drag. She crossed her arms.

"Rosalie," she said in return. She avoided my gaze, but I smiled at her anyway. I put a hand on her shoulder.

"You want to get another cup of coffee?" I asked her. "I feel like I could use one," I said to her.

"You don't know what happened do you?" she asked.

I looked at her. I was confused. Of course I did.

She shook her head. "I was the one driving," she said.

I froze. "You were with him?" I whispered to her.

She nodded reluctantly. "I didn't know what was happening. He didn't say anything. We were just driving to the beach . . . we were—we were friends again," she said.

I looked at her. I never thought she could be sadder than I was, considering I loved him more than my own life. But if I had to guess, I could say she was feeling pretty shitty. And I understood why. She was walking around drinking coffee, while Edward was lying on a hospital bed, barely breathing. And they'd been in the same car.

I was so stunned. But I couldn't be mean to her. Not like Alice had been. I'd heard so many bad things about Rosalie. But in reality, she was just as scared as the rest of us.

She walked with me to the cafeteria, where we sat down at the table, drinking hot coffee.

"I wasn't this sad the first time he almost died," she whispered. "In fact, I didn't care." Her blue eyes found mine. "I was stronger than he was. My mother was a great Mom when we were little. But as soon as Alice and I were old enough to look after Edward, she stopped caring. And Dad, he was so enveloped in his work that he couldn't see what a mess his family was.

"But I took after my mother. She was cold and heartless, but she was beautiful. And every day, I wished I could be like her. So when I found Edward unconscious in his bedroom from drinking so many pills. I panicked. I cried. I was scared. But as soon as I saw my mother, I swallowed it. And I lashed out.

"I told him I didn't hate him. But he didn't believe me. And so I got mad at him again. And it was because he wasn't bothered by the fact I was so cruel. Which meant I wasn't as good as my mother.

"But this night," she said. "We were getting there. We were becoming friends again. It was just me and Edward, joking around and laughing. And God knows I wish we can do it again. But I don't think I can handle it if he's gone."

Rosalie looked away, breaking down in to sobs. She was so beautiful, so gorgeous; it would take a lot to make her ugly. But even as she cried, she was still so elegant.

"When I met him, I knew what he was at the center for. Because we just clicked. Like _that_. I've never had such a close friend, one I've told each and every one of my secrets to. He was the first one to ever care about me. Unconditionally. And it was . . . It was . . . the best feeling I've ever felt.

"I promised every one that I was okay, that I wouldn't cut again, that I wouldn't try suicide again. But I can't _live_ if he's not here. I'm not being ridiculously dependent. I'm just stating the truth. He's my life. I'm sure I could go on, continue living my life. But I know I will never find a person that loves me more than he does. I can't. Ever since our first kiss . . . he was mine from the start. Period." I smiled at Rosalie and she smiled back.

"I was married before," she said. She laughed. "He was this rich guy I thought I was totally in love with, but he was an asshole. He used to hit me, and almost forced me to quit my job," she murmured. "What I thought love was wasn't real. But you and Edward? My mother hates it so it has to be real." She shook her head. "I just hope he . . . wakes up."

We sat there in silence. I leaned against her, resting my head on her shoulder. And together, we just cried. For Edward, for the things we've lost, for the good things we found. Everything.

_1:22 a.m._

"You like him a lot, huh, kid," Charlie said to me. We were still in the waiting room, everyone else having left the hospital. Alice kept screaming at people, so Jasper had to take her home.

Rosalie went to the chapel. I didn't believe in religion, so I didn't go there, but damn it if I wasn't tempted. I kept asking God to keep him alive . . .

I looked up at my father. He was more attentive than I gave him credit for. I nodded in response to his question. "He's . . . he's . . ." Edward was more than a boyfriend to me. He was like my other half. But I wasn't going to sit there and get mushy with my dad.

I just nodded.

"How long have you guys . . . been together?" Charlie continued. And even though Edward was the last thing I wanted to talk about, I couldn't help but want to talk to my Daddy.

I sighed. "Since we've been in the center. He was my first friend. We just sort of clicked," I said softly. Charlie just looked at me.

"And . . . . you're being safe with him?" he asked hesitantly. His voice was gruff, but he was still my father, and I was still his little girl.

I pressed my lips into a hard line. "Yeah, we're being safe," I said with an embarrassed smile.

"And he's good to you?"

I nodded. "He's the best," I murmured.

Charlie sat back in his chair, and I laughed.

"I love him, Dad. He's my entire world. I can't imagine living without him," I said. I smiled up at my father and he sort of smiled back.

"But if there's any trouble, Isabella—"

"You did not just threaten to shoot my boyfriend."

Charlie laughed and so did I. There was no tension. Charlie liked Edward. But I could feel my father's sympathy radiating.

"Gotta go, kid. Sue wants me home," he said. He gave me a hug, however brief and awkward, but I welcomed it.

He was my dad, and I was so grateful to have him in my life. Otherwise, I think I'd be lost.

_2:16 a.m_.

Rosalie and I sat together on the chairs in the waiting room. Edward was in surgery, which made me panic, and Rosalie was completely frozen and stoic.

We held hands, just silently supporting each other, until she broke down and started crying. She laid her head in my lap and I smoothed her soft blonde hair, every so often finding a drop of blood, wondering if it was her blood or Edward's. I wished, instead of going home tonight, I would have gone to Edward's. I could have spent time with him, and he and Rosalie wouldn't have been in the accident . . .

But it wasn't my fault. How could I have known something so horrible would have happened? It's simple.

I didn't. But it was so easy to blame something like this on myself. And why not? I was the perfect culprit.

_3:01 a.m._

_Everyone's left and Rosalie and I are the only ones left at the hospital. We're in the cafeteria again, drinking some more coffee and actual eating something. Rosalie looks as thin as a rail and I freak out. I wonder briefly if she has an eating disorder, but I don't ask. She's been through enough for the night—I didn't want to grill her about her personal problems. _

"What are you thinking about?" she asked me.

I blinked a few times before coming back to reality. I hadn't realized I'd been staring straight at her.

"Nothing. I just want him to be better."

Rosalie silently agreed with me, because in reality, that was all she could do.

**Hi again. So I have a new story up. It's just a collection of ideas and one shots. The first chapter is up. The Story is called _Whisper Sweet Nothings_. Enjoy.**

**Oh! and review. You don't want it to get worse, do you?  
**


	20. On Her Mind

**Sorry I'm late! I got called into work yesterday and didn't have time to do some last minute editing and whatnot and then I decided to add a whole section, which is going to changed some things, but don't worry! :) **

**But here it is however, and it's just a filer chapter, so nothing too exciting (or dreadful) happens. But Bella and Rosalie do bond together a little bit. **

**Enjoy!  
**

_6:17 a.m._

I could hear the steady beeping of a monitor. I opened my eyes and was looking out of an enormous window, the ocean lapping against the shore. It was sunrise, so the sky was a few different shades of orange and pink. I reminded me vaguely of cat vomit.

I was covered with a black, fluffy blanket, lying across a sofa. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck.

I turned around and saw him lying on the hospital bed, hooked up to all kinds of monitors. I stood up and walked up to the bed. His right arm and right leg were both casted, his eye bruised, and his lip stitched up along with another line of stitches above his right eyebrow. I was disbelieving what I was seeing. But I wasn't stupid. It wasn't one of those, _I woke up happy until it all flooded back to me_ kind of things. I hadn't dreamed whilst I'd been asleep, but when I woke up, I knew exactly what had happened, and what could happen.

And it fucking tore me to pieces. I couldn't cry, though. Not because I wasn't sad, because each moment I looked at him, I wanted a razor to slash against my skin. I couldn't cry because I was numb. But when I did cry, I was going to be one hell of a mess.

There was no one else in the room. When I checked around for my phone, there were several more text messages and voicemails than I had the previous night.

"_Bella, call me when you get this. Edward was in an accident."_

_"Bella, call me."_

_"Bella, we're at the hospital."_

_"Bella . . ."_

_"Bella, we're on our way to you." _

The text messages were the same. _Bella, Bella, Bella. _

I just wanted it all to go away. I get it. He's hurt. Stop fucking bothering me.

I looked down at Edward, how broken he looked. Edward could take pain somewhat better than most guys, but this was unbearable. How could this have happened to him? I just didn't get it. Was this some sort of karma because he didn't die the first time? I couldn't help but want to scream. Scream that the only person I've ever loved unconditionally was dying. And I couldn't do anything about it.

Nothing.

A doctor walked in and looked at me. "You must be Isabella," she said, "Mr. Cullen's fiancée?"

I swallowed and nodded, that word confusing me for a second. _Fiancée. _But I played along, since, obviously, someone had told the doctor so.

"I'm Dr. Carmichael." She smiled softly at me. "His condition doesn't seem too well, and it hasn't improved during the night . . . during the operation his heart stopped—"

I gasped loudly, cutting her off. "What?"

"—but we managed to bring him back. One of his lungs collapsed, so there's no way he can continue any sports without doing any damage. He's going to be in the coma for a while, however," she stated. I stared at her. "The shock of his injuries will take a while to heal and let him get back to normal."

"When will he wake up?" I asked her, my brow furrowing.

"That's up to his body. But for right now, he doesn't seem to be in any danger of dying, so that's good news, but he is dependent on several of the monitors. He might have trouble walking and using his arm for a while since his right side was almost completely shattered. He's lucky to be alive."

I winced at the true reality of her words.

"But there is therapy," she said. "He'll recover." She moved around some wires, injecting and testing, and observing. And then, without another word, she just left the room.

My stomach grumbled, but I ignored it, pulling a chair close to Edward's left side, holding his hand. I closed my eyes, and tried to let myself cry.

Nothing.

Edward's hand was so soft in mine. Cold, but alive. Like he was sleeping. His eyes moved under his eyelids frantically, and I wondered what he was seeing, what he was thinking. I stared at his face, willing him to wake up and shake it off, go home with me an lie in bed for hours.

But nothing happened and I was still sitting there when Rosalie walked in, wearing the same thing she had been the day before. She waved awkwardly, her lips pulled into a weary smile, her eyes jaded.

"How did I manage to stay overnight? Isn't the ICU immediate family only?" I asked her.

"I told the nurses on staff that you were his fiancée. I slipped a ring on your finger," she said like it was normal. I looked down at my left hand, noticing for the first time an exquisite, diamond ring set in silver. I took it off, handing it back to Rosalie. But she shook her head.

"Keep it. I've got hundreds more," she murmured. So I slipped it back into its place, looking up at her.

"Thanks," I said. She shrugged.

"It was the very least I could do. Your Dad came back after a few hours and wanted to take you home so you wouldn't miss school, but I told him I would look after you," she said. I smiled. "Do you want to go get some breakfast?"

I nodded. And then I looked at Edward.

"They're going to do some tests on him and make sure he's okay. I just talked to Dr. Carmichael, so he'll be in testing for a few hours." She looked sad, looking at her little brother, still ashamed.

I stood up, kissed Edward's forehead ever so lightly, and walked with Rosalie where she had a cab ready to take us wherever we wanted.

We ended up at a house, a small one with a tailored yard and the works. It looked expensive despite its size, but this was the wealthier part of Seattle, so it might as well have been.

"I thought we could have breakfast at my house, shower and change before going back to the hospital," she said softly.

I nodded. "Yeah, that's sounds great. But I didn't bring any extra clothing or anything," I said. I looked down and felt odd wearing my shorts and tank top from last night and a sweater thrown over my body.

"Don't worry she said. That's what friends are for."

_7:54 a.m._

I wasn't sure of what the cause was of Rosalie's change of heart. I only knew that I was becoming fond of her. She was wonderful, and brilliant, and sincere. I knew why Edward hadn't liked her that well, and I knew why he was warming up. Alice was easy to like. I loved her from the very first day I met her. But Rosalie . . . she had baggage, and that made her difficult to warm up to, just as it was hard for her to make friends with other people.

Inside, Rosalie and I took turns showering and she lent me some clothes to wear. I picked out a pair of jeans and a plain black t shirt, as well as a black hoodie. It was only a little chilly outside, but just to be safe.

As I brushed out my hair, I looked in the mirror to find dark circles underneath my eyes. My face looked hollow and pale, and I felt weak. My knees were barely holding me up. I leaned forward, both hands flat on the porcelain surface, and closed my eyes.

I could have really used a razor. I hated how I always quit cutting, and then I was drawn back in. I was like a junkie, and even though it hurt the people I loved, I couldn't stop.

So I looked around furiously for a razor, sat down on the edge of the bathtub, holding my arm over the toilet bowl. And I cut. And cried.

It felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, lighter than I could possibly imagine. I felt like y body would float away.

I watched the blood drip off of my arm and into the water, staining it. My sobs ripped through my chest and I stared in complete shock and awe. I couldn't drop this habit. It was my backbone. If I couldn't have Edward, I would at least have this.

"Is that how you got all of your scars?"

I looked up and saw Rosalie standing in the doorway, tears running down her face. I nodded, ashamed she had witnessed me do something so secretive.

She wiped her eyes, flipping her hair off her shoulders. "Does it hurt?"

I nodded again. "But it feels good at the same time. It's kind of like riding a roller coaster. Nervous in the beginning and then it's a fast rush, and then you're lightheaded and your heart is pounding in the end."

"Does Edward know?" she asked hesitantly. She had her arms crossed over her chest, her t shirt rising to reveal her stomach, covered in light scars. I wondered, but only for a second.

I nodded again. "Of course he does. But right now, he's the reason why I'm doing it. Again."

She stood there, pensive. "It was . . . weird watching you," she admitted. "I wanted to stop you, but I couldn't . . . . I was frozen."

"It's okay. I would have found time to do it later if you had stopped me." I shrugged. "I just can't help it."

She stared at me. "I like that you're honest, Bella. I'm not sure why you don't hate me, but I like you," she said.

I smiled. "I don't judge people based on others. I met you the way you were, and in reality, you're just a cold bitch for the same reason Edward is completely resistant. Because you want someone to love you."

Out of nowhere, she hugged me, and I hugged her back, reluctant to get any blood on her shirt, but she pulled me close, letting me wrap my arms around her.

"I'm not sure what's going to happen," I said, "but I want you to know that I'm here for you."

"I don't deserve this."

"It's okay though. I could always use another friend."

Rosalie helped me bandage my wound and changed her shirt.

_11:34 a.m._

At the hospital, we sat around a table. Rosalie looked at her brother, and then back to me. "You let him get piercings and tattoos," she accused. I laughed.

"It was an impulse thing. I had to convince him, because he—"

"—doesn't like needles," she said with a laugh. "I know."

I smiled. "But I only wanted him to get his tongue pierced. He was the one that came up with the tattoo and the other piercing," I said to her, raising an eyebrow.

"About that. And you know what _IMS _stand for?" she asked. Her blue eyes were so curious. She wanted to see what it was like being so close to Edward, being someone that had never hurt him so badly.

I blushed. "They're my initials."

She didn't look surprised. "So you're the famous Isabella Marie Swan," Rosalie said. I shrugged.

"I don't know about famous."

She laughed. "I would have never thought Edward to do something so rash. I mean, this is the guy who went through women like I go through shoes." She shook her head. "You're so important to him," she said softly. Our playful demeanor had vanished. Rosalie was so serious. And I guess she had to be considering she was a lawyer.

"He's important to me. I can't lose him," I said to her.

"It's not my fault," she whispered. She looked down at her feet, avoiding eye contact with me.

"I know that Rosalie," I responded. "I'm not blaming you. That's the last thing I could ever do."

She looked at me, her eyes skeptical. "You're so gracious. I don't know how you could have a mother as bad as our own, and still have the biggest, kindest heart."

I shrugged. "I wasn't brought up to hate. I was taught to be a lady, and ladies do not cause scenes. We don't pick fights. We're not supposed to hold grudges when someone makes a mistake. I can't hate you. I have no reason to. It was an accident. And Edward will get better," I said. "It's what's supposed to happen."

She stared at me. "Are you pregnant or something?"

Her words hit me like a blow to the stomach. Of course I wasn't pregnant. But she sure as hell didn't know what was wrong with my body. But for that split second, I wished I was.

"No," I said softly. "I can't have kids."

She was silent. "I can't either," she said. "When I was about twelve or so, my family went up to this cabin in Maine. And it was nice. That was around the time Alice, Edward and I were still very close. But one night I'd been walking home and I was attacked by this animal. Nearly killed me. But it messed me up enough that I can't have children." She shrugged. "But because I've known for so long, it doesn't bother me."

"Well it bothers me!" I whispered. I was suddenly angry. "Why did this have to happen to me? Everything always happens to me. And now, because my body is fucked up, I can't ever give the man I love a family."

Rosalie was quiet. She didn't say anything, but something had washed over her, something bad. She was sitting there, her eyes darting back and forth, her breathing escalating.

I watched her, and she looked up at me. "I can't take it anymore. I can't. I'm going to be alone forever. And I've hurt the one person I wanted to love me back most in the world. I can't do this."

She stood up and left the hospital room, and when I went after her, she pushed me away.

I fell to the floor, just sitting there, watching as her perfect figure sauntered away.

"Rosalie!" I shouted. I ran after her, tackling her in the middle of the hallway. I was holding her middle as we pounded against a wall. She was lifeless in my arms, and when I pulled away, she held on to me.

"You can't imagine what I feel like," she whispered. "Being alone."

"I think you should take that statement back, Rosalie," I said softly. "I know all about it."

"I'm not talking about your family, Bella," she said. "I'm talking about being with a guy you thought you loved, thought you wanted to start a family with, but then suddenly, you're not good enough."

I took in a deep breath. "I feel like I'm not good enough every single day," I said to her. "Every time I wake up next to Edward, it's like I know he can fine a better girl . . . one that doesn't have so much fucking baggage."

"The problem is you're too good for him."

My eyes shot to her and I felt ten times smaller than I should have. "No I'm not," I said to her.

She nodded. "You're out of his league and he knows it. He tries so much for you to stay. I can see it all over his face. And I know, he's thinking about you right this second. Not about the fact that he might die, but the fact that you won't be with him." Rosalie turned and walked away. "I don't have that," I heard her whisper. She turned around, mid-step and smiled. "Thanks for caring."

And I now I felt guilty. Because I made her feel like shit.

I growled and walked back into Edward's room.

_3:56 p.m._

"Knock, knock!"

I looked up from the magazine I'd been reading to see Alice walk in, carrying a bag of Chinese take-out. My stomach rumbled just seeing it.

"Hey," I said my voice hoarse from not having talked for so long.

"Hungry, baby?" she asked me in a motherly voice and I nodded. She walked closer to me where I was sitting on the sofa and took me into her arms. I just lay my head on her lap, letting her smooth my hair. "I brought some Chinese," she said. I nodded.

I didn't say anything, just listened to the steady beep of Edward's heartbeat and Alice's breathing.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked me.

I shrugged. "I was just . . . wondering about nothing actually. My mind is so blank."

Alice was silent and after a few minutes, we decided to eat.

Jasper walked in a few hours later, disheveled and talking aggressively on his cell phone, no doubt, with the stupid receptionists who could comprehend the fact that Jasper was on vacation still.

"How are you?" Jasper said. And I knew better than to lie to a psychologist, but still, I shrugged and sighed. He figured it out in his own way, and didn't pressure me too much.

That night, I went home, and sleeping in my own bed didn't fell like sleeping by myself as it did feel like sleeping alone. I mean _alone_ alone. Not because Edward and I were in different places, but because I felt like I wasn't going to ever have a chance to actually sleep with him again. I couldn't believe we had taken all those nights for granted. All of them, and now, we were here, without each other and I thought that maybe, I would be okay. He was still alive.

But I couldn't trick myself. I was smarter than that. I really was. And my body knew it longed to be in someone arms. It was so accustomed to Edward . . . it was like a computer being programmed, but it was malfunctioning.

Argh. I didn't know what to do. The more I cut myself, the more I hurt, and the more I wanted to do it again.

I fell asleep on my bed, clutching my blankets and wishing for Edward to be beside me.

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**Uhh, so yeah. I have a new story up, called _Whisper Sweet Nothings_, and you should check it out! Are there any characters you'd like to see get together? Any fluff? Romantic ideas? Anything? This is a collection of "anything goes" type pairings, so go ahead and have at it. PM me if you want to see anything special. **

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	21. Break Your Little Heart

_8:01 a.m._

Daddy demanded that I attend school, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. I'd skipped yesterday, and it was Tuesday, and Charlie didn't see it fit for me to start missing too much school, considering I'd played so much hooky with Edward.

I didn't brush my hair when I woke up, and I hadn't showered since the day before at Rosalie's. And even then, I barely made myself look decent enough to walk out of the house.

My shirt was too short . . . wasn't even a part of my uniform, and the sweater that I was wearing barely covered the fact that I neglected to put on a bra. My hair hung over my shoulders in kinky knots, and my legs were unshaved.

Leah drove me to school, not asking any questions, surely having been debriefed by my father.

In class, I was blank, and teachers were forced to address my strange actions.

Why was I here, at this stupid fucking school, while Edward was lying on his deathbed—

"She's that girl with that emo-loner kid. You know . . . the really cute one. He tried to kill himself last Christmas. So stupid."

My head shot to where some stupid bitch was standing, talking to another girl. I stomped over to them.

"I suggest you not talk about him like that if you don't want to die," I threatened slowly. The girls looked up to me, unfazed.

"Look here, crazy bitch," one of them said. "He got what he deserved."

I raised a clenched fist and was ready to strike when someone grabbed my hand and slid their arm around my waist and pulled me away.

"Hey girlie. Time for class." Lila said, and escorted me to my Statistics class, hand in hand. "You okay?"

I shook my head. Lila and Zac were pretty roughed up about Edward. But they took it better. They understood his condition, where I just didn't want to accept it, that I was walking around, conscious, while he was fighting to survive.

Lila talked to me about her baby. She was almost eighteen weeks along, and it was a girl she was going to have.

"I decided I wanted to keep her. Zac does too," she said. She was so happy. "My mom is going to help us . . . Zac's parent's kicked him out when he told them, so he's staying with me." She sighed. "Zac is so fucking mad right now though. It's everything he can do to not be mad at himself for getting me pregnant."

"He loves you, right?" I asked her, gazing deeply into her shocking blue eyes. She nodded.

"Yeah," she said. "He does."

"Then you've got nothing to worry about."

"Thanks," she said.

I nodded. "Do you know what you're going to name her?" I asked slowly, my voice soft.

"I'm thinking Hayley, or Amy, or Jasey."

"Those are nice," I said.

She beamed.

"You're going to be a great mom," I said. I meant that sincerely, and she could tell, even though my voice barely had any feeling, and I didn't even look up at her. "And Zac's going to be a great dad. I know it."

"Be her god-mother?" she blurted out. My eyes dashed up to see Lila's big smiling face. "And when Edward comes around, he can be her God-father . . . We've known Edward forever, and in the time we got to know you, we figured you're pretty awesome, and Bree's a bitch, so we figured you and Edward were better for the job than Bree and Cain."

I smiled lightly at her, fucking ecstatic that she's picked me.

"Sure," I said. "I would be so happy to be Hayley or Amy or Jasey's God-mother."

She laughed.

Lila sat next to me during class, and for the first few minutes, I did my work and everything I'd been assigned, but when I was completely unresponsive after a half hour of that, I was sent to the principal's office for being insubordinate.

My feet dragged against the linoleum as I slowly walked to Principal Turner's office. I sat down in a chair in front of his desk as I waited for him to get off of the phone.

I crossed my right leg over my left, imagining Edward's hand resting on my knee, slowly sliding up and down, consoling me. A chill ran up my spine.

"Isabella, we understand that you're going through—"

"You can't possibly know what I'm going through right now," I countered malicious and cruel. Mr. Turner looked at me, ready to take action.

"You're disrupting your classes and are becoming a problem. This is the third time a teacher has sent you to me. We get your situation—"

"NO!" I screamed, flipping over my chair. "YOU DON'T KNOW MY SITUATION OR ANYTHING I'M FUCKING GOING THROUGH!" I growled. I set my hands down on the desk, knocking things over. Mr. Turner's face hardened.

"Isabella calm—" he tried to warn, but I cut him off with a frustrated cry.

"CALM DOWN? ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?"

So I was restrained and reprimanded very quickly, given an unofficial suspension from school. This school didn't handle insubordination so well. And I didn't like being treated like a five year old

I woke up at home, sweating in my bed, screaming and sobbing, Leah, Seth and Charlie rushing inside of my bedroom.

"Daddy!" I screamed. "Daddy!"

"Bella," he said. He sat on the bed next to me, and pulled me on his lap like I was a five year old girl, rather than seventeen. He soothed me by rubbing circles over my back, calming me down. I still sobbed and he held me. I've never been so comforted by my father. I felt so . . . overwhelmed by Edward's condition, but the fact that my Daddy was right here, here for me, I felt a ton better.

"Shh, it's okay, kid, I'm here," he whispered. I fell asleep in his arms.

I woke up and Leah was laying on my bed, asleep, my head on her chest, my arms wrapped around her waist. She cared about me this much, to sacrifice her time to make sure I was okay. Seth was on my other side, lying so he was facing away from me.

I turned just a tiny bit and Leah stirred, her brown eyes finding my own.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

I shrugged. I smiled softly. "Too many people in my bed," I whispered.

Leah laughed. She took me to her room, where she took out some extra blankets and pillows. We lay on her bed, holding hands.

"Any chance of getting plastered?" I asked.

She didn't say anything, but took out a bottle of rum and a single cup. She poured and handed to me, and between the both of us, we managed to empty a half full bottle.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"There's nothing to say. I'm just . . . hurting."

She hesitated before finding my eyes and looking in them. "Do you think he's going to make it?"

I nodded. "He's gotta. I mean, I didn't fight my way out of the center to be given up on. Edward is stronger than what we think." I smiled. "He's what I wake up to every morning and what I go to sleep to at night. He's my everything. And I'm scared if I lose him, then I'll be left with nothing."

Leah looked away, like she was ashamed of asking me that question. "I've always felt that way about Jacob. He's got nothing on you guys, but he's had a pretty rough childhood. His mom died when he was little, and his sisters hightailed their asses out of the country as soon as they could. Now they're married and Jacob never gets to see them. He's always here, but I think he looks for what he's lost in me, you know?"

I nodded. "I know exactly what you mean. My dad and my brother's weren't around, and when Edward showed the slightest hint of affection I took it, and didn't look back."

"But Edward's a good guy. He's nice to you and I can tell you mean the world to him. He fucking worships the ground you walk on. And that's a good thing." Leah passed me the cup and I sipped from it.

"I know that's good." I swiped a lock of hair away from my face. "But maybe I didn't deserve something that good, you know?"

"No way. You're the nicest girl I've ever met, and I can tell that you're not like that to be set aside like something that doesn't matter. You and Edward were put together for a reason. If you wanted to, you guys could save the world."

I laughed. "But we have to save ourselves first."

_6:37 p.m._

Three days later, after school, Leah dropped me off at the hospital, where I did my homework with Edward and explained to him what we did in school that day. The doctor had told me some patients could hear what we were talking about, so I took a chance on everything I said, that he could hear it. And maybe wake up.

I was doing some Economics homework on the table, listening to music.

"Excuse me, are you Isabella Swan?"

I turned around to the voice that rang behind me. She was a tall woman, blonde with blue eyes exactly like Rosalie's and Alice's, dressed in a cream-colored dress, and tall black heels. Her hair drifted on her shoulders, not hanging loosely, but sitting there perfectly, like it had a mind of its own. I nodded to her. I could only guess that she was their mother.

"Yes, I am," I said softly.

She walked closer to me, but not so close as to break my personal space. She held out her hand however. I stood up and shook it, her grip firm, but soft. I found myself frightened by her.

"I'm Edward's mother," she said. "My name is Esme." Her voice was gentle, like stroking velvet. It reminded me of the way Edward talked, how even an insult could make you feel so warm and fuzzy inside.

Esme sat next to me, just looking at her son.

I'd heard so many terrible things about this woman, the things she said and did, how she broke her children down into hard, careful people. I resented her, and I wasn't sure what to say.

"Where were you?" I asked out of the blue. I was angry at her, because Edward had mostly bad things to say about his mother, and that she never got to take the chance to be so selfless and love him. So naturally, I took his side and defended him.

Because I loved him more than I feared her.

She said nothing, which ticked me off. I saw her gaze shift from my eyes to my hand. She noticed the ring Rosalie had given me.

"I didn't know you were engaged to him," she said flatly.

"We're not. But maybe if you were around you'd know a little more about his life," I said with a malicious bite. Of course she was surprised that I would say something like that to her, considering I barely knew her, but who the fuck was she to just walk in here and strike up a conversation with me? Like she wasn't the bitch I already knew her to be. She was good at pretending, because for just a second, it thought she was someone nice. . .

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but Edward couldn't be coddled at all times of the day. He needed a backbone—"

I cut her off, standing up from my chair. "What he needed was a mother. Someone to look after him, to correct his mistakes. He didn't need to be coddled; he needed to be cared for. You're one of them . One of the people who think we should blame ourselves for trying suicide. But no. It's people like you, who are away for so long, not caring, that drive us to madness."

"Ah. You're Renee Dwyer's daughter."

I raised an eyebrow. "I don't have a mother," I responded, my voice monotonous. She stared at me.

"You're not going to get anywhere with that attitude of yours," she said. "So I suggest you shape up, or your children will hate you just as much as your mother hates you."

I stared into Esme's deep blue eyes. Edward resembled nothing of his mother. Nothing. And he should be glad. Her words stung me like a fiery burn. I knew my mother hated me, but did she have to throw it in my face like that?

"You're an asshole. You're nothing but a worthless waste of life," I sneered. I couldn't help but want to smack that stupid, conniving grin off her perfect fucking face.

It was her turn to raise an eyebrow. Her lips turned up with a malevolent smile. "Is that what your mother tells you?"

"I'm not going to hear this. Leave," I demanded. She laughed. And by laughed, I mean cackled. Like a witch.

"This is my son . You're nothing but a little floozy that has absolutely no right to be here. So get that part straight, little girl. I'm not here to listen to you whine." Her voice was venom stricken, and I could feel the burn of her words. I wasn't as strong to insults and I didn't take this lightly. She'd called me a whore and meant that I wasn't important in Edward's life.

"So what are you here to do?" I asked my hands on my hips.

"Assess his status and see if he's worth pulling the plug on."

"WHAT?" I shouted at him. She didn't even flinch.

"You didn't think we were going to leave him in the hospital for months and not at all decide if we were going to unhook him, did you?" she asked me. Her scowl was lethal.

"I can't believe you!"

I immediately called Alice and told her exactly what Esme had said about pulling the plug on Edward's sleeping body, who was dependant on the machines he was hooked up to. I demanded that she get here and she made me promise to watch Esme so she wouldn't do anything. And I did everything I could to make sure she didn't tamper with anything.

Alice was here faster than I'd imagined.

"Mom, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Alice said as she charged into the room.

"He's not going to live. Why give everyone that false hope of him staying alive only by being hooked up to life support?" Esme was actually serious about what she was talking about. Why wasn't this considered murder?

"You can't do anything. You don't have legal jurisdiction. You gave that away when I took Edward into my custody. You aren't his mother."

"So what are you?" Esme countered. "His new mother?"

"It doesn't matter. If you pull that plug, you'll be going to jail for murder, Mother," she said. Alice was disheveled and tired looking, her black hair without its normal shine, and there were dark circles under her eyes. She was wearing track pants and a t shirt, a rarity for Alice who dressed as glamorously as she could.

Esme stared at us, going back and forth between us. She knew when she was defeated and stood down.

"Fine. Keep him alive. There's not going to be much of him if his brain resembles scrambled eggs."

Alice stood there, daring her to say something else, just daring her to do something that would set her off. But she didn't. Esme just walked out of the room.

Alice sat down and took a break. She was starting to show from her pregnancy, and I could tell it was already starting to drain, her. That, and the fact that Edward was hanging by a thread.

I sighed, feeling safe that Alice had come to the rescue.

But how much rescuing could we actually do before he woke up?

"Alright, ladies," Dr. Carmichael said, coming inside of Edward's hospital room. She had a slight smile on her face, noticing we were distressed. "A few of the nurses are going to clean Edward up and change his chords, so if they could be alone for those moments, it would be greatly appreciated.

Alice and I nodded and we left, bumping into a blonde man that Alice seemed to know.

"Daddy?" she said, her voice confused and scared, hopeful even. I just stared at him blankly, watching him pull Alice lovingly into his arms, watching as she cried and he consoled her.

I longed for my own father at that moment, thankful that I had one.

"Daddy!" Alice cried. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, Darling," he said, his voice carrying an English accent. He smiled at me.

"And who might you be, young lady," he said to me.

"Daddy," Alice smiled, "This is Bella, Edward's girlfriend."

"Ah! So you're what all this fuss is about," he said with a small chuckle. I smiled. "Well, I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen, but you can call me Carlisle. It's a pleasure to meet you, dear."

I grinned. "Likewise."

I escaped without saying much else while Alice went over the specifics of Edward's case to her father who was a doctor.

In the cafeteria, I sat alone, sulking, until Rosalie walked up to me and sat down across from where I'd been sitting.

"Hey," she said.

"Hi."

"I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight. I thought maybe we could have a girl's night in or something. Like a sleep over."

"I have school tomorrow," I said to her. And even though I wanted to go with her, get lost in her world, I knew I couldn't for the sole purpose of my father rejecting the idea the first chance he got.

"This weekend then?"

I nodded. "Sounds like fun."

XX

"Make yourself at home." Rosalie's voice was tired and I felt like I had to tread on safe waters around her, like I was walking on eggshells.

"Thanks," I said. I placed my bags down on the sofa and kicked off my shoes, sitting down she brought me a glass of coke and rum, and I realized that she didn't care that I was underage. Right then, I was her equal, and really, that was all I wanted to be.

After tossing back a few drinks, Rosalie and I walked around the house, her giving me a tour. She showed me all of the pictures she had of herself with her family, and I saw their stiffness through their smiles, how Carlisle could barely stand to hold his wife, how the children were itching to get away from being so close to one another.

And a few more drinks and it was like we were best friends.

We were dancing to loud music, singing to Alanis Morrisette and Lily Allen, singing "fuck you" and "isn't it ironic". All kinds of music played and we danced and sang at the top of our lungs, shouting at each other and jumping on and off the couches. We laughed and giggled, singing louder and louder, until we were lying on the floor, panting and trying to get our breath back.

"So how is it with Edward?" she asked casually. I shrugged.

"Well, I don't know," I answered, still trying to find my breath. "I guess sex is just sex, right? But with him . . . I don't know how to—"

Rosalie was laughing. "I didn't mean it that way," she said. "I meant your relationship in general."

I pondered her question for a second. How was it with Edward? I wasn't sure what to say, how to tell her that everything between us was perfect. It was just the outside world that was fucking everything up?

"It's good," I said finally. "Edward and I connect differently than most people. When we fuck, it's like we're . . . talking to each other. I love it."

Rosalie raised her eyebrows. "I sort of expected you to be a virgin." Her eyes were surprised.

I laughed. "I was, before I met Edward. But I clicked so fast with him. It was like the six months we'd been in the center together was foreplay. And then it happened and I wasn't a virgin anymore. It was weird at first, but I mean, this was Edward—his experience was tethered to girls who weren't virgins, but somehow, we made it through unscathed."

Rosalie blinked. "You just gave it away?"

"Hardly! I loved him. I loved him from the moment we met. And when he told me that he loved me, Edward Cullen, who had love issues, I knew he was the one." I smiled, remembering that day, remembering his words, remembering his touch.

I looked at Rosalie, whose eyes were so curious to know. It was like her family had been so deprived of love it was such a foreign concept to them, like I had to show them just exactly what the hell it was.

"So . . . you just did it?"

I shook my head. "Edward and I didn't just do it," I said. "We loved each other. We still love each other. Edward was the first to tell me so. And I vowed to show him how much I loved him exactly, just exactly what he meant to me. Our love goes beyond verbal boundaries. It's physical too."

"But . . . you didn't do it at all because of the addiction he has?"

I smiled. "Addiction or not, I still wanted to fuck him. It just makes it better that I don't have to ask. He's ready to pounce at any moment."

"And it doesn't bother you?"

I sat up and eyed Rosalie, utterly confused. "Would it really bother you that a man thinks your body is so gorgeous, so tempting that he wants you at all times of the day?" I said to her.

She grinned. "No. I guess not."

We laughed together, the end of talking about sex. A few hours later, we were nursing more liquor, and Rosalie was braiding my hair.

We didn't say anything, and there was nothing to be said. Rosalie and I had become close in the few moments we shared and we were comfortable in our silence.

But still, I wondered about Rosalie, why she was so insistent on getting to know me. It was weird for me that she cared so much as though I'd known her for years rather than just a few days.

"What are you thinking about? You're so quiet," she said softly.

I shrugged my shoulders, not sure exactly what to say. "Edward."

She took in a deep breath and exhaled.

"Can you tell me what happened that night?" I asked her softly.

"I suggested that we go to the beach. We were high and drinking, but I knew I was okay to drive. I was fine. So we went out to the car, and we were listening to music. The light turned green and I drove, but some idiot ran the fucking red light and crashed right into the passenger side of the car.

"I remember thinking, 'Oh my God, he's dead', so many times that night. There was so much blood and the sounds . . . I can't sleep at night without thinking about them, thinking about how I hurt my little brother.

"He'd said he didn't want to go, but I made him. And look what I did."

I turned around to see tears falling down her cheeks. Her voice didn't even crack. They were just falling. I hugged her and she hugged me back.

"I can't drive anymore," she continued. "I'm so scared it's going to happen again, that I'm going to get hit by someone so senseless as to run a red light."

She was shaking in my arms and even though I was crying with her, I couldn't let her see that I was sad. Because she would only blame herself more and it wasn't her fucking fault.

it was the most time I'd spent away from Edward. It had been almost two days since I saw him, but being with Rosalie was keeping me sane. It wasn't like those fuck heads at school who pretended to know what the fuck was going on but really didn't.

Sunday night, my dad and I went for a drive. He stopped at the beach and together, we walked on the sand.

"Kid," he started his voice gruff. "Jasper told me he was taking Alice back to LA."

I looked up at him, surprised. "But Edward hasn't woken up yet," I said. I was confused. Why would Alice just leave like that? It made no sense how she could care so much for her little brother and decide to leave him so suddenly. I was deeply confused.

"I know, and Alice and Jasper know that too. They talked to me about letting you live with him. In that apartment."

I stopped walking, staring up at my father. The man that would go through all costs to protect me was letting me live alone with a boy.

"Are you serious?" I whispered.

"I can't stop the inevitable," he said. "And you're a mature person, Bella. I know you're responsible enough to take care of yourself and him."

I was happy, elated that every waking moment could be spent with Edward. No curfew or house rules. No other people in the house. We could do whatever we wanted, whenever we felt like it, because it was just us two.

"When are Alice and Jasper leaving?"

"Friday."

I looked out over the horizon. Sure, it was great that Edward and I were going to live together, but then here we were, Edward still in the hospital, and my heart filled with so much hope it was unhealthy.

"And you're okay with this? Dad?"

He nodded. "You're only going to be fifteen minutes away. And Edward's a good kid."

"You do realize that you're letting me live with my boyfriend . . . alone?" I said to him. He laughed.

"Are you trying to change my mind?" he asked grinning.

I shook my head. "I'm just so . . . confused on how you would let this happen. It's perfect."

"I figured since you're engaged . . . it really wouldn't matter."

I looked down at my hand where the diamond ring was still set on the fourth finger of my left hand. "We're not. It's just so I can see Edward in the ICU."

He grunted. "So you'll tell me when it happens for real?" He said.

I frowned and looked up at my father, my eyes watering slightly. "_If_ it happens."


	22. Diamonds Are Just Lik Broken Glass To Me

**WARNING: After this chapter, there are only two left. The story is almost finished. I hope this story has fulfilled your appetite. Thanks so much for reading :)

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Two months had gone by and nothing seemed to make sense anymore. I stayed home for a few days, locked in my bedroom, smoking Edward's weed, and drinking the liquor from the cabinet until I puked my guts out.

Graduation came and went.

Dad came and saw me walk across the stage and give an impromptu speech because Edward couldn't be there to give his own as valedictorian.

"Accidents happen," I started. "And sometimes, it takes someone to run a red light to figure out just what we want out of life: love, happiness, a white picket fence/two-point-five-kids dream.

"But how do we realize what we want? How do we know?

"You don't. That's why we go to high school. To make stupid mistakes and learn. All the drama and the heartbreak, all the convincing that a certain teacher hates you . . . it prepares us for what's really out there: Accidents. Sometimes they hurt us, and sometimes they make us better.

"But an accident is an accident. So don't beat yourself up over it. Just keep going," I finished.

The crowd stood up and gave a roaring applause, and even though they didn't know it, I was forgiving Rosalie. I hadn't blamed her for the car accident, but I realized I had been blaming her for the way Edward felt towards people, how he hated her so much . . . I was forgiving her for not being his older sister, like she was supposed to.

With my days free, I slept a lot, since I stayed up my nights, thinking about him, about us.

What else was I supposed to do?

It had taken a toll on me that he was still asleep . . . still connected to so many machines, a tub down his throat, and needles in his arms, broken bones . . .

One night, Jacob knocked on my window, and when I opened it, he climbed inside. Leah was away on some summer college program so I had no fucking clue what he was doing in my bedroom at two in the fucking morning.

I sat on my bed and stared at him, blinking a few times. I was already drunk, and I was higher than I wanted to be, and so sleep eluded me.

"How are you holding up?" he asked.

I said nothing, just stared at him with a half lidded gaze. I looked away at one of the posters for a band I liked.

I realized I hadn't heard any music in a while.

"You want to talk about it?" Jacob persisted.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"You sure?"

I looked up at the ceiling, looking for pictures in the cracks. "I never used to cut this much. It was always one cute here; one cut there, but never this much. I'm running out of skin, Jacob." My voice cracked and I let the tears fall. "I'm running out of life," I whispered. "I'm so numb. I can't think anymore. I can't stand myself."

I looked at Jacob and he stood by my window, panicking. I could see it all over his face. I laughed.

"But you're such a great person," he said.

I laughed indignantly. "Yeah right. I'm a fucked up kid. I'm in love with a kid more fucked up than I am. And here I am, hoping that kid can wake up and give me a goddamn reason why I should still be living. Why I shouldn't be dead right now."

I lay on my bed, crying, and Jacob walked over to me. I shook my head. "I don't want to hurt anymore," I whispered, my voice cracking in several different places.

Jacob took the bottle of tequila I'd been holding away from me, and took my blunt. He set them down, putting out the lit joint. He covered me with my blankets, pulling off my shoes and jacket.

I shifted around, facing the wall my bed was pushed against. I heard some shuffling, some walking around, some crashing and clanging before I looked over and saw Jacob creating a make shift bed on the floor of my room.

"You're way too important for me to take the chance to leave you here unprotected," he whispered. I didn't say anything, but turned around in my bed to face the wall again.

I fell asleep, in a deep, dreamless sleep, and didn't wake up until it was time for dinner the next day.

Jacob and I had sleepovers, him coming unannounced though my window, everyone unaware that he was here.

And I was okay with the fact that he was trying to save me. Because at any given moment, I would get up and find a sharp enough razor, press a little too hard, cut a little too deep, and act out that impulse that was threatening to shut down my brain.

After the sleepover with Rosalie, we did a lot of things together, but then she started shutting me out. Ignored my calls, text messages, and emails, and I hadn't seen her at the hospital in weeks. I was pretty sure she was doing the same thing I had been.

Locking herself up and feeling sorry for herself. I couldn't help it, so why should she?

At the hospital, I sat next to Edward, feeling refreshed from Jacob's sleepover. He stayed with me for a week, making sure I did nothing to hurt myself, and when he was satisfied, he made himself a bed and slept for the night.

I hadn't cut myself since that night.

Edward's mother hadn't made an appearance in a while, but I knew Edward's father when I saw him. And where Edward looked a lot like Elizabeth, Edward Senior was just an older version of Edward. It was amazing how his eyes and hair were replicated, how each mannerism that I had become accustomed to from Edward was happening right before my eyes. This was Edward's father.

"Hi, I don't think we've had the pleasure of meeting, but I'm Edward Masen . . . Elizabeth's husband," Edward Senior said.

I smiled lightly. "I'm Isabella. I'm Edward's girlfriend," I said softly.

He laughed. "Well, I'm glad to know he can pick the pretty ones." He flashed me a smile, and I felt my heart tighten. It was exactly like Edward's flirtatious, but polite. "Elizabeth told me all about you and Edward. It's nice to know he's not mad at us. And you can call me Eddie, by the way."

Eddie was dressed in a normal pair of jeans and a t shirt, his hair styled almost the same way as Edward's, his eyes scrutinizing every detail, bright green, and alive. Elizabeth walked in after him, a sheepish smile on her face.

"We called so much we thought Edward didn't want to talk to us at all," she said.

I frowned. "So how did you know he was here?"

"Alice . . . we stopped by and she told us what happened."

They both looked sad to see that their son, whilst they just found him, wasn't looking so good.

I looked at Edward. They'd taken his arm cast off, and were periodically moving his wrist and fingers to make sure they weren't too sore when he woke up.

"I hope it's okay that we came to see him," Eddie said vaguely.

I nodded. "Of course. In fact, I should probably let you guys have some time alone," I said to them. I smiled, but it was forced and didn't hold any humor.

"No, no. Stay. I wouldn't know what to do if he woke up," Elizabeth said frantically.

I pressed my lips into a hard line, and furrowed my brow. "He won't."

I walked out of the room, and someone called out to me.

"Hey!"

I turned around and saw a girl, about my age, standing with a cup of coffee in her hands. I sighed.

"Yeah?"

"You're Isabella, right?" Her English accent was thick.

I nodded. I didn't recognize her, but damn it if she didn't look familiar. "Can I help you with something?" I asked her with a bite. I couldn't help but be just a little annoyed.

"Oh, I thought Elizabeth would have said something . . ." She shook her head and smiled and immediately, I knew who she was.

It honestly freaked me out how much they looked like each other. They were definitely all related. But where Edward looked liked his father, Eva looked like her mother. But in retrospect, they looked so much like twins.

"Eva?"

"So you do know about me?" Her voice was soothing, having the same quality on me like Edward's. "Please call me Evangeline. I hate that nickname."

"Uh," I responded brilliantly. She laughed. I didn't. When her laugh faded, I became saddened. I forgot what Edward's laugh sounded like!

I took a deep, deep breath in and tried to conjure up a memory, but even though I could see Edward laughing, I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't and I was getting scared. It would begin with his laugh. I wouldn't be able to hear his voice . . . and then I would forget what he looked like and then I would forget all about him!

How could I do this to Edward? I loved him s much that I was forgetting who he was?

"Are you okay?" Evangeline asked me.

I shook my head. "No, I'm not. I miss him so much . . ."

Evangeline looked detached. And I understood. How could she miss someone she didn't know? I certainly couldn't do something like that. But here she was, mourning for the possible loss of her brother, but she wasn't . . . scared like I was.

She didn't have to plan a funeral.

She didn't have to spend her nights lying awake wishing that he was there.

She didn't have to fight herself to remember every single detail of his life.

She didn't have to pretend that there had been a forever in front of them, cut short.

She didn't have to feel the pain that came with the incessant cutting I knew would happen. I was running out of skin.

She cried though. Tears poured down her cheeks and I felt like she could sympathize with me. But she couldn't.

I let her hug me, wrap her arms around me and tell me that it was okay. I let her do all these ridiculous things I knew wouldn't make me feel better. I just cried with her, and when Elizabeth and Eddie walked out, they cried with us and we sat there, mourning the loss of something we loved. The dream of having children, the dream of knowing a brother, the dream of having a life with someone you loved.

But all those dreams just hung in the air, like unfinished sentences.

I never thought about visiting Rosalie. I knew where she lived so I could just get a cab up to her house and visit her, and if she wasn't there, I could wait for her, or leave a note so she could call me. I wasn't so much as worried as I was sympathetic. I knew what she was going through. I was going through the same.

I knocked on Rosalie's front door, but there was no answer. I tested the doorknob. I didn't expect for it to be unlocked, but when it was, I took advantage and walked inside.

"Hello?" I called out.

There was no answer. I cautiously walked further inside trying to listen to whatever I could. It was deathly silent, almost eerily so, until I heard a jingle of a cell phone that wasn't mine. I followed the sound, seeing Rosalie's iPhone on the kitchen counter. Someone named "Alexander Reynolds" was calling, and I could see there were lots of calls from him, all missed.

I wondered if Rosalie was upstairs sleeping and couldn't hear her phone. Her phone in my hand, I went to the stairs, and began the climb up to her bedroom, the door closed.

So she was asleep.

I opened, and peeked inside, not seeing her in her bed. I walked further inside and dropped her phone to the floor, my body collapsing as I stared up in horror, finding Rosalie, hanging from the ceiling by her neck, her body still swinging.

I screamed when I found my voice, mumbling "Oh my god," a billion times, fumbling for my phone in my pocket, trying to dial 911 with shaky fingers. My heart was beating so fast, so, so fast, I felt like I was going to pass out.

"911 operator, state your—"

"Rosalie Cullen—she's . . . she's . . . dead!" I rattled the address and then hung up after the operator told me there were people on the way. I rushed up to her, untying the rope and catching her body, laying her on the floor. I keeled next to her, raising a hand to check for a pulse, for a "just in case", but her skin was ice cold, and her pulse was nowhere to be found. I reached up and slid her eyes closed with my fingers and I sat with her, with her body, cross legged on the floor.

Even dead, Rosalie was so goddamn beautiful.

My fingers were shaky, and it dawned on me that I didn't see a note.

I looked around the bedroom, until I went into the bathroom.

Taped to the mirror were three sheets of paper.

_Hi, _it read, Rosalie's handwriting perfectly scripted in black ink.

_Obviously if you're reading this, I'm dead. Don't think this was a spontaneous decision to kill myself. I've been thinking about it since before Edward had even tried. I guess killing my little brother was reason enough. _

_It was hard trying to be my mother. But if there's one less heartless bitch in the world, people would be better off. _

_Bella: You've helped me understand so much of what my life meant to me. Though there were more things I'd like to have taken care of, this was it for me. I just didn't have it in me to keep going. I was tired all the time, and there was too much guilt in me for killing the only person that cared about you unconditionally. Don't cut too deep, but do whatever you need to stay alive. My lawyer, Alexander Reynolds, has some things I'd like you to have. We didn't know each other for a very long amount of time, but still, I'd grown to love you and care for you. I became your friend to make sure Alice would be taken care of. I was too tired. I was so tired of pretending, and I didn't want to pretend anymore. I didn't want to think for a second that everything was fine when it really wasn't. _

_Anyway, I'm sorry for killing Edward. I didn't mean to, and I hope you don't hate me. _

_Keep this letter, please. Just so you don't forget me. You're the only one that looked past all of my faults to find the goodness in me. All everyone else saw was anorexia, bitchy ruthlessness, my façade I kept hiding myself from everyone. _

_I hate my mother and I hate everything that happened to me. Except for you, Bella. I'm happy that I met you. _

_So, farewell, good friend. I wish I would have tried harder to hold my family together. But the truth is I stopped giving a fuck. I couldn't handle being the person that made everything okay. Because the harder I tried, the less everything became better. Nothing was better. I stopped giving a fuck because I was selfish. I tried to make this better when I was getting worse. I wish I would have tried harder, but I didn't and this is what we are now. _

_Everything I had is yours. I obviously don't need it. Take care of Alice for me. And take care of yourself. _

_Love, _

_Rosalie Lillian Cullen _

I stared at her signature, the finality of it. I wished it wasn't true, that I could just rip the sheet of paper to pieces and she would still be alive. That she would be standing in the next room over.

I sighed.

The next two sheets of paper were legal letters stating that she'd left all her money, her house, her cars, everything to me. I'd known her for just days, and she'd given me everything I couldn't even fathom of ever having.

The police finally came, ushering me out of the bedroom, and downstairs, where they questioned me of what happened.

"Hi, my name is Dana. I'm an officer. What's your name," she asked in a sugary voice. She obviously saw that this was tearing me up inside. And why wouldn't it? She'd become my friend, and now, she was in a body bag, on her way to the fucking morgue.

"Isabella Swan," I said.

Her eyebrows knit together. "Swan? You're Charlie's daughter?" she blurted out. I nodded.

"I'll make sure to take very good care of you then," she said. "Do you know why she might have done something like this?" Dana asked me.

"She told me she couldn't have children. That she was going to spend the rest of her life alone." I shrugged. "She didn't want to have to live through life being alone."

Dana took notes as I spoke and I walked her through everything I knew about Rosalie and what happened when I found her.

When I was finished, Dana drove me to the hospital and I got a cup of coffee before going up to Edward's room.

I could hear a laugh coming from the room as I was only a few steps away. It was Elizabeth's voice, and I felt even more horrible that before.

When I walked in, Elizabeth, Eddie, and Evangeline surrounded Edward, looking down at him.

"What's up guys?" I asked solemnly. I cleared my throat, my eyes watering slightly. I tried to control myself, hold back my anger, my fucking grief. Why the hell was everyone fucking leaving me? Why?

"Bella?"

My heart sputtered in my chest at the sound of his voice. It was hoarse and soft, but it still was the same smooth voice I'd become so accustomed to. It was a voice that I could pick out in a sea of sounds, one that I knew by heart so well; I didn't even have to look to see who was speaking.

I dropped my coffee and rushed over to Edward's bed and saw his eyes, green and full of life, his lips pulled into the softest, most subtle smiles, but it was there, the happiness, the light. He was alive . . . .

There was too much emotion that over whelmed me. Rosalie's death was for nothing. _Nothing. _She'd been so convinced that she'd killed her little brother and here he was, sitting up and smiling.

But still, there was so much weight lifted off my shoulders.

I collapsed, lightheaded and dizzy, and this time, I was unconscious.

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**He's awake! Please review! Tell me what you think! **

**I'm going to update tomorrow, and Friday will the last day of this story! Until then!**


	23. Northern Downpour

**The next chapter after this one will be the last. It's been amazing writing this story, and I appreciate every single addition to fave author/author alert/story alert and of course, every review! You guys are so awesome.

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**EPOV

I expected Bella to be in the room when I woke up. It took a while to find my voice enough to talk, and when I did, the first thing I said was, "Where's Bella?"

Elizabeth, and what I presumed to be my father and sister, were surrounding me, trying to answer that question to the best of their ability.

"She left for a second, baby," Elizabeth said. She smiled, and I could see the happiness in her eyes, the relief. She smoothed my hair with her cold fingers, and I looked up at her, into eyes that were exactly like mine.

"Where's Rosalie?" I asked.

Elizabeth hesitated and I looked at her, confused. "I'm not sure who that is . . ." she said. Elizabeth called for a nurse and my father and sister said nothing, just stood back to give me some space. But they watched with meticulous gazes. They all looked so damn happy . . .

It took a while to realize where I was, but considering Alice would never decorate anything to look like this; I eventually figured out that this was the hospital.

I knew what happened. We were in a car accident, and Rosalie was screaming for me to wake up, to hear her.

But I couldn't. I couldn't answer. I didn't know what was happening, only that I was so sleepy . . . .

And after that, I didn't remember anything.

Nothing.

Elizabeth, my father, and my sister were patient, while the nurses and doctors checked me out. They said I wasn't going anywhere, not at least for three days, but I was okay. I still needed to recuperate, learn how to eat solid foods because I'd been surviving on liquids being poured into my veins.

I sure as fuck didn't feel okay, though. It was worse than when I woke up in the hospital after I tried to kill myself the first time. I could barely move and I felt so tired. I looked around and saw the line of scars where stitches had been. I was in a fucked up condition, and I probably didn't even know the worst of it.

I just wanted to see Bella. I wanted to go home. I didn't want to be here, with needles in my skin, hooked up to I don't know how many monitors.

Eventually, I was unhooked from most of the machines, but I still had needles sticking my skin.

Elizabeth watched carefully as they cared for me, and even though it was nice to have my biological family here with me, I just wanted Bella, Alice, and Rosalie. Just them.

Elizabeth eventually introduced me to my father and sister, Eddie and Evangeline, and while I waited for Bella to show up, we talked a little bit, nothing major, but Bella seemed to have spent a lot of time here from what they said.

"Edward," Elizabeth said. "I think you can guess, but this is Eddie, your biological father, and Evangeline, your sister."

I smiled, however weakly. "Nice to meet you," I croaked. I sounded like shit, I felt even worse. I just wanted to go home and sleep it off. _Then _acquaint myself with the parents I'd wished I had long ago.

Evangeline walked close to me, sitting on the edge of the bed. She smoothed my hair back from my forehead, something Alice used to do when I would be sad when I was little. I welcomed the gesture just like I had with my mother.

Elizabeth stood with Eddie at the foot of my bed, overlooking my sister and me. And I thought being with Alice and Bella made me feel like I was in a family, but this, my father, mother, and sister, all actually related to me. It took seventeen years to find them, but here I was, in the middle of a perfect family.

All I needed was to actually have Bella here.

"You're one tough cookie," Evangeline said. "Bella told me all about you."

I smiled. Of course she did.

"We can get to know each other later," she said. "Mom and Dad decided to move closer. Alice and Jasper helped them find a house." She grinned. "It's so exciting!"

I looked over at Elizabeth and Eddie. They smiled. "We're trying not to ambush you, but Evangeline was so excited when I told her we'd be staying here," Eddie said.

"No," I said. "It's great." And it really was. "But I already had a plan with Bella. Alice gave me her apartment . . . she's moving to LA with Jasper, and Bella and I were going to live together."

Evangeline giggled. Her English accent was so thick, but still, her voice was warm and nice. "You sound like you're married to her," she said.

"I'm not . . . It's just that Bella and I have gone through a lot together. I hate being away from her for a long period of time. She's my lifeline,"

"Aww that's so adorable," Evangeline concluded. "Austin was never that romantic," she said.

I furrowed my brown and looked at Evangeline. "Who's Austin?" I asked her.

"Oh! He's my fiancé. He's back in London," she said, like it was fucking obvious and I should have know that she was engaged.

"You're getting married?"

"Not quite yet; I want to finish going to the University first, and then I'll get married."

I raised my eyebrows. "Wow."

Evangeline just smiled. "Mother Eleanor, my adoptive mother, just loves him and Mom and Dad have also taken a liking to him. I can say I'm a lucky girl." She giggled.

"Not if he isn't as romantic as your brother," Elizabeth said. Evangeline laughed.

"Don't worry," Evangeline said. "I'll have him trained."

"What's up guys?" Bella's voice rang clear and I looked for her, following her voice, as tired and rough as it sounded.

"Bella?" I called. She ran over to me, dropping her coffee in the process, looking straight into my eyes. And seconds later, she fell over, Eddie catching her before she fell to the floor.

Nurses and people rushed in, trying to wake Bella with smelling salts, making sure she was okay. I couldn't really do anything since I was practically tied to the bed and unable to move with all the wires that I was connected to.

"I'm fine!" she yelled, pushing everyone away from her tight circle. She stood up and walked over to me, saying, "I didn't think you were ever going to wake up!" she murmured into my neck. With the arm that didn't hurt too badly, I pulled her closer, and she placed a small, quick kiss on my cheek.

"But I did," I said back to her. "Where's Rosalie? Is she okay?"

She hesitated, her eyes darting back and forth between mine. She put a hand on my face, and blinked away some tears.

"She's okay, right?" I said to her.

"She was fine after the car accident . . . but—" Bella shook her head. She broke down into hysterics, crying hard and loud, abandoned. Something was wrong with Rosalie.

Bella looked up at me with dark, clouded brown eyes. "Rosalie committed suicide about an hour ago," she whispered.

I just stared back at her, disbelieving what she was telling me. Rosalie had always been against suicide. Why was she the one dead?

"Really?"

Bella nodded. "I walked into her house . . . I hadn't seen her in a while and the last time we talked, she was happy and then we talked about you . . ."

I tried to shrug, but winced at the pain that shot through my shoulder. "It's only been a few days since the accident, right? I mean she was probably beat up about—"

"Edward . . . It's been almost two and a half months. She thought you were dead. Or you would wake up and your brain would be scrambled eggs." Bella's eyes darted back and forth from mine . . . but I closed them, taking in a deep breath.

So they really thought I was going to die. I would have thought I was going to die. "I love you," I whispered.

She didn't say anything.

"Bella . . . . ?" I looked up at her, at her face, penetrating her eyes. She didn't say anything. Not a fucking word. "Bella, tell me you still love me. _Lie _if you have to! Tell me!" My voice was hoarse and cracked in several different places. I wouldn't be able to take it if Bella had resorted to moving on while I was fucking unconscious.

"You don't even know . . ." she said finally, trailing off and she put her hands in her face.

"Know what?" I asked her.

"How much I'm in love with you," she said, like it was blatantly obvious. She smiled. "And it's not a lie. I love you more than anything. Know that, please."

I gave her a weak smile. "I do."

Bella and Evangeline seemed to know each other well enough that they sat next to each other and laughed about something they read in a magazine. I felt better that Bella was here, so when my mother and father came to talk to me, I was loose and okay with it, not uptight and looking to the door every five seconds to see if she walked in.

"Where's the house going to be?" I asked them.

"Lizzie decided somewhere on the beach . . . I figured somewhere in a safe suburb. But eventually the beach won. Lizzie and Eva are some pretty good persuaders," Eddie said. Just talking to him felt like looking in a goddamn mirror. And where I wasn't identical to my father, I was to my mother, and the same went for Evangeline.

"Oh, Shush!" my mother chided. I laughed softly. "The house is gorgeous. And Evangeline has a bedroom that looks over the shore—the sunset is absolutely gorgeous."

I nodded. I looked over at Bella, who was calm and collected, but I could see she was going to burst at the seams. There was too much in one day for her. Everything was happening so fast, hell even I was overwhelmed. But Bella was such a great actress. And I hated it.

Bella bit her thumb nail and I could see her eyes were red, straining from unshed tears.

I took in a deep breath.

"Thanks," I blurted out.

Eddie and Elizabeth looked at me. "For what baby?" Elizabeth asked.

"For being here."

Elizabeth's eyes watered, and Eddie consoled her, while telling me it was something they would never take back. They honestly wanted me in their lives, and besides Bella, I didn't know who else felt so strongly for me to actually want to keep me around.

But if you ask me who doesn't want me around, the list goes on and on.

And on.

Elizabeth, Eddie, and Evangeline stayed only for a while until visiting hours were over and only immediate family could stay. But because they weren't on a "list" as my biological family they couldn't stay. And besides, that would make it for a crowded room.

I was surprised when Bella however, was familiar with the nurses and doctors, already on a first name basis.

"Hey, Stephanie," she called into the hallway. A nurse walked in looking at me and Bella.

"Yes, Isabella?"

"Edward's IV is low," she said. "Take care of it for me?"

Stephanie laughed. "Of course." She looked over to me. "How are you feeling? On a scale of one to ten, ten being the best, one the worst," Stephanie asked me. I grimaced.

"Negative twelve billion."

Stephanie cracked a smile, but Bella, just stared at me, trying to decided if I was faking my happiness.

"I'm fine," I said to the nurse. She nodded and worked on my IV, until everything was fine again.

Bella walked back over to me, spreading an extra blanket over my body. I nodded her over. She slowly stalked over to me, like her legs were heavy; I could see she was absolutely exhausted.

"Lay with me." I moved over so there would be room for her. She did, resting her head on my chest as I hugged her with one arm.

"How do you get to stay here?" I asked her softly. She looked up at me with a sad smile.

"Rosalie gave me a ring so that it would look like I was your fiancée," she said with a melancholy smile.

"How could she do something like that?" I said to Bella. She pulled out a sheet of paper from her back pocket, and handed it to me. I opened up the paper, staring at Rosalie's perfect script. "How could she just give up? She was the one—the one who hated suicide."

"Rosalie was probably pissed that you got to it first," Bella sniffled.

She thought she'd killed me, and looking at Bella only made it worse. But why not just move away instead of killing herself? Why not drop everything and leave?

Bella curled her arm around my waist, her lips at my ear. "Rosalie wanted to be like your mother. Cold, heartless. She told me that when she found you, she cried and panicked, but when she saw your mom, she snapped out of it. She wanted her mother to notice her, that she would be exactly like her in the fact that she wasn't weak. But it was hard to do when your mom didn't notice her at all. She'd been thinking about killing herself long before you tried. She hates _them_ not you, and she hated herself for leaving me alone . . . without you."

"And now I feel guilty that I'm living and she's dead. She did it because of me, Bella." I closed my eyes and I couldn't help but cry.

I felt Bella shake her head. "Think about it. If you were meant to die, you wouldn't be here with me. I think . . . Rosalie sort of sacrificed herself so you would live."

"You're getting all religious on me, Bella," I said with a groan. She sighed.

"Rosalie and I were friends, Edward, but she had to fight her battles the only way she knew how, just like we did. Only she was more prepared than we were." Bella sniffled and I could feel her tears run onto my skin. "She loved you so much . . ."

"I know. She told me so before we left to the beach. It wasn't her fault, you know."

"I never blamed Rosalie for what happened to you guys!" she said, frustrated. "Never. In fact, I was the only one who would talk to her after the accident. Alice practically disowned her in front of everyone who was watching. And even though everyone probably thought I was going to hate her just as much as Alice did, I just . . . loved her. She was so nice. And did you know she couldn't have kids?" she asked me.

I shook my head.

"She thought she was going to spend forever alone."

"I could see why she did it."

"Are you sad?"

"Of course I am. I had my sister back. And now, she's gone." I sighed. "I can't believe I've been out for two and a half months."

"You missed graduation. They had me make a speech about you because . . . well, you know, you couldn't." She laughed humorously.

"And prom?"

"I stayed home. I don't even remember when that was. And nor do I care, since I hate crappy school dances." She had her hand splayed on my chest, flat, but then bunched the material of the hospital gown in her tiny fist. "And you weren't there to make me feel like a princess."

I could hear the sadness in her voice, the blatant desire to change the last two months that I hadn't been with her. "Rosalie lived for prom,' I remembered. "She'd gone with her 'husband', and Esme and Carlisle went all out to give her the most special things ever. But nothing beat her wedding day."

"You sound like you liked her even when you didn't." Bella's voice was a whisper.

"I had to pretend back then, but there were times where I was happy."

Bella didn't say anything. I guess she was satisfied with my answer.

"I missed you," she whispered so softly.

"I know."

"Do you remember anything I've said?"

I shook my head, but I did remember hearing Esme and Alice argue over who had custody of me and whether or not Esme was going to let me die. I remembered hearing Carlisle's voice, and Bella and Rosalie's chatter.

Biology. I remembered Bella explaining some things . . . . I remembered her singing . . .

_You are the only exception; you are the only exception . . . ._

"_You are the only exception . . ." _I sang to her in a whisper. "_And I'm on my way to believing . . ._ What song was that? I heard you sing it to me."

Bella smiled. "Something from Paramore."

I nodded, and hugged her tight.

"You really were the only exception," she said. "Everything you've done in my life . . . I didn't believe in fairy tales and boyfriends who love back unconditionally, but you did." She blushed.

Bella fell asleep after a while. I couldn't sleep and I figured that had to be because I'd been sleeping for two months.

Charlie, Bella's dad walked in, and considering his daughter was my "fiancée", he could just stroll in. Not to mention he was a police officer.

"I didn't know you were awake," he blurted. His face turned red, and he walked further inside, taking the seat that was right next to me. I shrugged, lightly as to not wake Bella.

"It's only been a few hours," I admitted. "Come here often?"

"Honestly? No. I couldn't handle seeing Bella the way she was. After the first few nights of the accident, she started to have nightmares . . . . And the school would send her home because everyone was pressuring her to feel better. I thought maybe if I came and talked . . . to you, you would hear something and wake up." Charlie looked at me, then to Bella. "I'd have never thought I would get my daughter back. And I hate to say this, but I was too weak to stand up to her mother and fight for her. She's such a good kid, and I wish I could have prevented all the . . . cutting."

"It's so hard to get her to stop. One day she feels fine and the next . . . . She can't put the razor down. I've tried everything. She just breaks down. And I can't help her. She won't let me."

He eyes me, and sighed. "I want so badly to send her back to the center—"

"You can't do that!"

"I'm not," Charlie said, shaking his head. "I know that will only make her worse . . . to be away from you. I've never seen her be so connected to anyone. Not even her brothers and she used to follow them around all the time when she was a little girl." He shook his head. "I failed as a father. And you . . . some kid dealing with the same shit she was, is the only thing that keeps her from going insane."

I shrugged my shoulders lightly. "I'm pretty sure I drive her insane," I said.

We laughed.

After a few seconds, we sobered up and Bella tightened her grip around my waist. "Mm . . . Edward," she sighed. It wasn't a sexual moan . . . only content with what was happening. She was happy that I was awake. I could feel it in her body. And damn, I was happy I was awake too.

"Alice told me about moving after your graduation to LA."

I looked at Charlie, feeling awkward that I was laying down with his daughter. I didn't say anything to him, just urging him to continue.

"I let Bella live with you."

My eyes opened wide and I stared at him. Her father, a police officer, a fucking sheriff, was letting his seventeen year old daughter lived with a guy in a house that was unsupervised by any adults.

I was, to say the least, surprised.

"Really?"

"It's mostly so she can take care of you, considering you're going to need some therapy with your body," he said. "But yeah."

"Wow. Thanks."

He just shrugged. "Just keep her safe. She's the only daughter I've got."

"I will."

He stood up. "I like you kid," he said. "Don't give me a reason to shoot you."

I laughed and with that, he left and Bella and I were alone. She was still asleep, and because it had been such a long day, I fell asleep too. I was just freaking ecstatic to know that this time, I would be waking up.

XX

I hadn't slept much, considering the fact that, you know.

It was almost seven in the morning, and Bella was still sleeping, hugging my waist with her head rested on my shoulder.

I just lay there, because there wasn't really anything I could do anyway.

"Edward?"

I looked to the doorway and say my father there, his eye wide with surprise.

"Hey, Dad," I said softly. It was kind of awkward, considering the last time I'd seen him had been over eight or nine months ago.

"I hadn't thought you'd be awake," he said. He came and sat down; in the same spot that Charlie had been sitting only a few hours before. His eyes were red and puffy, with dark circles underneath. He'd been crying.

"what's wrong?" I asked him. I wasn't sure if I should bring up . . . Rosalie. It still seemed surreal to me. I knew what had happened, but Bella . . . she was so torn about it, we'd only just become friends again . . . I guess I wasn't feeling as bad as I should have, even though Rosalie had killed herself for absolutely nothing.

"Nothing, son," he said. He shook his head. I knew it had to be about Rosie. It had to. Otherwise he wouldn't be this . . . this fucked up over it.

"I know about Rosalie," I said softly.

He just stared at me. Not with the horrible, crazy intensity like my mother, but with a protectiveness, and father-type of love. He wanted to know if I was okay.

"Bella told me."

"Bella found her."

I took a deep breath. "Rosalie's suicide note is right there," I said to him. He grabbed the sheet of paper and began to read, his face blank the entire time.

I watched him read it, and when he looked up, his eyes met mine, but then shifted to see Bella's sleeping face.

"That girl is something," he said.

I nodded. "She's everything."

He eyed me curiously, like something was off. "Edward . . . . She's very fond of you, you know?" he said.

I smiled. "Of course, Dad. I love her."

"Love?" His face was serious. This was the most my dad and I had ever talked about feelings. About something other than trying to be the best at something we had no control over.

"Yup." I wasn't ashamed of Bella, even though my mother thought I should be. In fact, she was the better part of who I was. Without her, I was just some whiny emo-kid loser.

"You're sure?" he asked.

I nodded. "Positive."

"She's beautiful Edward. Don't break her heart."

I laughed. "I know Dad. I have no intentions on doing that."

He smiled and for a little while longer, we talked some more and it was comfortable and easy, and when Bella woke up, she just jumped into the conversation with us. I could tell Carlisle really liked her. And for that I was so happy. I had only Carlisle and Alice left from my family. I couldn't handle it if any more people started disappearing from my life.

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**I'll post the next chapter tomorrow :) It's the last, and I had so much fun writing it. I'm glad you all enjoyed it. **

**So . . . I have a few ideas for a story I'm going to write next. here are the options:**

**Miconceptions: Bella get's left at the altar by her husband to be Jacob, but when she meets Edward, she almost falls for his charm instantly, only to have Jacob want her back in his life. Who will she choose? **

**The Rules of Attraction****: Edward is a single father. Bella is a girl who doesn't know where she's going. Can they find happiness together, or will they just ignore the obvious attraction?**

**The Only Exception: Edward is a vampire, but he's also a teacher. Bella is his student. When her mother dies, she becomes bold and starts to flirt-maybe even fall in love with him. Can their relationship be something other than predator/prey?**

**There's a poll up on my profile. I'll leave it open for a few days :) Please vote! If you have any questions about any of these stories and want a little bit more detail (since my summaries suck) PM me or say so in your review and I'll reply back.  
**

**And review! Thanks so much. **

**Follow me on twitter: letsmakepoison :)**


	24. I Write Sins AND Tragedies

**Last Chapter. I hope you guys enjoy it :) Thanks for all the reviews and alerts guys, I love them. And thanks for sticking with me through my story. **

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EPOV

The day after I woke up, Bella called Alice to tell her that I was alive, and Jasper and Alice were here the next day. Emmett and his wife, whom was an utter bitch to Bella, were also in Seattle, mostly to accompany Bella. Sheriff swan was around a lot too, making sure Bella was okay. Bella was really beat up about Rosalie's death, but she was brave, and even though I could feel like she was going to break down and fall apart, she didn't do much but make sure I was okay.

XX

My father was helping me with my physical therapy, so we were getting along great. But PT was an absolute bitch. Basically, my entire right side was fucked up and walking and using my right arm was going to take a little bit of therapy so my brain can process that my body needs to fucking move.

Not to mention that it fucking hurt like hell.

"Good Edward. Use the rails," My father coaxed. I grimaced.

"Use the rails, Edward," Bella said after him. "Don't be an asshole. You don't have to prove anything to anybody."

I grinned at her. I set my hands on the rails on either side of me and took some steps. It took two weeks to get that far. At the rate I was recovering, I was never going to walk.

"Don't worry," Bella said to me, her curly hair bouncy and she skipped over to me. She kissed me lightly. "I'll still love you if you're a cripple."

I laughed and kissed her back.

XX

It had been almost three weeks since I'd woken up, and in that time, I'd be able to stabilize myself and use some crutches to get around. It was still a little hard for me to get up stairs and I had this thing where I didn't want Bella doing everything for me. I swear. If she could pick me up she would carry me everywhere. She had that shit eating grin on her face when I asked her for something. It was like she actually enjoyed taking care of me.

When we were home, Bella would cook and clean, ad make sure I was alright. I never asked her for anything—it frustrated her to see me limping around when my father—a doctor—told me to stay off of my leg. I was just happy that I didn't have to relearn how to right since I was left handed.

"You're going to hurt yourself worse," she said.

I laughed at her. "Yeah right. I can't let you do everything Bella," I said to her. "That would be wrong."

She nodded. "Yes you can, douche bag. Go sit down and be a normal man, and let a woman take care of things." She smiled.

I shook my head. "You're not like that Bella."

She smiled. "Let me take care of you Edward."

I flashed her a mischievous grin, and said, "I'd like you to take care of me _this_ way."

I grabbed her hips and pulled her to me, smacking my lips on hers. She melted into me, like she had always and giggled. "Not until you're better. You know that."

When we'd left the hospital, the doctor said no sex. And though I wasn't upset initially, masturbating in the shower was getting really old.

"And besides," she said with a small smile. "I love taking care of you."

I finally let Bella fix dinner and we sat on the couch, Bella snuggling into my side, as we ate and watched TV.

XX

The funeral was horrible. Everyone was crying and mourning and I felt like I was suffocating.

_She was a great woman._

_I'm so sorry for your loss._

_I know how you feel—last year I lost . . . _

_You'll overcome it._

_She's still in your heart. _

I didn't give a fuck what these people thought. Not one single care in this goddamn world. They didn't know what happened when we were alone. They didn't know what the hell they talking about.

Bella and I were talking to my father, Bella laughing at something he said. But I hadn't been listening. I was taken out of the conversation when I saw a woman, dressed in all black, stomp over to me.

And right then, I didn't want to fucking deal with her, but she was marching towards me, her eyes like murder, her hands balled up into fists.

My mother.

I hadn't seen my mother since the day Alice had taken me to go see her. And even though I remember her harsh words from when I was sleeping, I couldn't help but push that from my memory. My mother was an almost murderer.

"YOU!" she shouted. People turned their heads to see her, yelling and breaking into a run towards me. Bella looked frantic, steeping closer to me.

"YOU WERE THE ONE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE! NOT MY DAUGHTER!" She screamed. She pushed me down and I didn't really put up much of a fight, considering the fact I was on crutches.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Esme!" My father yelled at her. Carlisle was angry, it was evident in his voice, but in all of the years I'd known him, I'd never seen it in his face like I did now.

"ROSALIE IS GONE AND HE'S STILL LIVING! HOW IS THAT FAIR?" Esme screamed. Everyone was staring, and Bella was helping me off of the floor and onto a bench, handing me my crutches.

I looked up at her. "Mom . . . I—"

She smacked me, right across my face, and I hissed, but Bella, she just looked up at Esme. Her eyes—I could tell in an instant Bella was pissed off. Her eyes were dark with a vicious crazed frenzy and I already knew this was going to end calmly, or someone was going to end up in a hostpital.

"Get out," she said calmly.

"Who the hell are you to tell me to get out?" Esme said back. "This is my daughter!" She cried.

Charlie walked up and grabbed Esme's hand, pulling out a pair of handcuffs. "I don't want to have to arrest you Mrs. Cullen in front of all these people, but you're just asking for it," he said to her. I could see that he was Sheriff Swan, rather than Charlie, Isabella's father.

And it was scary to say the least.

Esme glared at all of us, and lunged for Bella, pushing her to the floor and Charlie and Carlisle had to break them up, Charlie arresting my mother. What a sight to behold, my mother being taken away in handcuffs.

I was embarrassed of my mother. She was crazy and hysterical, and everyone would be talking about this funeral for years, not sure if they would like to pay respects to someone if Esme Cullen was going to be there, pushing people down and telling them they should have died. Especially to her own son, who was recovering from a serious car accident.

Oh, fuck my life.

Elizabeth, Eddie, and Evangeline were all at the funeral too. Evangeline and I were so alike, and I guess when I was a twin, that would happen. She had so many of my habits, and she could even raise a single eyebrow just like I could.

"What?" she said in her perfect English accent.

"Nothing."

"I love you, little Eddie," she said simply. It wasn't overly affectionate, but with the way I had been feeling of late, it made my heart fucking stutter.

"Love you too, Eva."

She grinned and scampered away to my mother and father, where they kept their space from me, letting me heal.

The preacher-dude said some nice religious things about Rosalie, and then her wooden casket was lowered into the ground, and everyone picked up clumps of dirt to throw on it. I didn't. Why would I throw dirt on someone I loved? Even if they were dead?

Alice was having a reception at mine and Bella's apartment, but we stayed upstairs, away from all the people.

I was already warn out about worrying I was going to get into another car accident on the way home, and this morning I had to fight with Bella until she eventually pushed me into the fucking car.

I was fucked up even worse than I had been before the accident. I was scared of cars and driving, and if we couldn't walk there, I stayed home while Bella went. It pissed Bella off at first but then she cooled down, since we were getting therapy for it—me for the car fear and Bella for her unstable emotions when it came to Rosalie.

Bella was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at a folder of papers that Rosalie's lawyers had given her, the heir to Rosalie's throne.

"She must have loved you too for you to be the one to get all of her shit," I said.

Bella shrugged. "I only helped her with what she needed. She didn't have to . . . I loved her back though," she said. Bella looked up at me with sad brown eyes, glistening with unshed tears.

"But do you know how much that is?" I said to her. She looked up at me, with her big doe yes, confused at what I was saying.

"What?"

"Rosalie's net worth."

She shook her head. "Rosalie was worth one hundred million dollars. She's a really good lawyer. And the fact that she married that asshole and took all of his money when she found out he was cheating on her . . ." I shrugged. "What are you going to do with it?"

"I don't want it." Bella closed the folder and set it back in the drawer she'd taken it from. She kicked off her heels, slipped out of her dress and snaked under the blankets of our bed.

I smiled at her. "I thought you would say that." I stood up and pulled out a different folder from the desk.

"What's this?" she asked me.

"A list of charities to give Rosalie's money to." I looked at Bella and she smiled. "You're not the kind to accept a present that enormous so I did a little research—"

"To Write Love On Her Arms."

"I thought you might be interested in that one."

Bella said nothing. She looked through that specific charity and read all of the paperwork I had printed out.

It was a few hours before Bella made up her mind to give to TWLOHA.

"Did you pick that one because it's for people who cut themselves?" she asked me after a while.

I nodded. "I couldn't help it. Not when my girlfriend cuts herself."

She sighed. She lay back, tossing the folder onto the nightstand. She beckoned me to lay next to her and so I made my way from the desk to the bed, where she helped me into the bed.

"But there are some things of Rosalie's that I do want to keep," Bella whispered. Her voice was soft, like she was testing the words out.

I looked up at her, confused. "Like what?"

"Like her house. And everything in it."

I looked at her, confused. "You want Rosalie's house? I thought we were going to live here at the apartment

"But a house is so much better. It's not too big and it's close to the University if one of us decides to go . . . and there's enough room for kids even." Bella's voice was thoughtful and soft.

"You're talking about adopting aren't you?"

"When the time is right of course."

"What if I said I didn't want kids?"

Bella shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not really sure if I want them either, but could you at least keep an open mind?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so." She smiled.

There was a knock at the door and Alice poked her head inside. "You guys okay?" She asked.

She was showing now, tremendously, considering she was almost five months into her pregnancy. She wobbled when she walked now, because she was so big, and having twins.

"Yeah," Bella and I answered simultaneously. Alice smiled.

"You sure?"

We nodded.

Alice sighed. "Everything's clear. Everyone went home. Jasper and I are heading to the hotel. See you tomorrow?" She asked.

Bella and I nodded again.

"I love you guys," she said. She kissed and hugged each of us, demanding that we called her if we needed anything. Yeah. Like we were going to call a pregnant woman if we needed anything.

Alice disappeared without another word.

Bella hitched her leg over my hips, and I welcomed her body, her warmth, craving to touch her in ways that I hadn't in a long time. Over three months.

"Bella, can I ask you a question?" I said to her, whispering in her ear. She nodded. I grinned. "Have you ever touched yourself thinking about me?"

Bella laughed. And it was a real laugh, musical and heartfelt, and it made me laugh as well.

"Duh, Edward. I couldn't exactly walk to your room in the center and say, 'Hey, you want to fuck?' whenever I wanted to," she said with a light giggle. "Why do you ask?"

I shrugged. "Just wondering."

"I haven't done anything sexual since the last time we had sex, if that's what you're wondering, Edward." She smiled. "But I'd like to change that, if you don't mind."

"I don't mind, Bella. In fact, that was exactly what I was hoping you'd say."

He pressed her lips to mine and clothes came off, and skin was pressed tightly against skin, and I felt like nothing could break the bubble of our dirty little sex world.

XX

_Two Years Later_

Rosalie's house didn't change at all. It stayed the same, except Bella and I moved or things into it. Rosalie's lawyer books were next to Bella's dance manuals and my manuscript booklets. Rosalie's pictures were still displayed, and Bella and I put ours next to them.

But no one ever went into the room that Rosalie died in. It wasn't the master bedroom, but her study. We kept the door closed, and Bella hung a framed photograph of Rosalie on the door, like it was a memory . . . a reminder for us not to go in there. For the first few weeks, Bella couldn't pass the door without bursting into tears.

But she stopped cutting. There weren't any new scars or wounds, and for each day Bella went without cutting, she marked a tally on the wall in permanent marker, next to the door like we were docking our height.

Living with Bella was easy. So easy. We were so . . . together in every fucking thing we did. It wasn't hard to be with her. Never. I loved waking up to her in the morning, walking in on her naked when she just stepped out of the shower, hearing her hum my favorite songs while she cooked, watching her dance.

I loved her so much . . . I can't believe how much. But it's definitely enough to understand how I felt before I'd met her. It was like I was living my entire life in the dark, and then she comes and brightens it up like the sun. Automatic light, nothing artificial, nothing planned or fake, just _BAM_ right into my life, and ever since then . . . I couldn't say no to anything she'd ever said to me.

BPOV

Living with Edward was more than I imagined.

Everything revolved around us, and even with our classes at the University, everything just shifted into a new light. Our lives . . . the impulse to cut, the impulse to die . . . they weren't apparent anymore.

I never thought someone like Rosalie could have the impulse to off herself. She seemed so sure, and the funeral . . . I wasn't sure of anything. I couldn't only see her body hanging . . .

Edward and I attended frequent therapy sessions over the past year. He was still too afraid to ride around in cars, and I was still having panic attacks whenever I thought of Rosalie.

I couldn't cut myself. Instead, I burned. It was so much easier to do, than to deal with blood. Just a simple little burn and I would snap out of whatever I was feeling. No scars, no blood, no bandages, just me and the lighter. And it was such a sweet pain.

Maybe I would tell Edward in the future. That I had stopped cutting, but was still hurting myself.

To Write Love On Her Arms just wasn't enough for me.

Guilt filled me when I thought of Edward, our happy, dysfunctional lives together. We were so fucked up, but together, it was like our flaws disappeared.

I didn't know where they went, but fucking and talking and touching and laughing . . . . Nothing went wrong when we were by ourselves, not being intruded upon by the rest of the fucking world. Just alone in our house, laughing and kissing and making love all the time . . . I couldn't get enough of Edward. Ever.

He placed his hand on my belly and I moaned outward, still panting from the moments before, where Edward and I had fucked.

I closed my eyes trying to pretend he wasn't having this effect on me. Trying to pretend I wasn't suffocating from all the love and the lust in the fucking room. He lay pressed against me, his arms around my waist, and his lips on the back of my neck. I could feel his hard cock nudge against my ass, and I relished in the fact that I could get him that hard so quickly. It was a sort of smugness that I could satiate my boyfriend, _somewhat_, since he kept coming back for more.

I turned around and let him kiss me, his mouth hot and needy and his cock heated and hard against my inner thigh. I took hold of his erection and slid my fist up and down, pumping him, eliciting encouraging sounds, sounds that made my pussy so wet for him, with desire for him to fuck me all over again.

I hitch a leg over his hip and guided him into me, where he effortlessly slipped inside. I groaned, adjusting to his size, which always felt new, like I was still fucking him for the first time. He moved slowly, his hips rocking against mine. His fingers twisted and pinched my nipples into hardened peaks and I groaned into his mouth, grabbing his ass and pulling him deeper into me, craving him to fill me to the fucking brim.

"You're so wet Bella," he grunted. "I fucking love it."

"Fuck me, baby," I groaned out, wanting him all over me. I squirmed as I felt his fingers run over my body, down to my stomach where he flicked my clit, rubbing it with the pad of his thumb, pushing me to the edge, but not quite over.

"Fuck," he groaned. His kisses were fervent and hot, his tongue seeking out mine, and I let him taste me, let him bit my lip, suck on my tongue.

His thrusts were harder now, our bodies sliding against each other's, creating the sweetest friction I'd ever tasted. My name fell from his lips a few times and his kisses trailed down to my neck, marking me, giving me those unexplainable hickeys that made me blush in front of my classmates.

I pulled him on top on me, my legs wrapping around his waist, my hands curling in his hair, tugging him down to meet my lips. He was all around me. I could feel every part of him—his breathing, his profanity, his rhythm were my music and I danced along with him, arching my hips up to meet his in our sensual fucking dance.

He pounded me into the mattress with an unknown vigor and I welcomed him deeper, my fingers running furiously at my clit as my hips bucked to meet his as he continued to thrust his hard, hot cock into me, not once a sign of hesitation.

But it wasn't over yet. He rolled onto his back and I straddled him, riding him while he palmed my tits, my hard nipples pressing into his hands. I rested my hands on his chest, moving my hips forward and back. I felt my belly tighten and I clenched my eyes shut.

"Let it go, Bella," he growled, and I was too ready to comply, to let go and be done with it,. I felt his hands drop from my tits to my ass, slamming me down on his body until I came, a strangled moan escaping my lips, my hands in my hair as my body continued to ride out the intense wave of my second orgasm.

He came them, a scorching liquid spearing through me and I moaned out as he cried out my name, his orgasm hitting him just as hard.

I collapsed on top of him, his arms wrapping around my waist.

"I'm so happy you're my girl."

I hummed into his neck, his cock still in me. "I'm happy too, Edward."

I sat up, mulling over the news I had to share with him. I bit my lip, looking down into his green eyes, exhausted from sex and foreplay, what we'd been doing all day.

"What's wrong?" He asked. He reached out and fingered a lock of hair, pushing it behind my ear. He cupped my cheek and looked into my eyes, trying to coax it out of me when I hesitated.

"I wouldn't exactly say something's wrong, per se . . ."

"Bella, you're doing that annoying thing where you're being vague and making me nervous." He sat up and I climbed off of him, sitting across from him. I placed a hand on my belly.

"I'm at sixteen weeks. I thought I was getting fat . . . and the pill keeps me from getting my period, I was vomiting like crazy so Leah took me to see the doctor and they took blood samples and made me pee in a cup and I was scared of what they were going to say, of what I was going to do, and all I could think about was Rosalie and how she couldn't have kids, and here I am, pregnant with a little nudger that is such a miracle—I didn't know how to tell you, and every time I would try, we would just end up fucking again . . ." I trailed off and looked at Edward who looked completely lost, dazed, just staring at me, his eyes big and wide.

"A baby?"

"I know you said you didn't want kids, and you're only twenty, but her he is—"

"A fucking baby?" He put his hands on my shoulder, his lips pulling into the widest smile I'd ever seen. "It's a boy?" he asked. I nodded. I was so late into my pregnancy they did a sonogram to make sure he was okay. I reached over to the nightstand and pulled out an envelope with the pictures of the little baby in my stomach.

We both sat there and cried, looking at pictures of a baby that wasn't supposed to happen.

"Wow, he's so tiny," I whispered to Edward, still fascinated that this, _this_ was growing inside of me. I could have kids, and here I was, bearing one. I ran a finger of the little baby's head, Edward's hand on my stomach. "What should we name him? I asked.

"Liam."

"Really?" I asked, totally already in love with our little baby Liam.

"Yes," Edward said. I laughed. He leaned over and kissed my stomach over and over again.

"And his middle name could be Elijah," I said. "Liam Elijah Cullen."

Edward looked surprised as I said our baby's full name, attaching his last name to the end.

"What, not Swan in that mix?" He said, his lips twitching to smile.

I shook my head. "It doesn't fit well," I said. I shrugged. "He's your baby anyway," I said.

Edward laughed.

"Isabella Marie Cullen," he teased. My heart tightened at the use of my name with his last name, him implying something I'd only ever thought of a few times but never dwelled on.

"I wish," I breathed.

"You don't have to wish, Bella," he said softly in my ear. "Let's make it happen."

I blushed madly and deeply, and Edward, traced the patterns of the scars all over my body, some faded so they were barely seen, others more prominent. But it didn't matter anymore. Edward and I were satisfied with what life was giving to us. We were going to have our miracle baby.

XX

Some people had impulses to do crazy things, like cut themselves tot eh point of danger, or chase a dangerous mix of prescription pills with vodka. Set a house on fire, push people down the stairs. Steal boyfriend, have sex for money. Shoot themselves in the heart.

But how many people have the impulse to do it for real?

The serious impulse to cut where it's not dangerous anymore, only fatal. To chase down the perfect lethal mix of medicine with alcohol. TO burn a house down with people living inside, to push someone to their death, to steal a boyfriend and kill the ex, to have sex for money and get rid of the man who took too much? To not miss and let the bullet straight through the heart.

II don't have that kind of serious impulse.

Edward doesn't have that impulse.

Rosalie had more than impulse, she had courage. She had balls to do it.

Was it the right way to go?

Fuck no.

But it happened.

And it's over.

Do you have the impulse to end it? To seriously cut off all the lights?

To _die_?

Do you?

That serious, _deathly _serious impulse?

No?

Good.

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